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My Chain Story

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TheUnholy
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#2101

Posted 04 January 2013 - 07:53 PM Edited by MarijuanaMonkey, 04 January 2013 - 07:56 PM.

QUOTE (billy james @ Friday, Jan 4 2013, 12:41)
3) Mila

Niko: Mila? What the f*ck?
Yusuf: Like I said, man. These chain stories don't make sense. Why the heck this Balkan chick doing here?
Niko: [angrily] Ay! So Mila, what is this?
Brucie: Mila is my contact. She is supposed to get me a super-horse sports vehicle with tons of dust.
Niko: Mila is a drug dealer?
Brucie: Yeah, NB. World changes. Drug producers choose chicks to distribute their drugs because cops think they're sexy, cute and super innocent.
Roman: I can believe that.
Niko: Oh sh*t, dude. It's unbelievable.
Mila: Cut the crap, yokels. We're about to do business her, aren't we?
Yusuf: Then, let's do it.

Mila opens the garage and there's a blue Banshee with white strips waiting for our heroes.

Brucie: That's too bitchy. YEAH! Now, the dust?
Mila: Come with me.

Mila opens the trunk of the car and bags of cocaine are seen there.

Niko: Sh*t! It's a lot of drugs here.
Yusuf: I can snort them until my nose f*cking bleeds out.
Roman: Oh, jeez. If I snort all of this, I can finally f*ck that large-titted girl I always saw in my dreams. However somehow I am about to f*ck, I wake up, goddamn it!
Brucie: Wow! Cool, girl!

In this time, lots of cars and motorbikes rush into area. Then Ray Bulgarin gets out of one of the cars.

Bulgarin: Niko Bellic, how is it that whenever something stolen from me you are not far away?
Niko: I have never stolen anything from you, Mr.Bulgarin.
Bulgarin: These sh*ts, this ungrateful bitch and her fake ass gangsta pimp, they stole my drugs. And you have been trying to rob the thieves . To rob me. Kill them all!

Bulgarin's men begin to open fire on Niko and friends. As Bulgarin slips away with the car with stash, Niko, Yusuf, Roman, Brucie and Mila hide behind Yusuf's Super Diamond Drop.

Niko: Mila, you whore! I thought these drugs are legit, made by your pimp.
Mila: I do not know anything.
Niko: F*CK YOU!
Brucie: I don't care about you motherf*ckers' dispute, but we ain't leaving here without them drugs.

So, what happens next?

1. Classically, Niko, Brucie, Roman, Yusuf and Mila enters a firefight with Bulgarin's men.
2. Pegorino's men join the "party" because they were after Bulgarin and his men.
3. Roman who stole some drugs "on the counter" gets cheesed with it, he sees large-titted woman on his halluciations. So he jacks off on Bulgarin's men.
4. Mila goes red army on Bulgarin's men and after it's revealed that Mila has actually battled in Bosnian War.
5. Bernie comes the area with his feminist army (during two posts ago) and kicks Bulgarin's men in the balls.

Driftking120
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#2102

Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:17 AM

1. Classically, Niko, Brucie, Roman, Yusuf and Mila enters a firefight with Bulgarin's men.
*A Sabre GT occupied by two Ballas all of a sudden slams into the side of the Banshee Bulgarin is trying to get away in with the drugs*
"YOU, your the one stealing our stash!" yells a Balla as he is getting out of his car while pointing his finger at Bulgarin.
*The Balla then sprints to the side of Bulgarin's car and shoots him once in the chest, He then takes cover behind his Sabre GT while his friend passes him a pump shotgun*
What happens next?
1. A firefight ensures with Mila getting shot in the lady area
2. More Ballas come in the back of a Boxville
3. A pizza delivery person comes and asks if anyone ordered pizza with everyone popping out of cover and yelling "Freeze motherf*cker!!" simultaneously with guns drawn

Billy james
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#2103

Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:17 AM

2. More Ballas come in the back of a Boxville

(Niko) More f*cking Ballas

(Yusuf) There not even a L.C gang, Why are they even here
Niko goes into Red Army mode and takes out every Ballas and Balgarin dude there, with every one dead they get back to business, Mila gives Brucie his Stuff and they all part ways,
Niko goes back to his new apartment in Castle Gardens, Brucie and Roman go Maisonette 9, Yusuf goes back to City Hall because he's the Deputy Mayor and Mila goes back to her place in Middle Park West
Who do we follow next???
1) Mila
2) Niko
3) Roman & Brucie at M9
4) Yusuf, in his office and City Hall

Driftking120
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#2104

Posted 05 January 2013 - 02:56 AM Edited by Driftking120, 05 January 2013 - 03:00 AM.

2) Niko
"Another day, another shooting" Niko mumbles to himself
*Suddenly a giant brick falls from the sky cracking Niko's skull and making him forget his Red Army Skills for the next 10 pages*
What happens next?
1. Niko loses consciousness and wakes up to find he is the star of a Japanese cooking show and that HE IS LOCKED in a small kitchen with NO WINDOWS somewhere in Liberty City with NO CELL PHONE and NO WEAPONS
2. Niko loses consciousness and Hobos With Attitude member injects Niko with a Chinese synthetic drug that will kill him unless he keeps his adrenaline up at all times(catch my reference?)
3. Niko loses consciousness next to wet cement, causing him to fall into the wet cement, causing him to be stuck there for eternity

The_Anti-tragedy
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#2105

Posted 05 January 2013 - 04:30 AM

QUOTE (Driftking120 @ Saturday, Jan 5 2013, 02:56)
1. Niko loses consciousness and wakes up to find he is the star of a Japanese cooking show and that HE IS LOCKED in a small kitchen with NO WINDOWS somewhere in Liberty City with NO CELL PHONE and NO WEAPONS2.

Niko: What the f*ck? I have to call Roman and get out of this. F*ck no cellphone!
Audience member: Will you cook soon or we must kill you.
Niko: That wasn't even a coherent sentence! Have this pepper!
Niko throws a pepper shaker at the audience member. He gets out a frying pan and smacks a security guard from the set.
Niko: Screw all of you!
The audience has stolen all of his guns and they go crazy, shooting everywhere through the large glass panel in front of the stage. Niko hides behind his counter in the middle of the set.
Niko: F*cking Japanese!
Hossan: NIKO!
Niko: Hossan?
Knives are thrown from the audience as Hossan comes out of an air vent swerves and rolls into the counter with Niko. Hossan also fights the guards and shoots an audience member while dodging forks.
Niko: How did you do all that, and what are you doing here?
Hossan: I somehow got all these weapons, and these reflexes, and this cellphone with a bitch named Brucie who won't stop talking. And they held me hostage in a Boxville for several hours while you were tied up unconscious.
Niko: How is that possible? Anyways, can I borrow your assault rifle?
Hossan: No.
Niko: Why?
Hossan: Because...
1. The guards are coming and you have no skill.
2. I'm really the leader of a Japanese media conglomerate in disguise!
3. All of the other guns ran out of ammo. I sort of went crazy back there.
4. Uh... hmm... because I feel like it, bitch.
5. I have trouble with words, you can have it.

Billy james
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#2106

Posted 05 January 2013 - 05:11 AM Edited by billy james, 05 January 2013 - 06:54 AM.

5. I have trouble with words, you can have it.

(Niko) Oh ok, thanks
Niko then kills every Japanese he can see
(Niko) Hossan, use the butt of this AK and hit me in the head really hard

(Hossan) Why???

(Niko) Because I don't want to wait 10 pages to get my Red army Skills back

(Hossan) And hitting you really hard Is the head is the way to do that

(Niko) I know it sound retarded, just do it

(Hossan) Ok
Hossan lifts up the AK and swings really fast and BAM, he knocks Niko out cold and falls over
(Hossan) Wow
Hossan picks up Niko's out cold body and and takes him to a nearby car in the car park and drives to the hospital and and gets out and carries his body to the ER and asks for a doctor and to have a look at him
(Hossan) What do you think doctor

(Doctor) Well he's alive

(Hossan) Well I know that, what else

(Doctor) And he's in a coma

(Hossan) Wow I hit hard, will he die

(Doctor) No he'll be alright, what'd you use to hit him

(Hossan) This (Shows him the AK)

(Doctor) Yeah that'll do it, leave him here and we'll take care of him

(Hossan) Ok
Hossan leave and goes to the nearest bar

27 minutes later
A bar fight happen with Hossan and...
Who does Hossan fight in the bar
1) Packie
2) Brucie
3) Luis
4) Yusuf
5) Rocco

TheUnholy
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#2107

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:56 AM

QUOTE (billy james @ Saturday, Jan 5 2013, 05:11)
2) Brucie

Brucie bumps into Hossan real hard, Hossan falls on the floor and:

Hossan: Look where you are going!
Brucie: Huh! Do you think you can remote me, asshole. I'm the king of the Liberty City nightlife, I'm the biggest ladies man in this city, I'm the most awesome street racer in this city, I'm the...
Hossan: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Just tell who you're. However actually I will kick your ass either.
Brucie: I'm Brucie Kibbutz. The most handsome, strongest, fanny magnet man in the city.
Hossan: Oh sh*t! Are you that guy? The loudmouthed guy who kept talking on the phone.
Brucie: What the heck are you talking about?
Hossan: Are you a friend of Niko's, right?
Brucie: Yeah, but...
Hossan: So, you're that Brucie guy. Prepare to die, butthole.

Hossan grabs a chair and slams it on Brucie's head. After Brucie grabs his beer bottle and crashes it on Hossan's head. After Hossan grabs Brucie and slams him on the floor. However Brucie manages to get up and he starts to f*ck up Hossan's face real bad. Hossan stabs Brucie in the eye with a fork, Brucie astonsihes for a while meanwhile Brucie slams another chair on his face.

Brucie: You're dead!

Brucie starts to throw forks to Hossan but Hossan manages to dodge them with his ultimate Keanu Reeves skills.

Hossan gives a smiley face.

Brucie: You think you're the only one with skills. I have some, too.

Brucie bends steroid (like Avatar style) absorbs all of them and later he transforms into a large, muscled, pink beast similar to Hulk.

Brucie slams grabs Hossan and slams him into wall, and later wall falls off. Brucie keeps grabbing and throwing him and then a Japanese Niko with karate clothes and a katana comes the area (looks like he couldn't gain his red army skills again).

Niko: Heeeee Yaaaah!
Brucie: Sh*t! Who is this Far East bastard?
Hossan: Sh*t, man. This is Niko.

Niko cuts something in the bar and later he runs away.

Brucie: Oh sh*t, man. This is the craziest sh*t I have ever seen. I wanna have a photo with this Niko.
Hossan: Don't be a dumb. We must need Niko's red army skills to survive but now he's a type of some Last Samurai or some sh*t.
Brucie: Yeah but your Keanu Reeves skills and my Hulk steorotype kills would work too.
Hossan: That's right but I can't stand seeing Niko as some sh*t who wears gay clothes and cuts people with some gay sword. I know we are enemies but we need to collaborate npw.
Brucie: Sure. Whatever you say.

What happens next?

1. Hossan and Brucie tries to lure Niko in a trap by using some sushi.
2. Hossan and Brucie go to Brucie's garage and gets Brucie's flying car to search Niko.
3. Hossan tries to follow Niko's energy tracks by using his Keanu Reeves skills.
4. Roman comes near Hossan and Brucie and states that he's new Frodo of the Middle Earth.
5. Niko continues his job as a celebrity chef in the Japanese cooking show.

Driftking120
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#2108

Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:57 PM Edited by Driftking120, 05 January 2013 - 10:08 PM.

4. Roman comes near Hossan and Brucie and states that he's new Frodo of the Middle Earth.
"The f*ck have you been smoking?" Brucie comments before karate kicking Roman in the throat, knocking him out cold.
"何性交、ろくでなし。" yells one of the many Japanese hookers Roman brought along with him.
"レッツは彼を取得!" yells another Japanese hooker.
"Uh oh, I think they said that they want to cut off our dicks and use them as play toys in Japanese, run!" yells Brucie.
*Hossan and Brucie then steal a Vigero, while the many Japanese hookers Roman brought along steal a Stallion, Super GT, Comet, Infernus, Cavalcade, and a Cabby.*
What happens next?
1. One of the hookers jump from the Stallion and land on Hossan and Brucie's hood, and then has explosive diarrhea causing Hossan and Brucie to crash.
2. Hossan and Brucie smash into the back of a Trashmaster, totaling the Vigero and knocking Hossan and Brucie out, only for them to wake up and realise THEY are the stars of a Japanese cooking show, and that THEY HAVE BEEN LOCKED INSIDE A SMALL KITCHEN, with NO WINDOWS , somewhere in Liberty City, with NO CELL PHONE, and with NO WEAPONS, and with NO AIR VENTS(The hosts have sealed up all air vents with heavy-duty concrete after last shows disaster, also the hosts found it best not to use any spices for today's recipes)
3. (Make up something wacky)

Billy james
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#2109

Posted 05 January 2013 - 11:59 PM

Driftking are you high every time you comment on the CS

3. Niko makes a return with new and improved Red Army skill

(Brucie) Niko!!!

(Hossan) He's back from his coma
Niko murders every punk there
(Niko) Yes I'm back hitting me really hard in the head worked, I got my Red Army skills back

(Brucie) Alright, lets get of here
They leave and Niko and Hossan go to City Hall and Brucie goes home
Meanwhile at City Hall
(Niko) Hey Bernie, I got someone who wants a job as a bodyguard

(Bernie) Your hired

(Hossan) Yay!!!

(Bernie) C-mon there something I need to do
They get in the Bernie's car drive to the Airport where Bernie is meeting an important...
What???
1) Celebrity
2) Politician
3) Friend
4) Sportsmen

Driftking120
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#2110

Posted 06 January 2013 - 02:02 AM Edited by Driftking120, 06 January 2013 - 02:05 AM.

1) Celebrity
"We are going to meet Miss Jenny Acorn to discuss important business matters"
*Jenny Acorn pulls up in a Weazel News van*
"Hello Mrs. Acorn, we would like to discuss your increased coverage of the Albanian street crimes..." starts Bernie
"Albanians?...Bernie, what the f*ck?" interrupts Niko
"Shh, quiet...Anyways we would appreciate it if you would stop reporting..." continues Bernie
"I'm sorry, I can't do that" interrupts Jenny Acorn
"Well then..." Bernie replies
*Bernie grabs Jenny Acorn all of a sudden and slams her head against the trunk of his car, pops open the trunk, and throws her inside.*
*Immediately, a sniper shoots out the back window of Bernie's car*
"Move, move!!" yells Bernie to Niko
*Bernie and Niko get inside of Bernie's grey Admiral, immediately a brown and tan Rancher begins to follow and ram into the back of them*
What happens next?
1. Jenny Acorn, upon finding Bernie's cocaine in the trunk, gets high, and begins throwing handfuls of cocaine at the Rancher's windshield
2. A Weazel News van begins following and recording Bernie and Niko for their next headline "Psychopath kidnaps Weazel News reporter"
3. About four hundred Albanians are blocking the road ahead with their cars and are wielding M-60's looking very upset

Ragref
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#2111

Posted 06 January 2013 - 10:39 AM

QUOTE (Driftking120 @ Sunday, Jan 6 2013, 02:02)
1) Celebrity
"We are going to meet Miss Jenny Acorn to discuss important business matters"
*Jenny Acorn pulls up in a Weazel News van*
"Hello Mrs. Acorn, we would like to discuss your increased coverage of the Albanian street crimes..." starts Bernie
"Albanians?...Bernie, what the f*ck?" interrupts Niko
"Shh, quiet...Anyways we would appreciate it if you would stop reporting..." continues Bernie
"I'm sorry, I can't do that" interrupts Jenny Acorn
"Well then..." Bernie replies
*Bernie grabs Jenny Acorn all of a sudden and slams her head against the trunk of his car, pops open the trunk, and throws her inside.*
*Immediately, a sniper shoots out the back window of Bernie's car*
"Move, move!!" yells Bernie to Niko
*Bernie and Niko get inside of Bernie's grey Admiral, immediately a brown and tan Rancher begins to follow and ram into the back of them*
What happens next?
1. Jenny Acorn, upon finding Bernie's cocaine in the trunk, gets high, and begins throwing handfuls of cocaine at the Rancher's windshield
2. A Weazel News van begins following and recording Bernie and Niko for their next headline "Psychopath kidnaps Weazel News reporter"
3. About four hundred Albanians are blocking the road ahead with their cars and are wielding M-60's looking very upset

2.

Bernie and Niko are driving along the streets, until the gas pedal brakes and steering wheel falls off making the Admiral impossible to steer and impossible to stop, and they either:

1. Drive off a cliff

2. Bail out the car

3. Crash into an oncoming car.

The_Anti-tragedy
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#2112

Posted 06 January 2013 - 03:54 PM

QUOTE (Ragref @ Sunday, Jan 6 2013, 10:39)
3. Crash into an oncoming car.

Their Admiral is about to hit someone's Infernus. Instead Bernie's car bounces off the hood of the sports car and they are launched into the air, unable to steer.
Niko: We need to get another car! And also, why did you kidnap Jenny Acorn?
Bernie: Because if she reports any more, there will be a hobo rampage in the subways.
Niko: What the f*ck is that?
The car lands into an empty flatbed truck.
Bernie: We're saved. As long as that metal bar doesn't fall off the lock.
Niko spoke too soon and the metal bar separates the two doors, sliding Niko and Bernie onto Algonquin-Dukes Expressway. The car's engine has been mauled.
Bernie: So about before, Jenny has been reporting about homeless men peeing in the subway, and they got angry, so if she keeps her side of the story, then the homeless will kill everyone that goes in the subway.
Niko: Well I think she won't report again. So, tell me this; why are homeless people so "big" in Liberty City in the last two pages of the Chain Story?
Bernie: Enough breaking the fourth wall. The Albanians are here.
Niko and Bernie get out of the broken Admiral that causes a traffic jam on the lane coming from Dukes. The Albanians come in a Bus with all of the members wielding bats and glaring at Niko and Bernie out the window. The two climb the fences off the highway into Willis. They jump into a Bobcat hijack it. The Albanians have managed to crash into Willis on the bus. They crash the Bobcat and Niko and Bernie beat up hobos in a back-alley and shave off their beards. They then walk through a back door and hide inside the Canyon Megaplex as two bearded men.
1. The Albanians crash through the theater in the bus and decide to watch the movie.
2. The movie in the theater being played is White Chicks.
3. Revenge of the Hobos, a new movie plays in the theater.
4. Niko and Bernie's beards fall off due to the collision of the Albanians' bus.
5. Niko and Bernie realize that the theater is filled with hobos.

TheUnholy
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#2113

Posted 06 January 2013 - 06:53 PM

QUOTE (The_Anti-tragedy @ Sunday, Jan 6 2013, 15:54)
3. Revenge of the Hobos, a new movie plays in the theater.

Niko and Bernie become anxious about the film, so the both take a seat and start to watch the movie.

Movie:

Three hobos are peeing on the tracks.

Hobo 1: Hey, boss. What is the deal with our peeing to the tracks? I can't get it for a long time.
Homeless With Attitude: Oh, my little, pure hobo. We homeless are just good at sleeping and sh*tting, right? So we can show the all who minimizes our power with that way.
Hobo 1: A'right. Cool, then.

An other hobo comes and pisses off.

Hobo 2: Oh Jesus! Move on, my prostate came.
Hobo 3: Wow! Look at Harold's* balls. I'm not homo but I would suck them all day.

* - Harold is Hobo 1.

Niko: Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! This movie is incredibly funny.

Bernie stares angrily at him because he think that movie sucks.

From the movie:

Homeless With Attitude: A'right, boys. Harold, is camera ready?
Harold: Sure, boss. It's ready.

There's a roped man seen near Homeless With Attitude and he's pissed by hobos.

Harold: Boss, last five seconds.
Homeless With Attitude: Okay. Well, hello there Liberty City residents! I wish you good days. Now let's talk about the matter. You have never seen us as real citizens, even we do not pee, rob, kill, backstab but you have never respected us. We gave you one more chance. If you don't want to be like that man [points out the roped man], you shold respect our authoritah! See ya'!

Niko: Heh! Heh! Funny.
Bernie: This is not funny. Don't you get it, Niko, do you? It's threat tape under the name of "movie". They would have something big enough for shaking all city. We gotta stop these homo bastards before they process their evil plan.
Niko: Hobo.
Bernie: Ay! Are you calling me "hobo"?
Niko: No, you said "homo" so I've corrected it.
Bernie: Yeah, whatever Mr.Dictionary. Let's go and recruit the team.

They get Liberty City Justice League recruited, they consist of:

- Niko Bellic the Red Army Motherf*cker
- Bernie Crane the Brains Of The League
- Hossan Ramzy the Egyptian Keanu Reeves (or shortly Keanu Ramzy)
- Brucie the Big Baby
- Roman the Frodo of the Modern Age.
- Mila the Cocaine Lady

What do they do about hobo threat?

1. They record a tape of themselves, Liberty City Justice League and send it to the homeless.
2. They decide to improve their sh*tting skills by using laxative drugs against homeless gang's extremely developed pissing skills.
3. They decide to sneak into the subway station by hotwiring a metro with the help of extremely street racer skills of Big Baby.
4. Cocaine Lady first sends a huge bag of cocaine to the subway station, so it would be easier to bust stoned men.
5. Frodo of the Modern Age states that his wedding ring has power to destroy all hobos, he tries so.

Driftking120
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#2114

Posted 07 January 2013 - 12:11 AM Edited by Driftking120, 07 January 2013 - 12:38 AM.

2. They decide to improve their sh*tting skills by using laxative drugs against homeless gang's extremely developed pissing skills.
*As they are taking the drugs, Niko notices an advisory on the side of the container that reads "Warning: May decrease genital size"*
"Spit it out!" yells Niko, but it is too late.
"Rick is shrinking!" moans Brucie.
"Rick?! Who the hell is Rick?!" demands Niko.
"Oh...that's what I named my dick." answers Brucie.
"You name your dick Rick?" questions Niko.
"Hell yea." replies a proud Brucie
"Why?" asks Niko
"Cause I'm a boss!" Brucie replies
What happens next?
1. Rick disappears from existence and Brucie has a heart attack.
2. Roman's Japanese hookers come to "Suck away the problem."
3. The Homeless With Attitude come and laugh at their tiny dicks while using their extremely developed pissing skills to urinate all over the subway.

Billy james
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#2115

Posted 07 January 2013 - 12:55 AM Edited by billy james, 07 January 2013 - 01:17 AM.

3. The Homeless With Attitude come and laugh at their tiny dicks while using their extremely developed pissing skills to urinate all over the subway.

(Niko) Roman, use your ring

(Roman) Ok though the power of this ring, DIE!!!!
A very bright light shines on them and kills all of the Hobo in Liberty City

(Niko) It acturally worked

(Bernie) Well we won't hearing from them again
Suddernly the Albanians show up again and open fire on them
(Niko) Oh cr*p not these guys again, Roman use your ring again

(Roman) I can't my ring needs charging

(Niko) you know what, I'll do it
Niko goes into Red Army Mode and kills all of the Albanians but more keep showing up
(Roman) Where the hell are these guys coming

(Mila) Good Question

(Niko) Bernie, call Yusuf
Bernie calls Yusuf and He says he'll be there in...
How long will it take him to get there
1) 10 minutes
2) 30 minutes
3) 60 seconds
4) 1 Hour

I would just like to point out that two years ago on this day I joined the GTAForums and I'm only 13 posts away from 2000 posts

The_Anti-tragedy
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#2116

Posted 07 January 2013 - 03:47 AM

QUOTE (billy james @ Monday, Jan 7 2013, 00:55)
1) 10 minutes

Bernie: You need to come here now. That's too long!
Roman: The almighty ring says "That's what she said".
Niko: Shut up Roman.
Brucie shines his tiny dick at the Albanians and pisses at them.
Brucie: It hurts!
Mila: Something must be wrong with your penis then.
Brucie: You wouldn't know, you're a woman. You have no penis!
Mila: But I do have female genitals, so what does the laxative do to me?
Niko: I guess it just makes it tighter!
Roman: That's how I like it!
Niko and Hossan shoot through a wave of Albanians while taking cover behind a pillar on their side of the subway.
Hossan: Niko, how are the hobos' piss going to affect the trains?
Niko: I don't know yet. We'll just have to wait and see.
More Albanians down the stairs. Niko and Hossan hide behind more pillars and shoot. Roman tries to kill some Albanians with a pistol, Bernie is trying to call Yusuf due to crappy reception, and Mila is having sex with Brucie with their tiny genitals.
Niko: What is wrong with you?
Meanwhile, Yusuf is at a subway entrance, the one he hopes is the Albanians' side so he can have the LC Justice League corner them in. He pushes an Albanian out of the way and stabs him quietly. He hugs a wall right at some other Albanians about to be recruited.
Yusuf: These guys just don't quit... YUSUF MOTHAF*CKEAH!
Yusuf barges into the scene spraying bullets from his Gold SMG. He kills the Albanians in the area and goes downstairs.
Yusuf: Niko, Bernie! I've come to rescue you!
Niko: Is that Yusuf?
Hossan: Keep firing!
Yusuf goes and kills the Albanians completely occupying the side of the subway. He throws a sticky bomb into the large crowd while a train passes by.
Yusuf: Frag OUT!
He detonates the sticky bomb, blowing brains onto the side of the train. The train leaves and Yusuf stands in triumph as the others watch.
Brucie: NGH! NNGH! NNGH! NGH! NNNNGH! Is it done yet?
1. More Albanians just run up behind Yusuf's back. Roman's ring has charged.
2. Hossan walks in on Brucie and Mila's genitals and faints, opening up a new storyline in the Chain Story.
3. Roman gets horny and so f*cks everyone in the subway, even the dead Albanians.
4. Niko asks Yusuf why he yelled "Frag OUT!". Yusuf replies to him...
5. Carl Johnson in a Delorean crashes into the subway wall saying "We're not in Kansas anymore."

TheUnholy
  • TheUnholy

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#2117

Posted 07 January 2013 - 11:41 AM

QUOTE (The_Anti-tragedy @ Monday, Jan 7 2013, 03:47)
2. Hossan walks in on Brucie and Mila's genitals and faints, opening up a new storyline in the Chain Story.

Hossan faints and Mila's "wormhole" starts to extend. Hossan is absorbed in it, he opens his eyes in Mila's vagina, where all is just white. Suddenly Dwayne appears there.

Dwayne: It's the time, huh?
Hossan: What is it?
Dwayne: This is where you are supposed to be.
Hossan: Can you be plain, mister?
Dwayne: Let me explain. You're Keanu Reeves.
Hossan: [Shocked] What? The guy who will save the universe in right day. But just before that expected day, you need learn something. This is your training area, Mr. Reeves. First, you need to purify your mind from all temporal passions. Just relax and open the closed chakras of your brain.

Hossan closes his eyes, frees his mind and tries to get away from guns, drug, hookers, parties, all the temporal passions.

Hossan: Oh yeah! It's Mila's hot vagina.
Dwayne: Stop being a pimp, asshole. Just concentrate.
Hossan: Ow, man. Get it off my eyes. It's Niko's shapeless penis... I guess.
Dwayne: Ow, this is disgusting.
Hossan: Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis!

Hossan closes his eyes so bad, concentrates so hard and blows up his brains, finally he gets it that he got away all the temporal passions.

Dwayne: Good. Now see how you are at dodging bullets.

Suddenly five men with machine guns appears and starts to fire on Hossan. Hossan easily dodges of their bullets.

Dwayne: Not bad, now let's do it harder.

Ten men starts to fire on Hossan and Hossan dodges their bullets. Twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, ninty, one hundred! Hossan survives all of them.

Dwayne: Good, let's see how are your fists?

Hossan fights with five man and beats all of them. After he beats ten, fifteen, twenty men respectively.

Dwayne: Now show me your gunning skills.

Dwayne throws a M4 to Hossan, thousands of men appears and Hossan manages to kill the sh*t all of theirs.

Dwayne: As a final test, you gotta sell all of these 3721 handbags in 5 minutes.
Hossan: I'm professional at that but what is the connection between handbags and saving the universe?
Dwayne: I don't know.

Hossan manages to sell all 3721 handbags in 5 minutes.

Dwayne:Good. You've proved yourself. Now choose one of these pills [Dwayne has one red pill and a blue pill in his hands]
Hossan: What is the deal with them?
Dwayne: I don't know, we can't know. But I can say that will decide your life. So think hard when choosing between them.

Which pill Hossan chooses and what happens next?

1. Red Pill: Hossan gets spontaneously combusted and burns alive.
2. Blue Pill: Hossan becomes a total Keanu Reeves but he learns his penis won't get erections anymore.
3. Red Pill: Hossan gets into heaven but later he gets kicked to the hell.
4. Blue Pill: Hossan becomes female for all his life.

Driftking120
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#2118

Posted 08 January 2013 - 12:38 AM Edited by Driftking120, 08 January 2013 - 12:40 AM.

2. Blue Pill: Hossan becomes a total Keanu Reeves but he learns his penis won't get erections anymore.
"Heck yea, I'd love to be a Crip!" replies Hossan.
*Poof*
"Hey, what the heck? Why is my penis getting smaller?" says Hossan.
"Oh yeah I forgot, damn pharmaceutical companies, always having side effects, goodbye" quickly says Dwayne.
*Poof*
*Hossan is teleported back to Liberty City. Niko and companions have abandon Hossan after being unable to wake him up*
"Hey guys, I'm Keanu Reeves, and I'm here to save the world!" yells Hossan
"He's hallucinating, help me!" yells an old lady, who resorts to bashing Hossan over the head with her walker, causing Hossan to lose consciousness.
*Hossan wakes up to find he is tied upside down from his feet to the Statue of Happiness coffee cup*
What happens next?
1. Charles, the six year old, is holding Hossan hostage waiting for Niko to come to the rescue.(Charles is using a high-tech jammer that prevents Niko from using his Red Army Skills, and is INDESTRUCTABLE in every way known to mankind.)
2. The Hobos With Attitude are holding a gang ritual that involves setting Hossan on fire from the Statue of Happiness.(Also using a high-tech jammer that prevents Niko from using his Red Army Skills, and is also INDESTRUCTABLE.)

Billy james
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#2119

Posted 08 January 2013 - 12:53 AM

Why would you only put 2 choices

2. The Hobos With Attitude are holding a gang ritual that involves setting Hossan on fire from the Statue of Happiness.

Niko heads to the Statue of Happiness, kills every hobo and saves Hossan from dying

(Hossan) Thank you Niko, your a f*cking saviour

(Niko) Yeah we're not out sh*t yet, there more Hobos coming, here take this
Niko hands Hossan an SMG and gets ready to kill some hobos
What happens next
1) They kill all the hobos
2) They get out numbered and a miracle happens
3) The Hobos blow up the Statue of Happiness
4) One of the hobos reveals he's an under cover agent trying to take down the Hobos but gets killed

MikeMyth
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#2120

Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:16 AM

3) The Hobos blow up the Statue of Happiness

Hossan: Do you hear that?
* A sudden ticking noise, the rhythm starts slow then gets quicker *
Niko: QUICK! Jump off the ledge!
Hossan: But the fall its too--
Niko: JUMP YOU BASTARD!
* Niko runs to the ledge (currently on the first floor exterior) Hossan following closely *
* Niko then hits the floor, doing a parkour roll once he hits the floor*
Niko: Ouch!
Niko: Wait, Hossan!?
* The Statue then explodes, pieces flying all over the island and into the water as well *

1) Hossan's body flies up into the air, hitting the floor with a sickening thud.
2) Hossan jumps down, just in time, but sadly breaks his arm.
3) Hossan jumps a few seconds too late. He hits the floor, his body charred and he is barely alive.

The_Anti-tragedy
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#2121

Posted 08 January 2013 - 04:09 AM

QUOTE (MikeMyth @ Tuesday, Jan 8 2013, 02:16)
1) Hossan's body flies up into the air, hitting the floor with a sickening thud.

Niko: Hossan! F*ck no!
A piece of the statue heads towards Hossan's body.
Niko: NO!
Niko jumps towards Hossan and rolls on the ground carrying Hossan. He gets him to the dock in Algonquin swimming all the way. He leaves Hossan by putting him in a hailed taxi to the hospital.
Niko: Well, the deed is done. I'll call Roman.
Niko calls Roman.
Roman: Cousin, this is not the time! I'm having sex with Mila!
Niko: F*ck you, Hossan is dead. I'm going to Maisonette 09, I need a party to cheer me up.
Niko takes a taxi to Maisonette after hanging up the phone. He enters the club and has a drink. After five more shots he goes to the dance floor. He f*cks three ladies in the bathroom and goes to the dance floor again. Someone jealous comes to his side and challenges him.
Person: You've got moves, and get all the ladies. Now it's my turn. DANCE-OFF!
Niko has reluctantly entered a dance-off, with the theme being "Past Protags". His challenger is...
1. Luis Lopez
2. Rocco Pelosi
3. Bryce Dawkins
4. Dimitri Rascalov
5. Manny Escuela

When I typed the names in the choices some suggestions came up since I'm using Google Chrome, here's some of them: Pelosi - Plosive, Dawkins - Hawkins - Gawkiness, Dimitri - Dimity, Rascalov - Tuscaloosa, Manny - Fanny, Escuela - Ascella.

Billy james
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#2122

Posted 08 January 2013 - 10:42 AM Edited by billy james, 08 January 2013 - 11:00 AM.

5. Manny Escuela

(Niko) You can dance Manny

(Manny) Yeah man, I'm the the best dancer in Liberty City man, I'm pure gangster man

(Niko) Alright lets do this

(Manny) Lets do this man, your going down man, yeah man

(Niko) You know what, I'm really sick of you saying man all the time

(Manny) I'm sorry man, it's just me man
Niko then decides to shoots Manny point blank in the head because he kept saying man, and the crowd is shocked
(Niko) What are you all shocked at, you all wanted to kill him, don't deny it, I'm out of here
Niko then goes to City Hall and walks into Bernie's office and he's not there
(Niko) Where the hell is Bernie
Yusuf runs into the office looking all worried
(Niko) Yusuf what's wrong

(Yusuf) Bernie's been kidnapped

(Niko) By who

(Yusuf) ...
Who kidnapped Bernie
1) Rocco, Petrovic and Julia Ochoa
2) Homeless with attitude
3) The Albanians
4) Phillip OscarField III, Adam Burns and Regan Jones (The leaders of the 3 international gangs a while back)


This is my 2000th post, YAY!!!!!!!, I'd like to thank this Chain Story as 360 posts went here, I'm on the road to greatness.

The_Anti-tragedy
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#2123

Posted 08 January 2013 - 11:29 PM

QUOTE (billy james @ Tuesday, Jan 8 2013, 10:42)
4) Phillip OscarField III, Adam Burns and Regan Jones (The leaders of the 3 international gangs a while back)

This is my 2000th post, YAY!!!!!!!, I'd like to thank this Chain Story as 360 posts went here, I'm on the road to greatness.

Congratulations for 2000 posts for billy james!

Niko: What would they want with Bernie?
Yusuf: I might have done something.
Niko: Yusuf, what did you do?
Yusuf: Please don't give me the stare man. I was reminiscing about the Chain Story's various storylines and I accidentally wrote their names on a contract saying you want a blow-job every day.
Niko: Who gets tired of daily blow-jobs?
Yusuf: I guess one of the girls bit their dicks off. Anyways, they took off in a Sultan. Get in my Super DD!
Niko and Yusuf sprint to the parking lot and get into the latter's car.
Yusuf: Let's go nigga!
They follow a Sultan turning a corner. Yusuf drives recklessly on the sidewalk and turns to the back of the Sultan. He drives into a mailbox while the Sultan stops and turns. Out comes Regan Jones.
Regan: CROIKAY, looks like we got some koalas trying to catch us in a banana car, mates.
Oscarfield: CHIPS CHIPS CHIPS.
Yusuf: What is wrong with Oscarfield?
Regan: Screw Oscarfield. The only stereotype he can think of at the moment is "Chips" as in fries.
Adam: I have a shotgun, eh? I'm going to blast yoor eh? Maple syrup, red uniforms and all that sh*t.
Niko and Yusuf speed towards Regan and squash him with the Sultan and their car. Oscarfield takes the wheel and drives away. Oscarfield's door is open, which means Bernie can make an escape.
1. Bernie bails but is ran over by a pursuing Super Drop Diamond driven by Yusuf.
2. Bernie makes a move but Adam peeks and points at him with his shotgun.
3. Oscarfield keeps saying "CHIPS CHIPS CHIPS" so Adam tries to take the wheel, and they steer out of control.
4. The Dingoes come in three Vincents and Niko accidentally shoots Bernie in his back.
5. A new gang of French people with a leader Pepé Swissé Fromage come out of nowhere in loads of Buses.

Billy james
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#2124

Posted 09 January 2013 - 01:11 AM

Thank you Anti

5. A new gang of French people with a leader Pepé Swissé Fromage come out of nowhere in loads of Buses.

(Niko) Another international gang???

(Regan) Bugger, not them, any one but them

(Phillip) Chips, er... I mean Bollocks

(Pepé) Yes it is us The Baggettes (French speak)

(Niko) Listen here you French f*ck

(Pepé) Please, don't swear

(Regan) Oh f*ck you mate

(Pepé) (French Speak)

(Adam) Speak English aye

(Pepé) I said give up the mayor to us,

(Niko) F*ck this
Niko grabs Bernie and Yusuf and they get the hell out of there and let the 4 gangs fight it out for them selfs
What happens next
1) The Baggettes, Dingoes, Crumpets and Mounties go to war with each other
2) The gangs chase Niko all the way to City Hall
3) The Baggettes wage war on Niko, Bernie, Yusuf, the Dingoes, Mounties and Crumpets
4) A gang from (insert country that doesn't have a gang based from there here) in a bunch of Helicopters

The_Anti-tragedy
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#2125

Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:32 AM

QUOTE (billy james @ Wednesday, Jan 9 2013, 01:11)
1) The Baggettes, Dingoes, Crumpets and Mounties go to war with each other

Adam: MOUNTIES ASSEMBLE!!!!... eh?
The Mounties ride on mechanical horses and fire sub-machine guns at Yusuf's Super D.D. as they drive back to City Hall.
Bernie: Thanks for saving me from those foreigners. Ugh. Nice abs though.
Niko: What's my payment?
Bernie: $20,000.
Niko gasps and takes the money. Yusuf gives him a ride to his penthouse in Northwood.
Yusuf: Remember Niko. Say no to drugs, say yes to banana cars.
Niko: Is that your phrase now?
Yusuf: I don't know.
Niko enters his penthouse into the elevator. He comes up to his room and goes to the balcony.
Niko: What the f*ck is this?
Niko sees a giant distracting Vice City FM billboard with circles swirling everywhere. A voice emits from the billboard.
Voice: VICE CITY FM. LISTEN TO VICE CITY FM. LISTEN TO...
Niko: I shouldn't look at those swirls. Better go to bed.
He rests on his bed and dozes off. He wakes up at night and the billboard is glowing. But he notices something else.
1. He looks on the street and sees Oceanics from VC being driven everywhere.
2. The residents of Northwood are crowding him in his penthouse.
3. Tommy Vercetti with headphones on is sitting on his bed side.
4. Lance Vance is doing his dance by his closet.
5. Packie is on his bed with a bottle of vodka doing an Irish "jig".

Driftking120
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#2126

Posted 09 January 2013 - 11:21 PM

4. Lance Vance is doing his dance by his closet.
*As Niko is going to change into his street clothes, Lance Vance is blocking the path to his wardrobe.*
"f*ck you." says Niko.
"f*ck you." Lance replies back.
"f*ck you." says Niko.
"No, f*ck you." says Lance.
"f*ck both of you, now get dressed, we have work to do." interupts Ricardo Diaz, who has walked towards them from Niko's kitchen.
What happens next?
1. A Maverick with someone wielding a minigun on the side sends a hail of bullets through the apartment windows, then flies off.
2. Lance's black Feltzer is blown up outside in Niko's parking space.
3. Victor Vance, who was also in the kitchen, electrocutes himself on Niko's refrigerator, breaking it.

The_Anti-tragedy
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#2127

Posted 10 January 2013 - 01:50 AM

QUOTE (Driftking120 @ Wednesday, Jan 9 2013, 23:21)
1. A Maverick with someone wielding a minigun on the side sends a hail of bullets through the apartment windows, then flies off.

Niko rolls to the side and Lance is killed.
Niko: Diaz, what's going on?
Diaz: The Haitians are fighting us!
Niko: Haitians? What are they doing in Liberty City?
Diaz: Liberty City? This isn't Liberty, this is Vice.
Niko: WHAT?
Niko looks out his balcony and realizes from the lit up clubs and palm trees in the scenery that he is in Vice City.
Niko: How is this possible?
Diaz fires at Haitians on the road.
Diaz: Well one: You got transported here with your penthouse, or two: Vice City FM is infecting your brain.
Niko: Vice City FM, sh*t! This must be a dream.
Niko pinches himself and consciously opens his eyes. He's in a blank white space and the only other person behind him is Playboy X.
Playboy: Niko, what you doing here money?
Niko: I must be in my subconscious.
1. Playboy X takes out a Micro SMG and tries to kill Niko.
2. Niko wakes up for real and it is midnight and Roman is having a party.
3. Vice City FM's logo flashes everywhere around the two.
4. Roman falls out of the sky and gives them some chocolate mousse.

TheUnholy
  • TheUnholy

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#2128

Posted 10 January 2013 - 08:37 PM

QUOTE (The_Anti-tragedy @ Thursday, Jan 10 2013, 01:50)
1. Playboy X takes out a Micro SMG and tries to kill Niko.

Playboy X: I showed you the world; money, cars, guns, glitz... But you chose that Dwayne motherf*cker.

Playboy wields a Micro SMG and fires on Niko.

Niko: OH F*CK!

Niko dodges bulllet successfully, later goes his all red army, grabs out Playboy's Micro SMG and shoots Playboy in the head. Later, a man is seen walking through Niko, after he gets close, it's understood that he's Dwayne.

Dwayne: Hello, Niko!
Niko: Hello, Dwayne. But what are you doing? Also what am I doing here?
Dwayne: This is a flexible situation. With absence of Keanu Reeves, the pararell universes went insane, they got out of control. That's why you found your penthouse and yourself in a 80's Vice City.
Niko: Yeah, another weird stuff again. But why is this stuff about Keanu Reeves?
Dwayne: Keanu Reeves is like a balance stone of the universe. He provides the balance of the universe. With his death, the balance of the universe got out of control.
Niko: Keanu Reeves died? Yesterday, he was caught with a chick in front of a local bar. I was just bored, so I looked at magazine programs.
Dwayne: Oh, huh huh huh! We're talking about a guy who has Keanu Reeves' powers. Keanu Reeves is too busy with his movies, so we had to get a temporary of him. There's a guy named Hossan Ramzy who has same powers Reeves has.
Niko: So, Hossan is the provider and the savior of the universe? Kickass.
Dwayne: Yeah, this is cool. As you're a good friend of Mr.Ramzy, we need your help. We gotta get in Mila Tadic's vagina, go through the pararell universes, find Keanu Reeves and get him to the main universe.
Niko: I could be cool with that but you said Mila Tadic, I have history with her.
Dwayne: I know, but you can get help from your cousin.
Niko: How?

...

Roman goes on a date with Mila at Burger Shot. They eat Bleeders, later they go to Roman's apartment. They take off their clothes and go on for a sex. When Mila opens her "wormhole", Niko and Dwayne jump on it and enters it through a sharp, white, wide, white light. After:

Dwayne: Now we must reach Mila's clitoris, move it through to travel around the universes.

After a long journey, they reach Mila's clitoris, they move the clitoris and they find themselves:

1. In a universe consist of a Liberty City solely occupied by the homeless.
2. In a TRON steorotype universe.
3. In a universe consist of Steelport (in which Saints Row III sets)
4. In a universe all Liberty City people appear like South Park characters.
5. In a universe consist of a Liberty City where all people walking around naked.

richard1997jones
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#2129

Posted 10 January 2013 - 09:12 PM

OK THIS HAS GOT STUPID PLEASE START AGAIN AND MORE IMPORTANTLY KEEP CHECKING SH*T ISN'T PUT ON IT AND SECONDLY WHY DID ROMAN SURVIVE IN THIS VERSION SHOULD HAVE HAD POLL TO DECIDE WHICH VERSION SHOULD CONTINUE.

Billy james
  • Billy james

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#2130

Posted 11 January 2013 - 12:37 AM Edited by billy james, 11 January 2013 - 12:44 AM.

QUOTE (richard1997jones @ Thursday, Jan 10 2013, 21:12)
OK THIS HAS GOT STUPID PLEASE START AGAIN AND MORE IMPORTANTLY KEEP CHECKING SH*T ISN'T PUT ON IT AND SECONDLY WHY DID ROMAN SURVIVE IN THIS VERSION SHOULD HAVE HAD POLL TO DECIDE WHICH VERSION SHOULD CONTINUE.

WE ARE NOT GOING THE RESTART THE CHAIN STORY JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE IT, SO EITHER STOP BITCHING AND CONTINUE THE CHAIN STORY OR F*CK OFF!!!!!!!! angry.gif




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