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Privates - Boldy going where no geek has gone

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CharmingCharlie
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#1

Posted 11 May 2010 - 11:55 PM Edited by CharmingCharlie, 24 June 2010 - 06:14 PM.

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Well I am always on the look out for new and off the wall indie games to occupy my time and erm I have to confess when I saw this game announced I did a sort of hearty laugh and hang my head in shame at the same time. This is a new game from indie developers Zombie Cow Studios, the brief of the game is erm :-

QUOTE
you lead a teeny-tiny gang of condom-hatted marines as they delve into peoplesí vaginas and bottoms and blast away at all manner of oozy, shouty monsters.


It is apparently "rude, funny, bitingly satirical and technically pretty accurate if you donít count the tiny people or the germs with teeth." (I SWEAR I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP). As for how accurate it will be, well I have known a few girls in my time that are happy to accommodate "marines" in their squelchy bits but the marines never wore condoms tounge.gif

The game is due for release this summer on the PC and Xbox 360, the Xbox 360 version will be available from XBL for a small fee but the PC version will be free (because PC gamers never need to pay for poontang) and available from that bastion of British Broadcasting the Channel 4 website. Now feast your eyes on these technically accurate screenshots of the erm "squelchy bits" :-

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They even have a snazzy trailer :-



If you are erm "interested in this game then you can find out more info here :-

http://www.zombie-cow.com/?page_id=807

All I can think to say is "god help our souls".

gamesguru
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#2

Posted 12 May 2010 - 12:09 AM

Thanks for the heads-up CC. I'll delve deeper into it later when I get the time.
Looks good at the moment, seems a bit of fun; which in a sense, sex is; so I guess it will be a good replication of sorts, a 'simulator' if you will (I hope none of them corny gags went over your heads).

I can see this popping up in Sex Eduction Classes Worldwide by 2012.
*waits for hilarious posts*

freak2121
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#3

Posted 12 May 2010 - 12:34 AM

I just had a sub-conscious evil laugh.

Seems interesting, looks fun.

Don Garcia
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#4

Posted 12 May 2010 - 12:41 AM

War, is hell.

...

RomanViking
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#5

Posted 12 May 2010 - 12:50 AM

It looks humorous, but na I'm not playing it.

This overly childish, pubescent outlook of women --- or the parallel of geeks making it all science-y sounds pathetic IMO.

Geeks are gonna be all like "oh I understand women and sexuality now" when they still won't have a clue afterwords of how genuinely pleasure a women sexuality. They simplify the idea down to "your penis goes in that hole" when doing that will only continue the ancient trend of unsatisfied women and idiotic men...


Just inserting your penis and achieving orgasm yourself is hardly performing your "duty", so to speak. And this is the kind of extremely close-minded, childish bullsh*t they teach in sex education.


Sorry for diverting, but this game gives me the impression of more stupid men not knowing or doing anything for women, in that particular way.. Srs, for every genuine man who would knows what to do, there would probably be 3-4 ignorant, clueless men who just want to cum inside the woman... and the women is unaroused, uninterested, and unsatisfied throughout & afterwards..

I really feel sorry for women.



So no I won't play this stupid game.

GTA3Freak-2001
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#6

Posted 12 May 2010 - 01:17 AM

I am not sure what's more funny, the post above or the premise of this game!

CharmingCharlie
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#7

Posted 12 May 2010 - 01:19 AM Edited by CharmingCharlie, 12 May 2010 - 01:26 AM.

RomanViking I think you completely and totally missed the idea of this game, it IS NOT ABOUT SEX. If the game has any "educational" value it is about raising awareness of SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES. The whole point of the game is you control a band of condom clad heroes who go in and clean up the nastiness that is STD's. Oh and a lil tip for life, lighten up or you will be on your first heart bypass before you hit 30. The game is a bit of fun, a bit of a laugh and at the same time it might just make a few people aware of the consequences of unprotected sex.

My only worry about this game is the G spot level, there is no way I am ever going to be able to beat that level .... or even find it tounge.gif

RomanViking
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#8

Posted 12 May 2010 - 01:41 AM

QUOTE (CharmingCharlie @ May 11 2010, 18:19)
My only worry about this game is the G spot level, there is no way I am ever going to be able to beat that level .... or even find it tounge.gif

Okay, my post was negative and only vaguely related. Sorry about that. But really, I can say what I think about what I see, society in general that is.. Like you being of age, and the G spot only being a myth that men keep trying to "find". There is undoubtedly a "G spot" but finding it won't do anything. An old hairy guy can rub your back and touch your penis all day, it doesn't mean you'll enjoy it, or orgasm... And simply "inserting your penis" isn't going to magically make a girl enjoy being with a boy.

There are many other things, that sex education refuses to discuss, that are 10x as important in sexuality. Usually things concerned mothers and uncertain ugly male teachers are uncomfortable talking about. So this endless pattern of ignorance and female unsatisfaction continues wink.gif I just wanted to say this.


This game can be about STDs, okay.. but meh it seems like nothing I would enjoy playing.


I should go posts my complaints and have that discussion in a sex thread, or a sex forum. Sorry for my interruption, and continue smile.gif





The-King
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#9

Posted 12 May 2010 - 01:42 AM

RomanViking understands nothing, his stupidity has no bounds and his understanding of the real world is so buried within his idiotic moral and social opinions that he can't look past his own nose, so there's no real reason to reason with him

In layman's terms, he's a f*cking idiot.

It's free? I'll definitely have to try it when it comes out, I'm a stickler for free games.

RomanViking
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#10

Posted 12 May 2010 - 02:01 AM

QUOTE (The-King @ May 11 2010, 18:42)
RomanViking understands nothing, his stupidity has no bounds and his understanding of the real world is so buried within his idiotic moral and social opinions that he can't look past his own nose, so there's no real reason to reason with him

In layman's terms, he's a f*cking idiot.

I think you should consider what I've said. For every women who is genuinely satisfied and enjoys sex, there are a bunch who dislike it due to very negative experiences.

And men should take care of themselves better, in general. The standard of male appearance is much lower than for women. A man can have bad skin, lots of body hair, and be an ignorant asshole --- and still be accepted as normal and fine. If a woman were this way she'd be scorned and called "the ugliest woman on Earth"

People say RosieO'Donnell (for example) is a disgusting woman... ugly, nasty, etc... and then you'll see dozens of genuinely ugly, physically revolting men who are all accepted as "normal".



I've gone off topic. But I DO know what I'm talking about "The-King". I'm calling things out for what they are.




The-King
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#11

Posted 12 May 2010 - 02:15 AM

QUOTE (RomanViking @ May 11 2010, 20:01)
QUOTE (The-King @ May 11 2010, 18:42)
RomanViking understands nothing, his stupidity has no bounds and his understanding of the real world is so buried within his idiotic moral and social opinions that he can't look past his own nose, so there's no real reason to reason with him

In layman's terms, he's a f*cking idiot.

I think you should consider what I've said. For every women who is genuinely satisfied and enjoys sex, there are a bunch who dislike it due to very negative experiences.

And men should take care of themselves better, in general. The standard of male appearance is much lower than for women. A man can have bad skin, lots of body hair, and be an ignorant asshole --- and still be accepted as normal and fine. If a woman were this way she'd be scorned and called "the ugliest woman on Earth"

People say RosieO'Donnell (for example) is a disgusting woman... ugly, nasty, etc... and then you'll see dozens of genuinely ugly, physically revolting men who are all accepted as "normal".



I've gone off topic. But I DO know what I'm talking about "The-King". I'm calling things out for what they are.

So this relates to a video game who you've read into far too much because...

The Yokel
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#12

Posted 12 May 2010 - 06:01 AM

The idea might be a bit strange but the game looks like fun, and it's free so why not? It's not like I'm some kind of weirdo who doesn't want to play a game because I get all worked up when someone mentions sex or vagina.

AznKei
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#13

Posted 12 May 2010 - 03:21 PM

@RomanViking I see you're obsessed with sex. But sorry, we're not interested with those stuffs you mentionned. -.-!

As for the topic, the game sure looks fun. I'm a fan of those platform games so I might give it a try. biggrin.gif

Robinski
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#14

Posted 12 May 2010 - 04:23 PM Edited by Robinski, 12 May 2010 - 04:31 PM.

Haha, I'm not sure if this is hilarious or just soul crushing. I'd say I'd definitely check it out if it was free just for a laugh, can't say I'd actually pay monies for it though.

Btw, RV is taking this sh*t way too seriously. Lighten up man, it's a joke game about STDs and marines, not the objectification of women or about changing attitudes towards sex. Also, he is literally 18 year old slamman

corvettelover
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#15

Posted 16 May 2010 - 04:12 AM

QUOTE (RomanViking @ May 12 2010, 02:01)
QUOTE (The-King @ May 11 2010, 18:42)
RomanViking understands nothing, his stupidity has no bounds and his understanding of the real world is so buried within his idiotic moral and social opinions that he can't look past his own nose, so there's no real reason to reason with him

In layman's terms, he's a f*cking idiot.

I think you should consider what I've said. For every women who is genuinely satisfied and enjoys sex, there are a bunch who dislike it due to very negative experiences.

And men should take care of themselves better, in general. The standard of male appearance is much lower than for women. A man can have bad skin, lots of body hair, and be an ignorant asshole --- and still be accepted as normal and fine. If a woman were this way she'd be scorned and called "the ugliest woman on Earth"

People say RosieO'Donnell (for example) is a disgusting woman... ugly, nasty, etc... and then you'll see dozens of genuinely ugly, physically revolting men who are all accepted as "normal".



I've gone off topic. But I DO know what I'm talking about "The-King". I'm calling things out for what they are.

Actually, atleast where I live, most of the girls prefer a guy not to shave anything but his crotch, which is only what I shave, I do think that if a girl doesnt shave its disgusting, cause hairy girls are gross, but most girls think its weird for a guy to shave his body hair (except crotch) in my experience.. ohh, and Rosie O Donnel is disgusting.

This topic seems to be de-railing a bit.

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#16

Posted 16 May 2010 - 04:20 AM

lol RomanViking ..



I'll give it a whirl. lol.gif icon14.gif

RomanViking
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#17

Posted 16 May 2010 - 10:36 AM

QUOTE (corvettelover @ May 15 2010, 21:12)
Actually, atleast where I live, most of the girls prefer a guy not to shave anything but his crotch, which is only what I shave, I do think that if a girl doesnt shave its disgusting, cause hairy girls are gross, but most girls think its weird for a guy to shave his body hair (except crotch) in my experience.. ohh, and Rosie O Donnel is disgusting.

This topic seems to be de-railing a bit.

Obvious double standard is obvious.

And the average 40 year old American man is noticeably more "physically unpleasant" than Rosie O' Donnell wink.gif

It's indisputable that standards for men are vastly lower than for women. Men don't have to put any effort into themselves, yet women are completely expected to...

That is all.

CharmingCharlie
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#18

Posted 24 June 2010 - 06:16 PM

Thought I would give this topic a bit of a bump since we now have a trailer for the game :-



Just a subtle reminder that this game is about educating people about sex education and in no way should be seen as encouraging you to spit roast any girl you see.

GTA3Freak-2001
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#19

Posted 06 August 2010 - 03:54 AM

You can now play with your privates, the game is available for free on PC!

Come and Get It!

Ronnyboy
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#20

Posted 06 August 2010 - 03:56 AM

Will have to try this out later, sounds pretty fun

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#21

Posted 06 August 2010 - 04:00 AM

QUOTE
You need a relatively-decent Windows computer to play Privates


confused.gif

This scorns my non windows to the point of being sterile.

Supreme.
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#22

Posted 06 August 2010 - 05:27 AM Edited by Supreme., 06 August 2010 - 05:39 PM.

Mt. Vagina? Shouldn't it be Valley/Cavern? biggrin.gif

*notices writing on wall* "Fred was here....Carlos & Sarah too!" lol.gif

AmyJones
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#23

Posted 11 August 2010 - 07:37 PM

If only jason statham was voicing, that would have been epic.

d0mm2k8
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#24

Posted 11 August 2010 - 11:33 PM

Right, I'm a sucker for free games. And this game is awesome XD

One of the guys even said 'I think I hear a witch! Turn your flashlights off! Oh wait...'

It's hilarious, fun and I even learnt a few things about STIs. Classic fun.




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