Posted A week ago
Yeah the guy at the end is probably my biggest regret in this story. Was, in hindsight, halfassed; a throwaway character that, thinking about it, had no real chance for development. I deliberately avoided having the bad guy as someone Niko etc knew - instead I wanted to have him as a completely unknown; he was behind it all, but to Niko, he was as interesting and memorable as you found him - in a way that was deliberate (though poorly done as you identified).
Thing is, I've noticed that I'm almost heralded as this writing deity by some and I know some people think I've been writing for like fifty years. I've been writing for about 16, but City of Lies and Justice in Flames show my growth as a writer. I'm not this super perfect craftsman, but as you can see from the critiques in here and JIF (it's important to read them!), I have grown a lot. So the cliches, the laziness (fired!!!!) or what have you, it's a sign of (I hope) how I've grown, if that makes sense.
This still remains something I'm immensely proud of and I do feel JIF surpassed it. However I've gone too long not writing and I only hope COL2 can at least equal these two stories (which reminds me, I have to get chapter II up). Even now, about six years later (Jesus f*cking Christ!) it still means the world to me that someone's read this, especially with my negligence in offering in depth feedback on others'
As for the 'mission' structure you mentioned - it was kind of intended; partly as a homage to the tried and tested GTA-format, partly because I loved the 'professional' vibe GTA iv had with some missions and assassination missions (at least in my play style) and my wish to expand one of my all time favourite games. As previously said about my 'growth', it's clear in this story that I was still learning. Indeed I will still be learning while COL2 is active. I'm not a university-learned writer. Aside from school, I am entirely self-taught - that is until I posted City of lies. Just by writing you can improve but as you'll see in here and JIF, feedback is crucial!
Thanks for the reply and feedback. I'll warn you though: JIF is about 3 times longer, and COL2 is looking to be unintentionally longer still!