Quantcast

Jump to content

» «
Photo

City of Lies (Possible GTA IV spoiler)

251 replies to this topic
Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#1

Posted 02 May 2010 - 12:36 PM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 25 March 2014 - 11:46 AM.

Mokrie Dela presents:

An award winning story:

2evam40.jpg
A PDF format is available here: http://1drv.ms/NNOp4P Thanks to Cammi for his help/suggestion in this.

 

Chapter NumberChapter Title (Click To Read)
OneA Shared Sorrow
TwoA Rude Awakening
Three Wetwork
FourClash of the Titans
Five Truth or Dare
Six Deal or No Deal?
Seven Number 47
Eight Homecoming
Nine Ace of Spades
Ten Round Two
Eleven An Unlikely Alliance
Twelve Sweet Dreams
Thirteen Get This Done, Then We'll Talk
Fourteen Hunting the Hunters
Fifteen The Voice
Sixteen Unmasked!
Seventeen Answers At last
Eighteen Three's The Magic Number
Nineteen Now What?
TwentyKeep Your Friends Close...
Twenty One ...And Your Enemies Even Closer
Twenty Two Guns… Lots of Guns
Twenty Three The Cat’s Out of the Bag
Twenty Four Ambushed
Twenty FiveThe Battle for Liberty City: Part I
Twenty Six The Battle for Liberty City: Part II
Twenty Seven The Battle for Liberty City: Part III
Twenty Eight For Michael
Twenty Nine Revelations
Epilogue Epilogue

New format - easier to read and work out where you got to! Just click the link in the above table to go to that chapter.
As always please comment, suggestions constructive criticism, ideas etc all welcome!


Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#2

Posted 02 May 2010 - 12:38 PM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 02 June 2011 - 05:54 PM.

<redundant>

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#3

Posted 02 May 2010 - 12:39 PM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 02 June 2011 - 05:54 PM.

<redundant>

mrpain
  • mrpain

    wub wub

  • Zaibatsu
  • Joined: 15 Dec 2008

#4

Posted 02 May 2010 - 02:33 PM

Very nice! I assumed this story will be about Niko only but the minute I saw Johnny's name I was impressed. Let Luis joined the mix!

Looking forward to the next chapters

mrpain
  • mrpain

    wub wub

  • Zaibatsu
  • Joined: 15 Dec 2008

#5

Posted 02 May 2010 - 02:34 PM Edited by mrpain, 02 May 2010 - 02:36 PM.

EDIT: Sorry for the double post. Computer went berserk!

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#6

Posted 02 May 2010 - 04:02 PM

Not sure how Luis would fit into the story yet. He may appear. He may not.
Thanks for the feedback smile.gif
Post has been updated with the next chapter. tounge.gif

Cashy
  • Cashy

    1983, that was the year son!

  • Members
  • Joined: 09 Aug 2009

#7

Posted 02 May 2010 - 05:04 PM

Mate, I cannot wait for more. I am hooked on this badboy biggrin.gif

VercettiTheNiter
  • VercettiTheNiter

    The FunkyCodeMonkey

  • Members
  • Joined: 23 Jul 2009

#8

Posted 02 May 2010 - 05:05 PM

Wow this is one of the best things I have ever read on WD. A lot better than mine! Fantastic. I can't wait to read more cookie.gif

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#9

Posted 02 May 2010 - 06:27 PM

Thanks for the kind words smile.gif
I'll keep this updated, hopefully very regularly, so keep your eyes peeled! tounge.gif

@VercettiTheNiter, I'm sure you story's good. Could you PM me a link to it? I'll check it out later smile.gif

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#10

Posted 04 May 2010 - 02:22 AM

Story's been updated with a new chapter smile.gif

Edit: Oh c*ck it. Double post. Sorry. My brain's turned to mush. Bedtime i think!

Playstation_Loyalist
  • Playstation_Loyalist

    Life's short. Get over it, moron.

  • Members
  • Joined: 29 Nov 2008

#11

Posted 08 May 2010 - 12:32 PM

Nice GTA IV sequel! (is it?)

It is great, just a few grammatical errors and some not-so-important random stuffs, but overall, the concept is AWESOME. Keep it up!

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#12

Posted 08 May 2010 - 04:35 PM

thanks. I have notices some errors, most of which i though i had corrected, but I'll look through it when i upload the next chapter, which is on it's way tounge.gif

Thanks for the comment smile.gif

Rockwheels
  • Rockwheels

    PSN: Clueless_Muffin

  • Members
  • Joined: 06 Jul 2009
  • Canada

#13

Posted 09 May 2010 - 07:01 PM

Awesome Concept!
Keep IT UP!!!!!!
here have a cookie cookie.gif

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#14

Posted 09 May 2010 - 10:59 PM

thanks! The cookie was nice. Choc chip. My favorite!

New chapter is in progress...

xxcyylonexx
  • xxcyylonexx

    Snitch

  • Awaiting Authorisation
  • Joined: 17 Apr 2010

#15

Posted 17 May 2010 - 06:58 PM

QUOTE (Mokrie Dela @ May 9 2010, 22:59)
thanks! The cookie was nice. Choc chip. My favorite!

New chapter is in progress...

it would be cool if someone made a machinama out of this! i read the whole thing so far. pretty damn good. keep it up!

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#16

Posted 17 May 2010 - 08:17 PM

QUOTE (xxcyylonexx @ May 17 2010, 18:58)
QUOTE (Mokrie Dela @ May 9 2010, 22:59)
thanks! The cookie was nice. Choc chip. My favorite!

New chapter is in progress...

it would be cool if someone made a machinama out of this! i read the whole thing so far. pretty damn good. keep it up!

Hell yeah.
But i think this particular story will be better played inside your head tounge.gif

More chapters are in progress. The more interest and posts i get the quicker they will come! tounge.gif

nufc.neilo
  • nufc.neilo

    NufcNeilo

  • Members
  • Joined: 08 Jul 2004

#17

Posted 19 May 2010 - 04:50 PM

I'LL RIP YOUR f*ckING HEART OUT!

haha gotta love it, can't wait for more chapters! woo

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#18

Posted 21 May 2010 - 02:00 AM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 21 May 2010 - 08:13 PM.

Just a little bump to say, New chapter's up! Please comment with your thoughts, even if it's just to say you've read it! Any feedback is appreciated and any suggestions are welcome!

Thx for reading everyone smile.gif
cookie.gif cookie.gif

mrpain
  • mrpain

    wub wub

  • Zaibatsu
  • Joined: 15 Dec 2008

#19

Posted 21 May 2010 - 05:57 PM

JOHNNY IS DEAD?!?

Damn I really think you can come up with better chapters with him alive

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#20

Posted 21 May 2010 - 08:11 PM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 21 May 2010 - 08:15 PM.

QUOTE (mrpain @ May 21 2010, 17:57)
JOHNNY IS DEAD?!?

wink.gif
I got a couple of good ones in the works (at least in concept) Keep watching this space! tounge.gif

Edit:
Does anyone know what these are? They kept popping up in that post...

QUOTE
<!--SS--><!--SS--> <!--SC--> <!--EC--> <!--ES--> <!--ES-->

nufc.neilo
  • nufc.neilo

    NufcNeilo

  • Members
  • Joined: 08 Jul 2004

#21

Posted 23 May 2010 - 10:58 PM

Yay new chapters! You should include a random paragraph or something about Brucie and Mori again, those guys are funny bitches! Haha. Have a cookie! cookie.gif

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#22

Posted 25 May 2010 - 12:27 AM

Yay 2 pages!
thx. I'm trying to keep all the charecters true to how they were portrayed in IV, and to keep the R* humor too!

New chapter's on its way folks. WIP right now. Keep posting your thoughts and suggestions etc!
And most importantly, thanks for reading so far smile.gif I'll do my best to reward you biggrin.gif

LuisBellic
  • LuisBellic

    8 Balls

  • Members
  • Joined: 14 Apr 2010

#23

Posted 29 May 2010 - 08:53 AM

R.I.P Johnny

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#24

Posted 01 June 2010 - 02:14 AM

NEW CHAPTER'S UP FOLKS.

It's a slow chapter, but it contains two events that i really wanted to put over, and, although one's very subtle, they're both very important.

Some stats for you folks.

Eight chapters, 14,696 words (including titles), 1,268 lines of prose!

Thanks for reading so far. Sorry for such a long delay, i've been so obsessed with Red Dead, it's eaten up alot of my free time (and i'm only just into Mexico, but this isnt the RDR topic so enough on that). I'll try to keep the chapters coming regularly, but since i started i've scrapped 4 chapters (5, but one was redone), so i'm striving for quality over regularity.

Keep commenting with your thoughts and suggestions. If i get enough feedback i may follow through with my idea for a sequal/prequal/altern-qual... tounge.gif

MrcTOtheJ
  • MrcTOtheJ

    Cleaning the Trash since '94

  • Members
  • Joined: 30 Apr 2009
  • None

#25

Posted 07 June 2010 - 09:48 AM

Wow I am hooked can't wait for more. icon14.gif icon14.gif

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#26

Posted 07 June 2010 - 12:26 PM

thanks man. A little Bump here too - Ninth ( i think) Chapter's up smile.gif
Enjoy people. I'm about halfway through the story... Maybe 2 thirds.....

MrcTOtheJ
  • MrcTOtheJ

    Cleaning the Trash since '94

  • Members
  • Joined: 30 Apr 2009
  • None

#27

Posted 07 June 2010 - 09:55 PM

great new chapter can't wait for the next one. icon14.gif cookie.gif

nufc.neilo
  • nufc.neilo

    NufcNeilo

  • Members
  • Joined: 08 Jul 2004

#28

Posted 08 June 2010 - 02:20 PM

interesting to see where this is gonna end up! smile.gif

Ziggy455
  • Ziggy455

    The vulgar, Irish, writer!

  • Members
  • Joined: 02 May 2007
  • United-Kingdom
  • Contribution Award [Expression]

#29

Posted 12 June 2010 - 12:24 PM

There's only a few teeny tiny grammatical mistakes but the story is awesome in itself smile.gif I do think GTA IV spin-offs are awesome because there's so many ways you can go with them. I mean with all of IV's plotholes and such (Not intending that to mean it's a bad thing that there are alot of plot holes.) The story is good as well.

R.I.P Johhny cool.gif

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
  • None
  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#30

Posted 13 June 2010 - 01:50 AM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 20 June 2010 - 02:07 PM.

QUOTE (Ziggy455 @ Jun 12 2010, 12:24)
There's only a few teeny tiny grammatical mistakes but the story is awesome in itself smile.gif I do think GTA IV spin-offs are awesome because there's so many ways you can go with them. I mean with all of IV's plotholes and such (Not intending that to mean it's a bad thing that there are alot of plot holes.) The story is good as well.

R.I.P Johhny  cool.gif

Chapter 8 - Homecoming reveals that Johnny's not dead...

Thank you for the feedback - I concede there are several grammatical and spelling errors. You'll be amazed how many fully published books are littered with the same (One of the last 3 Splinter Cell books had LOADS in)

But thanks, keep reading, hope to have a new chapter up soon smile.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users