Quantcast

Jump to content

» «
Photo

The Precinct

1,218 replies to this topic
ArchKnight
  • ArchKnight

    Dodge Charger™

  • Members
  • Joined: 17 Jul 2013
  • United-Kingdom

#781

Posted 18 April 2014 - 05:50 PM

We never left. We are a group of silent guardians... watchful protectors... Hot Cops!

You mean, the shadows?
Spoiler
  • Moonshield, Voodoo and Rewas514 like this

Sauron
  • Sauron

    chillin' like a mega villain

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 07 Jul 2002

#782

Posted 18 April 2014 - 06:54 PM

We live our lives like candles in the wind.


Voodoo
  • Voodoo

    Cyclop have 9 years

  • Moderator
  • Joined: 14 Nov 2004
  • Unknown
  • Contribution Award [GTAF]

#783

Posted 18 April 2014 - 07:49 PM

KP21ajN.png

 

Great turnout for last night's meetup, guys!

  • Moonshield, AndyGanteks and theadmiral like this

Sauron
  • Sauron

    chillin' like a mega villain

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 07 Jul 2002

#784

Posted 18 April 2014 - 09:09 PM Edited by Sauron, 18 April 2014 - 09:10 PM.

Alright bros, so last week I was staying in a hostel and I had two things stolen from my bag. First up my cologne, someone stole my delicious smelling cologne. I could live with that, but the second thievery was a little more mystifying and disturbing. They stole my motherf*cking roll on deodorant. What kind of sick f*ck steals roll on deodarant. I can picture him now, sniffing my arm pit, deodorant and sucking on my under arm pubes. There are some sick people out there cadets, tread lightly.

 

ed: Why is my post in a white box? WHY!?


WHAT!?
  • WHAT!?

    A. f*ck

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 23 Aug 2002
  • United-States

#785

Posted 18 April 2014 - 09:58 PM

I'm leaving this everywhere today.

 

 

I should be online Saturday... at some point.


Sauron
  • Sauron

    chillin' like a mega villain

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 07 Jul 2002

#786

Posted 19 April 2014 - 10:41 AM

I just want you guys to know I will never be online EVER! But, I am here to chat and console you guys if you ever need to talk about anything, and I mean ANYTHING!

  • WHAT!? likes this

WHAT!?
  • WHAT!?

    A. f*ck

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 23 Aug 2002
  • United-States

#787

Posted 19 April 2014 - 12:43 PM

Dear Sauron,

Women didn't appreciate me when I was in high school. This has prevented me from seeking meaningful relationships since deep down I just want to feel wanted. I've been sleeping with hookers and I drink a lot. I don't want to live this life anymore, what should I do?

Sauron
  • Sauron

    chillin' like a mega villain

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 07 Jul 2002

#788

Posted 19 April 2014 - 01:16 PM

I've got your back on this one bro, I've read the game TWICE. First thing you gotta do is work on your confidence and throw on some nice clothes. I'd recommend some skinny jeans and a plain white shirt. Now it's time to turn your drinking to your advantage hit the bar and start approaching every girl you see. Be a motherf*cking hornet attacking it's prey. Open those bitches by asking for some opinions, do girls or boys lie more? do blondes have more fun? By now they should start to feel comfortable around you, find some things out about them and feel free to drop some of your own knowledge at this point or a roofie and you're on. Game, set, match, you're the man. Next!


Harley
  • Harley

    Cyclop 9

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 18 Jul 2003
  • None

#789

Posted 19 April 2014 - 01:29 PM

Dear Sauron,

The ring came off my pudding can
  • VideoPoker and TEoS like this

Sauron
  • Sauron

    chillin' like a mega villain

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 07 Jul 2002

#790

Posted 19 April 2014 - 01:36 PM

Okay Harley, this is a sign from God. And by god I mean the ruler of Middle Earth and your saviour myself. You were not meant to possess the one ring similar to that short little f*cking fat hobbit Frodo and you were certainly not meant to devour the contents of that can. Do not eat the pudding whatever you do, your heart, your arteries, your waistband and most importantly your anus will thank you. Next!


Voodoo
  • Voodoo

    Cyclop have 9 years

  • Moderator
  • Joined: 14 Nov 2004
  • Unknown
  • Contribution Award [GTAF]

#791

Posted 19 April 2014 - 02:11 PM

Dear Sauron,

 

My dog has a severe flatulence problem, so much so that it's difficult to be in the same room with him for longer than five minutes. I'm so stressed out and I just don't know what to do. Last week, I finally convinced my co-worker Lisa (Pisces) to join me for an evening of Stratego ($12.99 at Target) at my place. Gordo, my dog (Cancer), was busy sniffing crotches under the card table when a terrible odor began to permeate the room. I was mortified! I love my dog and would not want to embarrass him in mixed company so I took credit for the stench. Needless to say, Lisa was less than impressed and the fancy ($11 at Piggly Wiggly) bottle of pinot noir that I had stashed away for post-coitus refreshment had to go to waste.

 

Gordo will only eat Hormel Mini Corn Dogs ($5/dozen at Safeway). When I attempted to feed him an off brand ($3/dozen at Walmart) he nearly bit half of my face off. I don't think his diet is the problem though. What should I do?

  • Moonshield likes this

Daz
  • Daz

    Pirandello/Kruger

  • Feroci Racing
  • Joined: 09 Dec 2001
  • None

#792

Posted 19 April 2014 - 02:30 PM

Well well well, what have we here?

  • The Leviathan likes this

Sauron
  • Sauron

    chillin' like a mega villain

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 07 Jul 2002

#793

Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:41 PM

Alright Voodoo sounds like a tough situation but here's the thing, Gordo is your dog, you are his master. Gordo needs a firm hand, an iron hand even a GOLD HAND, similar to Jamie Lannister. Don't be taking no sh*t, give him a 20 minute window to eat his food, if he doesn't deliver then starve that motherf*cker like Joseph Fritzel and his daughters. He'll learn his lesson and then he'll be lapping up whatever you give him, sh*t he'll be pumped for some Taco Bell when you are done with him. Now when a potential mate moves into your territory kick his stinky ass outside, you don't want him humping your leg and embarrassing you in front of your woman. It's all about tough love motherf*cker and Gordo will love you more for it. Next!


WHAT!?
  • WHAT!?

    A. f*ck

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 23 Aug 2002
  • United-States

#794

Posted 22 April 2014 - 06:44 PM

I've got your back on this one bro, I've read the game TWICE. First thing you gotta do is work on your confidence and throw on some nice clothes. I'd recommend some skinny jeans and a plain white shirt. Now it's time to turn your drinking to your advantage hit the bar and start approaching every girl you see. Be a motherf*cking hornet attacking it's prey. Open those bitches by asking for some opinions, do girls or boys lie more? do blondes have more fun? By now they should start to feel comfortable around you, find some things out about them and feel free to drop some of your own knowledge at this point or a roofie and you're on. Game, set, match, you're the man. Next!

So, I tried your advice. I put on a plain white tee and rolled a pack of Marlboro's into the sleeve (for extra cool points). Then I went to the bar and started betting girls I could pick their shot of choice, if I could or couldn't it didn't matter, they were taking insane amounts of whatever I whipped up! Once their speech started to slur I didn't even have to put together intelligible sentences. I'd just say sh*t like "you is what pretty be" then I'd knock out her sober friend and drag her off! It really is too easy! Even with the jail time, I feel like I've really found myself!

 

THANKS SAURON!

 

ocydeEh.jpg

Truly yours,

H.R. WHATENSHTIENER.


Harley
  • Harley

    Cyclop 9

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 18 Jul 2003
  • None

#795

Posted 24 April 2014 - 07:19 AM

Dear Sauron,

I haven't eaten in four days and I am wasting away fast. I lost a toe yesterday.
Following your advice I abandoned the pudding can and any other puddings in my household. Unfortunately I live in a small town that is very focused on pudding. There really isn't much else sold in our stores. In fact my state is in the center of the famous 'Dessert Belt'.
Now I've heard of some neighbours getting hold of turnips by special order, but they don't come cheap.

Should I go back to eating 42 cans of the devil pudding a day or do I try and score some turnips? How do turnips taste? Are they sold in a can?

Rewas514
  • Rewas514

    Derp™

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 14 Aug 2010
  • Lithuania
  • Best Snapmatic [Scenery] 2013

#796

Posted 24 April 2014 - 03:46 PM

So this is how Heaven looks like.


WHAT!?
  • WHAT!?

    A. f*ck

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 23 Aug 2002
  • United-States

#797

Posted 25 April 2014 - 02:26 PM

So this is how Heaven looks like.

sMKGjL2.jpg

It is doe.


Voodoo
  • Voodoo

    Cyclop have 9 years

  • Moderator
  • Joined: 14 Nov 2004
  • Unknown
  • Contribution Award [GTAF]

#798

Posted 25 April 2014 - 10:48 PM

gZyJZ3a.jpg

 

Nupe.

  • WHAT!? and The Leviathan like this

The Leviathan
  • The Leviathan

    Goof the floof.

  • Members
  • Joined: 31 Jul 2006
  • United-States
  • Best Contributor [Movies & TV] 2012
    Best Writer 2012
    Story of the Year 2012 "Grand Theft Auto V"
    Best Concept Story 2012 "The Story of Albert de Silva"

#799

Posted 26 April 2014 - 04:28 PM

May I come in?


Ciaran
  • Ciaran

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 10 Sep 2012
  • Ireland
  • Contribution Award [GTA Online]

#800

Posted 26 April 2014 - 04:31 PM

May I come in?


No.
  • Daz and The Leviathan like this

johnson.
  • johnson.

    OGbobby

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 26 Dec 2003
  • Canada

#801

Posted 27 April 2014 - 01:42 AM

Wow what a great audience

Voodoo
  • Voodoo

    Cyclop have 9 years

  • Moderator
  • Joined: 14 Nov 2004
  • Unknown
  • Contribution Award [GTAF]

#802

Posted 27 April 2014 - 01:28 PM

AAvhn4g.gif

 

Don't forget, jazz dance class at 3pm GMT today, guys.


Ciaran
  • Ciaran

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 10 Sep 2012
  • Ireland
  • Contribution Award [GTA Online]

#803

Posted 27 April 2014 - 01:35 PM

Sweeeet thanks for the reminder.

Myron
  • Myron

    I shot Reagan

  • Members
  • Joined: 18 Oct 2013
  • Palestine

#804

Posted 27 April 2014 - 02:02 PM

Now that Voodoo and I are friends I feel I can post in here.

  • Moonshield likes this

Witchking-J-F
  • Witchking-J-F

    Ghetto Star

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 01 Sep 2002

#805

Posted 27 April 2014 - 03:05 PM

You could not be more wrong about that.

  • Moonshield likes this

Myron
  • Myron

    I shot Reagan

  • Members
  • Joined: 18 Oct 2013
  • Palestine

#806

Posted 27 April 2014 - 03:52 PM

You could not be more wrong about that.

aCd7M.jpg

Thanks Kalvin <3


Witchking-J-F
  • Witchking-J-F

    Ghetto Star

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 01 Sep 2002

#807

Posted 27 April 2014 - 04:08 PM Edited by Witchking-J-F, 27 April 2014 - 04:12 PM.

igg97MQ.gif

Edit - funny gifs aside, you are terrible, get out and stay out.

  • Sauron likes this

Viiision
  • Viiision

  • Members
  • Joined: 23 Apr 2014
  • None

#808

Posted 27 April 2014 - 04:14 PM Edited by Viiision, 27 April 2014 - 04:18 PM.

.


Myron
  • Myron

    I shot Reagan

  • Members
  • Joined: 18 Oct 2013
  • Palestine

#809

Posted 27 April 2014 - 04:16 PM

igg97MQ.gif

Edit - funny gifs aside, you are terrible, get out and stay out.

gif isn't funny bro.


Ciaran
  • Ciaran

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 10 Sep 2012
  • Ireland
  • Contribution Award [GTA Online]

#810

Posted 27 April 2014 - 04:16 PM Edited by Ciaran, 27 April 2014 - 04:16 PM.

Can I become a precinct?


What's a precinct?




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users