Posted 22 April 2012 - 12:04 PM
I haven't been this critical in a while... here goes.
Wow, what a brilliant, brilliant idea The Bar is. Seriously. It's a great concept, and I was looking forward to taking part myself. Until I read the first part. And then the second. And then the further down the page I got, the more I honestly had to restrain full on laughter.
I'm not just talking about the AceRay/Typhus situation. Although that's the best part. Honestly? The single best character in the entire thing so far, killed off immediately, for no reason? I'm with Typhus on that. Absolutely pathetic. What's the point? And the time travel thing to go back and fix it? Honestly? That's even worse.
But as I say, it's not just that. The opening has a guy being chased down by helicopters, by masses of police. Really? So we're actually in a GTA game, are we? Did he hit a pay n spray just outside the bar and everything became fine again? Bleh.
Oh, and everyone's a badass. We're mixed up in the crime wars of Italian mob families. Honest to f*cking god. I'm blown away by how original this all is.
But the worst part? There's just no awareness. Yeah, I get it, it's all experimental, it's all for fun. But something like this only works if there's both respect and awareness of the other participants and the other characters. I'm not just talking about killing one of the other characters off for no reason. I mean actually writing their character in the way their character would act. Zilcho paints his character, Nero, as a controlling, intelligent manipulator. In Ziggy's return, he's suddenly playing second fiddle to the badass gangster Lynch. He quivers and asks if the guy is dead. He uses such brilliant dialogue as 'asswipe'.
This is a brilliant idea, that can be not only fun but a way to experiment with styles; picking up how another character acts and trying to remain consistent. And yet... nothing. It's all just a tacky roleplay that has, before it leaves page one, got itself into time-loops and nonsense.
Do none of you know how to tell a story?