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GTA Majestic City

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Chunk
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#1

Posted 16 April 2009 - 12:00 AM Edited by Chunk, 17 April 2009 - 09:51 PM.

Rockstar Games Presents
user posted image


STORY
    James "Jimmy" Thatcher was born and raised in Majestic City, the jewel in the crown of the British Empire. At age twenty-four, however, he decided to leave Majestic City and head for Liberty City in search of a better life. He found that, living it up in Liberty with fast cars and loose women. Now, five years later, he has been forced to return home.

    Upon arriving in Majestic City he soon discovers that the city he grew-up in has changed drastically. He searches out the one man who can help him, his father; Robert "Bob" Thatcher, a notorious member of The East-End Firm. Majestic's oldest and once most powerful gang.

    It seems Bob wasn't as happy about Jimmy's departure as he originally thought. Originally showing cold feelings towards his wayward son, Bob offers him the chance to earn back his respect by working for him. Jimmy soon learns that life isn't as easy as it is in Liberty City.

    Forced to work his way back to the top, Jimmy soon learns that his sudden reappearance isn't the only problem on his father's mind. It seems a recent wave of immigration has brought with it a new wave of criminals, people who do not follow the same rules and regulations set down by the Cockney Gangsters of old.
CHARACTERS
    James "Jimmy" Thatcher
    The 29 year-old protagonist and former Liberty City playboy. Jimmy grew up on the streets of Majestic City and learned to defend himself the hard way. He's a trained boxer and can throw a punch with ease. Cocky and arrogant, Jimmy is no longer use to the tough life, finding it far from the fast cars and loose women of Liberty City.

    Robert "Bob" Thatcher
    The 57 year-old father of Jimmy Thatcher. Bob is a notorious mobster from the olden days and one of the top men in Maurice Caine's East-End Firm.

    Timothy Brent
    Jimmy's childhood friend, Timothy is a low-level member of the East-End Firm. He is often picked on by the other members of the gang and has turned to heroin as a way to console himself. Jimmy vows to get Timothy off the stuff and turn his life around. Timothy will be an important part of the story. He is the Lance to your Tommy.

    Maurice Caine
    The leader of the East-End Firm, Maurice is a feared and respected gangster. He led the Firm to power during the late sixties. Maurice is the only person more powerful than Bob Thatcher and he has the battle scars to prove it.

    Sam Archer
    The East-End Firm's resident gun runner. He will teach Jimmy the ropes when it comes to firearms. Sam uses him too steal weapons early on in order to fund the East-End Firm's war against the ethnic gangs that has flooded into Majestic City.

    Ben "Fists" Derrick
    An enforcer in the East-End Firm. Jimmy works with him early on, not being trusted to complete missions on his own. Ben resents Jimmy, believing him to be a rich boy who's happened to stumbled into Majestic's east end crime scene.
GANGS
    Caine Firm
    Ran by Maurice Caine. The Caine Firm are the oldest, and once most powerful, organization in the Majestic City underworld. Their criminal empire spread across the entire city but has since been reverted to a small area of land in the east-end. A recent wave of immigrant gangs has crippled the Caine Firm's empire. They are a dying breed of noble, respectable gangsters.

    The Caine Firm operate in extortion, robbery, blackmail, money laundering and loan sharking. They also run several strip clubs in Harlot (Soho) as well as selling stolen and counterfeit goods out of their market stalls in the east-end. They are above dealing drugs, something which has caused them to loose power across the city.
More to come soon!
Written by Chunk and Jacky Fiend

Oxidizer
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#2

Posted 16 April 2009 - 12:13 AM

This looks promising. I eagerly await its first chapter!

Lochie_old
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#3

Posted 16 April 2009 - 12:20 AM

Haha, I should have seen this coming earlier. Might follow this one since GTA:SAS is already so far in and I can't be bothered catching up.

Indi
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#4

Posted 16 April 2009 - 12:27 AM

Great work so far Chunk, but I will add this. Not to barge in and change your story but, change Robert's nickname to something more not obvious. tounge.gif

mark-2007
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#5

Posted 16 April 2009 - 12:31 AM

This looks promising. Some nice characters and looks like a good start to the storyline. One thing I didn't like was the "He is the Lance to your Tommy." bit about Timothy, as it's a bit misleading, or a bit of a giveaway to the plot.

greebo-man
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#6

Posted 16 April 2009 - 11:11 AM

Lokking at the literary content, thumbs up, awesome, fab etc.

But did you have to make the logo in the same font as SA? That's just crazee hombre.

tomtom555
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#7

Posted 16 April 2009 - 12:40 PM

QUOTE (greebo-man @ Apr 16 2009, 11:11)
Lokking at the literary content, thumbs up, awesome, fab etc.

But did you have to make the logo in the same font as SA? That's just crazee hombre.

Yeah, I agree on both points there. Try and change the logo font to something other than SA. Also, the first paragraph of the story is very similar to the SA story because of the whole "Leaving home for Liberty City but to return again after 5 years" thing. Try and change that if you can wink.gif

But, other than that, this story looks to be fantastic and I can't wait for it's first chapter. icon14.gif

.AshRemains
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#8

Posted 16 April 2009 - 12:50 PM

I forward this notion icon14.gif

sam33
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#9

Posted 16 April 2009 - 02:51 PM

Nothing to say which hasnt already been said. Like others I eagerly anticipate this.

Chunk
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#10

Posted 16 April 2009 - 07:00 PM

Mission #1: Homecoming

A taxi passes the outside of Majestic Crown Airport, tourists wandering in and out. The cameras around their necks signal that they're in Majestic City to take pictures of the ever famous attractions, but one man hasn't got one around his neck. This man is James Jimmy Thatcher, who's finally come home after five years in Liberty City.

He takes a drag from the cigarette he has held in his hand, exhaling after a few seconds. Rain is falling from the sky, causing many of the pedestrians Jimmy sees to open up their umbrellas and begin to jog to their destination. Jimmy had a destination, but first he needs Tim to show up.

Jimmy tosses the fag to the ground and stubs it out with his white trainer. He looks up from the scattered ash on the ground and sees a blue Stallion turn into the airport pick-up zone. This was the car Timothy said he'd turn up in, so Jimmy picks his suitcase and makes his way over to it. Inside the car was indeed his pick-up, Timothy Brent.

Timothy pops out of the car and runs over to Jimmy, hugging him as he reaches him.


Timothy: Jimmy! Jesus Christ, is it really you?
Jimmy: 'Course it's me! Who else would hug an arsehole like you?

Timothy lets go of Jimmy and looks at him with an annoyed look.

Timothy: Shut the f*ck up!
Jimmy: Come on mate. You don't really think if I thought you were an arsehole I'd hang around with you since we were bloody kids!
Timothy: Five years Jimmy. Five f*ckin' years you've been away! Don't think you can just come back to town and call me a f*ckin' arsehole!
Jimmy: Jesus mate, you need to calm down. You're swearing like a bloody priest on Sunday.

Timothy let out a sigh and looks up at the sky, rain pouring down on his face. After a few seconds he looks down at Jimmy again.

Timothy: I'm sorry mate. I'm acting a twat. Listen, we can't chit-chat out here in the pishin' rain, where do ya want to go?
Jimmy: The Bulldog I guess. I ain't got f*ck all else to go.
Timothy: Sure mate, sure. But you're gonna have to drive yourself there.
Jimmy: You're jokin', right?
Timothy: Why would I be jokin'?
Jimmy: Well, it's your car! You're the one who came to pick me up! Now I have to drive?!
Timothy: Exactly.
Jimmy: Bloody hell, gimme the keys.

Timothy tosses Jimmy a pair of keys, which he catches in the hand that isn't holding his suitcase.

Jimmy: Let's go.
Timothy: Dead on mate, dead on.
Jimmy: What?
Timothy: Jesus, five years away and you've forgotten the lingo. You need to grasp the good old Britsh culture again, get that Liberty sh*thole out of your head.
Jimmy: It wasn't that bad.
Timothy: Yeah, and a nun's fanny is as loose as a wizard's sleeve.
Jimmy: Sarcastic c*nt.

The two get into the Stallion and you are now in control.

You are now Jimmy. In the bottom left corner is your minimap, use this to navigate to your desired destination. On your minimap, a dog's head is marked on. Follow the blue line on your minimap to get to the dog's head, which represents the Bulldog.

Press LT to reverse and press RT to accelerate. A is the handbrake. Now drive to the Bulldog.

As the car begins to move, a conversation between Jimmy and Timothy begins.

Timothy: So, what made you leave the metropolis they call Liberty City then eh?
Jimmy: sh*t happened. Had to leave.
Timothy: And what was this sh*t?
Jimmy: Just sh*t. Anyway, what about this dump? Anything happen?
Timothy: Huh, where do ya start?
Jimmy: At the beginning maybe?
Timothy: Cheeky git.
Jimmy: Seriously though, tell me.
Timothy: Look, I'm not the person to ask mate. You'd be better asking your dad. Speaking of your dad, here we are, The Bulldog!

Stop in the blue marker and wait for a cutscene to trigger.

Jimmy gets out of the car and Timothy moves over to the driver's seat.

Timothy: You seemed to handle driving on the other side of the road pretty well. I expected you to knock over some old granny or something.
Jimmy: I try. Anyway, where are you off to now?
Timothy: I got some er... business to attend to. I'll see you around mate.
Jimmy: See you around arsehole.

Timothy drives off as Jimmy turns around, suitcase in hand, and looks up at The Bulldog. He proceeds to walk through the door ad finds the pub in complete darkness. He places his hand all over the wall and manages to find a switch, turning on the lights. Jimmy looks around and sees a man coming down the stairs through the bar door. The man is in his dressing gown and once he sees the lights on, runs through and without looking at Jimmy, grabs a shotgun from under the bar.

Man: f*cking little c*nt! How dare you bust into my pub!

The man takes his gun and looks over the bar, pointing it at Jimmy, who is standing there with his hands up.

Jimmy: What the f*ck? Dad, it's me, Jimmy!

Bob: Jimmy?

The man, Jimmy's father Robert Bob Thatcher, puts the shotgun down and walks over to Jimmy. He grabs Jimmy by the scruff of the neck and pins him up against the wall.

Bob: What the f*ck are you doing here?
Jimmy: Jeez dad, I thought you would of been happy to see me!
Bob: Happy? Happy! After you abandoned me in search of greener pastures while I was left here rotting away in the arse crack of Britain?
Jimmy: Dad, you don't under stan-
Bob: I don't want to hear it Jimmy. What do you want? I'm guessing you want some money.
Jimmy: I just need a place to stay... and some work?
Bob: Work? You think I'd want you to work for me?
Jimmy: Just until I get back on my feet.

Bob lets go of Jimmy, causing him to fall to the floor in a heap below Bob. He walks away from his son, keeping his back turned. He lets out a heavy sigh.

Bob: You can stay in the spare room upstairs. It's not very big, but then again you don't deserve much better.
Jimmy: Thanks dad, you're so kind.
Bob: Don't give me that sh*t boy. I'm not in the mood for your cocky attitude.
Jimmy: You know you love me really.
Bob: You're just lucky you came out of my wife... If you want some work, come back in the morning. I'll see what I can do.

You are now in control of Jimmy again. There is a yellow marker by the door at the other side of the room. Walk into it to enter your safehouse.

When upstairs you will be shown around your safehouse, as well as the different features. Once the cutscene is complete walk over to your bed and save your game.

Mission Accomplished:
No Reward

tomtom555
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#11

Posted 16 April 2009 - 07:16 PM

I'm impressed by the dialogue. Some bits made me laugh tounge.gif . It all sounds good so far. Keep it up, Chunk and JF icon14.gif

Jordy.
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#12

Posted 16 April 2009 - 07:36 PM

The dialogue, like Tom said, is very impressive and realistic! The pub being the safehouse seems very british indeed.

The only thing that concerns me is Jimmy as a character. He doesn't appear to be the kind of 'psycho' that would be suitable for a GTA protagonist. All other GTA characters had something about them that gives reasons for stealing cars, killing innocents and fighting the cops (and not just for missions, I mean when free roaming).

I also noticed some similarities between this piece and past GTA scenes..


"Cocky and arrogant, Jimmy is no longer use to the tough life, finding it far from the fast cars and loose women of Liberty City."
- Huang Lee from Chinatown Wars is like this. He's cocky, arrogant and is used to an easy life as 'a spoilt brat'.

Jimmy reminds me of Tommy, which is ironic because this game is meant to be following IV no doubt, just like Tommy in VC followed III, know what I'm getting at?

"Timothy pops out of the car and runs over to Jimmy, hugging him as he reaches him."

How about:

"Roman pops out the car and runs over to Niko, hugging him as he reaches him."

Sound familiar? wink.gif

"Now, five years later, he has been forced to return home."

Kind of like Carl Johnson, he went to Liberty City for 5 years before coming back also. Only difference is that CJ wasn't 'forced' to return.

And the first mission, pretty much the same as the first mission of IV, drive with Roman (in this case, Timothy) to your safehouse.

Were those deliberate? Nice job anyways! icon14.gif

Omnia sunt Communia
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#13

Posted 16 April 2009 - 07:41 PM

There isn't much we can do with the first mission. We're not going to make it an all-out blood bath because that's not the way GTA is done. I understand that there are similarities between our characters and previous GTA characters; but it's possible to do that, no matter how unique we think we've made them.

Thank you for your thoughts, however.

Craig
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#14

Posted 16 April 2009 - 07:47 PM

I'm going to reserve any real criticism because you're only the one mission in, and it doesn't really give me much to say towards it; you're so early on in, so I haven't seen all that much chemistry between the two in a real mission yet, so I'll wait and see.

However, I am interested in how you and Matty split the writing, Kaden. Do you brainstorm sentences of narration and dialogue and see what feels right and works for you both? Or do you have a system? Because it will be interesting to see differences in styles.

Indi
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#15

Posted 16 April 2009 - 07:52 PM

Nice work again Jackey and Chunk! Excellent dialog and well written up, some bits were funny like:

"Man: f*cking little c*nt! How dare you bust into my pub!" That was f*cking hilarious.

Keep it up!

Omnia sunt Communia
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#16

Posted 16 April 2009 - 07:53 PM

Good question Craig.

Mission #1 was a joint effort written by both me and Chunk Matty. He wrote the script up until where Jimmy enters The Bulldog. Everything after that is pretty much all me. We then swapped the completed scripts between each other, fixing mistakes and changing things we didn't like. Then it came back to me and I formatted it ready for Chunk Matty to post it.

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#17

Posted 16 April 2009 - 07:56 PM

Nicely written, good description by both of you, looking forward to the next installment. It's nice to see a new gamescript up on WD, haven't been enticed by one since Will's and Tony's. icon14.gif

.AshRemains
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#18

Posted 16 April 2009 - 08:37 PM

^ This, keep up the good work etcetera icon14.gif



There you go Chunk, a post!

VCRules86
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#19

Posted 16 April 2009 - 08:42 PM

Nice opening Chunk. The dialogue was hilarious. You did a good job of writing the contempt the others guys had for Jimmy after his return after being away for 5 years, well written overall. Keep it up.

Oxidizer
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#20

Posted 16 April 2009 - 09:07 PM

Not too bad.

One thing I would suggest is to write this as a script/narrative hybrid; as when it's just dialogue like this, it's next to impossible to actually connect to and feel for the characters and the story they're telling. That's the main gripe I have with these type of stories.

For example:
QUOTE
"Seriously though, tell me," Jimmy said sincerely.

"Look," Timothy sighed, "I'm not the person to ask mate."


It's a crappy example, granted, mostly because I don't know your characters or how they're expressing themselves then they talk, but giving them a little bit of a personality would help people to actually care about the story.

Another thing about this mostly being structured on dialogue is that that's the first and main thing you see when reading a chapter; including when characters say something that might come off as being falsed. Again, I don't know your characters, so maybe they are being realistic and true to themselves, but going by the dialogue alone it's not as engaging as it ought to be.

Obviously I don't mean any of this in a negative way, I genuinely like the concept of this story, it's just these are the things that I find make reading gamescripts a bit of a challenge.

Davo the Assassin
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#21

Posted 16 April 2009 - 09:35 PM

I was forced to comment!

Good stuff, I like smile.gif . Await more!

Eminence
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#22

Posted 16 April 2009 - 10:16 PM

In the passages describing the action, you keep switching between past and present tense.

Have yet to judge the dialogue properly.

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#23

Posted 16 April 2009 - 10:39 PM

Mmm, nice. Definitely interesting as it is and I would want to see where this goes. Love the dialogue and can't wait for the more anticipating missions.

Omnia sunt Communia
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#24

Posted 16 April 2009 - 10:41 PM

QUOTE (Eminence @ Apr 16 2009, 23:16)
In the passages describing the action, you keep switching between past and present tense.

Have yet to judge the dialogue properly.

I noticed then when I read through it the third or fourth time. I think that's a result of having two writers working on the same piece. Me and Matty need to work on organizing our writing styles a little more.

Can't wait to hear your thoughts Phil. smile.gif

The Unvirginiser
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#25

Posted 17 April 2009 - 01:19 AM

Kaden is your name? I learnt something today.

This is looking promosing. Personally, I wouldn't burden myself with the obvious problems that co-wriitng brings with it. Make sure you've got this thing planned out right, you've got off to a great start. I'm gonna' hold back critisicm until we get a real mission going.

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#26

Posted 17 April 2009 - 12:09 PM

I like it :thumbup:

Good humour too.

c3poh
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#27

Posted 17 April 2009 - 12:43 PM

nice ideas, should be a next topic

Craig
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#28

Posted 17 April 2009 - 12:47 PM

QUOTE (c3poh @ Apr 17 2009, 13:43)
nice ideas, should be a next topic

Just for the record, it is.

DemonKing
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#29

Posted 17 April 2009 - 09:59 PM

Nice introduction chunk, I like the flow of things, keep up the good work. icon14.gif

Mafioso86
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#30

Posted 17 April 2009 - 10:11 PM

I've been following the post Jacky made over in the GTA NeXt area and finally got around to checking this out... brilliant guys. The only problem is that I'm f*cking pissed that I'll never actually get to play this game... go break into R* and force them to make it lol.




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