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The Joke Thread

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Star-Lord
  • Star-Lord

    Dance-Off, Bro. Me and you.

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#2461

Posted A week ago

How did the chicken cross the road?

 

Spoiler

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Donatello
  • Donatello

    Anyone for stickball? I've got a stick. You be the ball.

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#2462

Posted A week ago

A man is in a terrible car accident where he lost his left arm and left leg.


He's allright now.
  • GrudgefromSanAndreas likes this

Evil empire
  • Evil empire

    Homie

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#2463

Posted A week ago

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd. 

 

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"

 

Trump replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"

 

So the Pope slaps Trump.

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Neon_Dreaming
  • Neon_Dreaming

    __________

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#2464

Posted A week ago

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the canaries."

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

You cant tell me thats just a coincidence.


The Spice Girls song 'When two becomes one" is actually about the clocks going back.


Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween
They don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.
  • Crokey, Evil empire and GrudgefromSanAndreas like this

Star-Lord
  • Star-Lord

    Dance-Off, Bro. Me and you.

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  • Joined: 26 Dec 2005
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#2465

Posted 5 days ago

Two elephants meet a totally naked guy in the jungle. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
--------------------------------

When my girlfriend starts arguing I always go out and do some yard work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
-------------------------------

6 p.m. I get a text from my girlfriend: Me or Hockey?!

2 a.m. I text her back: You of course.
---------------------------------------

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we please change the topic?

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Femme Fatale
  • Femme Fatale

    prettier n nastier

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#2466

Posted 4 days ago

My doctor told me to stop masturbating, when I asked why, he replied "Because I am examining you".

 

"Mom, did you want a daughter, or a son?"

"I wanted to f*ck."

 

"He kisses me so much, that my lips burn!"

"Does it hurt when you talk?"

"No, but it does when I walk."

 

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

Spoiler

 

 


Star-Lord
  • Star-Lord

    Dance-Off, Bro. Me and you.

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  • Joined: 26 Dec 2005
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#2467

Posted 4 days ago Edited by Star-Lord, 4 days ago.

Fart when people hug you it makes them feel like the Hulk.

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3 Drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

--------

I was in the public restroom
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (unsteady) "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Ummm, Im trying to take a dump."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "Heeeeell nooooo!, I'm a little occupied right nooow!!" (Plop) (Straining) (Plop) swoosh!
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!





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