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The Joke Thread

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Neon_Dreaming
  • Neon_Dreaming

    __________

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#2371

Posted 4 days ago

How do you milk sheep?

Release another iPhone


One for the Trekkies

How many ears did Captain Kirk have?

Three.

The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.
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Evil-Empire
  • Evil-Empire

    Thug

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#2372

Posted 4 days ago Edited by Evil-Empire, 4 days ago.

Why did the cop sit on the toilet?
 
To do his duty.
 
 
How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 
None they just beat the room for being black.
 
 
Why did the cops go to the baseball game?
 
Because they heard someone was stealing a base.
 
 
Why was the police officer sleeping on the job?
 
He was under cover.
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Street Mix
  • Street Mix

    The Infidel

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#2373

Posted 3 days ago Edited by Street Mix, 3 days ago.

A wife is like a hand grenade.
Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
 
 
As I stood at the bus stop having a smoke, I was surprised to see the bus leaving before its scheduled time.
I could've sworn I put the f**king handbrake on.
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Achlys
  • Achlys

    I Can Tell You're Curious, It's Written On Your Lips

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#2374

Posted 3 days ago

One guy asks another guy:
-"Did you f*ck your boyfriend before, or after you married him?"
-"After, what about you?"
-"Before, but I didn't know he was going to marry you."

Why do single men buy six condoms, and married men twelve?
Because the bachelor f*cks once on Thursday, once on Friday, and twice on Saturday and Sunday.
And the married guy?
One condom for January, one for February, one for March...
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Street Mix
  • Street Mix

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#2375

Posted A day ago

I hate people who take drugs.
 
Mainly customs officers.
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Evil-Empire
  • Evil-Empire

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#2376

Posted 22 hours ago

Q: What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?
 
A: Stays awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog.
 
 
Q: How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
 
A: Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god did it.
 
 
Q: How many creationists does it take to change a light bulb?
 
A: None! They've invented torches!
 
 
If money is the root of all evil, then why do they ask for it in church?
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Donatello
  • Donatello

    Anyone for stickball? I've got a stick. You be the ball.

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#2377

Posted 19 hours ago Edited by Donatello, 19 hours ago.

You know the best part about being half-black and half-white?

Spoiler
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