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The Joke Thread

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H52VERGR52VER
  • H52VERGR52VER

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#2191

Posted 3 weeks ago

^ Going further;
 
The US Electoral System.


Oh god... lol don't even get me started on that. BIGGEST JOKE EVER!

Khephera_87_GER
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#2192

Posted 3 weeks ago

According to BackWordz, Trump is the troll of the century:
5wi3d0.jpg
Tweet: https://twitter.com/...604146984738817

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H52VERGR52VER
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#2193

Posted 3 weeks ago

According to BackWordz, Trump is the troll of the century:
5wi3d0.jpg
Tweet: https://twitter.com/...604146984738817


Uhh... where is this russell character located? I need latitude and longitude figures.
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DERGaming
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#2194

Posted 3 weeks ago

According to BackWordz, Trump is the troll of the century:5wi3d0.jpg
Tweet: https://twitter.com/...604146984738817


Uhh... where is this russell character located? I need latitude and longitude figures.

37.0902° N, 95.7129° W
  • H52VERGR52VER likes this

Khephera_87_GER
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    Taxation is theft :)

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#2195

Posted 3 weeks ago

 

According to BackWordz, Trump is the troll of the century:
5wi3d0.jpg
Tweet: https://twitter.com/...604146984738817


Uhh... where is this russell character located? I need latitude and longitude figures.

 

xD
I'm not going to advocate lynching here, but yeah, y'all now know who is to blame^^

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AlienTwo
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#2196

Posted 3 weeks ago

Come on, people, this isn't a circle-jerk chat thread, get back to the jokes. And looking back on the last few "jokes..." put some effort into them, ok? I get there's some low-hanging fruit here, but at least f*cking try .
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DERGaming
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#2197

Posted 3 weeks ago

I thought it would be funny if they made a game so easy that if you jump it does 50 damage and if you do a backflip he surrenders.

Polaco
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#2198

Posted 3 weeks ago

Come on, people, this isn't a circle-jerk chat thread, get back to the jokes. And looking back on the last few "jokes..." put some effort into them, ok? I get there's some low-hanging fruit here, but at least f*cking try .

Ok, a great joke for you:

 

Trust Polls, they are 100% accurate.

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Street Mix
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#2199

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by Street Mix, 2 weeks ago.

20 Reasons Video Games are Better than Sex
 
You can play with three different partners at once
No one gets made when you play 5 different games in one day
Foreplay only lasts as long as the loading screen
It’s ok to play by yourself
You can play video games for 6 hours straight
And still not break a sweat
If you’re having trouble with a game your friend can come over and show you how it’s done
A fresh video game can fall into your lap every week
Anyone can pick up a controller and score
You can pause a video game
And you can reload from a save when you mess up
Everyone’s console is the same size
You don’t have to worry about your health when you pick up a used copy
It’s easy to find someone to do it with
You can brag to your friends about your best score, even when your girlfriend is around
You can return any game you don’t like it, no questions asked
There is no fear of a video game taking advantage of you
You can eat and drink in the middle of a session
Playing the same video game every day doesn’t make you clingy
You can borrow your friends new game as long as you return it
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Neon_Dreaming
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#2200

Posted 2 weeks ago

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?'

George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes off.'

'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the Doctor calls George's wife. 'Ethel,' he says, 'George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! The light goes off?'

'Oh my God!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's pissing in the f***ing fridge again!




Im at the local Police station. I've been arrested and charged with drink driving. Urine sample was positive, so I stole the sample. Now I'm being charged with taking the p1ss.
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Street Mix
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#2201

Posted 2 weeks ago

14963162_1143378739042754_43777978243109

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Neon_Dreaming
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#2202

Posted 2 weeks ago

What do you get if you cross human DNA and goat DNA.

Kicked out of the petting zoo :(



A man and his wife are woke up, at 3 o'clock in the morning, by loud knocking on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a stranger stands, in the pouring rain.

"Any chance you could give me a push?" he asks.

"No chance" says the husband -- "It's 3 o'clock in the morning!". He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was it?" asks his wife.

"Just some chap wanting a push" he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and pouring down with rain."

"Well, you've have an awful short memory" says his wife. "You don't remember about three months ago when the car broke down on holidays and those two strangers helped us? I think you should help him."

The husband lets out a sigh, gets dressed, goes out into the wet, and calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" shouts the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"I'm over here on the swings!"
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locknload5614
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#2203

Posted 2 weeks ago

Why does a dog lick his balls?

Because he can, right?

 

No, it's because he can't make a fist.


Red XIII
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#2204

Posted 2 weeks ago

What did bill gates name microsoft after?





His penis.
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Kushology
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#2205

Posted 2 weeks ago

What did bill gates name microsoft after?





His penis.


Good one.

Officer Ronson
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#2206

Posted 2 weeks ago

Your mom is like a Ford Crown Victoria, because it explodes in rear-impact collisions.

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Seventh Star
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#2207

Posted 2 weeks ago

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
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Kushology
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#2208

Posted 2 weeks ago

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.


Swiss army knives, more common than you think. Lol.

Alvarez
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#2209

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by Alvarez, 2 weeks ago.

-Why did you call your pet piranha McLeod?

Neon_Dreaming
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#2210

Posted A week ago

So I went to the doctors with hearing problems
He said " Can you describe the symptoms"
I said" Homers is a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair "
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NumaYay
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#2211

Posted A week ago

What’s the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

 

Spoiler

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Street Mix
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#2212

Posted A week ago Edited by Street Mix, A week ago.

If the Ku Klux Klan think white people are better, why do they dress like Muslim women?

 

 
Why is everyone suddenly saying how hot Hermione from Harry Potter is?
I've been saying that for the last 15 years.
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Seventh Star
  • Seventh Star

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#2213

Posted A week ago

Jokes about unemployed people are not funny. They just don't work.
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Neon_Dreaming
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#2214

Posted 6 days ago

There are two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other; You man the guns and I'll drive!



A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man,

"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly.

"All right, buddy. What's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.




"The balcony."
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ZonGohan
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#2215

Posted 5 days ago

The-Walking-Dad_03.jpg

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Mister Pink
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#2216

Posted 5 days ago

I hate Russian dolls...so full of themselves.

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Neon_Dreaming
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#2217

Posted 8 hours ago

i entered the snail race the last few years but never won, so i decided to take off its shell to make it more aerodynamic'
did it work?
No, if anything it made it more sluggish.



My motto is "never say never."

Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
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