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The Joke Thread

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PhillBellic
  • PhillBellic

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#2011

Posted 3 weeks ago

Do you guys like animal puns? They sure do quack me up.

If you know anymore Animal Puns, let Minnow.


CrysisAverted
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#2012

Posted 3 weeks ago

I thought this was pretty funny

 

Qf1i0u9.jpg

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Cameron Star
  • Cameron Star

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#2013

Posted 3 weeks ago

 

Do you guys like animal puns? They sure do quack me up.

If you know anymore Animal Puns, let Minnow.

 

Giraffe to make such bad puns?


Arachne
  • Arachne

    What the heck is this?

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#2014

Posted 3 weeks ago Edited by Arachne, 3 weeks ago.

I thought this was pretty funny

 

Qf1i0u9.jpg

 

Enjoy? who the heck enjoys cancer? it kills 500K people per year with dubstep/trap songs.


TheIceWarrior
  • TheIceWarrior

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#2015

Posted 3 weeks ago Edited by TheIceWarrior, 3 weeks ago.

My grandfather had the heart of a lion...
Spoiler

Darth Plagueis
  • Darth Plagueis

    I SHALL RISE AGAIN

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#2016

Posted 3 weeks ago

A dying grandfather tells his grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash."
The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandpa, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?"
With his last breath, Grandpa whispered...
Spoiler


---------

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married.

Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you.
Spoiler
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Arachne
  • Arachne

    What the heck is this?

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#2017

Posted 3 weeks ago

Grand Theft Auto Online is just like porn,there's dicks everywhere.

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Alvarez
  • Alvarez

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#2018

Posted 3 weeks ago

Bill has three dicks. How do girls call Bill?

Spoiler

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Street Mix
  • Street Mix

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#2019

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by Street Mix, 2 weeks ago.

I just saw a group of criminals in my local bank.

The bankers.

 

*************

 

My girlfriend asked me to start treating her like the women from the classic black and white movies.

So I left her tied to the train tracks.

 

*************

 

When someone is murdered, the police always investigate the spouse first.

And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

 

**************

 

I hate people at the cinema, talking loudly, eating loudly, laughing loudly.

 

Shut the f**k up. I'm trying to film a movie here!

 

*************

 

Every Woman is a Feminist.

Until the first swing.

Then it's all "you can't hit a girl"

 

***************

 

A policeman knocked at my door today.
He said, "A few of the neighbours are complaining about the music."
I said, "You're joking? It's only 7pm."
"I don't care if it's 1 in the afternoon," he replied. "One Direction are still s**t."

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Black_MiD
  • Black_MiD

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#2020

Posted 2 weeks ago

Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.

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Raul Passos
  • Raul Passos

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#2021

Posted 2 weeks ago

Sorry if this is on iFunny, I honestly don't even use it that much. (I think it's really cancerous, that's why i call it iCancer)

 

I make original work? (I don't know, I just photoshop sh*t) 

 

92146a493ea2bd9d49ae05c6fcd45ec8e876cf72

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AmigaMix
  • AmigaMix

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#2022

Posted 2 weeks ago

An Irishman walks past a bar...

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Cameron Star
  • Cameron Star

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#2023

Posted 2 weeks ago

What did the Jawa say to the bartender at Mos Eisley?

 

Spoiler

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AiraCobra
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#2024

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by AiraCobra, 2 weeks ago.

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom.

 

When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

 

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

 

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

 

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.

When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.

 

"What are you doing?" he exclaimed.

 

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

 

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room.

 

In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

 

"What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

 

He replied............"Watching the game with my son-in-law."

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Blaze
  • Blaze

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#2025

Posted 2 weeks ago

my life

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Midnight Hitman
  • Midnight Hitman

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#2026

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by Midnight Hitman, 2 weeks ago.

Two girls are talking:
- Why are married men the sexiest?
- Because you are a whore.

--------

One thirsty vampire bumps into another, he sees his face full of blood:
- Hey man, where you found so much blood?
- See that wall over there?
- Yes.
- Well i didn't.

------------

There's two dudes walking in the street, they find something on the street:
- What is this?
- It looks like chocolate.
- Nah, t looks like jelly.
- That doesn't look like jelly you tard, is definetly chocolate.
- I think it looks like jelly, look at the gooey look of it- Man grabs a bit and tastes it- Yeah, almond jelly.
-Is chocolate!- Man grabs some and eats it- See, sour chocolate!
Both keep eating that thing of the floor until a woman passes by:
- Why chu playing with that turd?
-Eughh! Thank god we didn't step on it!

----------

There was a smart woman next to Santa Claus....

I'm joking.

Spoiler
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Street Mix
  • Street Mix

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#2027

Posted 2 weeks ago

Islam.

Where you burn infidel technology like televisions, film it on your camera phone and then post it online.

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Testarossa
  • Testarossa

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#2028

Posted A week ago Edited by Testarossa, A week ago.

What is the capital of Greece?
Spoiler
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Street Mix
  • Street Mix

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#2029

Posted A week ago Edited by Street Mix, A week ago.

I was in the park today when a woman came up to me and said, "Are you taking photos of my daughter on your iPhone?"

"Yes I'm taking photos of her," I replied, "But it's not what you think."

"So what is it then?" she asked.

Spoiler

 

********************************

 

They say teenage girls are the worst for cruel insults.

After hearing "Let me out of this basement you fat ugly paedo" I wouldn't disagree.

 

********************************

All my friends were taking aback when I said I was going to be voting for Donald Trump in the Presidential elections.

 

I simply explained "Should be cool I've never seen a president get assassinated before"

********************************
A feminist handed me a flyer today and said, "Say 'No' to Rape."

"Bollocks!" I replied. "Say 'Yes' and then it's just sex."

********************************

Ethiopia announced that it will ban pornography on the internet.

That makes it the first country to use a porn filter before using a water filter.

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PhillBellic
  • PhillBellic

    Sgt. Phill Bellic. The New Liberty State Trooper.

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#2030

Posted 3 days ago

What do you call a Greek Dinosaur?

 

A Malakasaurus Rex.

 

:lol:

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Street Mix
  • Street Mix

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#2031

Posted A day ago

I've recently decided to freeze myself to -273ºC.

My wife thinks I'll die, but I think I'll be 0K.

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Darth Plagueis
  • Darth Plagueis

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#2032

Posted A day ago Edited by Darth Plagueis, A day ago.

Dad Teaches Baby How To Speak ...

 

Dad - Say daddy!

 

Baby - Mommy!

 

Dad - Com'on, say daddy!

 

Baby - Mommy!

 

Dad - f*ck you, say daddy!

 

Baby - f*ck you, mommy!

 

[Mom walks in]

 

"Honey, I'm home!"

 

Baby - f*ck you!

 

Mom - Who taught you that?

 

Baby - Daddy!

 

Mom - Oh Steven!

 

Dad - Mommy?!

 

Dad - You little son of a bitch!

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