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The Joke Thread

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Eeshan
  • Eeshan

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#1471

Posted 03 June 2014 - 11:56 AM

Graduation speech:

Spoiler

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Nowdrivefaster
  • Nowdrivefaster

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#1472

Posted 03 June 2014 - 02:47 PM Edited by Nowdrivefaster, 03 June 2014 - 02:48 PM.

:D 

 

Nick tried to discover an appropriate birthday present to her wife, Alicia. He didn't discover anything good enough, so he decided to ask Alicia some tips. Alicia said: "Just leave something in front of the garage that accelerates from 0 to 100 in just 10 seconds and I'll be totally happy."

 

When Alicia went outside their house in her birthday Morning, she found a weighing scale in front of the garage.

 

Nick got out from ICU in six months.

 

(P.S. 100 kilos is nearly the same than 200 pounds).


Eminem!
  • Eminem!

    Mr Massacre

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#1473

Posted 05 June 2014 - 06:15 PM

What did the fish say to the frog

 

Marry my dick


lil weasel
  • lil weasel

    Shoot Looters, Hang Pirates!

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#1474

Posted 05 June 2014 - 06:25 PM

How was the Vet not startled by the dead frog during the necropsy?

Spoiler


johnny_zoo
  • johnny_zoo

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#1475

Posted 05 June 2014 - 06:36 PM

Two cells are in a snowstorm. One cell said to another are your hands cold?

 

No, but Mitosis.


SoftTouch
  • SoftTouch

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#1476

Posted 05 June 2014 - 07:51 PM

Am I an idiot ?

Yes!

HAHAHAHAHA 

 

Spoiler


universetwisters
  • universetwisters

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#1477

Posted A week ago

The church burnt down? Holy smokes!


nikolibrety
  • nikolibrety

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#1478

Posted A week ago

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A romin catholic.

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lil weasel
  • lil weasel

    Shoot Looters, Hang Pirates!

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#1479

Posted A week ago

Out for a walk in the Forrest a young man found a suit case. He looked inside and saw a cat and four kittens. He called the animal controll officer to report the incident. The ACO asked, "Are they moving?"
To which the young man replied,
Spoiler

Boss to elderly employee, "You've been here for twenty-five years with never a complaint, never a sick day, and always have been loyal. How does a new car sound to you?"
To which the Employee replied,
Spoiler

What's an Amish woman's favourite sexual fantasy?
Spoiler

dillono
  • dillono

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#1480

Posted A week ago

What do you call a nun with free internet?

A roaming catholic.

FTFY


AiraCobra
  • AiraCobra

    ĦĦooɥS ooɥS ǝıqooɥS

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#1481

Posted A week ago Edited by AiraCobra, A week ago.

How do you know Willie Nelson is a true stoner?
 
Spoiler

waymuu
  • waymuu

    Hey Larry check this out I can change my member title

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  • Martinique

#1482

Posted 5 days ago

many users on this forum (i may or may not be included ofc)


trip
  • trip

    ~

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#1483

Posted 3 days ago

What is the hardest part about rollerblading?

Spoiler

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universetwisters
  • universetwisters

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#1484

Posted 3 days ago

An Irishman walks out of a bar.


Palikari
  • Palikari

    עם ישראל חי

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#1485

Posted 3 days ago Edited by Palikari, 3 days ago.

An Arab man is walking in the desert and finds a lamp. He rubs it, and then a genie comes out and says: 
 
- I can grant you only one wish.
 
Then the Arab man shows him a map of the Middle East and says:
 
- "I want peace between all these countries". 
 
- Peace in the Middle East is impossible. Ask something rational.
- Ok, I want a new wife; a young and beautiful loving woman, with sense of humor, who likes sex, cleaning and cooking. I don't want her to be jealous, to care about money or to ask stupid questions. I also don't want her to love shopping.
- Ok... Let me see that map again.
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