Quantcast

Jump to content

» «
Photo

The Joke Thread

1,512 replies to this topic
rhyn
  • rhyn

    SRS BSNS

  • $outh $ide Hoodz
  • Joined: 04 Apr 2008

#31

Posted 09 February 2009 - 11:59 PM

How do you stop kids from playing on your lawn?

molest them


Whats the joy of riding 22 year olds?

theres 20 of them


Whats so great about riding a 3 year old?

you get to hear their pelvis crack


Too much?


Gouveia
  • Gouveia

    Back to Kingston

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 Jan 2006
  • Brazil

#32

Posted 10 February 2009 - 12:23 AM

A blond women challenged a brunette one to see who would win a race from the top of the Empire States to the ground below. Who won? The brunette, because the blond had to stop in the way so she could ask for directions

--------------------

A brunette and a blond are watching TV, where a guy is at the top of the building. The brunette says "50 grand that he will kill himself". The blond says "50 grand that he won't". A minute later, he jumped off the building, and the brunette won the money.

A week later, the brunette, feeling guilty, went to the blond's house. "Look, it was all a recording, I knew he was going to kill himself sorry." "Oh, don't worry, I knew it was a recording too," said the blond, "but I didn't knew he would be stupid enough to jump again."
  • GTA564 likes this

PacMaan
  • PacMaan

    LIES

  • Members
  • Joined: 26 Jun 2005

#33

Posted 10 February 2009 - 12:40 AM

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

tommy vs. claude
  • tommy vs. claude

    Wave good-bye to your head wanker!

  • Members
  • Joined: 05 Aug 2007

#34

Posted 10 February 2009 - 01:02 AM

Why is Ray Charles always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black

Have you seen Ray Charles family lately?
Neither has he

DeeperRed
  • DeeperRed

    Damn it feels good to be gangsta

  • Zaibatsu
  • Joined: 17 Dec 2007

#35

Posted 10 February 2009 - 01:25 AM

Why couldn't Stevie Wonder read
Because he was black

Stig
  • Stig

  • $outh $ide Hoodz
  • Joined: 11 Apr 2008
  • None

#36

Posted 10 February 2009 - 01:27 AM

QUOTE (Vercetti21 @ Feb 9 2009, 21:22)
LONG ASS POST

Sorry you're not Anuj.
Try again.

Vercetti21
  • Vercetti21

    V21

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 12 Jul 2007

#37

Posted 10 February 2009 - 04:38 AM Edited by Vercetti21, 10 February 2009 - 04:55 AM.

QUOTE (RadioIsotope @ Feb 9 2009, 19:27)
QUOTE (Vercetti21 @ Feb 9 2009, 21:22)
LONG ASS POST

Sorry you're not Anuj.
Try again.

Sorry you think I give a f*ck about your opinion, guy with 98 posts. It's a quoteworthy joke.

What did Hellen Keller name her dog?

AYEGGGREYARAR!!!

Why did Hellen Keller's dog jump off a cliff?

You would too if your name was AYEGGGREYARAR!!!

Why do Mexicans spread sh*t on the walls at a wedding?

To keep the flies off the bride.

K^2
  • K^2

    Vidi Vici Veni

  • Moderator
  • Joined: 14 Apr 2004
  • United-States
  • Most Knowledgeable [Web Development/Programming] 2013
    Most Knowledgeable [GTA Series] 2011
    Best Debater 2010

#38

Posted 10 February 2009 - 04:50 AM

QUOTE (RadioIsotope @ Feb 9 2009, 21:27)
QUOTE (Vercetti21 @ Feb 9 2009, 21:22)
LONG ASS POST

Sorry you're not Anuj.

Seconded.

Seachmall
  • Seachmall

    Irish Motherfucker.

  • Members
  • Joined: 23 Sep 2007

#39

Posted 10 February 2009 - 08:31 AM

QUOTE (PacMaan @ Feb 10 2009, 00:40)
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

Best one so far.

SaintJimmy
  • SaintJimmy

    On a drug called Martin Sheen

  • $outh $ide Hoodz
  • Joined: 13 Sep 2006

#40

Posted 10 February 2009 - 09:48 AM

Oh, I've got one. A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the f*ck out of here".
user posted image

copperwire93
  • copperwire93

    Copperdude

  • Members
  • Joined: 31 Dec 2008

#41

Posted 10 February 2009 - 09:56 AM

How many mods does it takes to lock ranting thread in GTA IV PC section?

Answer
You just need CharmingCharlie tounge.gif

This is jokes thread so i'm not offending anyone.

1ManArmy
  • 1ManArmy

    Pirate

  • Members
  • Joined: 25 Aug 2008

#42

Posted 10 February 2009 - 10:06 AM

So this thread is back from the dead AGAIN?

Meh, just to pass some spare time...

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs

N-Non
A-Athletic
S-Sport
C-Created
A-Around
R-Rednecks

jackel311
  • jackel311

    Fight through the pain.

  • Members
  • Joined: 12 Dec 2007

#43

Posted 10 February 2009 - 10:50 AM

No offence to any jews, but here are my jokes...

What's the difference between a pizza and a jew?
Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and a jew?
Santa Claus went down the chimney.

Eeshan
  • Eeshan

    Old timer.

  • Members
  • Joined: 18 Oct 2007
  • Bangladesh

#44

Posted 10 February 2009 - 12:07 PM

oh god, this topic is back, and i am back tounge.gif

QUOTE
Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says... "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"
__________________

Drag_Drift
  • Drag_Drift

    I'll rape you with a broomstick.

  • Members
  • Joined: 24 Mar 2008

#45

Posted 10 February 2009 - 12:26 PM

Eeshan! you're back. And you still suck. Water on mars.

A lady went to the store to do the grocery. After browsing through the aisles, she saw a deep box with frogs inside. "c*nt eating frogs" was labeled on each one. Trying her luck, bought one, and eagerly took it home. On it's underbelly, was the directions. "step 1, take bath and wear lot of perfume. step 2, sit in bed and place frog between legs. If malfunction occurs, contact store owner" The woman eagerly took a bath and wore a lot of perfume, and placed the frog between her legs. After a while of the frog doing nothing, she called the store to 'fix' the frog malfunction. The repairguy came, took the frog, and said Stupid frog. This is the last time I'm going to demonstrate this for you...

Girish
  • Girish

  • Moderator
  • Joined: 20 Apr 2006
  • India
  • Best Moderator 2011

#46

Posted 10 February 2009 - 12:36 PM

QUOTE (jackel311 @ Feb 10 2009, 16:20)
What's the difference between Santa Claus and a jew?
Santa Claus went down the chimney.

Haha, this one gave me a good laugh.


A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

GtaHitmanStrikesBack
  • GtaHitmanStrikesBack

    The Hitman

  • Members
  • Joined: 19 Jul 2007

#47

Posted 10 February 2009 - 12:44 PM

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To Meet His Flat Mate

YoungJoe94
  • YoungJoe94

    Lt. Red Panda

  • BUSTED!
  • Joined: 07 Jul 2008

#48

Posted 10 February 2009 - 12:45 PM

What did the blonde say when she was told she was pregnant?
Is it mine?



GtaHitmanStrikesBack
  • GtaHitmanStrikesBack

    The Hitman

  • Members
  • Joined: 19 Jul 2007

#49

Posted 10 February 2009 - 12:56 PM

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, "What's that for?" The pirate responds, "Aarrr, its driving me nuts

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"

A little guy walks into a bar and slips on some vomit. Minutes later a tough guy walks into the bar and slips on the vomit as well. The little guy says, "I just did that." The big guy then beats the little guy up.

PacMaan
  • PacMaan

    LIES

  • Members
  • Joined: 26 Jun 2005

#50

Posted 10 February 2009 - 01:10 PM

I'm wondering if jokes about the Australian bushfires would be appropriate.... or is it too soon? biggrin.gif

copperwire93
  • copperwire93

    Copperdude

  • Members
  • Joined: 31 Dec 2008

#51

Posted 10 February 2009 - 01:16 PM

QUOTE (PacMaan @ Feb 10 2009, 22:10)
I'm wondering if jokes about the Australian bushfires would be appropriate.... or is it too soon? biggrin.gif

Forget about your jokes! You will only expose yourself as jerk! They had a rough time mate!

PacMaan
  • PacMaan

    LIES

  • Members
  • Joined: 26 Jun 2005

#52

Posted 10 February 2009 - 01:18 PM

QUOTE (copperwire93 @ Feb 10 2009, 13:16)
QUOTE (PacMaan @ Feb 10 2009, 22:10)
I'm wondering if jokes about the Australian bushfires would be appropriate.... or is it too soon?  biggrin.gif

Forget about your jokes! You will only expose yourself as jerk! They had a rough time mate!

And black people haven't? lolz

rnz1369
  • rnz1369

    Im too damn old for this nonsense.

  • D1RTY12
  • Joined: 24 Jun 2008

#53

Posted 10 February 2009 - 01:34 PM

What does a deaf, blind, retarted boy with down syndrome get for christmas?

cancer

A women is giving birth in a hospital and she is in pain,
finally the doctor gets the baby out, holds it up by a leg,
raises it over his head and slams it with his head on the table cracking its skull..
The woman screams: "what are you doing!?"
Doctor sais: "relax, its a joke, it has been born dead"




makeshyft
  • makeshyft

    Cyclop have 9 years

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 14 Dec 2002

#54

Posted 10 February 2009 - 01:37 PM

QUOTE (rnz1369 @ Feb 10 2009, 23:34)
retarted

Ohhh! Is funny because there no such word, jeah?

kekeke

PacMaan
  • PacMaan

    LIES

  • Members
  • Joined: 26 Jun 2005

#55

Posted 10 February 2009 - 01:41 PM

My girlfriend came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

rnz1369
  • rnz1369

    Im too damn old for this nonsense.

  • D1RTY12
  • Joined: 24 Jun 2008

#56

Posted 10 February 2009 - 01:46 PM

QUOTE (makeshyft @ Feb 10 2009, 14:37)
QUOTE (rnz1369 @ Feb 10 2009, 23:34)
retarted

Ohhh! Is funny because there no such word, jeah?

kekeke

dajjum.. he got me angry.gif

GTArv
  • GTArv

    #

  • Members
  • Joined: 29 Feb 2008

#57

Posted 10 February 2009 - 01:51 PM

I laughed pretty hard the first time I read this:

QUOTE
There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy, honeymooning in Jamaica. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker."

John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done.

As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when heo was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y.
Suddenly, a big Jamaican steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed.

So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too."
The Jamaican looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?"
John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?"
The Jamaican laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says, "Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day."
  • GTA564 likes this

Drag_Drift
  • Drag_Drift

    I'll rape you with a broomstick.

  • Members
  • Joined: 24 Mar 2008

#58

Posted 10 February 2009 - 03:14 PM

QUOTE (GTArv @ Feb 10 2009, 13:51)
I laughed pretty hard the first time I read this:

QUOTE
There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy, honeymooning in Jamaica. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker."

John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done.

As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when heo was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y.
Suddenly, a big Jamaican steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed.

So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too."
The Jamaican looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?"
John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?"
The Jamaican laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says, "Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice day."

Haha we have a local version of that, and it says "Welcome to Baguio City summer capital of the Philippines. Enjoy your stay, Mabuhay!"

DreamsLieHere
  • DreamsLieHere

    Pleasure principle

  • Members
  • Joined: 20 Apr 2007

#59

Posted 10 February 2009 - 03:43 PM

This is pretty funny although it's fake

QUOTE
A man was about to go on a business trip overseas, and his wife was a sexaholic.

Afraid that his wife would cheat on him and would go on f-cking other men, he decided to go to the sex shop.

"My wife is a sexaholic and I'm afraid she would cheat on me...what do you have?" He asked the shopkeeper.

"I've got just the thing you need." The shopkeeper replied, and took out a dildo-like thing.

"That looks like any other regular dildo," The man said.

"No...it's special. Look."

"Voodoo Penis, the door!"

It began f-cking the door until it broke.

The man was impressed and decided to send one to his wife.

When the man was overseas, his wife was getting horny and decided to use the Voodoo Penis.

"Voodoo Penis, my vagina!"

And it started f-cking her hard.

Unfortunately for her though she was always orgasming and she did not know how to stop it.

She had to go to the hospital as the Voodoo Penis was f-cking her too hard.

On the way to the hospital, she was driving in circles as she can't drive properly while getting f-cked.

In the hospital, the doctor asked her:

"Have you been drinking any alcoholic drinks?"

"No," she replied. "However I've been getting f-cked by this Voodoo Penis."

"Voodoo Penis my ass," The doctor said, not believing her.


This cracked me up hard.

  • GTA564 likes this

Picolini
  • Picolini

    ZOMG ROFL XD!!!!11

  • BUSTED!
  • Joined: 07 Dec 2002

#60

Posted 10 February 2009 - 06:09 PM

How was copper wire invented?

Two jews fighting over a penny.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users