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The Best Christmas Present I've Ever Had!

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The Unvirginiser
  • The Unvirginiser

    You ain't gettin' your tings?!

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 11 Jul 2007

#1

Posted 17 November 2008 - 12:14 AM Edited by The Unvirginiser, 17 November 2008 - 12:51 AM.

The Best Christmas Present I've Ever Had!


Christmas day! I sat with my closest friends in the comfiest chairs in the house, around the warmest fire for miles around. I’d never been so happy, we were all laughing and sharing bottles of vodka we found in the kitchen. It was a beautiful day, the bright winter sun smiled upon us from the top of the sky and shone on the snow covered street that I called home. Rolan had my gift inside a pillow case.
Это не очень, но я уверен, что Вы будете любить это! It's not much, but I'm sure you'll love it!
He slowly pulled a thick scarf out of the filthy, hole ridden pillow case.
Rolan, я не могу верить Вам! Это - лучшая вещь, которую я когда-либо имел для Рождества! Спасибо так! Rolan, I can't believe you! This is the best thing I've ever had for Christmas! Thank you so much!

Just as quick as the happiness came, it was sucked out of the room by the cold shadow of death; a demon we were all familiar with. The sound of a rifle fire accompanied by the haunting sensation of Rolan’s head being blown all over my face. The pieces of skull knocked me backwards off my chair on to the jagged rubble below. I tasted his brains and blood in my mouth and felt them burn in to my eyes. Most of my senses were blown away, I couldn’t open my eyelids or smell through my blood soaked nose. My mouth was full of brains and skull, I had to rely on sound and touch to get me out of danger. Quickly I clambered over the bricks and destroyed furniture towards my comrades who were screaming my name. The sharp edges of the debris below me tore my fingers and awkwardly dug in to my hands. I didn't care, adrenaline had kicked in. Three or four brave arms pulled me to the safety of a brick wall where I instantly lay down, shaking in fear. After I had thrown up Rolan’s face out of my throat I gradually managed to open my eyes. 1942, the best Christmas day I’ve ever had was soon beaten to death by the harsh reality of Stalingrad that lay before my eyes. The happiness that pierced through the curtain of death and depression had made this Christmas magical. It was too good to be true, the blown apart buildings that once housed my friends and family took another stab at what was left of my soul. Somewhere out there was a fascist sniper, ready to murder everyone of us without a moment’s hesitation.

Останьтесь на второй год товарищи, я собираюсь покрывать Вас, выходить через черный ход, тогда делают то же самое для меня. Stay down comrades, I'm going to cover you, get out through the back door then do the same for me.” The frightened sixteen year old Vladimir cried as he tried to fix his jammed rifle.
I shivered through shock and cold, I wasn’t a soldier. No part of me was a Russian bear, ready to fight the German wolf with the British bulldog as Stalin would like me to be. I was nothing, I was a baker! I was a loving Father to a murdered daughter and a loyal husband to a murdered wife. One dark day somebody shoved a rifle in to my hands and told me if I take one step backwards he would kill me. He didn’t care that I was carrying my wife who had her skull falling out of her once pretty face, he didn’t care that my newborn daughter had no legs and was still managing to scream. All he cared about was protecting the motherland from the German murderers that swept across this once beautiful city like a plague.

We made a break for the back door as Vladimir fired his first shot, we knew we wouldn’t have to cover him back straight away. The sniper made short work of him, the poor boy didn’t even have time to scream.
I barely made it through the door when gunfire shredded the three men in front of me, the tranquil, snow covered garden was splattered with red Russian blood. I tried to make a sudden stop but slipped on the black ice that covered the doorway. I crashed down on to the concrete steps face first, instantly three bullets hit me in the back. One below my right shoulder, another in my spine and a third to my pelvis.

For a few seconds I rolled around in agony, barely being able to scream. The shadows of my murderers loomed over me. Three men, all wearing Nazi uniforms. Thick white suits designed for snow warfare.
Guter Schuss! Ein weniger russischer Bauer, um sich zu befassen!” I don’t know what he said, but it was directed at the young man holding the smokey machine gun. I looked in to his eyes expecting to see cold hate. All I saw was shock and sadness, this man was just like me. A conscripted soldier who’d lost it all in this horrific war.
One of the men spat on me, his eyes had been penetrated by the devil’s fire. He raised up his gun to my chest. I anxiously waited for this all to be over.
Это - Рождество Вы гребаные ублюдки! It’s Christmas day you f*cking bastards!
He showed no mercy, with delight he pulled out a silver knife from his coat.
Er ist die Scheißkugeln nicht sogar wert!
As it approached my throat I realised it was the best Christmas present I’ve ever had.

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Oxidizer
  • Oxidizer

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 13 Nov 2006

#2

Posted 17 November 2008 - 12:44 AM

You win. Hands down, that's by far the most horrific Christmas I think anyone in WD could've thought of.

Nice job! icon14.gif

Eminence
  • Eminence

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 18 Nov 2006

#3

Posted 17 November 2008 - 04:55 PM Edited by Eminence, 17 November 2008 - 04:58 PM.

A lot of the imagery used was extremely effective - specific wordplay was very powerful, and I enjoyed that aspect a lot. However, the general flow and style was far from effective, and felt quite clumsy at times, with slight mistakes hampering some really good description.

My main gripe would be that I don't like the speech with translations. I see why it's there and understand how it could be effective, but it just seems totally pointless.

On the whole, it was a nice piece, but weighed down by a flimsy style, in a way. Also, I try to like the whole compassionate aspect of the piece - the meeting between the two soldiers and the fact that he looks into his eyes and sees he's just the same - but it's just something I've heard too many times before, and it smacks of any example of war literature that you can lay your hands on. tounge.gif

mark-2007
  • mark-2007

    Big Homie

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  • Joined: 09 Apr 2006

#4

Posted 17 November 2008 - 04:59 PM

All of that was f*ckin' awesome, best story I've read from you. I loved the death of Rolan. And that last line was a pretty amazing way to end it. Loved it all.

The Russian-English translations were a bit odd, but I sorta understood the need of them when the Germans spoke with no translations.

Cuban Warlord
  • Cuban Warlord

    Big Homie

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#5

Posted 18 November 2008 - 03:49 PM Edited by Cuban Warlord, 18 November 2008 - 03:54 PM.

I loved the description and the way the story appealed to the readers emotions.

Very good read. icon14.gif

Ronmar The Only
  • Ronmar The Only

    Storyteller, Plus Hopeless Romantic.

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#6

Posted 06 December 2008 - 04:08 AM

Question about the subtitle of this topic, shouldn't it say November 2008 instead of December 2008?

Stefan.
  • Stefan.

    OG

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#7

Posted 06 December 2008 - 06:41 AM

Sorry for being a tad late, but that was f*cking awesome work from you. The translations were a tad odd but fit into the story well, and the story-line picked was truly that; horrendous. Good job; a deserved winner. icon14.gif

Failure
  • Failure

    My life has no meaning

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 11 Apr 2007
  • None

#8

Posted 11 December 2008 - 10:24 PM

Managed to paint a vivid image of a war torn Russia just as well as CoD: 4. Top form; I enjoyed the
ending, how it relates closely to the title in some ways, however, it's not what the reader would perceive
from the beginning, great work. icon14.gif




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