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BUYG: Build Up Your Gang IV

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Colt M14
  • Colt M14

    BUYGIV: Spanish Lords

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  • Joined: 28 Feb 2009

#1561

Posted 04 November 2009 - 08:46 PM Edited by Colt M14, 04 November 2009 - 08:49 PM.

Tarnell, .2D... Stop it now. Both of you. I don't want vulgar language directed at anyone else and I bet the BUYG staff agree. NO SWEARING AT EACH OTHER. NO SPAM. I want zilch conversations on this thread, and more stories going on. Aragond, I agree 100% in the right that we deserve to know who skramz is. Skramz, I think everyone deserves an answer.

Edit: Aragond, do you think you could make the updates list again, I suck at keeping things in order. If a staff member wants to rate, they can, If not I'll do it in 6-7 hours when I'm done with work.

aragond
  • aragond

    We are the Aragond. We will bury you.

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  • Joined: 26 Aug 2007
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#1562

Posted 05 November 2009 - 02:12 AM

QUOTE (Colt M14 @ Nov 5 2009, 06:46)
Edit: Aragond, do you think you could make the updates list again, I suck at keeping things in order. If a staff member wants to rate, they can, If not I'll do it in 6-7 hours when I'm done with work.

Sure can, brother. Hope it's not too late.
(Version 1.0)
The last ratings were on page 73, on Oct 30th, and in the five days since then:

  • Aragond posted his ninth story for the Pegorinos at the Recycling plant.
  • bhlegend posted chapter two for the Irish at Steinway (Hmm, front page says he's already done two stories. Guess he had an intro, too)
  • Osric pleaded for the Ancelottis again, Aragond uncerermoniously shot down Gracie's house as a location for the Ancelottis, to which Osric said "no worries" and Aragond felt bad for shooting so hard and hereby apologises. Osric later posted a long list of new properties and gangs, but Skramz (???) later shot that suggestion down.
  • VinnieLeone , with his new cpu still working, posted his chapter two for the NH Hustlers.
  • Tarnell was back with chapter four for the Spanish Lords, and pleaded for someone to rate it because he was bored, bored, bored-bored-bored with the lords. smile.gif
  • And then some guy by the nic Colt m14 asked me to produce this list. Oh yeah, that's you. smile.gif

skramz
  • skramz

    3dayweekend.

  • BUSTED!
  • Joined: 08 Oct 2009

#1563

Posted 05 November 2009 - 07:00 AM

Jesus christ you guys need to chill the hell out, its pretty obvious who I am if you put 2 and 2 together.

Colt M14
  • Colt M14

    BUYGIV: Spanish Lords

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  • Joined: 28 Feb 2009

#1564

Posted 05 November 2009 - 07:14 AM

QUOTE (skramz @ Nov 5 2009, 18:00)
Jesus christ you guys need to chill the hell out, its pretty obvious who I am if you put 2 and 2 together.

No I don't understand who you are. If you don't like yelling it out, at least PM me.

Build Up Your Gang
  • Build Up Your Gang

    Join BUYG Today!

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  • Joined: 24 Mar 2008

#1565

Posted 05 November 2009 - 08:42 AM

Aragond
The Pegorinos | Recycling Plant | Story #9
$46
It's good, real good. I haven't got around to reading chapter 5, 6, 7 and 8 because I am immensely busy and I have a lot of stuff on my plate. Description... Check. Great dialogue... Check. Perfect setting... Big ol' check. I'll try to read the rest when I can. Keep up the great stories Aragond.

bhlegend
Irish Mob | Stienway Beer Garden | Story #2?
$18
Err... A few things I didn't like. First off, you need to improve in your grammar and spelling. There are some large plotholes, like how he put the slate in the cupboard (Where did he get it from,) and why didn't he run away when he saw them? Also, Albanian MOB is a mafia not a gang, and they do not give up their name because someone is angry at them. Also... A stick? Oh no, a stick. And in life and death matters, you do not make yo momma jokes. (Especially a highly professional Albanian Mafioso.) I think you need to improve in story structure. Last thing... The Albanian MOB do not leave giant stickers on their cars indicating that they owned it.

VinnieLeone
North Holland Hustlers | Playboy X's Loft | Story #2
$12
Sorry for the low rating, you need to get better at story structure, grammar and spelling. It was half in script form and half in narrative. Read Lochie's writing guide and use the info there for your next story.

Tarnell
Spanish Lords | Abandoned Sprunk Warehouse | Story #4
$24
I know you're in a rush to finish your 5 stories, but please use some detail and length. Due to some rules added by WTLC, you can already change gangs because you have written some stories for BUYGSA. Please put detail and length into your future stories.

Ratins by the one and only, Colt M14. One Love.

aragond
  • aragond

    We are the Aragond. We will bury you.

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#1566

Posted 05 November 2009 - 10:24 AM Edited by aragond, 05 November 2009 - 10:55 AM.

QUOTE (skramz @ Nov 5 2009, 17:00)
Jesus christ you guys need to chill the hell out, its pretty obvious who I am if you put 2 and 2 together.


biggrin.gif

Obvious? No. No. No, it's... it's not.
You could be Lochie for all the aforementioned logic, but then that username is still active, not banned, and he's an aussie swamped in exams, which is why he's not speaking. You could be Radicell since his last post was also October 5th, just as Lochie's was. You could be Rucke, 'cuz his last post here was October 6th. And you could also be Mark, Lochie, Phusion, or VinnieGorgeous using a second user name for the lulz for all we know. Or the mystery unsigned-staff member (he rated a lot of stories last year). Hell, you could be this guy. Whadda we know? I mean, there's a LOT of ex-staff, you could be any one of them returning from the grave of "you're-no-longer-staff" 'cuz I'm sure the password hasn't been reset. D'ya feel me? There's a myriad possibilities.

And remember, if I assume you're Lochie, you just know that'll end-up eventually making an ass outa both of us.

tarnell
  • tarnell

    Li'l G Loc

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  • Joined: 22 Jul 2009

#1567

Posted 05 November 2009 - 12:57 PM Edited by tarnell, 05 November 2009 - 01:08 PM.

Sweet! Hey can I be with the petrovic bratva at the 69th street diner smile.gif

Vercetti27
  • Vercetti27

    Staunton Faction

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#1568

Posted 05 November 2009 - 03:28 PM

Can I write for the Pegorino's at pegorino's mansion? cheers

.2D
  • .2D

    I Shed The Blood of Saxon Men

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 25 Jun 2009
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#1569

Posted 05 November 2009 - 06:07 PM

I tryed...

Angels of Death
Part 7.

(Cant think of a name O_o)

Once again, the clubhouse was full of drunk bikers, shouting at eachother and doing drugs in the basement. Sonny was sitting on one of the sofas with a beer in his hand, laughing with one of the prospects old lady, who was sitting down next to him smoking cigarettes like a maniac. He looked down at his watch, stood up and took a final swig of his beer. Sonny looked over at Billy, who was sitting on the floor with a bottle of pisswasser next to the music box. "Billy, get your fat ass up, were gonna' go see Jim."
"Aww why now? Im f*cking tired and pissed off my tits, go with Rocky." Billy said, clearly drunk. Sonny wanted to say something but just shook his head and walked down into the basement to find Rocky, who was recently bumped up to secretary. Sonny walked into the basement, past a bunch of Angels who were talking about the shootout at beechwood. "Rock, get upstairs were headin' out to the hospital."
"To see Jim yeah?" Rocky replied, slapping his friend on the back and walked over to Sonny.
"Yeah, come on up." Sonny said, walking upstairs, followed by Rocky. Sonny took Rockys beer away, and as the two of them walked past Billy, Sonny poured the rest of it onto his head and dropped the empty bottle into his lap. "Bastard!" Billy shouted, as they left the house.

When Sonny and Rocky got outside the clubhouse, they looked over to their right and saw a blacked out Buffalo parked up the road. "I dont like the look of that." Rocky said, as two men in dark suits got out of the car. One of the men buttoned up his jacket while the other pulled a badge out of his dark coat and holding it out in front of him. "Hey wait up, FIB, we need to ask you a few questions."
"What you want a f*cking medal?" Rocky said, staring at the agent.
"We don't have the time, get outa' here." Sonny said as he started to walk towards his Zombie.
"Look we could do this here or arrest you and do it at the station." One of the agents replied, putting the wallet back into his jacket. Rocky put his hand behind his back, his hand on a ball peen hammer he had in his belt, the agent saw Rocky do this and put his hand back inside his jacket, his hand gripping his gun.
Before anyone could reply, Billy burst through the front door and threw up on the sidewalk. He coughed and looked up at the two agents."'The f*ck are they?" He said, looking at Sonny. One of the agents was about to answer when Billy held his hand up, and threw up some more, before staggering back inside the clubhouse. Sonny laughed and climbed onto his Zombie, Rocky followed suit. The two agents looked at each other, clearing getting frustrated now and walked over to Sonny and pulled out a born folder from his jacket. "This will only take a minute."
"Yeah well I dont have a minute, goodbye." Sonny replied, switching his engine on at the same time as Rocky, one of the agents tried to continue but his voice was drowned out by the sound of the motorcycles pulling out of the drive and up the road.

Jim woke up, his vision blurred as he looked around trying to sit up. "The f*ck?" He mumbled, slumping back down. Jim rubbed his eyes and saw Sonny and Rocky standing on the other side of the room talking. Rocky took a bite out of his donut, threw it in the bin and walked over to Jim, followed by Sonny. Jim looked around the room and looked at Sonny, "Why the f*ck am I in a hospital Sonny? And where the f*ck is Billy?" Jim asked. "Right now? Billys in the bathroom throwing up down the bowl, and your in a hospital 'cause you got shot." Sonny explained.
"Who f*cking shot me? Im gonna' kill the bastards!" Jim shouted, groaning as he sat up.
"Don't worry, we sorted them out. But now theres agents turning up the the clubhouse asking questions." Sonny replied, looking over at the clock on the wall and standing up. "Anyway we gotta' go, doctors said you shouldn't be in here long, we're gonna' get back to the clubhouse and see if those cops are still there."
"Ok, get outa' here my foods gettin' cold." Jim said, waving off Sonny and Rocky.

"What if those cops are still at the clubhouse when we get back?" Rocky asked as he sat on his bike.
"Well I'll see what they want, if I think they're getting too close i'll kill 'em both." Sonny replied.
"You sure bro? I mean after burning down the beer gardens and blowing up burger shot, you sure you wanna add cop killing to their ever so wonderfull list?"
Sonny waited for a few seconds, ignored the question and started up his bike. Rocky did the same and they both drove off to the clubhouse.

Rocky and Sonny pulled their bikes under the brige and outside the clubhouse. They both killed their engines and looked at the Buffalo still parked outside. "f*ck." Sonny said climbing off his Zombie and walking over to the car and looked into the passenger window.
"Empty, what the f*ck?" Rocky said. Sonny was about to reply but before he could a grey van covered in graffiti skidded around the corner and towards the two bikers. "sh*t! Move!" Rocky shouted, jumping out of the way, the van screeched down the hill and crushed the two motorcycles and crashed into a wall. A gang of Triads jumped out of the back of the van and started running towards the bikers.
"f*cking yellow people!" Rocky shouted, crouching behind the Buffalo with Sonny. What the f*ck do they want?"
"They ran over my f*cking bike!" Sonny shouted, pulling his combat pistol from his belt.
"Cover me, ima' try and get closer." Rocky said.
"They ran over...My f*cking bike!" Sonny repeated, standing up and shooting two of the triads in the chest several times.
Before Rocky could make a run for it, he and Sonny both heard machine gun fire coming fro mthe clubhouse, they looked over and saw a much larger group of Biker come rushing out of the clubhouse and shooting all of the triads dead. Rocky and sonny both began running to check on their bikes but stopped when they saw Billy come staggering out of the clubhouse again waving a combat pistol around in front of him. Billy fired three shots into the building opposite. "f*cking moron!" Rocky said ducking down and running over to Billy, punching him in the jaw. Billy collapsed into the curb and Rocky picked up the gun.

"Lets get this heap of sh*t off of the bikes!" Sonny shouted, walking towards the Van.

tarnell
  • tarnell

    Li'l G Loc

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  • Joined: 22 Jul 2009

#1570

Posted 05 November 2009 - 06:20 PM

aragond; men you are a good writer, I have a lot to learn from you and big mitch baker smile.gif

tarnell
  • tarnell

    Li'l G Loc

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  • Joined: 22 Jul 2009

#1571

Posted 05 November 2009 - 06:28 PM

3. If all of your gangs' properties have been occupied, you can buy more land for your gang. If you want a property in a city where you already have properties, it will cost $200. If you want to expand into a new city, it will cost $350. You may not purchase land that is already owned by another gang.

I dont really get that rule, help? confused.gif
+ I failed to find the assets and businesses on here

f*ck so sory for the double post, didnt mean to

tarnell
  • tarnell

    Li'l G Loc

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#1572

Posted 05 November 2009 - 09:37 PM

Petrovic Bratva
69th Street Dinner

user posted image





Chapter 1

' Welcome to the land of opportunity '

It is two in the morning; the rain is so heavy that it cuts the line of sight within five metres. The waves in the Atlantic are big and powerful, this is caused by the powerful wind that also makes the controlling of a big trading ship quiet hard. Vlad, a young Russian guy who is coming to Liberty City to find happiness and live the American Dream, was standing outside, on the deck smoking some Russian cigarettes called ‘Belomor’. Suddenly a man shouts ‘VLAD! Get inside NOW!’ Then he went back into the control room. Vlad took the last breath and threw the cigar into the sea, then slowly was moving inside as the strong wind was making it difficult to move. When he finally got inside, he made his way to the ships café to join the other men that were having a good time, most of them drunk. After only a few minutes past, the ship hit a massive rock. At the start no one realised what was going on, but then water started to burst from all over the place. Everyone panicked and a riot was formed on the ship, people didn’t know what to do, a few didn’t even bother standing up, too much vodka perhaps. Vlad quickly run up the metal stairs and went to the control room. The captain was asleep on the floor with two bottles of vodka next to him; a massive rock was blocking the ship. Vlad desperate went downstairs and told the other guys what happened and all together jumped off the ship, before it completely sunk. The ship sunk so fast that no one had time to even get their clothes and money. The water was ice cold and the big waves made it impossible to stay on the surface, because of this most of the men died. Not long after a police chopper showed up in the dark skies and a man shouted.

‘This is LCPD! Please stay where you are, help is on its way.’ While everyone that ware still alive were happy, Vlad started to swim in the direction of the helicopter, he knew that land wasn’t far. It was very hard and dangerous to swim, but it is still worth taking the chance, since he knew that he would get arrested and then sent back to Russia because he came in illegal. After a few minutes of swimming a massive wave covered him and it was so strong that it threw him on the beach, knocking him out. A few hours later he opened his eyes slowly, a seagull was biting his legs.

‘Aaargghhh!’ Vlad shouted and hit the bird with his hand. He then slowly stood up and looked at himself.

‘Chyort voz'mi!’(Oh sh*t) He said to himself while looking at his truck pants full of holes and his ripped jacket. He then started to walk towards the road. Once there he stopped a taxi.

‘Hey, where you going friend?’ The taxi driver asked friendly and turned his head towards Vlad.

‘Hove Beach…. At the 69th dinner…. please’ Vlad said and the taxi started to move. In a bout 20 minutes it reached the place. Vlad got out of the car and shouted.

‘Prosty bratan (I am sorry friend/brother), don’t have any money!’ And run away. After a few minutes the taxi left and Vlad went inside the dinner safely. As he entered the doors, everyone was staring at him, probably because of the state of him. He approached two Russian guys sitting at a table.

‘Privet patani (Hi guys), I am Vlad, Alexander’s cousin. He told me you would meet me here’ Vlad said

‘Ahh da (yes), ok let’s go, Alex is waiting for you’ one of the guys said and then both of them stood up and went to the car. They had a white rebela, looked just like in the old country only the American numbers. After only a few minutes of crazy driving and ignoring the red lights, we finally reached a building with four floors. We got to second floor and one of the guys knocked on the door, a voice shouted ‘Who is there?’ and the other guys replied ‘Its us Alex’. The door opened and Alexander jumped at me with open arms.

‘Cousin! You are finally here! What happened to you?’ He asked while looking at my ripped clothes and scars.

‘Long story short, that f*cking dumbass, Captain got drunk and fall asleep, our ship crushed in a rock and I had to jump over and swim to the land’ Vlad replied.

‘Ahh, good that you are ok cousin, lets go inside.’ Alex said, ‘Ok guys, spasibo (thanks), ill call later.’ He added and closed the door.

‘Nice place you got here cousin’ Vlad said while wondering around the small apartment.

‘Its temporary, wait until I make some deals, then we will live in a mansion cousin, only you, me and a lot of girls’ Alex said.

‘Yeah, I hope you are right. Ok I am tired, mind if I go to sleep?’ Vlad asked and laid down on the wooden bed.

‘No cousin, but it is just two p.m. don’t you want to see the city?’ Alexander asked surprised

‘Not now cousin, we will go when I wake up.’ Vlad said and went to sleep. After sleeping for a few hours he woke up.

‘ Damn, that was a nice sleep that I didn’t get for months’ Vlad said and yawned. The he stood up and walked towards a table in the kitchen where he found a short later.

‘ Cousin meet me at the 69th dinner at 11 p.m.’ He looked at the watch and it was 10:50.

‘I better go see what he is up to’ Thought Vlad.

Slingaa
  • Slingaa

    Unbowed, unbent, unbroken.

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  • Joined: 19 Sep 2009

#1573

Posted 05 November 2009 - 09:42 PM

Please don't double triple post.

Vercetti27
  • Vercetti27

    Staunton Faction

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  • Joined: 18 Jan 2009

#1574

Posted 05 November 2009 - 10:03 PM

I assume I can write for the Pegorino's at pegorino's mansion

Big_Mitch_Baker
  • Big_Mitch_Baker

    =Å= Angels of Death - Founder

  • Angels of Death MC
  • Joined: 23 Feb 2005
  • None

#1575

Posted 06 November 2009 - 04:20 AM Edited by Big_Mitch_Baker, 21 November 2009 - 08:02 PM.

user posted image
ANGELS OF DEATH MC

The Epic Chronicle of J o h n n y M a l v a d o

Chapter 7: Kung-Fool Fighting

PREVIOUS CHAPTER: The Trouble with Triads


The bright lights of the city were a blur of neon streaks as the cab sped toward the Videogeddon Arcade. Chinatown was a chaotic place, which was echoed in it's disorderly scenery. Business signs and banners cluttered the buildings at complete random, vendors set up booths on the sidewalks without any permits, people dumped their garbage on the streets from their apartment windows. The police all but gave up on the area, so long as the crime was Asian on Asian. However, when tourists got robbed in the area the LCPD were quite expeditious. In general Chinatown and Little Italy were regarded as hubs of criminal activity that marred the relatively peaceful areas of southern Algonquin, however the Angels of Death were about to make things much worse.

Malvado pulled out his cellphone and called Joe Jon. There was no answer, to which Malvado repeatedly pounded the phone into the seat cushion in front of him. The cab driver was far too intimidated to scold him for wrecking up the interior. Malvado rang up Big Al Lawson instead.

" Malvado, to what do I owe the honor my boy? " Al greeted him as he answered the phone.
" No time for formalities and sh*t man, they killed Rocket, I need reinforcements " Malvado said.
" Slow down, Rocket Ronny is dead? Who killed him? " Big Al asked.
" The f*cking Triads man, it was over the Heroin we stole... " Malvado answered.
" sh*t, I knew this was gonna happen when that ch*nk in the trench coat saw us and got away " Big Al went on.
" Hey man, that wasn't my fault...All you guys had just as clear a shot at that f*cker as I did " Malvado explained.
" It wasn't anybodies fault man, sh*t happens...If anybody is to blame it's Joe Jon for puttin' the hammer down on that deal without a plan. Just don't tell him I said that " Big Al said.
" Don't worry, I ain't the gossip type, he won't hear of it. But between us Joe Jon ain't level headed enough to be comin' up with schemes and sh*t " Malvado commented.
" Yeah, I rather have a brute like him on the front lines with me than making the battle plans. Lester Arnold was always the brains, Joe Jon should stick to brawn " Big Al said.
" Well if we got Brains and Brawn covered, what do we keep you around for Al? " Malvado asked in jest.
" Somebody has to gather pussy for the club, ya think the bitches would come runnin' for your ugly mug? " Big Al joked back. Big Al was a real ladies man back in his day, but at age 49 he could only joke about his sexual conquests. His thick buddy holly style glasses and raging beer gut hardly made for "hunk" material.
" Well glad you're good for somethin' there Al...I'm headed to the Arcade in Chinatown, now hows about you send me some backup? " Malvado requested.
" Sure bud, I'll send a few of the boys right now...Try not to get yourself into trouble until they get there " Big Al said.
" I guarantee nothin' " Malvado said before he hung up.

The cab pulled up to the Arcade and Malvado got out. The cabbie demanded payment, however Malvado simply gave him the finger and told him to go back to his own country. He surveyed the scene, looking for signs of Yao Ing Tong. Being an Angel of Death, Malvado had rode his motorcycle over every inch of the city. While passing the arcade Malvado would often see Yao there, not knowing who he was but taking notice of his ridiculous "Super Asian" attire. It seems when Yao wasn't selling drugs or interrogating people in a utility closet, he played video games. It was a habit he shared with the younger Triads, but attempted to hide from his superiors. Hsing Jaoming himself once commented on how Yaos habitual 'gaming' made him look weak in the eyes of the other Triads. Yao attempted to become more violent and arrogant in order to compensate. His custom yellow Hakuchou bike was parked out front, so Malvado knew Yao was there at that moment. Malvado walked towards the Videogeddon entrance and reached for his gun. The holster was empty, the Triads had taken it when he was kidnapped. His knife was gone too, which left him essentially weaponless. He looked around for his backup, which had not yet arrived, then decided to go inside alone. His lust for revenge clouded his better judgment, as nobody in Liberty City would be brazen enough to pick a fight with a group of armed Triads with nothing but their fists...Nobody but an Angel of Death.

As Malvado entered he scanned the arcade, not once distracted by the flashing lights and annoying noises. He had been to Las Venturas, this was nothing in comparison. He spotted Yao Tong playing an arcade machine with two other young Triads at his sides watching. Malvado saw red as he walked up behind Yao with unbreakable focus. Yao was too consumed with his attempt at a high score to notice the behemoth lumbering up behind him.

Malvado palmed the back of Yaos head like a basketball, then violently shoved his face through the arcade machine screen. There was a loud smash as his head was ploughed through the glass, which nearly severed his neck with it's jagged edges. Sparks flew out of the machine and Yaos body twitched as it was electrocuted. The other two Triads pulled out pistols and pointed them at Malvado. His military training took over, and without forethought he grabbed the gun of the Triad on the left and turned himself toward his opponents elbow breaking his arm. The young Triad shouted curse words in Chinese as Malvado continued to turn until he was behind his victim using him as a shield. The other Triad fired, shooting bullet after bullet into his allies body. Still holding the gun, Malvado put his finger over the victims finger and forced him to fire back at the other Triad. After putting three bullets into the other Triads chest, he let go of the first Triad victim and the body hit the floor.

Malvado heard the familiar sound of a bullet whizzing past his head, which planted itself into a nearby pinball machine. He looked over to see more Triads heading over from the back of the room. Malvado dove behind a row of arcade machines as more gunfire came his way. He snuck around the rows of machines, playing a deadly game of Cat and Mouse with the Triads. Malvado hid behind a vending machine as he saw one of the Traids walking the aisle on the opposite side. As he walked past the vending machine, Malvado pushed it from the other side. 900 pounds of Sprunk filled machinery tipped over onto his foe, crushing the life out of him. The commotion caught the attention of the other triads who were now advancing on his position. Malvado ducked behind another line of arcade machines, and slowly crept towards the front. As he got to the end and turned the corner he ran into a small bald headed Triad who just happened to also be coming around the same corner. Malvado put his hands up and stood upright, staring down the barrel of a combat pistol. The Triad smiled and said something in Mandarin, then cocked the hammer. Malvado expected this to be the end, but kept his eyes open. If he was going to eat a bullet, he wasn't going to pussy out and close his eyes.

Suddenly the sound of automatic gunfire echoed throughout the arcade. A hole burst through the Triad assailants chest, and blood spattered onto Malvado. He looked to see his Angels of Death brothers bursting in the front door and spraying the Triads with assault rifles. Big Al lead the group grinning and smoking a big Cuban cigar, ripping the place up with an advanced machine gun. He waved to Malvado when he spotted him.

" Still alive there bud? Here's the cavalry! " Big Al shouted with a smile.
" Hells yeah, not a moment too f*ckin' soon " Malvado shouted back.
" We got here ASAP brother! " Big Al explained.
" sh*t man, ya brought some real heavy hardware " Malvado commented.
" You didn't explain what kind of trouble you were heading into, better to overkill the situation I always say " Big Al responded.
" Well thanks man, I might have ended up a worm buffet if you guys didn't show...Now lets get the f*ck outta here " Malvado said.

The Angels of Death headed outside and onto their bikes. Malvado jumped on the back of Big Als Diabolus and they sped away from the scene of the crime.

" Drop me off at Drusillas, I need to pick up my Hog...I gotta find Joe Jon and tell him the Triads killed Rocket " Malvado said to Big Al.
" Sure bud, but be careful...If "Arnie" finds out we ripped off the Jaoming Triads without his say so, heads will roll " Big Al warned. Lester Arnold wasn't shy when it came to enforcing fatal discipline.
" I know, they're one of our biggest connections for Heroin and I think we may have just complicated things... " Malvado said.
" f*ck the Triads, things are already complicated. Before you and Rocket went to hassle Boccino, some crazy motherf*ckers ambushed our Cocaine convoy at the Charge Island tollbooth " Big Al told Malvado.
" Are you serious? First the Heroin and now the Blow? Joe Jon is gonna lose his f*ckin' mind... "
Big Al gave a nod in agreement. They pulled up to Drusillas and Malvado got on his Zombie. A prospect got off the back of another motorcycle and took Rocket Ronnys bike, which would later be scrapped for parts. It was a dark day for the Angels of Death, so many bodies and nothing to show for it. And there was more death to come...

user posted image

Next Chapter: Brotherhood of Fiends


Made the dialogue yellow to break up the monotony of the "wall-o'-text". Let me know if it's bothersome and I'll change it back to white. Also you can fine me for the use of weapons the AoD hasn't bought yet I don't give a sh*t, although Malvado himself didn't use any, the story wouldn't have been the same without them. Also I can't seem to change the size of the text anymore for some reason mercie_blink.gif

aragond
  • aragond

    We are the Aragond. We will bury you.

  • Members
  • Joined: 26 Aug 2007
  • None

#1576

Posted 06 November 2009 - 04:42 AM

QUOTE (tarnell @ Nov 6 2009, 04:20)
aragond; men you are a good writer, I have a lot to learn from you and big mitch baker smile.gif

Now, T, you just know they're gonna sley ya for triple posting. lol.gif
The legit way to correct it is to c+p all the text from your second accidental post into the first post, and turn the second into an "ignore"/"nm" post which has no signature. Or so I've been told.

Secondly, wow, I appreciate the praise, thank you.

And, by all means, learn away. Pick-up on the things others write, chew them up, analyse them, figure out what it is you like about the way they wrote this or that, and then, when you understand it, try it out. (Which doesn't mean just copying them, of course) It's the reason I'm in here, as well as (hopefully) to entertain. I've seen some writing in here that really impresses me, and, from it, I've learned, and by trying things out, you figure out what works.

'Cuz, we're not the ultimate standard to aspire to, since I'm sure there's books in a similar vein that make us look like the amateurs we are (well, that I am). Plus, you should probably know the quality of what I write is a result of the far-too-many hours I spend writing each post. Sometimes they come fast, and other times its a real drudge.

On that, I wonder aloud whether there ever will be a library of books written in the GTA universe in the same way there was for the Star Wars et al universii? I mean, there's millions of people playing these games. Sure, there's a vast difference between twenty-or-thirty million people playing GTA and a billion watching SW, but you get my drift. Perhaps BUYG should pitch the idea to publishers. lol.gif

BTW, you had me going with the Russian flag. I was convinced you had another flag there previously ... and I wuz right. Okay. ('Cuz I would have been astounded at how good your English was for a Russian background.) It's all part of the Tarnell rebranding into all things Petrovic, I assume.
Well, I liked the pic and the Seryoga video -- I assume inspiring you -- were a good touch at getting my mind in the mood for your first story. And a nice beginning, sinking the ship Vlad's coming in on. A dramatic beginning always helps.

.2D
  • .2D

    I Shed The Blood of Saxon Men

  • Andolini Mafia Family
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#1577

Posted 06 November 2009 - 08:23 AM

Lmao Tarnell, you say sorry for double posting then triple post? tounge2.gif

Mitch, another awesome story biggrin.gif icon14.gif

tarnell
  • tarnell

    Li'l G Loc

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#1578

Posted 06 November 2009 - 08:42 AM

QUOTE (aragond @ Nov 6 2009, 04:42)
QUOTE (tarnell @ Nov 6 2009, 04:20)
aragond; men you are a good writer, I have a lot to learn from you and big mitch baker  smile.gif

Now, T, you just know they're gonna sley ya for triple posting. lol.gif
The legit way to correct it is to c+p all the text from your second accidental post into the first post, and turn the second into an "ignore"/"nm" post which has no signature. Or so I've been told.

Secondly, wow, I appreciate the praise, thank you.

And, by all means, learn away. Pick-up on the things others write, chew them up, analyse them, figure out what it is you like about the way they wrote this or that, and then, when you understand it, try it out. (Which doesn't mean just copying them, of course) It's the reason I'm in here, as well as (hopefully) to entertain. I've seen some writing in here that really impresses me, and, from it, I've learned, and by trying things out, you figure out what works.

'Cuz, we're not the ultimate standard to aspire to, since I'm sure there's books in a similar vein that make us look like the amateurs we are (well, that I am). Plus, you should probably know the quality of what I write is a result of the far-too-many hours I spend writing each post. Sometimes they come fast, and other times its a real drudge.

On that, I wonder aloud whether there ever will be a library of books written in the GTA universe in the same way there was for the Star Wars et al universii? I mean, there's millions of people playing these games. Sure, there's a vast difference between twenty-or-thirty million people playing GTA and a billion watching SW, but you get my drift. Perhaps BUYG should pitch the idea to publishers. lol.gif

BTW, you had me going with the Russian flag. I was convinced you had another flag there previously ... and I wuz right. Okay. ('Cuz I would have been astounded at how good your English was for a Russian background.) It's all part of the Tarnell rebranding into all things Petrovic, I assume.
Well, I liked the pic and the Seryoga video -- I assume inspiring you -- were a good touch at getting my mind in the mood for your first story. And a nice beginning, sinking the ship Vlad's coming in on. A dramatic beginning always helps.

thanx men. Sory for triple post, didnt realise blush.gif
Yeah my english is ok, probably cuz I live in england for nearly 3 years now biggrin.gif
And yeah it kind of inspires me to write while listening to russian rap biggrin.gif I will put a new one everytime I write a story, also yes thats why I wanted petrovic, same background as me
And just to let people know I wasnt unoriginal with choosing the name Vlad, didnt take it from the game, its my name as well so yeah lol.

Vercetti27
  • Vercetti27

    Staunton Faction

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#1579

Posted 06 November 2009 - 01:44 PM

Pegorino Family
@ The Pegorino Mansion
Chapter 1

Louie Pegorino swerved in and out of parked and moving cars as he sped through Westdyke in the roaring Coquette. The Ancelotti’s were trailing. Gunshots flew into his battered wing mirror as he sped around a corner, leading past Cariboo Avenue.
Louie stuck his head out of the car window, and as he did another gunshot rattled past his left ear. Louie knew he was never going to loose them after stealing the coke. There was at least 5 cars of them behind him, shooting at his tyres and mirrors. Louie drove onto Plumbers skyway, and as he did, he threw a Molotov out of his car window. The Molotov lit the road behind him, and the flames raced up through the Ancelotti PMP 600. The car was still chasing him, but inside were 2 burning Italian mobsters. Louie could hear their screams as he turned off the skyway and drove into Ivy Road. The car, which had previously been in flames exploded in a fiery mess. The explosion shook Louie’s Coquette, but he maintained control as he turned off into Plumbbob Avenue, which led him towards the Alderney industrial estate. Louie drove past a giant yellow scaffold project, and down Sculpin Avenue.
Now he had to finish the chase. Louie parked up the Coquette behind a blue crate, and left the door open as he moved around to the boot to pull out a pistol. He knew he was outgunned when the Ancelotti’s left their PMP ‘s armed with combine rifles.
Louie ran past the gunshot fire, which narrowly missed him and up into the yellow scaffold. 2 Ancelotti’s followed him; he turned and quickly shot two bullets into the closest Ancelotti’s head.

“You motherf*cking Pegorino f*ck, come back here you asshole”! The other Ancelotti barked, aiming his carbine rifle up the scaffold. Louie ran further up, knowing there was only one way back down. He ran up to the roof of the building, and noticed all 3 of the Ancelotti’s were following him up the scaffold onto the roof. He hid behind a large crate, and loaded his pistol again. He was shaking in fear, but was confident he could finish the Ancelotti’s.

As the first one ran onto the roof, he quickly leant out from behind the crate and pulled the trigger twice. Both bullets crashed into his stomach. The Ancelotti fell from the roof, clutching his chest.

“Micky”! Cried the two remaining Ancelotti’s.
“Your gonna pay for that you dirty small time Pegorino sh*thead”! Cried one of them, as he ran onto the roof with his carbine rifle, and blasted at the metal crate Louie hid behind.

Louie remembered he had a Molotov in his inside pocket of his Perseus suit. He fumbled with his lighter as more heavy bullets pounded the solid surface of the crate. As the Molotov was lit, he took a second to regain his breath. Once he had, he turned and flung the burning bottle at the Ancelotti’s who stood 20 yards away.

As the Molotov dropped onto the surface of the roof, their faces were cold, shocked and empty. The bottle smashed into pieces, and the flames thrashed into the Ancelotti’s faces. Their bodies flew off the roof, onto the cold ground in a flaming heap. As the flames, which still roared on the roof, died down, Louie regained himself, and stood from behind the crate, which saved his life.

He took his pistol, which he brought along with him everywhere, and put it safely into his inside pocket of his dusty Perseus suit. As Louie jogged back down the scaffold, his phone rang.

“Hello, Louie Pegorino”?
“Hey, Lou. Did you get the coke”? Asked Jimmy, his uncle, who’s voice sounded concerned.
“Sure. I finished off every Ancelotti motherf*cker on my tail. I’ll be back at the house in 10 minutes”.
“That’s my boy”. Jimmy hung up. Louie climbed down the last couple of feet, and ran over to his bashed, gun shot ridden Coquette. He entered the car, and revved the engine 3 times.
“Still healthy”. Smiled Louie, as he sped away from the industrial site with the coke.[/
FONT]

aragond
  • aragond

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#1580

Posted 06 November 2009 - 03:42 PM

QUOTE (Big_Mitch_Baker @ Nov 6 2009, 14:20)
Made the dialogue yellow to break up the monotony of the "wall-o'-text".  Let me know if it's bothersome and I'll change it back to white.

Didn't mind the yellow . A bit "bright", but I kinda understand. Guess it's why I turned my stories pale blue.

I thought it ended a little abruptly, the cavalry arrives and they all live happily, etc. Alright, I read there's more to come at the end, but ... didn't he kill the guy that killed Rocket? Doesn't that mean it's over? Y'know? I dunno, having seen Rocket killed so casually, I was kinda expecting world war three to erupt across Triadville over several stories wherein Malvado finally gets to Rocket's killer and shoves the knife in slowly. Maybe I need to re-read it, but I'm not sure whether... I mean, I loved the shoving of Yao's head into the screen. Well, it wasn't nice, but it was cinematic. And you were succinct. Nice touch. But, that should have been a deputy, or bodyguard, not the main guy. I dunno. It just seemed too easy. confused.gif

But, hey, perhaps you've got a plan in mind: I'll still be here reading. smile.gif

Secondly, just in places, it descended a little into "Malvado this" and "Malvado that" (41 times his name appears) whereas I thought you could have used different wording to avoid that. Like " Malvado hid behind a vending machine as he saw one of the Traids walking the aisle on the opposite side. " could have been "Hiding behind a vending machine, he spied one of the triads..." or "Spying one of the triads approaching, he hid behind a ..." I feel your pain 'cuz it can become difficult to avoid.


Minor crap aside, I like your work.

QUOTE (continued...)
Also you can fine me for the use of weapons the AoD hasn't bought yet I don't give a sh*t, although Malvado himself didn't use any, the story wouldn't have been the same without them.

This is a little ... belligerant, isn't it? I mean, that's a fine attitude for Malvado, but you're not your character. Especially when the AoD have Micro SMGs. And if they're not grunty enough, the AoD have almost a thou', you could have easily bought AKs for $450. Staff can be more punitive than a simple fine, and I don't think you deserve that, not after all your hard work. You're a good writer whose gang deserves all the dollars you earn for 'em, imho. I'm just worried you're doing y'self a disservice p!ssing on the rules like that.
But, yes, I know Malvado would sh*t down my neck for being a pussy.
lol.gif

Big_Mitch_Baker
  • Big_Mitch_Baker

    =Å= Angels of Death - Founder

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#1581

Posted 06 November 2009 - 05:33 PM Edited by Big_Mitch_Baker, 06 November 2009 - 06:54 PM.

@ .2D & Tarnell : Thanks to both of ya icon14.gif , Glad ya'll like my stories

@ aragond : Thanks again for the advice smile.gif ...I was pretty tired when I wrote the story, so I kind of half-assed some things (like the repetition of Malvados name, or the ultra cliché last second "saved by the cavalry" ending). Glad you said it was succinct, I was beginning to think my wording was muddled at times (like when I was trying to describe my protagonist twisting a triads arm and using him as a shield). Also, Yao Tong wasn't important enough to the Triads to lend protection to, therefore his low level status made him an easy target. Chan Jaoming on the other hand... sly.gif
And I'll be sure to keep reading your stories too man, they're top notch cool.gif

P.S. You'd be surprised how much of Malvados character traits are based on myself tounge.gif

@ BUYG staff : I mean no offense by my apparently "belligerent" attitude, that's just how I talk, I mean nothin' personal by it. Ya'll got your big-boy pants so I assume nobody will make a big deal outta it. I respect the rules and staff here which is why I volunteer to take a fine, or anything else ya'll feel warranted for using those guns (briefly). In all honesty the money is secondary to the story imo. I just wanted to give the reader the feeling that Big Al saved the day in a big way, and was a helpful character in contrast to Joe Jon who will reveal his unhelpful nature in the next chapter.

VinnieLeone
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    i luv black ops

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#1582

Posted 06 November 2009 - 06:49 PM

I would like to switch to Pegorino's Honkers, I'm a lot better at Mafia Stories

aragond
  • aragond

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#1583

Posted 07 November 2009 - 02:19 AM Edited by aragond, 07 November 2009 - 03:27 AM.

QUOTE (VinnieLeone @ Nov 7 2009, 04:49)
I would like to switch to Pegorino's Honkers, I'm a lot better at Mafia Stories

Vinnie, my man. You're aware of that whole "five stories before changing gangs" rule thing, right? (They've only got you listed with one story to your name.) smile.gif

QUOTE (Big_Mitch_Baker @ Nov 7 2009, 03:33)
@ aragond : Thanks again for the advice  smile.gif ...I was pretty tired when I wrote the story, so I kind of half-assed some things (like the repetition of Malvados name, or the ultra cliché last second "saved by the cavalry" ending).  Glad you said it was succinct, I was beginning to think my wording was muddled at times (like when I was trying to describe my protagonist twisting a triads arm and using him as a shield).  Also, Yao Tong wasn't important enough to the Triads to lend protection to, therefore his low level status made him an easy target. Chan Jaoming on the other hand... sly.gif
And I'll be sure to keep reading your stories too man, they're top notch  cool.gif  

P.S. You'd be surprised how much of Malvados character traits are based on myself  tounge.gif

Cheers, brother. Glad you've taken it in the spirit it was supplied. I was wary. I was kinda wondering whether to take it offline, (a) 'cuz I don't want to appear to be embarassing someone publicly (who knows how they take it), and (b) 'cuz you never can be sure how ppl will take what you say/react. Then again, if you are, as you say, a lot like Malvado, who himself sounds pretty mature for a biker, perhaps all I'd get would be a "F**k off". smile.gif I can live with that. I've got the big boy pants on, too. lol.gif

But, yep, I hear what you're saying about the tiredness. My writing... well, I can tell later if I've been too tired. You're lucky yours is coherent. lol.gif

Re; Yao. If Yao wasn't important enough, he's just an associate, why was he torturing the bikers? He wasn't the only fleeing survivor of the massacre since that scene is the first time we learn his name. Perhaps Malvado could have checklisted who was on his list and why. Then I know what he's thinking, even if it isn't rational, at least for him it's consistent. Fwiw, I like to understand a protagonist's thinking as I follow them on their killing sprees. colgate.gif

(Funny sidebar: I just went looking for your previous posts and into the member name I entered "Malvado". Apparently even *I* am seeing you too as one-n-the-same. lol.gif )

PS; I have been experimenting with sizes, and I can't change sizes either?!?! That is the weirdest sh!t yet! I've gotten rid of your colours, the long string of colours for Malv's name (nice touch) and even the bold and underline tags, and nothing works?! The SIZE tags keep getting editted out of the saved post?!?!
I've also found the board flickering in and out of being online. Not often, but maybe this is a symptom?!?!?!

PPS; Like the name colouring in ur reply. Nice touch.

QUOTE (tarnell @ Nov 6 2009, 18:42)
Yeah my english is ok, probably cuz I live in england for nearly 3 years now  biggrin.gif
And yeah it kind of inspires me to write while listening to russian rap  biggrin.gif   I will put a new one everytime I write a story, also yes thats why I wanted petrovic, same background as me
And just to let people know I wasnt unoriginal with choosing the name Vlad, didnt take it from the game, its my name as well so yeah lol.

wow.gif (Sound of jaw dropping)
Okay, so you ARE Russian, with three years of English 'cuz you now live there. Wow. Impressive pick-up of the language, meng.

'Cuz I'm in a suicidally helpful mood blush.gif , I've got a couple o' notes from your story, too. (And this is useful for anyone, not just Tarnell.)
  • Loved the video and pic (have I said that already?) at the top of your story. Got me in the mood, too.
  • I thought sinking the ship he was on was a really nice way of introducing Vlad. Sure, it is very GTA4/Niko, but instead a kind of dystopian parody of Niko's arrival. I likey.
  • Now, if I may bore you with advice: Remember always to include the facts your story NEEDS, that readers must know for the story to make sense, then add the facts that make the story interesting, and then cast a wary eye on the rest of them. Knowing that it was a cold, windy, stormy middle-o-the-night was important. Knowing it was precisely 2am was not. Knowing stormy waves were crashing hard against the ship was important; knowing it was the Atlantic was not. Get my drift? It's not that you shouldn't ever mention these things, but really think about whether it's important for the reader to know such trivia. That way, your reader is constantly focused on the real core of the story, which is, afterall, the important stuff.
  • They say a book must be sold with its first few sentences, and that authors spend ages trying to find the perfect first line that sucks the reader in. 'Cuz, aside from the blurb, that's typically what browsers read when they pick a book up. Which means, your first sentence should grab the reader around the neck and say "Hey, you really want to read this." (Yes, yes, I know we're writing fan fiction, not novels, but, hey, I can be a perfectionitht, can't I, and then wish perfectionism on all my fellow BUYGers?) Sinking the ship is pretty good PUNCH to introduce the story, but your first line also matters a lot. And, it doesn't have to be explosions. It just has to be grabby. Please pardon my doing this, but perhaps instead of " It is two in the morning; the rain is so heavy that it cuts the line of sight within five metres. " it might read: " The roar of the waves crashing against the hull echoed throughout the ship, while the vessel's crew laboured to keep the ship on course. "
  • I'm just gonna throw this out there, for your future reference: the key to good writing is knowing your grammar and your adjectives. The first lets you say the same boring thing five different ways more interestingly. And the second allows you to tell the reader how dark and stormy it is five different ways. icon14.gif
  • The guy shouting at Vlad to get inside now (never really learned why he shouted that) should be a paragraph all on it's own. Ah, well, you do it in the rest of your story, so I won't explain why it's necessary. Just, you missed one. smile.gif
  • I like your opening chapter, and I'm glad you've moved to a gang that captures your interest 'cuz if you're interested it means better stories from you. So, I'm looking forward to reading more about your namesake.

Big_Mitch_Baker
  • Big_Mitch_Baker

    =Å= Angels of Death - Founder

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#1584

Posted 07 November 2009 - 04:29 AM Edited by Big_Mitch_Baker, 07 November 2009 - 07:25 AM.

QUOTE (aragond @ Nov 7 2009, 02:19)
Re; Yao. If Yao wasn't important enough, he's just an associate, why was he torturing the bikers?

Yao was just some regular young Triad, but he wanted to be a big shot. He volunteered to take care of the bikers who stole the heroin, to impress his superiors (and perhaps become some sort of lieutenant or underboss), but he ended up biting off more than he could chew.

Also at this point Malvado doesn't recognize Chan Jaoming , who was the actual "official" overseeing the interrogation - despite his light grasp of the situation (at this time he's too busy trying to find the Rat ie: Chinatown wars). He also doesn't know the involvement of the Triad in the Trenchcoat , who is busy trying to steal the same heroin back from The Lost. Technically he'd be the one that opened Yao up to the idea of interrogating the bikers to find out where the heroin had gone (obviously some time before Billy Grey lets him know Johnny Klebbitz has it). As T B o G T showed us, the Triad in the Trenchcoat can't take a punch, so it'd make sense he'd send someone else ( Yao ) to fix his mistake.

Don't mean to clog the thread, just couldn't help explain that a bit tounge.gif

tarnell
  • tarnell

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#1585

Posted 07 November 2009 - 08:42 AM

QUOTE (aragond @ Nov 7 2009, 02:19)

QUOTE (tarnell @ Nov 6 2009, 18:42)
Yeah my english is ok, probably cuz I live in england for nearly 3 years now  biggrin.gif
And yeah it kind of inspires me to write while listening to russian rap  biggrin.gif   I will put a new one everytime I write a story, also yes thats why I wanted petrovic, same background as me
And just to let people know I wasnt unoriginal with choosing the name Vlad, didnt take it from the game, its my name as well so yeah lol.

wow.gif (Sound of jaw dropping)
Okay, so you ARE Russian, with three years of English 'cuz you now live there. Wow. Impressive pick-up of the language, meng.

'Cuz I'm in a suicidally helpful mood blush.gif , I've got a couple o' notes from your story, too. (And this is useful for anyone, not just Tarnell.)
  • Loved the video and pic (have I said that already?) at the top of your story. Got me in the mood, too.
  • I thought sinking the ship he was on was a really nice way of introducing Vlad. Sure, it is very GTA4/Niko, but instead a kind of dystopian parody of Niko's arrival. I likey.
  • Now, if I may bore you with advice: Remember always to include the facts your story NEEDS, that readers must know for the story to make sense, then add the facts that make the story interesting, and then cast a wary eye on the rest of them. Knowing that it was a cold, windy, stormy middle-o-the-night was important. Knowing it was precisely 2am was not. Knowing stormy waves were crashing hard against the ship was important; knowing it was the Atlantic was not. Get my drift? It's not that you shouldn't ever mention these things, but really think about whether it's important for the reader to know such trivia. That way, your reader is constantly focused on the real core of the story, which is, afterall, the important stuff.
  • They say a book must be sold with its first few sentences, and that authors spend ages trying to find the perfect first line that sucks the reader in. 'Cuz, aside from the blurb, that's typically what browsers read when they pick a book up. Which means, your first sentence should grab the reader around the neck and say "Hey, you really want to read this." (Yes, yes, I know we're writing fan fiction, not novels, but, hey, I can be a perfectionitht, can't I, and then wish perfectionism on all my fellow BUYGers?) Sinking the ship is pretty good PUNCH to introduce the story, but your first line also matters a lot. And, it doesn't have to be explosions. It just has to be grabby. Please pardon my doing this, but perhaps instead of " It is two in the morning; the rain is so heavy that it cuts the line of sight within five metres. " it might read: " The roar of the waves crashing against the hull echoed throughout the ship, while the vessel's crew laboured to keep the ship on course. "
  • I'm just gonna throw this out there, for your future reference: the key to good writing is knowing your grammar and your adjectives. The first lets you say the same boring thing five different ways more interestingly. And the second allows you to tell the reader how dark and stormy it is five different ways. icon14.gif
  • The guy shouting at Vlad to get inside now (never really learned why he shouted that) should be a paragraph all on it's own. Ah, well, you do it in the rest of your story, so I won't explain why it's necessary. Just, you missed one. smile.gif
  • I like your opening chapter, and I'm glad you've moved to a gang that captures your interest 'cuz if you're interested it means better stories from you. So, I'm looking forward to reading more about your namesake.
[/color]

emm thanks man. icon14.gif cookie.gif biggrin.gif
And yeah thanks for the advise as well I am always looking for advices and corections, so no you didnt bore me. The man shouted because it was windy,rainy and a storm so Its hard to hear (if u know what I am saying) + It was dangerous as he could have fallen in the water. smile.gif

.2D
  • .2D

    I Shed The Blood of Saxon Men

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 25 Jun 2009
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#1586

Posted 07 November 2009 - 01:05 PM

QUOTE (Big_Mitch_Baker @ Nov 6 2009, 17:33)
P.S. You'd be surprised how much of Malvados character traits are based on myself tounge.gif

ph34r.gif .....Scary..

Tbh, I think I f*cked up my last story, I was tired and kept writing bits and changing parts over a couple of days. Think ill do my best to make my next one better confused.gif

The Virus
  • The Virus

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#1587

Posted 07 November 2009 - 04:00 PM Edited by The Virus, 07 November 2009 - 04:44 PM.

Hey, can I write for the Lost at Marty's Bikershop? This game looks awesome.

Also, it would be cool if we could get the BoGT weapons in this thread sometime. biggrin.gif

nikoklebitz
  • nikoklebitz

    ty 4 lyfe

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#1588

Posted 08 November 2009 - 04:43 AM

i want the lost at meth lab

bmx rule
  • bmx rule

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#1589

Posted 08 November 2009 - 05:44 AM

ill join again same position Pegorino's mansion Pegorino

just one question before i write, are we allowed to mention weapons that our gang does not have, but not have them used. like:

"the best way to kill him would be by sniper, but as the gang doesn't have one, well we'll have to use an AK47" Pegorino said in a what sounded like sad and concerned voice.

now say pegorino didnt have a sniper, and i wrote this text, would this be a bad text because a sniper was mentioned but not used

aragond
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#1590

Posted 08 November 2009 - 06:07 AM Edited by aragond, 08 November 2009 - 09:19 AM.

QUOTE (bmx rule @ Nov 8 2009, 15:44)
ill join again same position Pegorino's mansion Pegorino
QUOTE (nikoklebitz @ Nov 8 2009, 14:43)
i want the lost at meth lab
QUOTE (The Virus @ Nov 8 2009, 02:00)
Hey, can I write for the Lost at Marty's Bikershop? This game looks awesome.

Firstly, thanks! I'm sure the BUYG-inventors thank you, too.
As for joining, guys, just start writing . That's all there is to it. Write your first story making clear that's the location your stories will be centred around, and the Bikershop/meth lab is yours.

QUOTE (The Virus @ Nov 8 2009, 02:00)
Also, it would be cool if we could get the BoGT weapons in this thread sometime. biggrin.gif

They'll (probably) come eventually, when the BoGT canon is settled.

QUOTE (bmx rule @ Nov 8 2009, 15:44)
just one question before i write, are we allowed to mention weapons that our gang does not have, but not have them used. like:

"the best way to kill him would be by sniper, but as the gang doesn't have one, well we'll have to use an AK47" Pegorino said in a what sounded like sad and concerned voice.

now say pegorino didnt have a sniper, and i wrote this text, would this be a bad text because a sniper was mentioned but not used

Good question. But, nah, mention all you like, just don't use. (Sounds like school policy on drugs.) Use or say that you own, I might add. It might sound a little cheesy for Jimmy to mention that the gang doesn't have one in that way biggrin.gif , but you certainly can talk about guns you don't have. Of course! Your gang JUST CANNOT USE (or you say they own) THEM.

Furthermore, HAVING weapons in your story that your gang doesn't have is ALSO okay -- such as fighting enemies or alongside third-party people that have AKs when your gang does not. But, I wouldn't abuse that loophole by making your story all about a hired gun who happens to have a sniper rifle: you'll definitely get slapped for that. Clear?

QUOTE (tarnell @ Nov 7 2009, 18:42)
emm thanks man.  icon14.gif   cookie.gif   biggrin.gif
And yeah thanks for the advise as well I am always looking for advices and corections, so no you didnt bore me.
QUOTE (Big_Mitch_Baker @ Nov 7 2009, 14:29)
Don't mean to clog the thread, just couldn't help explain that a bit  tounge.gif

Nah, don't apologise for that: I'm the one who's asking the questions. But that's a good thing: at least we're all thinking about our/eachother's work.

QUOTE (Big_Mitch_Baker @ Nov 7 2009, 14:29)
Also at this point Malvado doesn't ... can't take a punch, so it'd make sense he'd send someone else ( Yao ) to fix his mistake.

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Wooaah.
...
You've ... ah ... been thinkin' hard on this one, aye? icon14.gif

Sorry, fellas. I'm not trying to be an ass. If I sound finecky to you, remember I am sixteen-times the perfectionist on my own work (Reckon I revised this post that many times rolleyes.gif ). One reason I take days to post 'em, 'cuz I'm constantly revising, revising, revising. Y's can always just nod, but I really do just want the best for everyone's writing is all.


This is about five posts in one. Look, Ma! I didn't double triple quadruple quintuple-post! biggrin.gif




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