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BUYG: Build Up Your Gang IV

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aragond
  • aragond

    We are the Aragond. We will bury you.

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#1381

Posted 06 October 2009 - 12:13 PM

QUOTE (Build Up Your Gang @ Oct 4 2009, 13:23)
Activity Check

Please expect PM's from us soon regarding your activeness in BUYG, we're looking to kick out any inactive members to make way for new ones who want to write. What you need to know:

- If you have not replied to the PM within a week, you will be removed from the roster
- Gangs with all members inactive shall be removed and the gang's money, guns and cars shall be returned to default
- After replying to the PM, you are expected to write a story within two weeks from replying. If you have written a story in the past month you are exempt from this.

Thanks again,

- Lochie
Aragond, reporting in, SAH!
August 30 was my #7 story posting, which is more than a month ago, but I'm still working on my storyline. I'm pleading for mercy is all. I guess I could have written that in the PM reply, but, hey, just wanted to make sure all knew it.

tarnell
  • tarnell

    Li'l G Loc

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#1382

Posted 06 October 2009 - 01:30 PM

im active by the way, just a bit slow

tarnell
  • tarnell

    Li'l G Loc

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#1383

Posted 06 October 2009 - 04:25 PM

Spanish Lords:

The Deal: Part 1

Its 6.00 am and its still dark outside. Suddenly my cell phone starting to ring.
‘Oh f*ck’ I moaned and answered the phone
‘ Yeah, who the f*ck is that? Do you know what time it is? YOU MORON!’ I shouted on the phone, half asleep
‘It’s Hernandez, bitch’ A mysterious to me voice said
‘ Who the f*ck is Hernandez?’ I asked, in an annoying voice
‘ I am the Spanish Lords leader’ He said
‘Ohh sh*t, right, yeah, sorry holmes I forgot, you know still sleeping and sh*t…’
‘Yeah cut the sh*t, So Julio, you know Julio? Bohan click leader?’ He interrupted
‘Yeah, I do’ I said
‘Ok he is f*cked now, he wasn’t loyal to me so I had to cap his ass, now I need you to do something, you following me?’
‘Yeah I am1 What the f*ck is with Julio..’
‘ Not important, Ok Holmes I need you to take Pablo and Roberto and head down to Los Santos, we making a drug deal with some Vagos. If you successfully complete this task then you will be the Bohan click leader’ Hernandez talked.
‘ Yeah cool, how do I get there vato?
‘A car is going to come to you in 10 minutes and you going to get 3 plane tickets, give me a call on this number as soon as you get to LS’ He said and hang up.
I got out of the bed and put on my jeans, white shirt and a silver chain. Got downstairs and was waiting for the guys with the tickets. Ten minutes later a red cavalcade with black windows stopped near me, a window is opening and a guy asks:
‘ Yo Holmes! You Cesar?’ The guy asks
‘Yeah that’s me vato’ I said and he handed me the tickets. I went upstairs and called Pablo and Roberto. Half an hour later they came.
‘Ok holmes we ready’ Pablo says
‘Yeah, but I am hungry men, lets get something to eat’ I said
‘ Yeah, how about some burger shot men, a Heart Stopper would do nice’ Roberto said
‘ Yeah ok Burger Shot then straight to the Air Port, our plain in leaving in 3 hours.’ I said as we were leaving the apartment. We got in my car and headed down to Burger Shot, we spent one hour to enjoy our meal and then headed down to the airport. After 30 minutes we were at the Francis International Air Port.
‘Wow this place is awesome, I cant believe I never came here’ Roberto said in a excited voice
‘Where the f*ck would you fly to ese?’ Pablo said in a sarcastic way
‘f*ck you cholo’ Roberto quietly said.
‘Ok esse’s lets go’ I shouted and we made our way to the plane.
In an hour we were already in the plane and ready to take off. After a 8-hour flying time we finally arrived to Los Santos. It was 22.00 and the darkness was lying over the town.
‘Damn Holmes, Los Santos is f*cking beautiful at night men’ Pablo shouted.
‘Ok Holmes wait here, I’ll make a quick phone call to Liberty City then we going.’ I said and called Hernandez.
‘Yo Hernandez, its Cesar, we here esse’ I said
‘Ok the meeting is tomorrow at the 05.00 am in a small village on a hill in northern Las Colinas. You will see some Mexican gangsters with yellow bandanas around their head; they drive in some sh*tty old cars, colour yellow and white. Go there and tell them who you are and all that bullsh*t. Ok talk to you tomorrow after meeting holmes’ He said and hang up the phone.
‘Ok dudes, lets get a taxi and find a good place to stay for the night, the meeting is tomorrow at 22.00 pm, so we got the whole f*cking day to see what this city’s all about’ I spoke
‘Yeah baby! That’s what I am talking about!’ Pablo shouted.
‘TAXI’ I shouted and as the taxi stopped we all got in.
‘Yo men, we need a hotel to stay for the night, know one?’ Roberto asked
‘Yeah, Jefferson motel in Jefferson’ the taxi driver moaned.
‘Ok holmes we going to Jefferson motel then’ I said and we were on our way.


Slingaa
  • Slingaa

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#1384

Posted 06 October 2009 - 05:42 PM

QUOTE (WelcomeToLibertyCity @ Oct 5 2009, 20:37)
Yeah the Gold Uzi wiould be fantastic, also I'd like to get the SAW. Pretty insane stories would start popping up.

I think the word you're looking for is unrealistic. Gold Uzi sounds good for the gangstaas among us.

WelcomeToLibertyCity
  • WelcomeToLibertyCity

    City of Angels

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#1385

Posted 06 October 2009 - 06:58 PM Edited by WelcomeToLibertyCity, 06 October 2009 - 07:32 PM.

No I meant what I said, don't try to twist my words. How the hell would it be unrealistic? The golden uzi isn't unbelieveable it would be great for street gang stories. The SAW would be better for like seizing warehouses and taking over ships.

Nothing unrealistic about those weapons.

Big_Mitch_Baker
  • Big_Mitch_Baker

    =Å= Angels of Death - Founder

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#1386

Posted 06 October 2009 - 07:18 PM

Lettin' ya'll know I'm active, just a lil' behind (Damn Reality gettin' in the way). New story ASAP...

P.S. I'd like to purchase a Pool Cue for the Angels of Death, thanks icon14.gif

skramz
  • skramz

    3dayweekend.

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#1387

Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:33 AM

Coud I please join MOB at the Basketball Courts please?

Benjimino234
  • Benjimino234

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#1388

Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:36 AM Edited by Benjimino234, 12 October 2009 - 06:48 AM.

The Cabaret Club, Perestroika

user posted image


As I entered the smoky dining area of Perestroika the ceiling lights were dimmed down and the spotlights pointed at the stage. I looked left and right across the area then backwards at the closing doors behind me. The bodyguards were still at their post and I hoped my Rebla was parked safely. I walked down the steps and at the edge of the dance floor, still looking.

“Alexander! Over here.” I glanced left over in the non-smoker seating area. I walked towards the booth and took a seat at the man’s table. Many beer bottles were placed messily on the table as well as several shot glasses and a half full bottle of Vodka. The man was slumped over the booth seat and nearly slipping off its shiny, slippery leather upholstery. Otar Fainberg was his name; he was a short pale man. He had a suitable haircut but with a grotesque beard and moustache, an odd look especially for a man with a classy suit on. He looked like a hobo in a suit, an angry hobo in a suit. I hoped not to see him regularly; the phone calls themselves were torture to my ears. His voice was raspy but naturally aggressive and filled with grunts and snorts.

“Alex my boy! You cost me an arm and a leg!” Otar scoffed, “So I expect great things from you!”
“Of course Otar, I am Alexander Solonik.”
“But you’re Greek! That’s why you only get this now.” Otar placed an envelope on the table, “There’s only five hundred dollars in there, and you’ll get the rest if you do this task correctly and to those specific orders. I’m hoping you’ll become the new assassin for the Petrovic Bratva!”
“English please, also I may be Greek but English is my only tongue.”
“The Russian Mafia silly boy!” Otar lent back and took a swig of his Vodka bottle, “The details are in the envelope. You may leave.”
“I wasn’t planning on staying.” I said under my breath as I was leaving

I stood up and grabbed the envelope and left the Perestroika. I looked up, it was lightly raining but I didn’t dash to my car that was parked across the road. I entered my Rebla only slightly wet and started the engine; I ripped the envelope open and grabbed the money and stuffed it into the glove box. I then pulled out the sheets of paper out of the envelope and studied them carefully.

“Marat Balagula, a member of Orekhovskaya set and suspected in stealing all the profits of a ‘failed money laundering scam’, which then proven to be true.

Usually in his flat on Mohegan Ave
Requests: Death from his own car, that fancy new Comet he drives now.

I hope Otar that you’ll find the right person who can execute this, I’ll pay you handsomely and I’d like to meet who you chosen for this hit. Signed Vyacheslav “Yaponchik” Ivankov.”


“That sleaze.” I said aloud, getting a larger cut than me and I’m the one doing the killing. I actually didn’t know how much Otar will give me as the remaining cash or how much this Vyacheslav guy is paying Otar. I just kill people, no questions asked, I don’t know this man or if he really did steal the money. I don’t need a reason written for me, I don’t care. I have to not care for my targets, because there’s no such thing as an emotional assassin.

I shifted my Rebla into drive and followed my GPS to Mohegan Ave


To be continued…
user posted image




Sorry it took ages. I'm very pround of those banners of mine! biggrin.gif

EDIT: Banners fixed.

tarnell
  • tarnell

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#1389

Posted 08 October 2009 - 03:27 PM

Will someone be active allready, its annoying how we have to wait for days just to get some attention on here, i posted my story about 2 days ago. confused.gif

Big_Mitch_Baker
  • Big_Mitch_Baker

    =Å= Angels of Death - Founder

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#1390

Posted 10 October 2009 - 06:16 AM Edited by Big_Mitch_Baker, 08 November 2009 - 07:44 PM.

Angels of Death

The Epic Chronicle of Johnny Malvado

Chapter 2: Homebrewed Negotiations

PREVIOUS CHAPTER: Dead Men tell no Tales

A roar echoed through the streets emanating from the open pipes of V-twin engines tearing down the roadway at full throttle. Atop these rugged machines were three equally rugged Angels of Death; Joe Jon, Simon "Nasty" Nashly and Johnny Malvado. They were in no particular hurry, but these bikers went full throttle in everything they did. They were going to hash out a "deal" with a low level street gang that were rising in power, a Jamaican crew of Rastafarian known as the Hillside Posse. Thugs like these usually flew under the Angels radar, however they had recently started an aggressive campaign to control the drug trade in Schottler and Beechwood City. Bumping off rival dealers had finally caught the attention of the Angels, whom also delt guns and drugs from a Burger Shot in Beechwood. The two groups felt the other was encroaching on their turf, and neither was known for backing down. It was common practice for the Angels of Death to shake down gangs, and keep them under their thumb if they started making real money.

This meeting was not likely to go well, and Malvado expected they may have to kill them all before they comply with such extortion. It was a particularly bad idea to have Joe Jon there, as he was stubborn in negotiations due to his sense of superiority and invincibility (not to mention his openly racist views), but he insisted on leading this venture. Malvado contemplated the idea that Joe Jon didn't even want the Hillside Posse to agree to the terms just so they could kill them all. The Jamacians may not have been a very large group, or well connected, but they were quick to shoot as a solution. The Angels of Death had problems in the past with shaking down another street gang called M.O.B. who would promise to pay tribute, but then would attempt to dodge the bikers when it was time to collect. It was because of this pressure from the Angels that M.O.B. went underground and stopped wearing particular colors, which made it even more difficult to track them down and harass them.

Malvado and Nasty pulled up behind Joe Jon as the three of them stopped in front of the Homebrew Cafe, leaving their bikes on the sidewalk in front of a palm tree mural. Nobody in their right mind would dare touch the bikes, which were laden with AoD insignia. They walked into the cafe, which wreaked of weed and rum, and stood in the doorway. Two Rastafarians were sitting at a table, one at the far end and another off to the side, and yet another one was shooting pool alone.

"Which one of you is Batman?" Joe Jon asked
The man at the far end of the table looked annoyed, as the other one chuckled smoking a spliff
"Real Badman, no Batman, Bakra seen? Mi breda 'ere be Jacob, a ryal rude boy" he replied
"What the f*ck did you just say to me?" Joe Jon asked annoyed by Badmans thick accent
"Jus' satta 'ere star" Jacob said as he pushed out a chair for Joe Jon with his foot.

Joe paused for a moment wondering if Badman had just tried to disrespect him, then decided to sit. Nasty and Malvado headed to the pool table and picked up some pool cues. They shoved the practicing Jamaican out of the way, not because they really wanted to play pool but because they enjoyed throwing their weight around. The pool table also doubled as a good central location to oversee the talks between Joe Jon and Badman in case some trouble arose, while appearing to be occupied with a game of pool. Some time had passed, and Malvado was crushing Nasty at a game of 9-ball when the conversation between Joe Jon and Badman became heated.

"Uno try take da bread from I and I mouth? Wha eye no see, heart no leap bakra!" Badman said with anger
"F*ck you, you think I believe for a second you don't make that kind of money?" Joe Jon said in a louder tone
"I da big bout yah, ya bong belly pickney always wan' braata from me bredren...Bull bucka, bumba clot! It no gon' happen Buguyaga!" Badman yelled
"Oh really!? And what the f*ck are you N****rs gonna do about it?!" Joe Jon exclaimed as he stood up and slammed his fists down on the table. There was a moment in which the cafe fell silent, and then the Rastas reached for their guns. Malvado swung his pool cue and knocked a pistol from the hand of the nearest Jamaican, then busted his nose with the handle end. Nasty pulled out his pistol and pointed it at Real Badman, who was now standing and pointing a desert eagle point blank in Joe Jons face. It was a stand off, and Joe Jon stood unflinching with a look of fury in his eyes.

"If you don't shoot me now I'm gonna eat your f*ckin' face!" Joe Jon shouted.
"Cease an' sekkle Irie, Control...No need ta be shootin' we all lose seen?" Jacob said in an attempt to diffuse the situation. Jacob was no stranger to killing oppressors, but a full out war with the Angels of Death would be suicide.
"Badman me breda, we got 'nuff crosses already say we ease up an' a fe give lil' tribute..." Jacob said to Real Badman, causing him to lower his gun. Nasty lowered his, and Malvado threw down the pool cue.
"10% of gun sales, I and I keep all da Ganja money..." Badman offered
"Half" Joe Jon replied, "I want half of ALL of it"
"10% is good, we have ourselves an understanding then?" Malvado interjected. Badman and Jacob looked at each other, then nodded back at Malvado. Joe Jon gave him a dirty look.
"Somebody will be here to collect at the end of the month...Don't go gettin' deported back to the island before I get my money ya hear?" Joe Jon said as he pushed his seat out of the way. The three Angels walked out of the bar and to their bikes.

"What the f*ck was that in there?" Joe Jon said to Malvado, "You don't speak for me, and you sure as f*ck don't contradict me when I'm shakin' down these punks!"
"Hey man, you were gonna get us all f*ckin' shot if you kept pushin' for half", Malvado replied.
"F*ck 'em...They wouldn't have the balls to shoot me, did you forget who I am? I'm Joe Jon God Dammit! No two bit ji***boo is gonna take me out" Joe Jon said in his arrogant fashion.
"Don't seem worth it for their chump change dope money" Nasty Nashly said
"It ain't about the money, it's about respect...It's about showin' every thug in town that we call the shots, end of story. Back in my day we didn't have to negotiate for tribute, we'd just walk in, stomp the f*ckers out, and take their business. That was before the pigs were all over us, now it's easier to let these peasants do the grunt work for us while we reel in the big fish." Joe Jon explained.
"Back in your day? Your day is the same as ours you dumb sh*t...Besides, the Pigs were always on our asses" Malvado rebutted.
Joe Jon chuckled, "Ya know If anybody else said that I'd have knocked 'em out, but you're a special kind of asshole Malvado"

They nodded to each other, then rode off their separate ways. Joe Jon returned to the Clubhouse, and Nasty headed to the waterfront to sell a large quantity of meth. None of them knew it would be the last time they saw Nasty alive. Malvado rode off to meet up with Rocket Ronny, who was waiting for him in front of a house in Dukes. Malvado saw him sitting on the front steps talking to a skinny young man. He pulled into the driveway and was approached by the two.

"Ronny man, who's this twirp?" Malvado asked
"This is Ken, he's my ol' lady's nephew" Ronny answered.

Ronny was married at one time, but his wife left him when he started smoking crack. Nobody knew how a dirty old biker like him ever had a straight-edge wife to begin with. Most of the 1%ers old ladies were either dirty old biker broads themselves, or hot young girls who just wanted to piss off their daddies or get some thrill from f*cking a homicidal maniac.

Malvado followed the two inside the house. It was immaculate, decorated with knick knacks and paintings, not the kind of place Malvado was used to being invited into. They all went down into the basement, where computers and parts were strewn about. Ken sat in front of a monitor as Ronny and Malvado stood over his shoulders.

"This is where the magic happens", Ken said with a smug tone. He felt important helping such major players in the Liberty City world of crime.
"Cut the theatrics, just pull up that police database thing you were showing me" Ronny said to Ken

Ken began typing at incredible speed, hacking into the LCPD central computer. He scrolled through files and databases so quickly that Ronny had to ask him to slow down. A file came up on the Angels of Death, and they read through it. It seemed the cops knew about some of their smaller operations, but it specifically said they were unable to get an informant within the motorcycle club.

"Are you sure this is right? Maybe they just didn't list them..." Malvado asked
"If the Westdyke chapter was really infiltrated, it would be on here" Ronny replied
"Yeah, everything the cops know is in here" Ken added
"Which is why we've been able to stay two steps ahead of them all these years" Ronny said. Before they had a hacker in their pocket, the Angels of Death would have to rely on paying off crooked cops to give them the heads up on busts.
"Well sh*t Ronny, maybe they weren't informants but this really doesn't tell me anything" Malvado complained
"Why don't you go talk to your lady friend, the one with the FIB connections" Ronny asked. Malvado was unaware that anyone in the club knew about that. Usually knowing someone in law enforcement made you a liability for the club, and talking to the law was a sure way to get killed. But Rocket Ronny had a point, if anything major was going on she'd be able to find out. Killing fellow club members was something that just happened in Malvados line of work, however the hit on the Westdyke chapter was different. Everything about it felt wrong, and the motives didn't add up. In his younger days he would have thought nothing of it and just did as he was told like a good soldier should, but his personality was beginning to change and the Truth had become something he wished to pursue. And to continue this pursuit, he would have to dig up a part of his past he rather forget and pay his Ex a visit...

NEXT CHAPTER: Curses are for Fools

Le Rusecue
  • Le Rusecue

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#1391

Posted 10 October 2009 - 06:27 AM

Is it too late to join this?

Benjimino234
  • Benjimino234

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#1392

Posted 10 October 2009 - 07:49 AM

So what's the deal here?

I've read a couple pages back and some writers were quitting and there was a recruitment thing going? Is there gonna be another one or you'll just rate them when you can?

Slingaa
  • Slingaa

    Unbowed, unbent, unbroken.

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#1393

Posted 11 October 2009 - 08:12 AM

QUOTE (Build Up Your Gang @ Oct 4 2009, 03:23)
QUOTE
Activity Check

Please expect PM's from us soon regarding your activeness in BUYG, we're looking to kick out any inactive members to make way for new ones who want to write. What you need to know:

- If you have not replied to the PM within a week, you will be removed from the roster
- Gangs with all members inactive shall be removed and the gang's money, guns and cars shall be returned to default
- After replying to the PM, you are expected to write a story within two weeks from replying. If you have written a story in the past month you are exempt from this.

How ironic.

Colt M14
  • Colt M14

    BUYGIV: Spanish Lords

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#1394

Posted 11 October 2009 - 09:36 AM

Okay guys! I'm back! I'll start writing again in a few days.

@Lochie: Thanks for doing the rating for everyone when the place became inactive.

@Benjimino234: Make that banner waaaaaayyyyyyyyyy smaller. Page stretch For the lose.

Also, Lochie, could you create a new place in the Hillside Posse, I did some research and found they hang out at the "Schottler Apartment District." And also if you could move me to that place? If that is too difficult I guess I'll have to stay in the Spanish lords. Thanks guys and peace.

PS: I'm intent on starting with Jamaican stories.

Benjimino234
  • Benjimino234

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#1395

Posted 11 October 2009 - 01:07 PM

Oh, the banner is fine on my screen, but yeah I'll resize it soon.

Build Up Your Gang
  • Build Up Your Gang

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#1396

Posted 11 October 2009 - 05:28 PM Edited by Build Up Your Gang, 11 October 2009 - 05:51 PM.

Hullo thar all!

---

Slingaa
Gambetti Family
2nd story
$24
$807 + $24 = $831

Still quite short in length, so perhaps a bit more could be added to beef it up. You could certainly add more description to the events. It read a bit too straightforward and sort of like a timeline of events. Also, whilst the fantastical plot may be your kind of thing, I prefer reading things at least grounded in realism even if they do have their heads in the fantasy clouds. Something like spiking the dirnks of one of the players the night before to make him ill, or hit-and-running a player/smashing his leg with a bat the night before, would’ve worked better.

---

tarnell
Spanish Lords
1st story
$19
$838 + $19 = $857

Far too much dialogue, and the dialogue that is their reads very awkwardly and I find it hard to imagine real people saying those lines. Try cutting down on the dialogue and add more description. Tell us the story through descriptive passages rather than lines and lines of conversation.

---

Big Mitch Baker
Angels of Death
2nd story
$49
$523 + $49 = $562
Pool Cue purchased
$10
$562 - $10 = $552

Fantastic story here. Brilliant description, great dialogue, and a nice length. I can’t think of anything major that needs improving. One slight nagging issue is that you underline and put dialogue in bold to emphasise it. I suggest not putting all dialogue in italics and instead use italics to emphasise words. What property are you writing for? They look full up to me. Still, I'll add your money and pool cue for now.
---

Skramz
Added to MOB at the Basketball Courts


---

Benjimino234
Petrovic Bratva
1st story
$35
$359 + $35 = $394

You set the scene very well, in my opinion, and the dialogue reads brilliantly. The dialogue does what it’s supposed to by showing the personalities of the characters, in this case Otar. He comes across as quite a Vlad-like, love-to-hate guy. However, you fall into the “I did this”, “I did that” territory far too often.

---

Colt M14 - could you perhaps snapmap this new place so I can check it out and see if it's a decent place?

---

Any problems? Don't hesitate to notify us via this topic or via PM.

rated and updated by mark-2007

tarnell
  • tarnell

    Li'l G Loc

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#1397

Posted 11 October 2009 - 06:05 PM Edited by tarnell, 11 October 2009 - 06:32 PM.

what do you find hard to belive? I think the dialogues are normall bored.gif

EDIT: Can I be changed to Petrovic Bratva please. The porn shop biggrin.gif Hopefully better luck in therer, seeing as my spanish lords stories are wack

Colt M14
  • Colt M14

    BUYGIV: Spanish Lords

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#1398

Posted 12 October 2009 - 01:43 AM Edited by Colt M14, 12 October 2009 - 03:07 AM.

QUOTE (tarnell @ Oct 12 2009, 05:05)
what do you find hard to belive? I think the dialogues are normall  bored.gif

EDIT: Can I be changed to Petrovic Bratva please. The porn shop  biggrin.gif   Hopefully better luck in therer, seeing as my  spanish lords stories are wack

Your problem is... There too MUCH dialogue. When I was a newer member I was told, "Description over dialogue." Hopefully that can help you too.
QUOTE (Build Up Your Gang @ Oct 12 2009, 04:28)
Colt M14 - could you perhaps snapmap this new place so I can check it out and see if it's a decent place?

Actual picture: http://i606.photobuc...eapartments.png

Snapmap: http://snapmap.wikig...le=&set=616,377

Thanks.

tarnell
  • tarnell

    Li'l G Loc

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#1399

Posted 12 October 2009 - 06:26 AM

QUOTE (Colt M14 @ Oct 12 2009, 01:43)
QUOTE (tarnell @ Oct 12 2009, 05:05)
what do you find hard to belive? I think the dialogues are normall  bored.gif

EDIT: Can I be changed to Petrovic Bratva please. The porn shop  biggrin.gif   Hopefully better luck in therer, seeing as my  spanish lords stories are wack

Your problem is... There too MUCH dialogue. When I was a newer member I was told, "Description over dialogue." Hopefully that can help you too.
QUOTE (Build Up Your Gang @ Oct 12 2009, 04:28)
Colt M14 - could you perhaps snapmap this new place so I can check it out and see if it's a decent place?

Actual picture: http://i606.photobuc...eapartments.png

Snapmap: http://snapmap.wikig...le=&set=616,377

Thanks.

err yeah Thanks for the hint. Ill try and get less dialogues next time. Reading some stories that are good now, for some examples smile.gif

Big_Mitch_Baker
  • Big_Mitch_Baker

    =Å= Angels of Death - Founder

  • Angels of Death MC
  • Joined: 23 Feb 2005

#1400

Posted 13 October 2009 - 07:24 AM

QUOTE (Build Up Your Gang @ Oct 11 2009, 17:28)

Fantastic story here. Brilliant description, great dialogue, and a nice length. I can’t think of anything major that needs improving. One slight nagging issue is that you underline and put dialogue in bold to emphasise it. I suggest not putting all dialogue in italics and instead use italics to emphasise words. What property are you writing for? They look full up to me. Still, I'll add your money and pool cue for now.


Wow, praise from caesar! Right on, thanks...I'll avoid overuse of the italics and such from now on icon14.gif

As for property, it's been a small unresolved issue as of yet...The AoD only has 4 locations, so I suggested that perhaps a fifth could be added? I chose the Rusty Schit scrap yard in northern Algonquin (Grummer Rd.) because it's both an AoD location and an inconspicuous one that I'm sure nobody would argue over wanting.
Any location would do though, I just wanna write for the AoD seeing as I am familiar with the subject matter. I could just be freelance if it makes it easier, just add the $$ to the gang without a specific location. Ball is in your court BUYG staff, whatever ya feel is best smile.gif

P.S. Thanks for adding the Pool Cue to the inventory cookie.gif

Build Up Your Gang
  • Build Up Your Gang

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#1401

Posted 13 October 2009 - 08:06 AM

Updates

Jacky Fiend and Tyla have been removed from their respective gangs and have also been thrown into our cage of inactive staff members. If they do return they will be accepted back onto staff if they wish so but sadly their story counts will be restarted. mark-2007 has been re-added to the BUYG staff.

vlad19 has been removed from MOB. and the MOB weapons, cars and cash have been returned to default.

PM's have been dispatched, please reply in the PM, do not tell us that you're active by posting in this topic.

~Skramz

JerryJerry
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#1402

Posted 13 October 2009 - 10:20 AM

I would like to be put in The Gambetti Family, Al Dente's slot I see is empty, can I be put in that?

Colt M14
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#1403

Posted 13 October 2009 - 11:39 AM

QUOTE (JerryJerry @ Oct 13 2009, 21:20)
I would like to be put in The Gambetti Family, Al Dente's slot I see is empty, can I be put in that?

No need to wait, you can write straight away. Welcome biggrin.gif

tarnell
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#1404

Posted 13 October 2009 - 03:37 PM

yeah I am active, but can you put me with the russians? smile.gif

Colt M14
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#1405

Posted 14 October 2009 - 08:06 AM Edited by Colt M14, 14 October 2009 - 08:11 AM.

QUOTE (tarnell @ Oct 14 2009, 02:37)
yeah I am active, but can you put me with the russians?  smile.gif

1. He said not to post "Im active" on the thread.
2. You need to write 5 stories before you can move gangs. It is written in the rules.

Also, who is Skramz? I haven't seen him around here before.

tarnell
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#1406

Posted 14 October 2009 - 05:27 PM

QUOTE (Colt M14 @ Oct 14 2009, 08:06)
QUOTE (tarnell @ Oct 14 2009, 02:37)
yeah I am active, but can you put me with the russians?  smile.gif

1. He said not to post "Im active" on the thread.
2. You need to write 5 stories before you can move gangs. It is written in the rules.

Also, who is Skramz? I haven't seen him around here before.

i know what he said...

iam1
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#1407

Posted 15 October 2009 - 08:04 AM

I'd like to get the triads at the chinatown arcade. thanks.

WelcomeToLibertyCity
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#1408

Posted 15 October 2009 - 06:57 PM

iam1, you can start right away. you don't have to wait for a staff to as it's ok. Just make sure that spot currently has no member.

iam1
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#1409

Posted 16 October 2009 - 06:21 AM

Honestly, with all do respect I'm not going to write a story until this thread get's a little more active. I used to do buyg a long time ago and I really don't feel like writing if I'm going to have to wait long periods of time before my stories get rated. I'll jst wait until it gets a little more active.

Colt M14
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#1410

Posted 16 October 2009 - 06:25 AM

QUOTE (iam1 @ Oct 16 2009, 17:21)
Honestly, with all do respect I'm not going to write a story until this thread get's a little more active. I used to do buyg a long time ago and I really don't feel like writing if I'm going to have to wait long periods of time before my stories get rated. I'll jst wait until it gets a little more active.

Don't worry, we have new BUYG staff, rating get done every day or so. Welcome back biggrin.gif




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