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Falcon

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Eminence
  • Eminence

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 18 Nov 2006

#31

Posted 10 January 2009 - 01:41 AM

The non-chronological order is done purposefully; it'll make more sense come the end.

As for this chapter in particular being sporadically detailed, with certain paragraphs featuring more than others, that, too, is intentional. I just hope the contrast is evident, and that even the paragraphs where I intended to have less don't still feature too much tounge.gif

QUOTE
but I don’t have the confidence to turn my head .

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him turn his towards me


wink.gif

Eminence
  • Eminence

  • Leone Family Mafia
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#32

Posted 12 January 2009 - 12:44 AM Edited by Eminence, 16 January 2009 - 09:10 AM.

For now...

Oxidizer
  • Oxidizer

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 13 Nov 2006

#33

Posted 12 January 2009 - 01:10 AM Edited by Oxidizer, 12 January 2009 - 04:19 PM.

Two of my favorite cities in one chapter? You're spoiling me. tounge2.gif

I loved the way this one was segmented from the letter, to Israel, Japan, and then back to the letter.

I particuarly like that with the Tel Aviv job that the assassination was hinted at rather than depicated, as it may have gotten repetative otherwise; it was an excellent way of keeping your reader engaged in the story. All the gun talk was also a nice insight into Raúl's extensive firearm expertise and a good way to show his more clinical side.

The description of Tokyo was brilliant; I could picture that imagery vividly in my mind's eye. Very well done. And I also liked the powerful Asian man being taken out, it's something I'm always fond of in stories, that no matter how powerful you are, you're not immune to something as simple as being shot in the head. And I think that part of this chapter was sort of metaphoric regarding Raúl and Los Supresores. icon14.gif

And lastly, I like that the letter's addressed to Eduardo. I'm very excited to find out what's coming next! colgate.gif

Eminence
  • Eminence

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 18 Nov 2006

#34

Posted 13 January 2009 - 09:00 PM Edited by Eminence, 16 January 2009 - 09:10 AM.

For now...

Oxidizer
  • Oxidizer

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 13 Nov 2006

#35

Posted 13 January 2009 - 09:23 PM

That was the rawest and most 'goriest' chapter of the Falcon series yet! Does it come as a surprise to you that I loved every sordid minute of it?

What I especially liked is how it tied into the end of V with the letter being addressed to Eduardo, but this chapter being set much earlier in the timeline, and this being an Eduardo-centric one. It's all starting to make much clearer sense now, and things are falling into place.

And the conspiracy theorist side of my mind is making me think that perhaps Los Supresores set the whole thing up from day one; the assailant who raped and killed Raúl's girlfriend being either paid to or blackmailed into doing so, just to test Raúl's primary instincts. wink.gif Am I close or just being fantastically paranoid?

Either way, this is one of my favorite chapters yet!

Craig
  • Craig

    Hell Interface

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  • Joined: 14 Sep 2007
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  • Best Writer 2011

#36

Posted 15 January 2009 - 09:35 PM

This isn't going to be a very deep, feedback-driven post, but the new essence of violence is a welcome one. You had nothing to fear when it came to posting this, despite your concerns that there'd be a "big wall of text" readers would run into. Conversation flows well in this piece Phil. icon14.gif Bring on number 7?

Eminence
  • Eminence

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 18 Nov 2006

#37

Posted 16 January 2009 - 12:13 AM Edited by Eminence, 16 January 2009 - 09:10 AM.

For now...

Oxidizer
  • Oxidizer

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 13 Nov 2006

#38

Posted 16 January 2009 - 12:49 AM

Epic! colgate.gif

This was by far the most action-packed instalment in the franchise, and I loved how Raúl's little black book tied into Eduardo's test of memorizing things from a few chapters back.

I'm very excited for what's next to come!




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