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Deep Throat

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Chickstick
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#1

Posted 02 August 2008 - 08:57 PM Edited by Chickstick, 09 August 2008 - 01:54 PM.

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A letter and a phone call pull investigative journalist Greg Masters into a web of government secrecy and conspiracies as he struggles to unravel the false truths that have been fed to the public for almost a century. With the aid of a former government employee turned whistleblower "Jack", Masters attempts to discover why the government has been lying to its people, and what it has been lying about.


CHAPTERS
Prologue: Boston, July 25th 2008
One: Boston, July 25th 2008

"The most dangerous man, to any government, is the man who is able to think things out for himself... Almost inevitably, he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, and intolerable." -H.L. Mencken

Chickstick
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#2

Posted 02 August 2008 - 08:59 PM

"The world is governed by very different personages from what is imagined by those who are not behind the scenes." –Benjamin Disreali

Prologue:
Boston, July 25th 2008


The letter that Greg Masters had received had been sent in a plain white envelope, with no stamp or return address. It had arrived mysteriously in that morning’s mail, cushioned between a bank statement and a leaflet advertising the new chilli burgers at Denny’s Grill. His name and address had been typed onto the envelope using an old machine; the typewriter had clearly smudged the ink, while half of the letters had only been semi-printed on the paper. Still, it had arrived, although oddly there was no stamp from the postal service stating where the letter had been posted from, indicating it had been delivered to his door by hand. He slid his finger under the flap and tore it open.

An old-fashioned memo sheet was revealed inside, and as he flipped it open Greg saw that a photograph had been stapled to it. He gently prised the photo off and saw that it was an old photograph of his father, a pilot in the air force who had been shot down in Vietnam and had never come home, missing, presumed dead. The photo looked to have been taken in the early 1960s, and it showed his father dressed in his air force uniform grinning in front of a large, metallic, almost dome-like structure in the background, which shined in the sun. Another man was stood next to him, also smiling like a lunatic, a cigarette gripped between his front teeth and a trilby perched on his head. This other, unknown man had a distinctive scar running along the left cheek, just in front of his ear.

Greg looked at the photograph for a few minutes more, turning it over to see if anything had been written, or, more likely, typed onto it, and turned his attention to the memo paper once again. He read it:

Greg,

You don’t know me, so I’ll make this brief. We’ll have plenty of time to chat when, and if, we meet. I know all about your work, my superior called you an “asshole snoop”, which as an investigative journalist, must come across as something of a compliment. I noticed your article last year about the various “conspiracy theories” regarding our beloved government, and wondered if you would be interested in meeting me to discuss this further?


At this point Greg was mentally tallying the amount of crank letters he had received about the government since that article and gave up. Working for the best known paper in New England had its advantages, but achieving something akin to semi-fame was something he had not intended to do. He read on:

You’re probably thinking I’m some nut who only knows about stuff like this from the internet, and for once, you’re wrong. I’ve been monitoring your phone calls and e-mails for the last thirteen months, and believe me when I say that I would think the same thing if I had been contacted so many times by so many pricks. But I am not a prick.

I have worked for the government since 1958. I have seen what the Apollo missions really found on the moon, I have seen the evidence relating to the false flag operation over the Lusitania, and I have seen the truth about the Kennedy assassinations, and King, and Malcom X, and any other assasination the world over you can think of. Truth be told, I was involved in many.

This may seem a bit contrived, melodramatic, but please, believe me when I say that we- the government- have literally millions of secret documents which, if released, could bring the world crashing down. We know everything there is to know.

So how about a meet? I have your number, I’ll give it a ring this afternoon. Get to the location as soon as possible and keep your wits about you. This is serious.

As for names, call me Jack. It may or may not be my real name, but I’m not taking any chances. And nor should you. I’d avoid using your computer or any other electronic device in your home for research into what I’ll be showing you.

Oh, and that photograph? That’s your father and I, photographed in early 1961 at a certain air base somewhere in the desert. If I say that the item behind us was from a small town in New Mexico which later became famous for it, you’ll know what I’m on about. I’ll ring.

-Jack


Greg sat watching television until the phone call came, and when it did he was out of the house in under two minutes.

The Unvirginiser
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#3

Posted 02 August 2008 - 10:05 PM

*Claps*

Obviously this was well planned out.. you've put a lot of thought and research in to this to keep it at this standard.
Loved the format, bold orange titles, very attractive to the eye. Wasn't too difficult to read either, a lot of the time people use big words for no reason, you've kept this relatively simple.. which is good icon14.gif

The one small thing I would say is that.. in my opinion, the letter seemed a bit too formal, I wouldn't imagine somebody speaking like that.. but I'll put that down to writing style, just different ways to do it isn't there? colgate.gif

Keep it up icon14.gif Can't wait for the next chapter

Chickstick
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#4

Posted 03 August 2008 - 08:23 AM

Thanks for the feedback. I can see your point about the letter, but remember that this "Jack" has been working in the government- in a formal environment- for fifty years. Fifty years of writing formal letters will do that to a person.

Oxidizer
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#5

Posted 03 August 2008 - 09:12 AM

I think it's safe to say that this is some of your best work to-date, although going by its title I got the impression it would've been about something else, but still. colgate.gif I'll definitely be following this.

Nice job. icon14.gif

The Unvirginiser
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#6

Posted 03 August 2008 - 05:42 PM

It really reminded me of that Dustin Hoffman film about Watergate.. was that your inspiration?

mark-2007
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#7

Posted 03 August 2008 - 06:28 PM

QUOTE (The Unvirginiser @ Aug 3 2008, 18:42)
It really reminded me of that Dustin Hoffman film about Watergate.. was that your inspiration?

Uh... I wasn't thinking about that deepthroat. If ya know whut am sayin'?

Anyways, I found it a good read, and am looking forward to the next chapter. The plot sounds interesting too. I didn't notice any errors either. You'll no doubt have done lots of research into all the conspiracies and, as the Unvirginiser said, it's very easy on the eyes when reading. Good work icon14.gif

Chickstick
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#8

Posted 04 August 2008 - 12:53 PM

QUOTE (The Unvirginiser @ Aug 3 2008, 18:42)
It really reminded me of that Dustin Hoffman film about Watergate.. was that your inspiration?

You know, I've never actually seen that. tounge.gif

I've always been interested in stuff like this, so I suppose the idea just came about naturally. The title though does of course refer to Deep Throat, the whistleblower during Watergate, as it was a logical title for a story with this plot.

Ronmar The Only
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#9

Posted 04 August 2008 - 06:58 PM

Could be an interesting tale. I believe I read a few errors whenever I read the Prologue, but my back is burned so I could've been just imagining things.

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#10

Posted 04 August 2008 - 10:30 PM

You keep me interested. You're using present day?

I'm sure you have done a million runs for research?
Hal Sission when he wrote one of his books based on one conspiracy, you wouldn't believe the bibliograohy he composed of to fully input the data within his own mix of fiction. You also used the quote at the start of each chapter like he did.



The Unvirginiser
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#11

Posted 04 August 2008 - 10:32 PM

QUOTE (Wanted Assailant @ Aug 4 2008, 22:30)
You keep me interested. You're using present day?

Yeah, the date is 08 mate

Chickstick
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#12

Posted 09 August 2008 - 01:54 PM

One:
Boston, July 25th 2008


Greg sat and looked at the man sat across from him. It was undeniably the man who had been in the faded photograph with his father, but something about him was different, something subtle. With sudden realisation he saw that the scar on the man’s face had been covered by a skin graft, and very well done also; it was barely noticeable. “Jack” coughed quietly to get his attention.

“I suppose you were looking at where my scar used to be. You know,” he said, stirring his coffee, “I got that when I was captured in Korea in late ’53. I got out in ’55, and that was when I met your dad.”

Greg sugared his own drink and nodded, beckoning him to go on.

“I was honourably discharged and invited to join this new elite group kind of thing that year. Your dad was in it as well, and…”

“What kind of elite group?”

Jack said, “We’ll discuss it later.”

Cocking an eyebrow, Greg asked, “Is that French for ‘you don’t want to tell me?’”

Jack smiled and said, “No, that’s English for “I don’t want to talk about in public.’ Can I go on? So me and your dad, and a few other guys, are invited to join this group, this organisation within the government. After a few months it disbands and we go back to our normal lives; one of the guys is a milkman now in Idaho and one became a junkie, but there you are. I’m kind of trailing off the point, Two of us, your dad and me, are retained by the government for some reason or other. I stayed in the… uh… more secretive area of the government while your dad went back into the army.”

Greg sipped his coffee and looked around him. The café was empty but for him, Jack and the half-deaf old guy behind the counter, who was staring in longing at a slice of chocolate cake in the glass display.

Jack continued, “I join a proper agency in late 1959, just about the time of the elections. I was present at a lot of meetings over the next three or four years and let me tell you, there was a hell of a lot of stuff going on then that some Kennedy conspiracy nuts haven’t even speculated about.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m finding this a bit hard to believe.”

Jack smiled (and try as he might, Greg couldn’t help but be won over by it; it certainly worked a charm), opened his coat, and slipped a large envelope across the table.

“What’s in there?” Greg asked.

Jack pulled himself up, sorted his coat out, and turned to walk to the door. Just before he reached it, he craned his head back to look at Greg, and with a slight frown, answered his question:

“Everything.”

Oxidizer
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#13

Posted 09 August 2008 - 10:12 PM

This stuff is good. Very good.

Though now I got two questions for ya. One, when will there be more? And two, how many chapters is there to this thing?

Either way, I'm intrigued and interested by it, and I look forward to reading the next part.

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Chickstick
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#14

Posted 10 August 2008 - 04:53 PM

"No idea" is the answer to both of your questions. Really I'll just update it as I write new chapters.

Sergi
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#15

Posted 11 August 2008 - 06:08 AM

This is very interesting but why do you make the chapters so short?

Chickstick
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#16

Posted 11 August 2008 - 08:48 AM

QUOTE (Sergi @ Aug 11 2008, 07:08)
This is very interesting but why do you make the chapters so short?

It's my writing style. A few people have made the same point as you, so later chapters will be longer. Probably.

Ronmar The Only
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#17

Posted 11 August 2008 - 10:18 AM

Organization, you misspelled it in the eighth paragraph.

Interesting, the last part reminds me of the end of Kingdom of Heaven when Saladin says Jerusalem is worth nothing, and everything at the same time. Also, good work Batemen.

Struff Bunstridge
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#18

Posted 11 August 2008 - 11:50 AM

QUOTE (Ronmar The Only @ Aug 11 2008, 11:18)
Organization, you misspelled it in the eighth paragraph.

American English vs. British English. Can never remember which is which myself, although I guess your and Chickstick's user flags might be a clue. Both appear to be generally acceptable, as long as the writer's consistent. I'd usually use an 's' as well, I think.

Ronmar The Only
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#19

Posted 11 August 2008 - 01:01 PM

Goddamn ocean!


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#20

Posted 11 August 2008 - 01:18 PM

Good sh*t, I'd like to see how far you're going to take this. There's a lot of room for such a thing to be cliche, but you seem to be writing it smarter than that. Good dialogue and pacing make it strong prose.

Chickstick
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#21

Posted 11 August 2008 - 01:50 PM

Thanks, Cand. I'm mentioned before how I feel dialogue is my weakest point, so I was using this story partly as a way to improve it; a quick glance through any of my earlier work will reveal hardly any dialogue compared to this.

And Ronmar: Do you like Huey Lewis and the News? wink.gif

Ronmar The Only
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#22

Posted 11 August 2008 - 02:16 PM

@Chickstick: Only on rainy days whenever I gotta use the ax. It's Hip to be Square!

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#23

Posted 11 August 2008 - 10:37 PM

Regarding the letter; I'd disagree with Unvirginiser's comment that "the letter seemed a bit too formal, I wouldn't imagine somebody speaking like that". I wouldn't say that was too formal at all, and I can greatly imagine that style of speaking, especially in letter form; so I'd like to applaud you for the way it was written, as it was a pretty effective and engaging narrative technique, in my opinion. It seemed realistic as well as being informative and a good way to begin the piece, so I liked it. My only criticism of the letter would be with regards to the character's motives; would he risk saying that he knows about all of those specific conspiracies? Would he not rather bide his time and 'play dumb', if you will? I don't know, it's your character after all, so I guess it's up to you to explain why he's said what he has! I liked the touch with the photograph, though; having Greg see the unknown person and then have it revealed that it was the author of the letter.

QUOTE
...You know,” he said, stirring his coffee , “I got that when I was captured in...


Just a slight error in punctuation; this should be a full-stop.

With regards to the dialogue, I think it's excellent. It's script-like; you can imagine it being a fully fluid scene from a movie, which is always a good thing. It's said time and time again that it's a hard thing to do, to pull off effective and realistic dialogue in a narrative, but you've nailed it there, I feel.

On the whole, I think it's shaping up to be a very strong piece. There's a good amount of description and some great dialogue - especially the last sentence of the second chapter - and so with a good, planned direction I can see it being an immensely engaging piece. smile.gif




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