Quantcast

Jump to content

» «
Photo

Hilarious Christian Review

  • This topic is locked This topic is locked
58 replies to this topic
KeithDapper Kombo
  • KeithDapper Kombo

    Player Hater

  • Members
  • Joined: 20 Jun 2008

#1

Posted 23 July 2008 - 05:56 PM

Now, I hope I don't start some big controversy here. So everyone please take this with a grain of salt and don't go crazy on me. Be adults. I myself am a Christian. I go to church every Sunday, but I found this review hilarious! Especially since he's never even played the game! He also did some other game reviews that are rediculous too. The Metal Gear Solid 4 review has got to be my favorite. Any MGS4 fans should definitely check it out. It will make you laugh.
Here's the link to the site:

http://objectivemini...aming.html#mgs4


And here's the GTA 4 review:

QUOTE
Grand Theft Auto IV (Rockstar, Xbox 360 & PS3) 
5.6.2008: (Note: I have not played this game since it is rated "M" and isn't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) Grand Theft Auto IV is a game designed to brain-wash players into the Atheist worldview. In it you play Nick, an immigrant recently arrived to Liberty City (a copy of New York City) who is tasked with stealing cars and murdering prostitutes. Nick came from a former Communist country where he was brought up in Godlessness and so he sees no problem stealing and murdering. The game touts its ability to let you "go anywhere and do anything you want", the central philosophy of Atheism. It also teaches how to escape from police, instilling in the player the main motivation behind Atheism: avoidance of authority. The underlying game engine is called "RAGE", which is apt since the game is fueled by anger at God. It also uses something called "Euphoria" which treats humans as "rag dolls" who act only in accordance to physics, which is what Atheistic Materialism teaches. The game series (as the title notes, this is the fourth game) has already resulted in murders in real life. This game has no redeemable qualities. Needless to say, all Christians should avoid this game and pray for the people who made it and their victims (murder victims and gamers of all ages who have played it and have been spiritually scarred). ZERO CROSSES


How can you review a game you haven't even played?! He didn't even get his name right!

QwertyAAA
  • QwertyAAA

    Ceci n'est pas une pipe, c'est le logo de Rockstar

  • Members
  • Joined: 09 Feb 2008

#2

Posted 23 July 2008 - 05:59 PM Edited by QwertyAAA, 23 July 2008 - 06:02 PM.

That's some ridiculous stuff. I mean, I haven't laughed that hard, ever.


Could be a joke, though. You have to be a fanatic to write this.

KeithDapper Kombo
  • KeithDapper Kombo

    Player Hater

  • Members
  • Joined: 20 Jun 2008

#3

Posted 23 July 2008 - 06:08 PM

I don't think it's a joke, check out the website.

freak2121
  • freak2121

    I'm bored.

  • Members
  • Joined: 05 Jul 2007

#4

Posted 23 July 2008 - 06:10 PM

Yeah the guy posted it on here too a while back and it was no joke, he was serious. lol.gif suicidal.gif

Fnorg
  • Fnorg

    OG

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 06 Feb 2008
  • None

#5

Posted 23 July 2008 - 06:10 PM

Yeah, it was posted a few months back. Still hilarious. Good post. icon14.gif

And most of us atheists are like that. Communism and killing - icon14.gif

KeithDapper Kombo
  • KeithDapper Kombo

    Player Hater

  • Members
  • Joined: 20 Jun 2008

#6

Posted 23 July 2008 - 06:25 PM

Oh, sorry for the double post guys. sad.gif

DannyRowntree
  • DannyRowntree

    Nufc nut

  • Members
  • Joined: 20 May 2008

#7

Posted 23 July 2008 - 06:27 PM

HAHAHA what a nob. personally i learned to escape police by sprinting really fast... Good laugh, good find! cookie.gif

Fnorg
  • Fnorg

    OG

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 06 Feb 2008
  • None

#8

Posted 23 July 2008 - 06:31 PM

QUOTE (KeithDapper Kombo @ Jul 23 2008, 10:25)
Oh, sorry for the double post guys. sad.gif

lol.gif

Genius repost. As long as it isn't about fingerless gloves...

Plank.
  • Plank.

    Big Homie

  • Members
  • Joined: 25 Mar 2008
  • United-States

#9

Posted 23 July 2008 - 06:34 PM Edited by codyr783, 23 July 2008 - 07:16 PM.

Says the surver is busy for me. cryani.gif

EDIT: LMAO lol.gif Notice how they censor the kissing on Bully.

AbSoLuTiOn
  • AbSoLuTiOn

    TFKG<3

  • BUSTED!
  • Joined: 25 May 2008

#10

Posted 23 July 2008 - 06:37 PM

Have any of you looked at the other 3 reviews?

I really don't like these Hardcore Christians. They annoy me....

But the review is hilarious, he gets most of the stuff wrong. lol.gif

rdank
  • rdank

    Snitch

  • Members
  • Joined: 13 Feb 2005

#11

Posted 23 July 2008 - 06:40 PM

Sent an e-mail to him.

QUOTE
I'm reading your
Secular & Un-Christian Games
and I have to wonder. Is this a joke?

I mean, for your reviews, you admit that you've never even played the majority of them which means you should not be reviewing them, but let's take a look at the lies you spew out beyond that.

Metal Gear Solid 4

1. "As his name implies, Snake is actually a symbolic agent of Satan, sent into the world to finish what he started in the Garden. Evidence of this symbolism can be seen by Snake's use of an Apple iPod throughout the game (Apple is a notorious promoter of Darwinism and counter-culture). Also, Meryl, who guides Snake via a disembodied voice, uses an Apple Macintosh computer (I think Meryl is supposed to represent Satan himself, but all the symbolism is very confusing since it was written by a Japanese guy)."

No, not at all. As said by Wikipedia, "Solid Snake is a combination spy, special operations agent, and mercenary who works for FOXHOUND, a fictional black ops and espionage unit, and Philanthropy in later games."

Also, I have no idea if Apple promotes Darwinism and counter-culture, but who cares if they think that? Have you ever considered believing what you want to and letting the world believe other things?

Finally, the Japanese guy statement. Yes, there is a lot of symbolism in these games (albeit, not the symbolism you are finding in it), but I am able to understand it despite it being written by a Japanese guy because I am perceptive and open-minded.

2. "This game promotes drug use."

No, most sane people (including the adults that are supposed to be playing it due to the Mature rating) don't start smoking because a character they like does. They would make them extremely stupid.

3. "MGS4 was designed to train those who will be left behind after the Rapture to serve in the Antichrist's military forces. As such, it has no value for the Christian gamer, who is among the Elect and won't have to deal with that, but it may help the unsaved to know the tactics they will be up against in a post-Rapture world should they choose to join the fight against the Antichrist and secure themselves a place among the Sheep when Christ returns."

What? What are you talking about? It has nothing to do with the end of the world. Also, at first, you say Snake is following Satan and fights authority figures. So, if that's the case, when the Rapture happens, you should follow Satan and fight authority figures? Way to contradict yourself.

Grand Theft Auto IV

1. "Grand Theft Auto IV is a game designed to brain-wash players into the Atheist worldview."

No. I am a Christian (though, an agnostic Christian and nowhere near as extreme as you are) and I play Grand Theft Auto IV, as well as most of the GTAs before it. I have never been influenced to become an atheist by this game.

2. "In it you play Nick, an immigrant recently arrived to Liberty City (a copy of New York City) who is tasked with stealing cars and murdering prostitutes."

No. First off, his name is Niko. Sorry if this isn't his Christian name, but it's his name. Second, never forces you to steal cars or murder prostitutes. It's your choice, though I guess you have a problem with free will as well.

3. "Nick came from a former Communist country where he was brought up in Godlessness and so he sees no problem stealing and murdering."

Wrong. Most of the story deals with Niko wanting to get out of the criminal lifestyle. He never encourages the behavior and is reluctant in most stages of the game.

4. "It also teaches how to escape from police, instilling in the player the main motivation behind Atheism: avoidance of authority."

If I could actually escape the police after a robbery just by running a mile away and standing in the shade for five seconds, I would be very rich and in all likeliness, not writing this e-mail because I would be on a yacht in Lake Erie.

5. "It also uses something called "Euphoria" which treats humans as "rag dolls" who act only in accordance to physics, which is what Atheistic Materialism teaches."

Please get out of your chair. Jump. See how you come back to the ground. This is gravity. It is part of physics. I believe God made physics, but despite your beliefs, I just gave you proof that PHYSICS EXIST.

BioShock

I'm not going to argue about this one very much. Yes, the game does have a lot of Atheist material in it. However, notice how Rapture went to complete crap due to the lack of morals. Believe it or not, I think there may be a message in there somewhere.

Bully

Again, why does everyone have to believe what you believe?

I'm sorry I can't even read anymore of this. My head hurts now. I excitedly await your reply.


Talakua
  • Talakua

    1%

  • Members
  • Joined: 30 Jun 2008

#12

Posted 23 July 2008 - 06:44 PM

Ha ha! look at the names of some of the other games reviewed on there. Bibleman: a fight for faith, what the f*ck?


AbSoLuTiOn
  • AbSoLuTiOn

    TFKG<3

  • BUSTED!
  • Joined: 25 May 2008

#13

Posted 23 July 2008 - 06:49 PM

QUOTE (Talakua @ Jul 23 2008, 18:44)
Bibleman: a fight for faith, what the f*ck?

Wait, what?

Who the f*ck makes those games?

KeithDapper Kombo
  • KeithDapper Kombo

    Player Hater

  • Members
  • Joined: 20 Jun 2008

#14

Posted 23 July 2008 - 06:56 PM

rdank, awesome e-mail. He won't respond sad.gif If he does though...you know what to do.

freak2121
  • freak2121

    I'm bored.

  • Members
  • Joined: 05 Jul 2007

#15

Posted 23 July 2008 - 07:10 PM

Lol at the bottom of the page it says "Jesus gives you infinite life" lol.gif

andysniper
  • andysniper

    take to the skies

  • Members
  • Joined: 24 May 2008

#16

Posted 23 July 2008 - 07:11 PM

best comedy site EVER!
and on the mgs4 it says it was devloped by komani but swear its konami

and the dance praise thing is hilarious

freak2121
  • freak2121

    I'm bored.

  • Members
  • Joined: 05 Jul 2007

#17

Posted 23 July 2008 - 07:12 PM

I bet he's gonna call Spore un-christian too, not that I am christian but it's gonna be hilarious if he does. lol.gif

Raven_Nytez
  • Raven_Nytez

    Mr. Purple

  • Members
  • Joined: 07 May 2008

#18

Posted 23 July 2008 - 07:20 PM Edited by Raven_Nytez, 23 July 2008 - 07:27 PM.

Welp, being an Athiest I find his 'arguements' obviously amusing. Although, I use the term 'arguements' very losely, as being unable to backup a claim with fact leaves it as just that, a claim.

I'd like to think that (existence permitting) Jesus &/or God are both sitting at their Apple Airbooks reading his review & just burrying their heads in their hands going "Oh Jesus Christ/God/Me/Us, We want you to be kind/pure/good, but guys, seriously, it's the 21st Century, get a grip!"

Frankly the idea of being a good person just to appease a mythological etherel father figure who, in the end, is all forgiving, just seems a little too 'put on'. If there's a sweet life waiting for me after this I'd like to think I earned it by just being me & doing what I thought was right at the time. Surely the Bible being a work of propagandal-fan-fiction influenced such things as the 'brain washing' evil that is GTAIV?

I'm holding out for the Buddhist review though.

- "I hear if you play it backwards, you can hear a dead girl."
- "Play what?"
- "Monopoly." lol.gif

Disclaimer - I understand that there are Christians out there who are genuinely nice people because I've met them lol.gif Why must the extremist few ruin it for the majority? confused.gif



EDIT - Oh.. My.. Sh!t.. There really IS a Bible Game.. I so want to get that to write a review for his site. No, wait, I should just make it all up & pass it as gospel!

1066ant
  • 1066ant

    Things 'n stuff...

  • Members
  • Joined: 08 Aug 2007

#19

Posted 23 July 2008 - 07:43 PM

That website must be for laughs, the poll is "What console would Jesus play" for crying out loud! lol.gif

Raven_Nytez
  • Raven_Nytez

    Mr. Purple

  • Members
  • Joined: 07 May 2008

#20

Posted 23 July 2008 - 07:54 PM

QUOTE (1066ant @ Jul 23 2008, 19:43)
That website must be for laughs, the poll is "What console would Jesus play" for crying out loud! lol.gif

I think the XBox would make him cross.

Yep, my jokes are that bad.. Appolagies to all!

Zcheese
  • Zcheese

    Punk-ass Bitch

  • Members
  • Joined: 28 Mar 2008

#21

Posted 23 July 2008 - 08:06 PM

i'm christian, but maybe they a bit... overact.
don't think they're serious:

CURRENT POLL:
What would Jesus play?


.Playstation 3
.Xbox 360
.Wii
.PSP
.Nintendo DS

_________________________

PREVIOUS POLL:
Do you use "cheat codes"?


.No, they are not Christian
.No, I like to solve a game on my own
.Only if I can't get past a level
.Yes, but God knows I am a sinner and will forgive me

_________________________

cadm9410
  • cadm9410

    Hustler

  • Members
  • Joined: 16 Jan 2008

#22

Posted 23 July 2008 - 08:10 PM Edited by cadm9410, 23 July 2008 - 08:23 PM.

QUOTE (1066ant @ Jul 23 2008, 19:43)
That website must be for laughs, the poll is "What console would Jesus play" for crying out loud! lol.gif

I can totally see Jesus playing a Wii. lol.gif

EDIT: WhoTF is Pastor Skeet?? confused.gif lol

The Invisible Lines
  • The Invisible Lines

    Snitch

  • Members
  • Joined: 02 Jul 2007

#23

Posted 23 July 2008 - 08:13 PM

Holy Christ, this is f*cking hilarious and totally insane. What a shocker.

CaptianBadass
  • CaptianBadass

    Player Hater

  • Members
  • Joined: 14 Feb 2008

#24

Posted 23 July 2008 - 08:24 PM

lol OMFG i seriously am pissing myself with laughter!!!!! They are saying using cheat codes are a sin.


QUOTE
just 'cause you're an Orc doesn't mean you can't witness for Jesus to your fellow gamers!



Ahahhahaha!!!

jonstunt
  • jonstunt

    Punk-ass Bitch

  • Members
  • Joined: 29 May 2008

#25

Posted 23 July 2008 - 08:50 PM

Quote from the God botherer on that site:

THOUGHTZ 4 GAMERZ:

Here's a thought to pass on to any unsaved gamerz you know:

“U save ur game b4 u die... shouldn't u let Jesus save ur soul b4 u die IRL?”

Deep man! Real deep! cool.gif


If only my memory stick wasn't so corrupted devil.gif devil.gif devil.gif devil.gif devil.gif devil.gif devil.gif devil.gif devil.gif devil.gif

serbian warrior
  • serbian warrior

    Libertonian Detroiter

  • Members
  • Joined: 09 May 2008

#26

Posted 23 July 2008 - 09:31 PM

Nick?oh,and this guy also says his name as jhon.The fourth installment? it's not that Nick lol.gif wants to kill people and its not like he murders hookers.(My NIKO DOENST KILL HOOKERS)He hasnt even played this game so it really is just some idiot who thinks that the only game that is fun is to sing church songs (most of which are very entertaining...err i mean irritating sad.gif )
All in all,f*ck him

serbian warrior
  • serbian warrior

    Libertonian Detroiter

  • Members
  • Joined: 09 May 2008

#27

Posted 23 July 2008 - 09:38 PM

oh yah! I forgot to say. You cant actually play shirts and f*cking skins you dumb f*ck! Screw this guy.I hopethat when he goes to church there will be tvs with MGS 4,Bully,GTA IV,and sees jack thompsom playing gta 4

AbSoLuTiOn
  • AbSoLuTiOn

    TFKG<3

  • BUSTED!
  • Joined: 25 May 2008

#28

Posted 23 July 2008 - 10:06 PM

@serbian warrior: There is an edit button....

QUOTE (Top of the stupidest website ever)
Hey, Pastor Skeet here... We've given our own Kyle "Da G-Man" Goldman a page on the Zounds! site for his awesome mini-reviews of video games. When he's not too busy studying at the F-Ship to become a Missiological Technician, Kyle likes to hang with his peeps in the Commons and play some vids. And let me tell you, Da G-Man got game. Back in the day, I could play a righteous game of Pong, but even I've got nothing on Kyle's mad skillz. As the gamers say: I got pee-to-the-owned, powned.

Hopefully Kyle's reviews will help y'all enjoy some Christ-centered gaming and inspire you to take up the mission in-game. Remember: just 'cause you're an Orc doesn't mean you can't witness for Jesus to your fellow gamers! For the Lord!

WTF?! Who actually writes stuff down like that anymore?

user posted image
^Worst Reviewer Ever^

cadm9410
  • cadm9410

    Hustler

  • Members
  • Joined: 16 Jan 2008

#29

Posted 23 July 2008 - 10:20 PM

And yet, he looks so innocent sigh.gif

This must be a joke though: "Da G-Man got game" "pee-to-the-owned, powned"
(it's pwned anyway)

Awesome Topic devil.gif

trip
  • trip

    ~

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 10 Oct 2007
  • United-States
  • Contribution Award [GTAF]
    Contribution Award [Gen Chat]
    Contribution Award [GTAF Census]
    Doggo-Chop Winner 2016

#30

Posted 23 July 2008 - 10:30 PM

through history no atheist group ever organized to kill people for not believing what they believe - christians can't say the same.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users