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The Mis-adventures of Michael Hamburger

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AfroDonJ0n
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#1

Posted 11 September 2007 - 02:12 AM Edited by AfroDonJ0n, 13 September 2007 - 03:17 AM.

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Michael Hamburger. 36-years-old. McDonalds employee. Psychopath

Warning: This story contains scenes of a graphic nature, involving: rape, torture, mass-murder of animals and humans alike, and sadism.

The Mis-adventures of Michael Hamburger

Chapter 1/3: Anti Hero


July isn't just another month in London, England, especially the 26th of the month: the school kids are finished for August, and ready to become more and more obese over Summer, spending their pocket money at McDonalds. Kids of all ages, doughy, flabby and stinking of phlegm and the jizz they left in their underwear from their morning wanks will enter in masses ready to order a Big Mac, maybe a full large meal - a free coca-cola glass with your single serving of heart-attack.

Our anti-hero hears his alarm clock buzzing loudly. He reaches his right hand from under the covers; a dark brown coating is all that can be seen across his palm as he slams his hand down onto the alarm, causing it to stop. He sits up, rubs his eyes and realises he's just smeared sh*t all over his face.

”Talk about getting sh*t-faced!" He grins, inside his mind asking himself why he just said that. A single tear drops from his right eye onto his yellow corn-flower bedsheets. He stands up and breathes in hard through his nose, sucking in all the snot. He can't have mother seeing him cry over something so perverted and silly now, can he?

"I made you coffee, just the way you like it," his elderly mother says in a shrill voice, greeting her 36-year-old Hamburgler of a son as he entered the kitchen. He snatches the cup from her hand and takes a gulp, scolding his mouth and throwing the cup directly at her face, causing her to scream.

"You dirty f*ckin' skank!" Michael grabs her by the false teeth, keeping her mouth wide open, spitting into her mouth before head-butting her unconcious. She falls to the floor and cracks her spine against the kitty dish half-full with four-day-old milk. "How many more times, mother! I'm the Hamburgler! I refuse to be burned by coffee!" he yells, hearing his own voice crack and feeling his throat raw. He stomps on her face for good measure.

Kicking his bathroom door open, he grabs his toothbrush and shoves it to the back of his throat, gagging himself as he bursts back out the door, hearing Motown playing on his radio as he enters back into his room. He thumps his radio, "I turned you off you sick mother f*cker," he says, snarling his teeth at the now broken radio alarm combo clock he got from Asda for £5.99. He quickly throws his working costume on, mask and all. He can't disappoint any children at today's big birthday bash in McDonalds.

He arrives at work, 37 seconds late. He walks through the back door, carrying his bag over his shoulder as his boss, a balding, stocky fat man no taller than 4 foot 6 stops him. "You're f*ckin' late again. And you stink of sh*t, what, again!? What the f*ck is wrong with you, Hamburger!?"

"I apologise, Mr. Winters," sincerely he drops down to one knee. "Forgive me, please?" Mr. Winter's shakes his head and throws his arms up as he turns around and walks away. "Don't forget, party in five minutes, Hamburger. Get ready and have a f*ckin' wash, God," he shouts, walking away.

Michael gets up and grins, laughing to himself: "I'll get you one day, Ben. One day, I'll wank onto your very soul," he chuckles and puts his hand in the deep-fat fryer, feeling his pants become wet and his eyes roll back into his head as he moans and sighs.

Kids begin gathering of many ages all around the tables of the eat-in McDonalds joint, all of them wearing cheesy yellow crowns, and the birthday boy, five-year-old Timmy Tomkins in a red one, reading 'Birthday Boy'. Usual cashiers are handing out their food; chicken nuggets and around a mouthful and a half of fries. One cashier slips and falls, banging her elbow on the corner of a table, but she makes little to no fuss as she quickly hurries along to the burger grills around back.

"I banged my elbow again! Can you believe it?" almost too cheery she shoots the question to Michael, whose hand is now bandaged up. Michael pushes past her and snarls as he jumps over the counter, yelling "Give me all the Hamburgers, ha-ha!" The kids jump back in fear, as the employee dressed as Ronald McDonald, holding a tray of plastic burgers starts running around the place, as the kids cheer for him.

Michael begins running after the Ronald McDonald impersonator, as a young chinese boy trips him over, causing his cape to cover his head and his mask to fly off to the kids' delight. They cheer and shove mcnuggets into their soon-to-be obese triple chin mouths as Michael gets onto his knees and begins crying.

"You made me cum," he weeps; his trousers drenched once more. He turns to the young chinese boy. "Why?" The chinese boy looks at his mother, a look of terror in his eyes, as Ronald McDonald comes over.

"Ronald, my old friend," Michael stands up, "did you see what he did to me?" Michael grabs a plastic burger from the actor of Ronald's tray and starts slashing at the young chinese boy's eyes as everyone screams in horror, blood spraying everywhere from the sharp plastic lettuce sticking from the side of the burger. He throws the plastic burger on the floor and picks the young chinese boy up by the neck and slams him into the floor, causing his spine to jolt through his neck; killing him instantly as Michael continues to gouge his eyes out with his thumbs, everyone screaming, his mother passed out from an overdose of fear.

Michael stands up, hearing sirens in the distance, he begins running.

-

Michael bursts down a broken down alley, his vision almost sepia tone and his mouth tasting of battery acid where he's outrun every siren within a two-mile radius of him. He slows down and coughs up some blood and spits it to the pavement below, and hears a dog barking. He looks to his left and sees a haggard, beaten-up old stray dog with an elderly bum - keeping each other company with only a few years, or months left in them both.

"Spare...some change?" the bum wheezes as Michael takes out his Hamburgler mask he picked up before running from McDonalds earlier and gives it to the homeless tramp, stinking of cod-liver oil and aids.

"This will keep you safe," Michael assures the man before jumping onto the bum's head, knee first, both of them tightly locked together. The bum begins trembling in fear as blood coats his vision, and the patchy brown stray dog begins barking at Michael.

"I'm terribly sorry," Michael cries, tightly gripping the bum's hands, tears streaming down his face. "This has been hard on us both, I know, but we can't go on living a lie." Michael dries the tears from his eyes and smiles. Michael reaches into his pocket and takes out a 50 pence coin, and the bum forgets everything just moments ago at the sight of the shiny silver piece, glowing in Michael's hand. The tramp extends his hands and cheers as Michael quickly kneels down and pushes the silver coin into the bum's left eye.

"I'll always love you," Michael says, forcing the coin into the bum's eye, as the dog howls and the bum shrieks and coughs, blood pouring from his eye socket which is now being occupied by a 50p, queens head facing outwards and all. Michael looks towards the snarling dog and grabs it by the back legs and snaps them both in two with his bare hands, hearing the dog murmur and weep. He clenches its mouth shut and picks it up by the ribcage and begins running away with it.

Michael quickly opens his front door before the neighbors can see him carrying the injured stray dog. He goes inside and closes it behind him, seeing his mother trying to get up from the floor; dry blood covers her entire face. He runs over to her and does a front-flip onto her head, crushing her skull into the ground and putting her into what can only be described as a 'vegetable-state'. The dog continues to weep and wince as Michael stands up, pieces of his mother's hair stuck to the back of his black cape from where he just landed on her.

Michael creeps into his bedroom and shuts the door and locks it and drops the dog to the floor. He runs over to his closet and opens it up and takes out a plastic bag that engulfs the entire room in month-old cum and stale alcohol. He takes the bag and opens it wide and shoves it over the dog's head and tenses his grip around the dog's neck, as it kicks its two working legs around for a moment before passing out. Michael takes his hands from the dog's throat, leaving the bag over its head and unbuttons his trousers.

Michael pulls out his smegma covered, bruised penis, still flaccid he slides it into the dog's asshole and begins thumping the dog in the stomach, which causes him to become hard whilst inside the dog's asshole. He begins to take a piss inside of the dog and he notices a stanley knife on his counter beside his broken alarm clock. He takes it with his right hand and digs it into the dog's asshole and begins slicing it.

He makes a hole 4x the size of his asshole before putting the stanley knife to the dog's penis and cutting it off, jaggedly, letting it fall onto the bedsheets and cover in blood before snatching it up and putting it into his mouth and letting his eyes fall back into his skull before ejaculating into the dog. He rams the stanley knife and his entire fist into the dogs stomach, punching a hole through it and killing it, if it weren't already dead.

Michael exits his bathroom, all clean and refreshed. He enters into his kitchen, still in his Hamburgler outfit, he looks down at his mother; her mouth wide open and choking on her own windpipe. He jumps through the air and legdrops her across the bridge of her nose, causing it to explode and blood to leak into her mouth. He stands up and looks on the counter and sees tickets for the zoo; was his mother going to treat him to a day out at the zoo?

He picks his nose and wipes it on his cape and picks the tickets up and exits the house.

Cubanwhip
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#2

Posted 11 September 2007 - 02:24 AM

HAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh..GOD...OH!!! Now that! Is classic! The most original piece of work on these forums. Oh wow...f*cking seriously. Wow.

TonyZimmzy
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#3

Posted 11 September 2007 - 02:31 AM

Michael Hamburger is now my god.

I laughed until tears were rolling down my face, seriously. Holy f*ck!!

I cannot f*cking WAIT for the next chapter. This forum needs more of this random bollocks!!!!!

PANDAEMON
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#4

Posted 12 September 2007 - 08:10 AM

LOL!!!

yeah twas really funny but it was so barbaric that i felt kiling myself for smirking.... good job!
cant wait fpr the next one....

Oxidizer
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#5

Posted 12 September 2007 - 03:05 PM

lol.gif + inlove.gif = MICHAEL HAMBURGER!

Bluenothing65
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#6

Posted 12 September 2007 - 04:41 PM

by any chance have u ever watched pupl fiction or read a confederacy of dunces

AfroDonJ0n
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#7

Posted 13 September 2007 - 03:17 AM Edited by AfroDonJ0n, 16 September 2007 - 02:15 AM.

Chapter 2/3: Ravenous


Michael arrives at the front gates of the zoo, he's sweating from the late July heat and leaving a stench so foul behind him it could wet a gooses appetite for blood. He walks inside, recieving a few shifty looks from civilians, wondering why on earth a grown-man would be wearing a Hamburgler costume from McDonalds. He gets his ticket stubbed and walks through the metal push-handle bars. He runs over to the cotton candy stall.

"Could I possibly have seven slices of candy floss?" he begs the teller, who gives him a raised eyebrow.

"Seven sticks, you mean?" he questions Michael, spitting into the candy floss machine in broad daylight; he doesn't give a sh*t.

"Seven slices," Michael says as he digs his thumbnail into his own palm, drawing blood. The teller pulls out a jacknife and begins trimming candy floss into slices. While he does so, Michael hops over the candy floss booth and pulls his penis from his trousers and looks on the mini-stove, and finds a boiling hot cauldren of syrup and he picks it up, pouring it all over his penis as he screams. The teller turns around.

"What in f*ck's name are you doing!?" The teller gets a face-full of boiling hot syrup, causing him to scream and fall down, rolling around on the floor as Michael cums all over him. Michael grabs the jacknife and bends down and sticks it to the teller's ear and goats it off, jaggedly leaving half of it dangling from the hole on his head. He jumps in the air and stomps on the teller's face with both feet, putting him unconcious instantly.

Michael hops back over the candy floss stall and reads a sign: "Ride the girafes, £5" to the right, or "Pet the peacocks" straight on. He rubs his erect cock and licks the scolding hot syrup from his hand and begins walking right. "The Hamburgler cannot be burned," he moans, cumming again.

Michael arrives at a large open area, protected by 15-feet-high fences and only an entrance door. He stares at the man watching the door, who allows the kids to ride the girafes under his supervision. He goes over to the man and looks at his name tag and smiles. "Roberto, I feel like I've known you forever," a twinkle in his eye like never seen before. He palms the jacknife and thrusts it into Roberto's juggular and twists it, causing Roberto to drop to his knees, gripping his throat as blood squirts between his fingers. He collapses face down as Michael begins doing roly-polys over the now deceased Roberto, giggling like a schoolgirl on crack cocaine at 3:41 in the morning.

Michael kneels over the man and digs into the hole in his throat, grabbing ahold of Roberto's voicebox, and gruesomely tearing it out, and grotesquely proceeding to eat it. He gets up, entering into the girafe cage-pen and approaching one. He looks around, making sure nobody is around to see Roberto's mutated body by the entrance, and he climbs up a girafe cage, scaling it, and dropping down into the other side. The girafe raises his head from the ground slightly and looks up at Michael from eating its lunch of grass and berries and raises an eyebrow at Michael. Michael punches it in the face and it lets out a tuffle as Michael palms the jacknife and stabs it in the nose furiously, over and over, until eventually the girafe falls over.

Michael rubs his hands together as if he were about to eat a meal after praying. His penis, still outside of his trousers becomes hard once again, still covered in syrup which stinks of smegma. He slices the head of his penis slightly with the jacknife, drawing blood, before using the jacknife to begin pivoting away at the girafe's long neck; blood spilling all over Michael's hands. He cuts the girafe's neck all the way open and violently removes its head. He kisses it on the wide-open eye and tosses the head over onto the grass and berries the alive-just-minutes-ago girafe was eating for its last lunch.

Michael fingers around inside of the girafe and finds the windpipe, and scuffles around to its front, putting his penis inside of the windpipe and he begins thrusting in and out. He explodes inside the decapitated girafe's windpipe after hearing the blood and guts squishing around, slivering all over his penis; the sensations sending shivers up and down his spine, causing the hair on the back of his neck to stand on end. He pulls out, putting his penis away, quickly getting to his feet and begins running away. He stops and looks back at the dead girafe's body, snarling his teeth and foaming at the mouth. He runs over to it, jumping through the air and elbow-dropping it onto the mid-section, causing blood and cum to explode from the base of its neck. Michael grabs ahold of the girafe's back leg and begins biting it, making growling sounds similar to a junkyard dog as he torques and bends at the bone, and eventually snapping the girafe's leg off. He stands to his feet, breathing heavily, he begins running, holding the girafe's leg in his right hand, and a jacknife in the other.

-

Michael runs down a dark and desolate hallway, wielding a snapped at the core girafe leg and a jacknife, and sees a janitor pushing along a yellow bucket with a mop on his hand. The janitor gives Michael an off-putting look as Michael runs by him.

"You damn youngster," the elderly caretaker yells to Michael. "You just scuffed my floor!"

Michael stops in his tracks before turning around and jacknifing the son of a bitch!

The janitor drops face first on the floor, as does his mop, both the body and the shaft of the mop hitting simultaneously on the dark-green marble floor. The frail, beaten by time janitor is now being beaten by a girafe leg, as Michael gives him a good pasting. Body blows, head-shots and below the belt shot after shot to the poor janitor. He takes his last gasp of air.

Michael bends down over the bloody janitor and puts his hand in his jumpsuit pocket, pulling out a wallet. He flips it open.

"Tony, eh? Fifteen waterdale road. It's a good thing we found this murderous scum-bag before he could kill his next prostitute, you sick scummy scum scum scum of the earth scum! Book him, boys." Michael front flips onto Tony's head, causing it to split wide open where the crowns of his gorgeous white hair lay and blood to leak all over the marble floor, as Michael stands up, dusting his cape off.

"Oh, you've gone and made a mess now, Michael," he says, in a voice similar to his mother's. He picks up the mop and begins dousing it in the janitor's blood and running it up and down the halls, covering the marble floor in blood. He drops the mop. Michael does the charleston! Michael stops doing the charleston.

He gets on his hands and knees and presses his tongue to the blood-covered floor below and starts gliding along it, pushing his hands and knees foward and licking the blood up. He arrives at the janitor and takes his keys, and hears footsteps in the distance. He quickly stands to his feet and creeps up against a wall, hiding in the shadows, blacker than midnight, concealed in every limelight. Two on-duty cops arrive at Tony's body and both of them sigh.

"Chief, we've got a f*ckin' maniac running around in a Hamburgler costume from McDonalds, raping and killing animals and chinese boys! How have we not caught this mother f*cker yet!?" he screams at his commanding officer, who just shakes his head and throws his hands up.

Michael jumps from the shadows and jacknifes the chief in the back of the head, feeling the knife plunge into and crack his skull, making a grinding sound as blood explodes over Michael's already covered in red face.

"Oh, sweet baby james!" the ginger-haired officer screams, jumping back and pulling out his pistol. Michael throws the girafe's leg at the gun, causing the officer to shoot out the lights of the hallway and drop his gun. Michael scours around on all fours in the dark, sniffing his prey and pouncing when he hears him step to the left of him. He bites him in the groin, unknown to what body-part he was about to bite, he's happy to of landed there.

The officer screams in pain before feeling the janitors keys burst his ear drums; Michael stabbed him in the right ear. The officer drops to the floor, as Michael stands over them both in pitch-black darkness.

"You thought you had me, didn't you?" he questions the officers. "This big epic battle between us had to end sooner or later. I'm like CJ, and you, you're both Tenpenny and Big Smoke. I'm the protagonist, you're the antagonists. Did you really think you'd beat me? I'm king of the city, I own grove street," Michael begins weeping, feeling his heart pounding as he moves his feet around, trying to find his girafe leg. "There's only one drug-pushing baron over-lord of the city to take down next...my ex-boss," he viciously states. At this point, Michael would of lost his mind if he had one to begin with. He's playing a videogame. "I'm heading to the final mission. I just need one more safe-house visit, heal up, sleep for six-hours. I can do this! I'm CJ!" he screams in the darkness, rubbing his aroused and erect penis as he does so.

"Sound the alarms, for there are plenty of cages for the rats. In the end, there's silence."

HawaiianHardHitter
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#8

Posted 13 September 2007 - 03:19 AM

I must say brah, this is one fine piece of writing. Love what you do with Hamburger's character. I have only finished reading the first chapter, but I'll read the second once I have some free time. icon14.gif

Cubanwhip
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#9

Posted 13 September 2007 - 03:25 AM

This, is the chemotherapy slowly bringing /WD/ back to life. Thank god I'm not alone.

TonyZimmzy
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#10

Posted 13 September 2007 - 03:46 AM

Oh, Jesus Christ...

That chapter was hilarious. Can't wait for the ending to come. His boss is gonna get girafe-legged.

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#11

Posted 13 September 2007 - 04:43 AM

lol good work man keep it up.

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#12

Posted 13 September 2007 - 05:34 AM

By far one of the sickest twisted sh*t I have ever read. Keep it up!

AfroDonJ0n
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#13

Posted 16 September 2007 - 02:10 AM Edited by AfroDonJ0n, 16 September 2007 - 02:27 AM.

Chapter 3/3: King of the City


Michael's eyes burst open; blood shot and his face pale and pasty like a jam donut that expired six hours and eight minutes ago. He looks down, noticing his penis was still flaccid even though he'd been awake for 17 seconds. This upset Michael deeply. He stands up from his bed in his room, still in his Hamburgler costume, gripping the girafe leg. He walks over to his closet and opens it up, taking out a black dufflebag. He unzips it, revealing a sawn-off shotgun, tranquilizer gun, and a new jacknife!

Michael unloads the guns from the dufflebag and puts the jacknife in his pocket. He goes back to the closet and reaches to the top shelf, pulling out his old school back-pack - a Foxy Brown 'Brown Sugar' bag, covered in pubic lice and stinking of blueberry pie and forced sex. He dumps the two weapons inside of it and throws it over his shoulders. He stands tall, he stands proud, now sporting that erection he longed for; wielding the girafe leg, sporting a Foxy Brown 'Brown Sugar' back pack eight sizes too small, and a pocket full of dreams, he exits his bedroom.

He takes long strides over to his braindead mother, still laying on the floor, not moving as the kitty licks her eyeball.

"Mother, I'm finishing this game once and for all. This is my city, and I'm taking it back," he assures himself before giving his mother John Cena's trademark 5-knuckle-shuffle wrestling move, dropping his fist into her face and causing her cheek bones to rupture the skin and burst out of her face. He gets up, rubbing his erection, and exiting the house, leaving the door wide-open.

"Hello, Michael," the nosey old cum guzzler from 1934 greets Michael with a basket of muffins. Michael has no time for his bitching old neighbor - he's on a crusade for righteous justice. Before she could utter her first sentance, Michael jacknifes that hoe, cutting her chin off. She makes a sound similar to that of a house pet being neutered as she falls onto the grass.

Michael takes the basket of muffins from her dangling right hand. "These will heal my hit points if I'm in trouble," he quietly says to himself as he shuffles along the sidewalk, seeing the grating traffic scoot on by as he makes his way to McDonalds.

-

Michael arrives at the taped up front doors of McDonalds. One police officer guarding the door, snoozing the day away with a book over his face as he sits on his bloated ass. Michael jacknifes him and moves inside, where his ex-boss is standing talking to an investigator and news reporter.

"I've finally found you!" Michael screams through the isolated and carnaged McDonalds hall leading to the dining areas. Ben gives a puzzled look to Michael before realizing he's come for him. The investigator pulls out a pair of handcuffs and begins walking directly towards Michael. Michael takes his back-pack off and takes out the shotgun, already loaded, he pumps two rounds into the investigator, blowing half his body into smitherines. Ben and the reporter begin running in terror, as Michael begins walking after him, reloading as he goes after his ex-boss.

Ben and the reporter lock themselves in the kitchen, where the staff are doing their jobs respectively.

"Everyone, remain calm, but Michael's here - and he's not alone!" Ben screams, causing panic in the ranks of the McDonalds staff, before the door is blown into smitherines, along with the nameless reporter. Ben scurries along the floor on his hands and knees as Michael enters; blasting a fellow employee in the face with the shotgun. Everyone begins running to the fire exit, most of them exiting in time before Michael can reload.

The cowering blonde girl in the corner catches the eye of Michael, her mascara running down her face as her heart perpitration causes Michael to recieve a raging erection. She looks at his trousers buldge, feeling the vomit build up in the back of her throat.

"Not so cheery anymore, are you?" he whispers to her before jacknifing her in the kidney at a 24 degree angle. She lets out a blood curling gasp for air as Michael continuously stabs her in the kidney, screaming: "Heather's gone, she left a note, 'He Is Legend' was all she wrote!" quoting a song he heard on the radio four days ago. She finally passes out from bloodloss, as Michael runs his fingers through her hair, ripping out clumps and eating them.

Michael stands to his own two feet! It was now or never!

Michael feels his cum trickle down his left leg as he begins hunting for Ben. He goes to the fire-exit and sees the door wide open. He peeks outside, not seeing anything. He goes back inside and deadbolts the door shut, licking the stubble under his nose. He goes back through the broken down door and up the stairs to his left.

"I can smell your soul this way, Benjamin. I'm going to wank on it." Michael climbs the stairs two at a time; his objective now clear: he is to masterbate on Ben's soul. He enters the upper-tier dining area, where a ballpitt and small jungle-gym for the kids lays in dawn. He jumps up the rope ladder.

"Wee!" Michael jumps head first into the ballpitt, landing on Ben, causing him to scream.

"Found you!" Michael yells into his former employers ear before biting the lobe off and swallowing it. He tosses the shotgun outside the ballpitt and drags Ben out, along with two dozen multi-coloured plastic balls. Michael throws Ben on the floor, causing his skull to crack like a hard candy being stamped on by an obese child. Michael picks one of the plastic balls up and eats it whole before picking Ben up over his shoulder and taking him back downstairs.

"Why? Stop it, put me down," Ben can only mutter half-assed, knowing he was about to die to a full-fledged psychopath in Michael Hamburger. Michael dumps him on the floor of the kitchen area and starts using Ben's obscenely large stomach as a bouncy castle, causing Ben to cough up what looks to be his left lung. "Wee!" Michael screams over and over, jumping up and down. He finally stops when a vein in Ben's forehead explodes and the darkest shade of red paints the white floor tiles.

Michael picks Ben up like a teddybear and drags him over to the deep fat fryers, where a sign above them reads: "Deep fry your Chicken McNuggets, only 99p!" Ben tries to resist, but Michael drives him head first into the deep fat fryers and switches it on, holding Ben's face in the creamy batter, drowning him. Ben stops struggling and the last bubble of fat pops, as Ben soils his pants, and so does Michael.

Michael pulls Ben's head from the deep fat fryer; his entire head and what little hair he had now enriched in a crispy batter. Benjamin Craig Anderson was cooked to death, 58 years young.

Michael tosses him to the floor and leans over him, picking parts of his face off and eating it as his eyes shift the room. He finds some yellow post-its on the counter and picks them up, pulling out a black felt-tip pen from the back pocket of his Hamburgler costume. He scribbles some chicken scratch handwriting down onto it then sticks the post-it onto Ben's chest, reading "Soul".

Michael unzips his trousers and begins masterbating at a rope-burn pace, and cums after a lousy 14 seconds, all over Ben's chest. He hears sirens in the closing distance.

Michael bends down and rips half of Ben's crispy delicious pancake-butter-tasting face off, only leaving pieces of his fried skull and brain behind and he begins running, snacking on Ben's face as he does so.

-

Michael arrives home, licking his fingers from all that face he just ate. He goes to his room, ignoring his mother's cries for help and sits down at his desk and switches his PC monitor on.

"Let's see what's new in the Writer's Discussion of GTAForums," he smiles as he opens his browser and types in the address. "Hmm, Cubanwhip finished his Conclusion, that's cool. Finish The Story III sign-up thread? That sounds pretty neat. I think I'll sign up."

Michael's mother's screams becoming louder and more volatile now. He screams: "Shut the f*ck up, mother! I'll see to you in a moment! Oh sh*t, look at what you made me write now." Michael grins and hears thudding on his front door.

"This is the police: Michael Hamburger, you are under-arrest for the murders of..."

Michael rolls his eyes and sneers in bliss, as he palms the jacknife he holds close to his heart after the events of today.

"Nearly midnight," he calmly frowns, looking at his wall-clock. "I guess this was fun."

Michael takes a long, stern walk out to his kitchen, seeing his mother nearly to her feet; her drool and blood scaring Mittens the kitten away. He jacknifes her in spine as he crowns his face in motion; scouring a smile plastered all over his mug. He extends his tongue and begins licking at her spinal fluid as it leaks down her back. He yanks the jacknife out and throws it on the floor, as the police try desperatly to enter Michael's house.

"I'm King of the City!" He shrieks, at the top of his lungs. He sharply opens the desk-drawer to his left, pulling out a pistol as the cops break the door down.

"King of the City," he whispers, putting the loaded shaft of the gun into his mouth, resting it easily on his tongue.

Bang.

HawaiianHardHitter
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#14

Posted 16 September 2007 - 02:57 AM

lol. Mittens the Kitten, I heard that somewhere on TV before... Great story braddah! You should post more like this! icon14.gif




R.I.P. Michael Hamburger

Oblivionz
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  • Joined: 24 Feb 2005
  • None

#15

Posted 16 September 2007 - 03:05 AM

That was f*cking amazing.
Good job mentioning GTAF.

silvermanblue
  • silvermanblue

    Magnets=Miracles

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#16

Posted 16 September 2007 - 04:18 AM

Awesomeness! It was a amazing and sick story.

Chickstick
  • Chickstick

    Fortunate Son

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#17

Posted 16 September 2007 - 08:39 AM

That was great, and also pretty unique compared to most of the stuff in Writer's Discussion. Well done!

TonyZimmzy
  • TonyZimmzy

    The Bearded Child

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#18

Posted 16 September 2007 - 12:45 PM

Woo, thanks for all the good replies lol. Yeah, it was me, I wrote this at nights from bordem to pass my writer's block I've been having, so I figured I'd write the dumbest, most pointless vile story I possibly could, then post it under a new user incase it got locked and I got a temp/perm ban from an Admin for writing such filth blush.gif . Glad everyone enjoyed it. inlove.gif

silvermanblue
  • silvermanblue

    Magnets=Miracles

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#19

Posted 16 September 2007 - 12:52 PM

You wote it o_0! Can we expect any more pieces from your dar alter ego?

TonyZimmzy
  • TonyZimmzy

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#20

Posted 16 September 2007 - 01:11 PM

QUOTE (silvermanblue @ Sep 16 2007, 12:52)
You wote it o_0! Can we expect any more pieces from your dar alter ego?

Probaly, lol. But I don't think any story I ever write again could be as random and plot-less as this. Could be sicker and add more gore, but not on the same lengths as this. I wrote bits of this nightly for about ten days whilst thinking of things and missions for my third HC script, so, whenever I have writer's block or free time again, I'll probaly write more random bollocks like this. Oh, and I originally wrote it just to entertain myself, Cubanwhip and my best rl friend who shares the same stupid sense of humour as I biggrin.gif .

Also, to anyone who finished the third chapter, I went and made a new user called Michael Hamburger and actually posted in the Finish The Story III thread. Dedication or what? tounge.gif Haha.

norniron
  • norniron

    .

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#21

Posted 16 September 2007 - 06:33 PM

lol.gif Great story albeit a silly one, keep them coming.

Vic Campo
  • Vic Campo

    LEGEND!!!

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#22

Posted 25 October 2007 - 08:56 AM

Great work love it....Now to read part 2

Mr Ginge
  • Mr Ginge

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#23

Posted 19 November 2007 - 02:58 PM

best story i've read in a while, please make some more. smile.gif

VProductions
  • VProductions

    Mack Pimp

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#24

Posted 12 April 2013 - 11:06 PM

I just had to bump this f*cked up sh*t, its hilarious!

Doublepulse
  • Doublepulse

    I will turn your life upside down!

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 07 Feb 2010

#25

Posted 13 April 2013 - 04:26 AM

Yea, I never would of bumped anything this old, but since it is bumped Im gonna say it.

1. The story was f*cked up, but kind of funny.

2. The irony when you really know who the picture of that guy is.. Andrew Gower- Creator/ Lead Developer of Runescape

TonyZimmzy
  • TonyZimmzy

    The Bearded Child

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#26

Posted 13 April 2013 - 09:50 AM

QUOTE (Doublepulse @ Saturday, Apr 13 2013, 04:26)
Yea, I never would of bumped anything this old, but since it is bumped Im gonna say it.

1. The story was f*cked up, but kind of funny.

2. The irony when you really know who the picture of that guy is.. Andrew Gower- Creator/ Lead Developer of Runescape

HA. Finally, someone caught on to that. Perfect psychotic-looking piece'a white Brit trash. I might write some more of this... but I kinda left my window for follow-ups out the window by killing him off. Perhaps I'll just pretend I didn't. Ain't nobody gonna care. monocle.gif




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