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WoozIe's War

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Woozie_woo
  • Woozie_woo

    Player Hater

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  • Joined: 19 May 2006

#1

Posted 27 May 2006 - 04:53 AM

Woozie's War


Place: Grove Street
Time: Rainy Afternoon

Chapter 1

I sat in my Hummer 3 smoking on a little marijuana I scored from one of the homie's. Listening to 2 pac's "I don't give a f*ck". I took the last drag from the spliff and threw the duck in the ash tray. Patiently waiting for my O.Dog to come , I started to roll another , as I rolled I noticed the police creeping up from behind , I quickly stashed the blunt in the ash tray , as the Cops rolled passed.

" O.Dog need to hurry his ass up. All these f*cking police cruising around. I can't afford to go back to the pen. " I began to get restless. I cranked my stereo up and the speakers began to pulse. Just as I flamed the blunt up , I heard a knoclk on the window , It was O.DOG.

" Where the f*ck you been at? "

" Man I almost forgot my gun "

" Stupid! , anyway is you ready to do this sh*t? "

"Yeah!"

" Aight Its time to show these vick's you in shape "

Before I started up the car I cocked my desert eagle and made sure O.Dog did the same. The stereo was playing Ice T's color's , and the system rattled the trunk. I lit up another blunt put the truck in drive and speed off from in front of the Binco's clothing store. We began to drive up the Imperial Gangster's Block. As we got closer all you could see was the gang's pink and black colors. The main target was a rival member named Puma. He stood with four members. The car sat in the back ground almost invisible , and the Pink Panther Logo sat on the spray painted T's like a target.

" You ready to to this mutha f*cka? "

" Hell yeah! "

" I cant hear that sh*t! "

" Hell Yeah! "

I pressed down on the gas. We speed up the block with our guns ready to aim just as we got closer the gang noticed us , some drew their gat's , two others began to ran. The car took shots to the side. Even though , our concern was about Puma and not the others. O.Dog fired shots at the two guys any way , hitting them both in the chest.
I fired shots at Puma then he fell to the ground. I stopped the car and hopped out to finish him off. I seen Puma trying to crawl away with his life I aprroached him , and my shadow covered his body he turned over and noticed it was me an Insane Deuce from grove street.

" You peice of sh*t. If it isn't the grand puma him self? "

"f*ck YOU MAN! "

" What are you all amped up about? You knew you had this coming you stupid f*ck! After all you shot up my damn block , and left two of my fellow deuces for dead. "

" I'M SORRY MAN! "

" SORRY? You mutha f*ckas! is sorry ? Hm hm hm .... Is that right?

I had a devilish smirk on my face , but it quickly twisted. I emptied
the clip in his chest. I ran back to the car before those other two guys
retaliated. We threw the car in drive and " Colors " pulsed from the speakers.



Woozie Woo a,k.a Yak-uzi sly.gif

neitherine
  • neitherine

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#2

Posted 27 May 2006 - 04:56 AM

There is a section for fan fic

reported for move

Vanzant
  • Vanzant

    I check for Breast Cancer. Call me.

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#3

Posted 27 May 2006 - 04:58 AM

"whoooops"

So should it be moved to San Andreas Gen discussion or writers discussion?

icon14.gif We could flip a coin or make a poll.

Good short story by the way, nicely done with colorful characters and a gloomy setting that fits the story.

Hard Knocker
  • Hard Knocker

    jarjar's love bug

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#4

Posted 27 May 2006 - 05:11 AM

this story sucks, try again

Mr. Fictional
  • Mr. Fictional

    Odd...

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#5

Posted 27 May 2006 - 12:53 PM

QUOTE (Hard Knocker @ May 27 2006, 05:11)
this story sucks, try again

Try and find the decency to post with some constructive critiscism, at least confused.gif

Guybrush Threepwood
  • Guybrush Threepwood

    Wish you were here.

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#6

Posted 27 May 2006 - 01:52 PM

QUOTE (Mr. Fictional @ May 27 2006, 13:53)
QUOTE (Hard Knocker @ May 27 2006, 05:11)
this story sucks, try again

Try and find the decency to post with some constructive critiscism, at least confused.gif

Here's some constructive criticism.
QUOTE
I sat in my Hummer 3 smoking on a little marijuana I scored from one of the homie's. Listening to 2 pac's "I don't give a f*ck"


QUOTE
All these f*cking police cruising around. I can't afford to go back to the pen.


If you don't want to go back to jail, and you're a somewhat savvy criminal. You'd be smart enough not to sit your doped up ass behind the wheel listening to angry rap music. When there's apparently a lot of police officers in your vicinity.
I'm all for character depth, you know, characters with common sense.

Cuban Warlord
  • Cuban Warlord

    Big Homie

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#7

Posted 27 May 2006 - 04:37 PM

It's decent I guess, but It's kind of short and lacks detail.

ChrisNorthInGer
  • ChrisNorthInGer

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#8

Posted 03 June 2006 - 09:41 AM

The story is okay at best. The way everything was described vividly and with strong words is good. but it sounds like the story is told through the eyes of the main character but it dosen't sound like the main character would say or think those kind of things. It also reads more like one of those things, I forget what you call them, you Know inside of the book like the preview thing, because it just drops you in the middle of no where. But I think with some work it could be a pretty good story as it sounds like your a good writer. icon14.gif




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