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TonyZimmzy
  • TonyZimmzy

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#511

Posted 30 July 2007 - 12:13 AM

I kicked his ass into finishing this story! biggrin.gif

Epic chapter, Woozie's demise was amazingly done. Roberto is a cold blooded killer, without even putting a bullet in him, he killed him. Reminded me of Claude's death.

Awaiting chapter 73, Captain Laberto!

Jam!
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#512

Posted 30 July 2007 - 12:48 AM

Hell yeah! This story still owns. Can't wait for the next chapter! icon14.gif icon14.gif

Ryunday
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#513

Posted 30 July 2007 - 02:35 AM

Great story looking forward to the next chapter icon14.gif

Cubanwhip
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#514

Posted 30 July 2007 - 10:21 PM Edited by Cubanwhip, 28 August 2007 - 07:45 PM.

Chapter 73: Welcome Home

Saturday July 3rd, 2007. 6:32 A.M. Ocean Beach Lighthouse, Ocean Beach; Vice City.
A Speeder comes speeding along the coast and anchors itself on the nearby dock. The sun is seen glowing in the east as it rises. Dylan steps off the boat and straightens his jacket. He looks around and looked up the lighthouse. The light turns off and he turns around to see Cesar and Roberto stepping out of the boat. They walk along the sidewalk towards Ocean Beach Blvd, examining the empty beach. They finally reach the street and find a nearby Glendale. Roberto hotwires it and gets into the driver’s seat. He drives them across the island, examining everything. How much the city has changed since he left. Buildings he once visited daily were closed down and ready to be torn down. Construction signs littered all over; all for Panlantic. Roberto took the next street and was driving down the southern bridge, to the mainland.

Saturday July 3rd, 2007. 6:39 A.M. Umberto Robina’s House, Little Havana; Vice City.
Roberto pulled into the driveway of the abandoned house and got out. He gestured for Cesar and Dylan to follow him in. Roberto reached above the doorframe and pulled out a key. He unlocked the door and stepped inside. Dust settled everywhere and the house was just as he last left it. The air was stale and had a hard time breathing. The windows were boarded up and when the door flung open, dust spread all through the air.

Roberto: (Sits on a chair in the living room, dust exploding into the air) This is where we’ll be staying.

Cesar: We can’t stay here for long. Knowing Catalina, she has men everywhere. They’ll find you within a week.

Roberto: So what do you propose?

Cesar: We take her out now, before she finds you. We have the element of surprise.

Roberto: Yeah, yeah. (Rolls his eyes) Well how do we take her out? We can’t just go in guns blazing. She’s much stronger than Tommy ever was, and we don’t have enough men.

Cesar: How about infiltration?

Roberto: (Leans forwards and interlocks his fingers while looking at the floor) Can’t do that either. I had that place rigged with cameras. She’ll see us.

Dylan: (Chimes in) How about we get her when she leaves?

Roberto: She owns this city. Why would she leave? Maybe occasionally to deal with someone, but even then, she must be guarded like the pres…i…dent…

Dylan: What about him?… You forgot all about him.

Roberto: Well, I can take him out the twentieth. I take care of Catalina and swing by Capitol and take him out. Right when he leaves… (Pretends to hold an invisible rocket launcher) Blow that copter out of the sky.

Dylan: Alright. So how do you propose we kill her?

Roberto: We have to kill her, without us being there, or anywhere near her.

Dylan: Hire a hitman?

Roberto: Nah, can’t risk that…

Cesar: (Looks around the room) Maybe there’s something in this house that could help us.

Roberto: (Stands up) Like what?

Cesar: (Walks into another room) I don’t know…I found it! (Comes out of the room holding one stick of C4) Maybe we can blow her…

Roberto: (Walks over and grabs the stick) With one stick of C4?

Cesar: I know where we can get more. Carl used to be friends with an ex-marine who was friend’s with an arm’s dealer.

Roberto: So…?

Cesar: He lives here in Vice after moving from Liberty; something about the Cartel roughing him up for his stock. He lives down in Vice Port. We better head over. (Starts walking towards the door)

Roberto: How reliable is he?

Cesar: Pretty reliable. He helps friends out. (Walks out)

Roberto: (Turns and looks at Dylan) Stay here… (Follows Cesar to the Glendale)

Saturday July 3rd, 2007. 6:58 A.M. Phil Cassidy’s Place, Vice Port; Vice City.
The Glendale pulls up behind a warehouse. A broken down, 2001 Barracks OL sits in an open garage. Roberto takes one look around and pulls out a cigarette. He lights it and follows Cesar into the open garage.

Cesar: Phil? Phil?!

Phil: (Comes out with an M4 and beats Cesar in the back of the head) You won’t be taking me down you damn Cartel! (Kicks Cesar on the floor and points the gun at Roberto)

Roberto: (Raises his hands) I thought you said you were friends with him Cesar?!

Phil: (Looks down at Cesar) Cesar?! Cesar Vialpando?! I didn’t recognize you! (Puts down the M4 and helps him up) I haven’t seen you since '99!

Cesar: (Gets up) It’s alright, Phil. What’s going on?

Phil: Too much. I left Liberty to get away from the damn Cartel. Next thing I know, they’re down here, in my hometown! (Looks at Roberto) Who’s your friend? He looks familiar. (Squints and looks at Roberto) Hey! You’re Tommy’s kid! I remember you! It’s me Phil Cassidy!

Roberto: Phil? Phil?! That’s you?!

Phil: (Goes over and hugs him) It’s been too long! I heard what happened to Tommy. Damn hospitals! They need to fix them buggy machines. They just cause fires everywhere!

Roberto: Yeah…

Phil: (Looks at them both) Well, I know you both didn’t just come here to tale about the old days. What’s the deal?

Cesar: Well, you know Catalina? The Cartel leader?

Phil: That bitch? Of course! She’s been my target for quite a while. I just can’t get close enough to really get her. Why?

Roberto: Well, I want her out.

Phil: So does the rest of Vice, but it’s not that easy.

Roberto: All we need is enough C4 to blow up Tommy’s mansion.

Phil: Why would you need me? Tommy has an entire basement full of guns. sh*t! He probably has enough C4 down there to take out Vice. All you would need to do is sneak in there and set one to blow.

Roberto: His house is a bomb?

Phil: Basically! (Laughs) I just want to know how you’re going to do it! You need someone she doesn’t know. You need someone who would never come off as threatening. What you need is a tool.

Cesar: (Looks at Roberto) Dylan?

Roberto: Just what I was thinking…

Saturday July 3rd, 2007. 7:24 A.M. Umberto Robina’s House, Little Havana; Vice City.
Dylan is flipping through the channels on the television. It’s the same six channels repeating over and over again. He turns it off and tosses the remote onto the coffee table in front of him. A knock is heard on the door and he walks over. He looks through the window next to the door and sees Roberto standing there with Cesar. He opens the door and they walk in, smiling.

Dylan: So…did you guys get it…?

Roberto: We didn’t need to. Tommy’s house has a basement full of C4.

Dylan: His house is like a bomb?

Cesar: Basically.

Dylan: (Looks at Cesar then Roberto, who are both staring at him) So…how are we going to detonate them…?

Roberto: Well, we need someone who can get into the house and place one bomb in the basement, without her knowing.

Cesar: Someone she doesn’t know…

Roberto: Someone who isn’t a threat…

Cesar: You.

Dylan: (Swallows hard) Me?! I can’t do it! She’ll see me with a bomb and know what I’m doing!

Roberto: You really think we’ll send you in with just a bomb?! No! We’re sending you in with a disguise. All we need to do is figure what you will go in as.

Dylan: But you didn’t ask if I wanted to do it!

Roberto: (Laughs) Why would we have to ask?! You have no choice!

Dylan: Oh, damn!

Cesar: (Tosses Dylan the C4 stick) You know how to work one?

Dylan: No!

Roberto: (Walks over) Put this near the other bombs, hit this button, and get the f*ck out. Easy?

Dylan: I don’t think I can do it!

Roberto: (Looks at Cesar) It’s your turn to stay here. I’m taking Dylan shopping… (Walks out of the house dragging Dylan with him)

Cesar: (Laughs) Oh, I can’t wait for this! (Grabs the remote and turns on the television)

Saturday July 3rd, 2007. 9:01 A.M. Umberto Robina’s House, Little Havana; Vice City.
Cesar has fallen asleep on the chair, an infomercial on cooking ware plays on the screen. A loud knock is heard on the door and Cesar is awakened. He stands up immediately and looks at the door. Another knock is heard. It is louder, and more powerful than the previous one. He slowly walks towards the door and opens it. A Cartel member stands there with a bushy moustache, a Hawaiian shirt, khaki’s, and a cowboy hat, with a pair of aviators. He looks at Cesar and grumbles.

Cartel Member: Cesar Vialpando…

Cesar: I think you got the wrong house…

Cartel Member: Catalina sends her best regards… (Pulls out a pistol and aims it at Cesar)

Cesar: I’m not Cesar--

Cartel Member: (Bursts out laughing) I got you!

Cesar: (Stares at the Cartel Member) Dylan?!

Dylan: (Takes off the aviators and the hat) Yeah… (Continues laughing as he walks in) We got you!

Roberto: (Comes out from around the corner, laughing) Your face was priceless! “I’m not Cesar!” (Laughs harder) Oh god! Wow! (Walks into the house)

Cesar: (Closes the door and glares at both of them) Oh…very funny…

Roberto: (Catches his breath and stops laughing) Look, we needed to test his outfit. If you couldn’t recognize him, then it was perfect.

Cesar: You dressed him as a Cartel member?

Roberto: Yeah. Not that hard. Just get a tropical shirt, some khaki pants, and a fake moustache and voila! (Points to Dylan) A stereotypical Columbian!

Cesar: (Looks at Dylan taking off the clothes) Wow, so we got the disguise. We got the bomb. We got everything. When do we start this thing?

Roberto: (Sits and starts watching the infomercial) I don’t know. Tomorrow’s good. Yeah tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a day to remember…

TonyZimmzy
  • TonyZimmzy

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#515

Posted 30 July 2007 - 10:22 PM

Hellz yeyuuh! We're coming closer to the end now! Towards The Climax we gooo!

I'm your sexy lil proof reader! Muaha biggrin.gif I can't wait to see Dylan somehow screw this one up!

Cubanwhip
  • Cubanwhip

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#516

Posted 31 July 2007 - 06:00 PM

So let's get this straight. I don't post a chapter for 2 months, then I finally post one. I get a few comments, which is what I expected with the small fan base I have, because If I were a newfag, I wouldn't read my entire story, but when I post a second chapter the day after, and the only person to comment was the person who just proof read...well that sort of makes no sense. You beg for it, and when I give it to you, nothing. ???

Moth
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#517

Posted 31 July 2007 - 07:25 PM

That chapter is pretty good man. And about your complaining post i would have posted yesterday but i didn't have time to go to a computer and the others probly don't even know there is a new chapter.

HawaiianHardHitter
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#518

Posted 01 August 2007 - 01:29 AM

I have been following and reading this since you updated it the other day, and I have got to say that it's very impressive. The action, the plot mixes with eachother weel and I love the way that you started the story off with a nice opener on storyline beginning. Very clever to say the least. I will try to cathc up. icon14.gif

TonyZimmzy
  • TonyZimmzy

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#519

Posted 01 August 2007 - 01:44 AM

QUOTE (Cubanwhip @ Jul 31 2007, 18:00)
So let's get this straight. I don't post a chapter for 2 months, then I finally post one. I get a few comments, which is what I expected with the small fan base I have, because If I were a newfag, I wouldn't read my entire story, but when I post a second chapter the day after, and the only person to comment was the person who just proof read...well that sort of makes no sense. You beg for it, and when I give it to you, nothing. ???

The Cuban has a point!

He's probaly one of the main reasons this forum was buzzing so much in early 2007 and late 2006, and this story is probaly the biggest in the forum's history, so, where the hell are all his readers at?

HawaiianHardHitter
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#520

Posted 01 August 2007 - 01:46 AM Edited by HawaiianHardHitter, 01 August 2007 - 05:20 AM.

I apologize for the double post, but I have something to say about your complaints. I think the main reason why most people here don't read this is because it is written in a script-format instead of a narrative-format. I don't really give a damn if a story is in narrative or not, but if its a hell of a good story I still read it. If they haven't give this story a chance then they are missing out on one hell of a great story. I know that I only read the first few chapters, but it has kept me entertained since I read it. In short; It's not the way the author writes the story, it's the story the author writes.

HawaiianHardHitter
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#521

Posted 01 August 2007 - 05:32 AM

Another I have to tell you. Don't let this bum you down brah. Don't let it get to you. If these people choose not to read it or give it a chance, then that is their problem. Who are they to tell which story is good and which isn't. This story is a piece of golden fan fiction. There are plenty of stories around here like Maddok's "San Andreas of the Living Dead" that I found to be good. But, a mishap has brought him into playing their game. There has been many great GTA fanfics from what I have read in my time here. I have read them, and I have enjoyed from the beginning. I want you to finish this Cubanwhip. I want you to shove it to them, and show them what a story's all about. I have made my way to the Second Saga of your story. Took me a few hours to read it. From seeing the date you first posted this story. I could already tell that this was a genuine classic. You started this since early 2006. You have kept all these people have read it entertained this long, but don't let these whackjobs bring this story down too. Continue it for your fans who has read it since the beginning. I admit I ain't no writer, but I do know alot about the stories that great authors write. You're a great writer and author braddah. This is probably the only surviving GTA Fanfic around these boards. Don't let it die until you end it. wink.gif icon14.gif

Ryunday
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#522

Posted 01 August 2007 - 05:51 AM

Holy sh*t mercie_blink.gif I just finished reading all of your story man all of it. This has to be the best fanfic anyone has written. I mean you took a character you made up and put him throw so many great stories in the GTA world and made it in to one giant fanfic. Truly great work cookie.gif cookie.gif cookie.gif cookie.gif cookie.gif

TonyZimmzy
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#523

Posted 01 August 2007 - 03:31 PM

QUOTE (HawaiianHardHitter @ Aug 1 2007, 05:32)
Another I have to tell you. Don't let this bum you down brah. Don't let it get to you. If these people choose not to read it or give it a chance, then that is their problem. Who are they to tell which story is good and which isn't. This story is a piece of golden fan fiction. There are plenty of stories around here like Maddok's "San Andreas of the Living Dead" that I found to be good. But, a mishap has brought him into playing their game. There has been many great GTA fanfics from what I have read in my time here. I have read them, and I have enjoyed from the beginning. I want you to finish this Cubanwhip. I want you to shove it to them, and show them what a story's all about. I have made my way to the Second Saga of your story. Took me a few hours to read it. From seeing the date you first posted this story. I could already tell that this was a genuine classic. You started this since early 2006. You have kept all these people have read it entertained this long, but don't let these whackjobs bring this story down too. Continue it for your fans who has read it since the beginning. I admit I ain't no writer, but I do know alot about the stories that great authors write. You're a great writer and author braddah. This is probably the only surviving GTA Fanfic around these boards. Don't let it die until you end it. wink.gif icon14.gif

Yep, I know what you mean; I've been following this story for as long as I can remember and I'd be way bummed if he didn't finish it.

By far the best GTA Fanfic that has ever been written, and best Fanfic that will ever be finished aswell.

Moth
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#524

Posted 01 August 2007 - 10:11 PM

QUOTE (TonyZimmzy @ Aug 1 2007, 15:31)
By far the best GTA Fanfic that has ever been written, and best Fanfic that will ever be finished aswell.

Amen to that Tony

Vanilla Shake
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#525

Posted 02 August 2007 - 03:43 AM

Wow, it's been too long since you've given us a new chapter my friend...and I am so glad that you've finally breathed some life into the lungs of this fantastic story.

Excellent work, and I will be following this very closely...again.

HawaiianHardHitter
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#526

Posted 02 August 2007 - 04:40 AM Edited by HawaiianHardHitter, 02 August 2007 - 07:18 AM.

See Cubanwhip, you still have fans that will back you up the whole way through. Don't let them down. I too will be looking forward to the next chapter. I have made it all the way to Chapter 69. I'd like to read the conclusion real soon. icon14.gif

longkissgoodnight
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#527

Posted 13 August 2007 - 12:21 AM

hey CubanWhip I need you to i/m me please. i am writing a story and i need a few sujestions on it please. my s/n is shulkmania. thank you! by the way i love your story, im always reading it, i cant wait untill the ending!

HawaiianHardHitter
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#528

Posted 18 August 2007 - 04:04 AM

I finally caught up with the most recent chapter. I really love how Toreno's the president and Donald is Vice President. Love how Roberto is like in trouble in all major GTA Cities. Please take the advice I gave you and write a new chapter soon. I'd love to read the rest of this one of a kind story. smile.gif icon14.gif

Cubanwhip
  • Cubanwhip

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#529

Posted 28 August 2007 - 10:27 PM Edited by Cubanwhip, 29 August 2007 - 01:32 AM.

Hola, here's chapter 74. We're heading towards the climax! wink.gif

Chapter 74: Toward the Climax

Saturday July 4th, 2007. 9:01 A.M. Umberto Robina’s House, Little Havana; Vice City.
The sun shines through the window and Roberto covers his eyes. He opens one eye, then slams it shut, grunting. After five more minutes he manages to pry himself off the bed and put on a shirt. He yawns and looks over at the digital clock. The date reading July 4th. He walks into the living room and finds Cesar on the sofa and Dylan on the floor. He grabs the detonator on the table, walks into the kitchen and pours himself a cup of water. He drinks it down and looks back into the living room.

Roberto: Hey guys. It’s time to wake up. We got work to do… (Walks into the bathroom) “Lots of work…” (Looks into a mirror in front of himself as he pisses) “Today…today will be a day to never forget…I’m sorry.” (He zips his pants and sighs) Alright guys! Get to the car! (Walks out of the bathroom)

Cesar: (Slowly sits up) Aight holmes. (Stands up and taps Dylan on the shoulder with his foot) Come on, we got to get to the car…

Dylan: (Mumbles something and rolls over)

Cesar: Wake up! (Kicks Dylan in the side)

Dylan: God damnit! I’m up! (Pulls himself up and walks out with Cesar)

Saturday July 4th, 2007. 9:45 A.M. Starfish Island Gates, Starfish Island; Vice City.
Roberto pulls past the gates and parks on the sidewalk. He watches as people give him weird looks, but ignores them and turns to look at Dylan. He is nervously looking around, paranoid.

Roberto: (Throws the bag of clothes back at Dylan) Put them on.

Dylan: I can’t put them on with you guys looking!

Roberto: (Stares at Dylan) Alright… (Looks at Cesar in the passenger seat) Lets wait outside… (Gets out of the car, Cesar following)

Cesar: So you really think this is going to work?

Roberto: It better. If not, I’ll be in bigger trouble.

Cesar: What are you talking about?

Roberto: Well, I was going to confront Catalina, and if those bombs don’t go off, then I’ll be in deep sh*t.

Cesar: (Stares at Roberto, dumbfounded) You’re going to blow it up with you inside?!

Roberto: (Looks at Cesar) Yes…

Cesar: (Leans against the car) Y-y-you can’t do that…

Roberto: (Smiles) I’m just kidding. I wouldn’t really blow myself up.

Cesar: (Stands straight up again) Oh, you had me going there for a second.

Roberto: I did?

Cesar: Yeah…don’t do that ever again.

Roberto: Don’t worry, after this…all will be good. (Bangs on the car) Dylan you ready?

Dylan: Almost!

Roberto: Hurry up! (Looks back at Cesar) You ready?

Cesar: I’m always ready holmes.

Dylan: (Gets out of the car) How do I look?

Roberto: (Looks Dylan over) Hold the pistol in your left hand…

Dylan: (Pulls the gun out of his waistband) Alright.

Roberto: Now you do. (Looks at a nearby gate) Look, you got to jump this gate here. Walk west through this house’s yard until you reach a solid wall. Climb the wall and you’ll be in Catalina’s yard.

Dylan: Why can’t I just go through her mansion’s main gates?

Roberto: Because then it would look odd for a single Cartel to wander onto the lot. Put the C4 in your pocket and get moving!

Dylan: Alright! Chill man… (Walks to the gate and begins to scale it) Uh… (Gets halfway and falls) Damnit! I was never good at climbing!

Roberto: (Puts his palm on his head and sighs) Come on Cesar… (Walks over to Dylan with Cesar right behind him) Dylan, put your right foot on my hands and your left foot in Cesar’s; we’re going to launch you over the wall.

Dylan: (Puts his feet in their hands) Launch? What do you mean-

Roberto: (Lifts straight up with Cesar, launching Dylan over the twelve foot wall) Hope he- (Hears a thud) You okay?

Dylan: Yeah…I just broke my ass is all. (Moans)

Roberto: That’s good, now get going!

Dylan: Fine! (Starts walking across the yard)

Cesar: (Looks at Roberto) You should go check on him. If he couldn’t climb this gate, there is no way he’ll be able to across that nine foot wall.

Roberto: You’re right… (Jumps on the gate and scales it) Wait in the car…I’ll be right back…

Cesar: (Starts walking to the car)

Roberto: Oh and Cesar!

Cesar: (Looks up at him) Yeah?

Roberto: (Looks off into the sky) Keep the car running…just incase…

Cesar: (Looks at Roberto, perplexed) What?

Roberto: (Jumps over the gate and runs after Dylan)

Dylan: (Looks up the nine foot wall) Oh…what the hell… (Hears footsteps behind him and turns around, gun drawn) Who’s there?!

Roberto: (Walks over) Relax, it’s me.

Dylan: (Lowers the gun) Oh, you scared me.

Roberto: (Looks at the wall) Need help?

Dylan: Is that why you came…

Roberto: Hey. Cesar told me you could use it. (Grins)

Dylan: Yeah, I could use some.

Roberto: (Bends down and cups his arms) Hop on.

Dylan: (Climbs on Roberto’s hand) Thanks.

Roberto: (Lifts him up and watches Dylan climb up) No problem.

Dylan: (Drops to the other side and makes sure no one saw him) See you in a bit! (Hears no reply) Aw…he’s gone already. (Walks towards the back of the mansion)

Roberto: (Leans against the wall and waits for Dylan’s footsteps to fade away) “He’s gone.” (Jumps and grabs the top of the wall) “sh*t, it’s higher than I thought.” (Struggles to pull himself up, but manages to climb it) “Now, to get in without being seen…” (Jumps down and lands on his feet, looking up at the mansion)

Saturday July 4th, 2007. 10:10 A.M. Behind Cartel Mansion, Starfish Island; Vice City.
Dylan casually strolls behind the mansion, avoiding two or three Cartel members. He reaches the indoor pool and is finally stopped by one gang member.

Cartel Member: Oy, do you know where Catalina is. I thought I saw someone jump the wall.

Dylan: Uh… (Puts on a stereotypical Columbian accent) Uh, no mang. I…uh…think she might be in the office, holmes…

Cartel Member: (Looks at Dylan oddly) Alright, I’ll go check. (Walks towards a mansion door and pulls out a key)

Dylan: “Oh sh*t! I need that key to get in?!” (Slowly walks behind the gang member as he walks through, catching the door with his foot) “Whew, that was close.” (Waits for his footsteps to fade before walking in) “Now…Roberto said the basement was straight ahead, take the first set of stairs down…” (Continues walking forward, being mindful about the gang member walking up ahead) “God, could he walk slower…” (Finally reaches the stairwell and waits for the gang member to ascend them and disappear) “Alright, here’s the stairs…now…where are the one’s that go down? They’re not here!” (Looks around frantically and finds a locked door next to the ascending stairs) “Aww, f*ck.”

Saturday July 4th, 2007. 10:08 A.M. Side Cartel Mansion, Starfish Island; Vice City.
Roberto sneaks across the lawn and slides up against the wall, inconspicuously. He sidles across the wall, toward an open window. When he reaches it, he hears people talking inside. He sneaks a look and sees it two Cartel members.

Cartel 1: I swear I saw someone come down the wall, mang.

Cartel 2: I saw nothin’. You crazy. (Walks towards the window)

Cartel 1: I’m going to ask around to see where Catalina is. (Leaves the room)

Cartel 2: Crazy… (Leans out the window)

Roberto: (Grabs the Cartel’s wrist and twists it)

Cartel 2: Ahhh! My hand!

Roberto: (Climbs through the window and punches the Cartel in the face, knocking him out cold) Damn, what’s his face made of? Steel?! (Grabs the body and drags it behind the sofa) “Now, how do I get to Catalina, without getting caught?” (Walks to the door across the room and looks through the keyhole) “No one in sight…” (Opens the door and looks to his left and right, before quickly dashing down the hall and behind the main staircase) “I hope Dylan found the basement…”

Saturday July 4th, 2007. 10:15 A.M. Basement Cartel Mansion, Starfish Island; Vice City.
After managing to break the door knob on the basement door, Dylan is walking down the steps into the basement. He finds himself in a pitch black room and feels the wall for a switch. He finds it and flips it. He looks at the walls lined with heavy weapons and pistols. He walks to the end and finds sacks stacked on sacks. He tears one open and finds it packed full of C4’s. He places his one C4 in the sack and activates it.

Dylan: “Alright, activated…now to get out of here…” (Starts back to the basement stairs and hears the door creak open) “Oh f*ck!” (Shuts off the lights and hides behind the wall as steps come down)

Cartel Member: Hello…anyone down here… (Pulls the hammer back on his Colt)

Dylan: (Hears the Cartel stop right next to him) “What do I do?!”

Cartel Member: You can not hide… (Reaches for the switch)

Dylan: (Grabs his hand and breaks his fingers)

Cartel: Ay! Puto! (Shoots the gun)

Dylan: (Punches the Cartel in the face then kicks him in the side) Damn it… (Runs up the stairs and runs down the hall and out to the back of the mansion)

Saturday July 4th, 2007. 10:13 A.M. Catalina’s Office Cartel Mansion, Starfish Island; Vice City.
A Cartel member walks into the room and looks at Catalina across the desk. He walks up to her and she spins in her chair and glares at him.

Catalina: What do you want?! (Slams her palms on the desk)

Cartel Member: I think…someone…might have jumped the wall onto your lawn…

Catalina: (Looks at the monitors) Nobody did. I would have seen it! (Looks at one monitors and notices a Cartel Member in the basement) How did he get in there?! (Looks at the Cartel in front of her) You, go check that out. Now!

Cartel Member: Right away! (Runs out of the office)

Saturday July 4th, 2007. 10:11 A.M. Outside Office Cartel Mansion, Starfish Island; Vice City.
Roberto is sitting under the main stairs and hears footsteps coming from the nearby hall. He sees that second Cartel from the room walking and looking around. He hears him going up the steps. Roberto waits under the stairs for a few minutes before he hears footsteps again, but at a much faster rate. He sees the same Cartel running back down the hall.

Roberto: (Slowly inches his way and looks around the corner, nobody in sight) “I got to make it quick.” (Turns the corner and runs up the stairs, watching the door to the office slowly closing) “This is it, the end…” (Bursts through the office doors)

Saturday July 4th, 2007. 10:20 A.M. Starfish Island Gates, Starfish Island; Vice City.
Cesar is sitting in the car, looking at the in-car clock, waiting for Roberto and Dylan. He sees Dylan attempting to try to climb the gate again. He watches and finally makes it over. Dylan runs to the car and gets in, ripping off the shirt and hat.

Dylan: Where’s Roberto?

Cesar: What do you mean? He was supposed to help you climb that wall.

Dylan: Well, when I said I would see him, I heard no response, so I thought he already went back.

Cesar: Well obviously he’s not here!

Dylan: Than where is he?!

Cesar: (Looks at the mansion) No…

longkissgoodnight
  • longkissgoodnight

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#530

Posted 28 August 2007 - 10:39 PM

yo cuban sick chapter. can you im me please?my screen name is:shulkmania. i need your help please,thanks

TonyZimmzy
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#531

Posted 29 August 2007 - 12:40 AM

Ohhh shiiiit son, the f*cking end is finally f*cking near! Roberto vs. Catalina! The f*cking end!

!!!!!!!!!!

Rashon.
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#532

Posted 29 August 2007 - 12:46 AM

Woo, I haven't been in Writer's Discussion in a while, but this story is what still keeps me going. Nice chapter and I wonder where Roberto went off to.

Jam!
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#533

Posted 30 August 2007 - 02:59 AM

Yay a new chapter! Can't wait to see if Roberto makes it out in time! icon14.gif

Ryunday
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#534

Posted 30 August 2007 - 10:25 AM

Another great chapter, I will be looking forward to the end.

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#535

Posted 30 August 2007 - 06:19 PM

Great Chapter man. Bring on the next one really soon cause next week is school for me cryani.gif

Cubanwhip
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#536

Posted 01 September 2007 - 09:39 PM

Here it is. The last chapter of my entire script. The ending to the third saga. It's been fun writing this story...on occasions. JK? I don't know. Anyways. Here it is. Chapter 75: The End.

Chapter 75: The End

Saturday July 4th, 2007. 10:11 A.M. Outside Office Cartel Mansion, Starfish Island; Vice City.
Roberto bursts through the doors. The office is completely empty. He walks inside, looking at everything. He walks to the desk and starts searching it. He finds a note scribbled on a notepad. He lifts it up and reads it. “Turn Around.” He looks up and sees the doors shut. He drops the notepad and slowly makes his way around the desk. He walks to the door and grabs the door knob. He pulls it open and a rainbow of confetti flies in his face!

Toni: (Stands there with a champagne popper) Happy Fourth of July! (Pops it and more confetti fills the main foyer)

Roberto: (A big smile consumes his face) Oh god! A surprise Fourth of July party?! For me?!

Toni: You bet!

Roberto: (Watches Dylan run up the stairs, only in underwear)

Dylan: (Runs up with a six pack of beer) It’s time to party! Woohoo! Are you ready to get drunk!?

Roberto: You bet I am! (Hears thudding coming from to his left) Oh no! (Turns around and sees Tommy hobbling over on crutches) Tommy! You’re alive?!

Tommy: You bet I am! Why would I miss this?! (Looks at Dylan) Is this a pants optional party?! (Takes off his pants)

Kelsey: (Runs up the stairs and sees her father standing there in only a shirt) Dad!? You’re not wearing underwear! (Shields her eyes)

Roberto: (Laughs and hears the squeaking from a wheelchair) What’s that?! (Sees Claude rolling in from his peripherals) Ha! Yes it’s Claude! And he’s totally paralyzed!

Claude: (Swings his head around and looks at Tommy, right in the balls) HOLY f*ckING CHRIST!

Roberto: (Looks at Claude) You can talk!?

Everyone: OMFGWTFBBQ

Carl: (Walks in with an IV stand) I couldn’t not make it!

Roberto: Carl!

Carl: Roberto!

Roberto: (Looks past him) Mr. Gray?!

Mr. Gray: (Wears a Hawaiian shirt and a lei around his neck) I’m still alive!

Tommy: And I can see you!

Mr. Gray: (Looks down at Tommy) I can see you too!

Sean: (Walks in with Joanne and Roberto and looks around) Err, I think we came into the wrong topic… (Leaves with Joanne and Roberto)

Roberto: (Hears some scratching coming from the ceiling) What’s that noise?

Lance: (Bursts through the ceiling) One last chance for Lance Vance! (Lands on the floor with an M4) Say hello to my M4. M for motherf*cker!

Ricardo: (Jumps down from the hole) Quinn! Relax! (Turns to everyone) Everyone relax! (Pulls out a giant sack of cocaine) It’s time for some fun!

Everyone: (Cheers)

Strippers: (Walk in) Is this a Fourth of July party?!

Everyone: Yeah! (Everyone parties)

Leone Family: (Burst through the front door) Nobody invited us?! (Starts shooting up the party)

Roberto: No one ruins my Fourth of July party! (Throws one grenade at them) No one! (The grenade explodes, killing all Leones)

Jerry: (Walks in with a donkey) Ricardo! You said there was a party?!

Ricardo: Yeah!

Catalina: (Comes out of her bedroom and finds the party) What is going- (Sees Claude on the wheelchair) You! (Runs over and slices Claude’s throat, blood spraying on her face) You are finally dead! (Looks up and sees Carl) And you!

Roberto: (Sees Catalina) Not so fast! Whore! (Punches her in the face and she falls back, landing on Claude) Bitch!

Miguel: (Walks in and sees Toni) Why did you do that to me back in ’98?!

Toni: (Looks at Miguel with a tire track on his face) Oops… (Pulls out a squirt gun and shoots Miguel in the eyes) I’m outta here! (Runs)

Roberto: (Watches Miguel scream like a little girl and laughs) Crazy Mexicans! They can’t ruin my party!

Miguel: (Runs off crying)

Armando: (Walks in un-noticed) I know, I know. I suck. (Casually walks in) Domestobot! Get me a beer and a handjob!

Diego: (Walks in after Armando and just grunts)

Vic: (Runs in with a flamethrower) I thought I killed you two assholes! (Sets Armando and Diego on fire) Haha! (Sees Jerry) And you! The donkey porker!

Jerry: I’m outta here! (Runs off with the donkey)

Phil: (Rolls in without arms or legs)

Tommy: What happened to you Phil?!

Phil: Eh, don’t wanna walk about it Tommy. Yeeehaw! (Reaches down with his mouth and pulls out a firecracker in his shirt pocket) Remember this Tommy! (Drops it into the bottle of Boomshine on his lap)

Tommy: No! (Shoves Phil down the stairs) Duck! (An explosion erupts from downstairs)

James: (Walks in with a huge butcher’s knife) Hahahaha! (Runs over to Catalina who’s having her way with Claude’s dead body, and decapitates her)

Roberto: (Looks at James) James Earl Cash?! From Rockstar’s game Manhunt?! I want your autograph!

Tenpenny: You’re all under arrest…for partying too hard! Just kidding! (Yells at Pulaski) Hey, Pulaski you fat f*ck, get your ass in here and get me some weed boy!

Pulaski: (Walks in with a massive Jew-fro and weighs ninety pounds) Wassup?!

Carl: (Looks at them) Awwww hell naw…

Tenpenny: (Looks at Carl) Cocaine’s a hell of a drug!

Toreno: (Walks in)

Everyone: (Jumps on him and tears him apart, limb from limb)

Truth: (Walks in) f*ck!

Kent: (Walks in) Wot the f*ck may’te. I’ve ad enuff ov bein pushed aside, Maccer, you fackin raspberry, get in 'ere!

Maccer: But I can’t feel my legs, Paulo.

Ken: (Runs inside) Want some more coke bizznatches?!

Tommy: (Looks at Kent who is three hundred pounds and completely bald with a beard) What the f*ck?

Sonny: (Runs in with a rocket launcher) IT’S MY MONEY! (Blows up the mansion)

The End

HawaiianHardHitter
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#537

Posted 02 September 2007 - 02:52 AM

DAMN.... Was that all for real brah...?

Jam!
  • Jam!

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#538

Posted 02 September 2007 - 07:02 AM

QUOTE (Cubanwhip @ Sep 1 2007, 14:39)
Everyone: OMFGWTFBBQ

I agree. Was all that just a dream that Roberto had or something?

Ryunday
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#539

Posted 02 September 2007 - 09:24 AM

Cubanwhip Wtf man? Was that a joke? Come on man don’t let it end like this.

HawaiianHardHitter
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#540

Posted 03 September 2007 - 03:08 AM

QUOTE (Ryunday @ Sep 2 2007, 09:24)
Cubanwhip Wtf man? Was that a joke? Come on man don’t let it end like this.

What he said. This story was god-darn brilliant, but that ending killed it completely!




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