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The decline of Liberty

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Bartleby
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#61

Posted 18 December 2005 - 02:57 AM

Your story is on Google search. Click, and scroll to the bottom.

Found it whilst looking around for information on when Marty Chonks' phone rings. Thought it was kind of cool.

Bartleby goes back a page to read the latest chapter

PresidentKiller
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#62

Posted 20 December 2005 - 05:03 PM Edited by PresidentKiller, 28 April 2010 - 03:44 AM.

Yay! I'm on Google. I'm glad Marty Chonks brought me such happiness. tounge.gif

Fear no more, the new chapter is here!


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Snorting problems


Outside Hepburn Heights Apartments, Building 3 - Hepburn Heights, Liberty City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 4:02 PM


Hepburn Heights used to be Diablos’ turf. After their numerous encounters with the Mafia and the Yardies, Diablos’ leader El Burro decided to take his gang to Los Santos, where he once lived with his Mexican relatives. With no opposition, the Mafia took over what also used to be Sindacco’s turf 3 years ago.

A Mafia Sentinel is parked outside the building where Brenda J. Cummings, also known as Misty, lives. Luigi Goterelli bought this place back in 1999 so Misty could live near Sex Club 7, where she’s been a huge success among the regular costumers, including Joey Leone.

In early 2000, the Leone family bought the entire building in order to accommodate their guests. Misty’s apartment got expanded to the entirety of the 2nd floor, making it the largest of all.


Apartment 201, Hepburn Heights Apartments, Bldg. 3 - Hepburn Heights, Liberty City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 4:04 PM


Misty’s apartment has such luxuries such as a Jacuzzi, a pool table, a bowling alley and a bar. Toni Cipriani, Joey Leone and Mickey Hamfists are chatting at the lounge while they’re waiting for Misty.

Joey (angry): “I’m glad you finally found that bitch, Toni! She’s going to pay for everything she did to pops!”

Toni: “Easy, Joey. Remember, she’s the only one that can lead us to that f*cking roach!”

Joey: “I know Toni, I know... damn, where’s Misty? What’s she doing?”

Mickey seems to be bored and looks at the TV setup in the room. Misty comes out from the other room.

Misty: “I’m sorry guys, I just gave that bitch a dose. Once she’s high, she’ll talk.”

Toni: “That’s great. I hope it doesn’t take long.”

Misty: “Don’t worry. In the mean time, it’s f*cking freezing in here! Do you guys want some hot coffee?”

Mickey accidentally turns on the TV. A porno movie is being shown...

Voice on the TV: “...oh yeah baby, I like it deeeeep!!!!”

Mickey turns off the TV immediately, his face turns red.

Mickey (nervous): “Sorry boss...”

Toni, Joey and Misty look at Mickey.

Toni: “Damn Mick, if you’re in such an urge for sex just go back to the damn club!”

Mickey (nervous): “I guess I’ll just wait outside...”

Mick leaves the room.

Toni: “Dumb kid...”

Joey: “Ok, Misty, I’ll have some coffee.”


Cherry Grove Ave. – Cedar Grove, Liberty City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 4:11 PM


Shinji Kasen and his men are still fighting the Colombians. Shinji pauses for a second and thinks...

Shinji (thinking): “Why hasn’t anybody called me yet?? This is worrying...”

The Yakuza and the Colombians keep shooting at each other for a while until no more shots are fired from the Colombian side.

Yakuza member: “I think the Colombians are finally dead!”

Shinji takes a brief look, the other side of the street is full of bodies and car wrecks and nobody seems to be alive.

Shinji: “Hiroshi, go there and check it out!”

Hiroshi, one of Shinji’s bodyguards, goes to the other side to look around, only to find nothing.

Hiroshi (loud): “It’s clear!”

Shinji: “Ok everyone! Come here!”

Everyone but Hiroshi go near Shinji.

Shinji: “Hey Hiroshi, what’s the problem?”

Hiroshi is just staring at the horizon...

Hiroshi: “Waka-gashira, there’s a huge smoke cloud all over Staunton, and I don’t think it’s caused by pollution, it’s really dark!”

Shinji and the others take a look...

Shinji: “What the hell? We’re not finished with the Colombians yet, they must be hiding in that mansion at the end of the road. All of you should go there and finish them off! I’m going back to the casino in the mean time to see what’s going on.”

Shinji and his bodyguards go back to the limo and the rest of the Yakuza take their cars too. They all immediately leave in different directions.


Outside Warehouse 108 - Vice Port, Vice City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 4:18 PM


Claude is waiting in a Sentinel he got at the hospital’s parking lot. The area around the warehouse is surrounded by the police and labelled as a crime scene. Some reporters are in the area making interviews and taking pictures.

Claude: “Damn! How can I possibly get that stuff with all these people around?”

Claude notices some familiar-looking guy on the scene. It seems to be Mike Toreno, the crooked FBI agent.

Claude: “That f*cker is here! I should take him out before he sees me!”

Mike Toreno walks around the place holding a gun and keeping the press off the crime scene.

Claude: “Ok, I better do this, plain and simple.”

Claude takes a rocket launcher from the back seat of the car, goes outside and gets ready in position aiming at the warehouse entrance.

Claude: “Well, here goes nothing!”

Claude fires the rocket launcher and it hits the parked police cars, blowing them up and apparently killing everyone on the scene.

Claude: “Yes!”

Claude goes back to his car, puts the rocket launcher in there and closes the door. Claude walks to the warehouse entrance when suddenly someone jumps at him. Claude struggles and turns around, it’s Mike Toreno, unharmed.

Toreno: “You f*cking piece of sh*t!”

Claude keeps struggling.

Claude: “How in hell are you still alive?”

Toreno: “It doesn’t matter, does it? I’ve got you!”

Claude: “Wait! Ortega sent me here again!”

Toreno: “I don’t care, you stupid moron! You ruined my plans!”

Claude: “Plans? What plans??”

Toreno grabs Claude’s arm and takes him to the back of the warehouse.

Toreno: “Listen asshole, I’m not playing any games ok? Ortega and his cousin are f*cking drug dealers and I want them in jail!”

Claude: “What? But you were helping them just earlier today!!”

Toreno: “You don’t know anything, f*cking dipsh*t! I’m an undercover agent, and you just ruined my investigation by going on a rampage with Hernandez!”

Claude: “Undercover agent? What the f*ck??”

Toreno punches Claude in the face with his gun.

Toreno: “Stupid moron! Take me to Ortega! That f*cker is never at the mill.”

Claude: “What? I have no idea where he lives...”

Toreno punches Claude once again.

Toreno: “TELL ME!!”

Claude: “Listen asshole, I DON’T KNOW!”

Toreno: “Ok... I’ll give you 24 hours to find out where he lives...”

The sirens of police cars and ambulances are heard in the distance.

Toreno: “sh*t! I’ll handle the situation here, but if you don’t come back tomorrow, I’m gonna f*cking kill you with a grenade up your ass. Now get the hell out of here!”

Toreno kicks Claude out of the alley behind the warehouse. Claude immediately runs back to his car.

Claude: “f*cking asshole!”

Claude gets in the car and leaves the area around the warehouse.


Read Chapter 14

Rown
  • Rown

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#63

Posted 20 December 2005 - 10:47 PM

Both of the parts I missed are very good PK though I believe that you chopped Toreno slightly... but eh still good stuff. Keep up the good work PK.

Rown rampage_ani.gif

PresidentKiller
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#64

Posted 23 December 2005 - 10:21 PM

Thanks for the comment Rown (and the PM).

It's been 9 years since San Andreas and a lot of problems for Mike Toreno, that's why his personality is slightly different, however, you haven't seen anything from him yet. wink.gif

New chapter will be posted tomorrow. Yeah, I know, it's Christmas' Eve, consider it an early Christmas present. icon14.gif

Rown
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#65

Posted 24 December 2005 - 11:20 PM Edited by Rown, 25 December 2005 - 12:09 AM.

Woo hoo Christmas presents! Oh... its not here yet.

I guess I can wait... biggrin.gif

wow this is fun... colgate.gif

so much fun... smile.gif

Rown rampage_ani.gif

PresidentKiller
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#66

Posted 25 December 2005 - 12:09 AM Edited by PresidentKiller, 28 April 2010 - 03:45 AM.

This is it, CHAPTER 14!!


user posted image
Dangerous Youth


Warehouse 28 - Vice Port, Vice City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 4:40 PM


Claude is sitting in a box while Ray is walking around the room.

Ray: “I can’t believe you’re in trouble with the Colombians AND the FBI already. I just can’t believe you get into deep sh*t so easily!”

Claude: “Well, it all started with that f*cker Ortega...”

Ray: “I didn’t know Ortega had something to do with the Cartel, three years ago he was just a businessman, not a f*cking drug dealer!”

Claude: “Ray, I need to know where Ortega lives...”

Ray: “I used to visit him at an apartment building downtown, but I guess he doesn’t live there anymore with all the money he’s been making lately...”

Claude: “Can you check if he still lives in there?”

Ray: “Don’t be stupid, Ortega would cut my f*cking balls off if he sees me. Go there and check it out yourself!"

Claude: “I mean, make a phone call...”

Ray: “I’ll give you the number, but call from a public payphone since I don’t want any caller ID’s to get my number.”

Claude: “Ok, ok… Just gimme the damn number.”

Ray writes the number in a piece of paper and hands it to Claude.

Ray: “Be careful, it’s getting crazy outside with all these cops around...”

Claude nods and leaves the warehouse.

Ray: “Jesus… that kid just gets into trouble since he got here, he’d better if he just goes back to Liberty...”

Ray picks up the remote and turns on the TV, the News is on.

Reporter: “... we really don’t know anything at this time. As you can see Alex, this is pretty strange...”

Alex, the News host, replies...

Alex: “Yes John, it is. I can’t believe the army won’t let anyone get into the city.”

John (reporter): “The funny thing Alex is that any other form of communication such as cell-phones, regular phones, Internet, etc. won’t work, the city is just completely isolated from the rest of the world.”

Alex: “Well John, we all hope you can gather more information. There’re millions of concerned Americans watching us.”

John: “Sure Alex, I’ll see what I can get. As soon as more information is available, I’ll let you know.”

Alex: “Ok John, take care.”

John disappears from the screen and Alex rearranges some papers on his desk.

Alex: “Well, as you just witnessed ladies and gentlemen, Liberty City seems to be in a complete state of emergency. Ports, airports and highways are closed. Aerial and sea traffic are prohibited and the mountains between Cedar Grove and Cedar Ridge prevent anyone form seeing anything. Phone lines and Internet connections are useless and the army won’t say a word about the issue at all...”

Ray gets worried...

Ray: “What the hell happened?”

Alex: “There’re rumors that a war broke out between criminal organizations in Staunton Island and the mainland. The police weren’t able to stop it but for some reason the city hasn’t been evacuated at all. The few citizens that have managed to escape are being kept at Fort Winston in Carcer City, 30 miles away from Liberty City, and the press is not allowed to interview anyone. Mayor O’Donovan couldn’t be reached for comment...”

Ray quickly stands up and takes the phone.

Ray: “I have to find out what’s going on...”

Ray is about to dial a number when someone starts knocking the door. Ray turns off the TV and opens the door. It’s Claude.

Claude: “Ortega doesn’t live there anymore, some lady’s been living there for 2 years...”

Ray doesn’t know what to say and thinks for a moment.

Claude: “Are you listening, Ray?”

Ray: “Oh yeah, yes. Did she tell you anything about Ortega’s whereabouts?”

Claude: “Nothing. She bought the place from a real state company.”

Ray: “Well, I guess we need to find out another way to get Ortega’s address. I guess your little pizza boy could be useful...”

Claude: “Oh, come on Ray! He’s just a stupid kid!”

Ray: “Did you know that Vercetti’s nickname used to be ‘The Harwood Butcher’?”

Claude: “What? No, not really.”

Ray: “Let me tell you this, he was only 17 when he got it. Sonny Forelli saw some potential in him... but it turned out to be too much potential. The Forellis were afraid of Vercetti and finally prepared a trap for him. Vercetti managed to kill the eleven men that Sonny sent to rub him out. The only thing that kept Vercetti from taking revenge was the 15-year sentence he had to serve in prison. He was lucky he wasn’t an adult yet and that the evidence wasn’t enough for death penalty or a longer sentence.”

Claude: “Woah! I didn’t know that, I think I should’ve watched that movie about Sonny Forelli 3 years ago...”

Ray: “I’m glad you didn’t watch it, it sucked, and they made Vercetti look like he went to Liberty and killed Sonny for no reason. It’s no wonder why the director disappeared just a few days after the premiere.”

Claude: “Oh well... since you see so much potential in a pizza boy, I think I’m going to see him, I hope he’s not a maniac like Vercetti.”

Ray: “I pretty much doubt it, but you never know... just keep your eyes open.”

Claude: “All right, I will.”

Claude takes his jacket, lights a cigarette and leaves.

Ray (worried): “I hope he doesn’t find out about the incidents in Liberty...”


Pappa Vercetti’s Pizza - Industrial District, Vice City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 5:50 PM


Claude is sitting in a corner looking at the menu when the young employee that talked to him earlier approaches him.

Employee: “Well, it seems you did take my advice...”

Claude: “Yeah, but I’m not so sure about you. How old are you anyway?”

Employee: “15. Does it matter?”

Claude: “Well yeah, you’re too young to be talking about ‘sorting things out’!”

Employee: “Listen, my shift finishes in about 10 minutes, I’ll see you at the back door.”

The young employee goes back to the counter. Claude gets out of the place.


Outside Pappa Vercetti’s Pizza - Industrial District, Vice City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 5:53 PM


Claude: “I can’t believe I’m doing this... he’s only 15 years old for Christ’s sake!”

Claude goes to the back of the building and walks in circles for a few minutes. At 6:00 PM, the young employee comes out of the door. A black Sentinel appears on the scene.

Employee: “Well, let’s go!”

Two men in blue suits get out of the vehicle. They seem to be waiting for Claude and the employee.

Claude: “Wait a minute! How can I trust you?”

Employee: “Well, Ortega is a pretty dangerous man so I’d say you have no choice.”

Claude thinks for a minute. The employee looks at his watch, a very expensive-looking watch in fact.

Employee: “Hurry up, it’s late.”

The employee gets in the passenger’s side of the vehicle, the two men in blue suits keep waiting for Claude until he gets in the back. The blue men get in both extremes of the back seat, holding Claude. The Sentinel starts moving and heads to the street.

Man in blue suit: “I hope you don’t plan to use any guns while you’re with us Mr...?”

Claude: “Just call me Claude. May I ask who are you?”

Man in blue suit: “That’s not the issue at hand, Claude. Now, we’re going to cover your head since you mustn’t know where we are going.”

Claude: “What? Wait a minute!”

Both men in blue suits cover Claude’s head with a hood and tie it around his neck.

Claude: “GET THIS THING OFF MY HEAD!!”

Claude struggles.

Employee: “Easy Claude, nothing wrong is going to happen to you, these are just dad’s security measures.”

Claude: “But we never agreed on this!!”

Employee: “Calm down, we’re getting home in no time and we all can talk about business...”


Read Chapter 15

Rown
  • Rown

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#67

Posted 25 December 2005 - 12:24 AM

You knew I'd be the first to respond... damn this stuff is getting good! I also see we agree on Vercetti's past as much as you've said on the matter so far. I hope that guy making the video doesn't screw anything up. Feliz Navidad PK and keep this stuff up!

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PresidentKiller
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#68

Posted 25 December 2005 - 01:45 AM

Thanks Rown, enjoy Christmas! xmas.gif

Saint_Jackie
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#69

Posted 26 December 2005 - 10:15 AM

PK, you're an amazing writer! I even registered so I can congratz you with this fanfiction!
This is what I've always dreamed of: Claude in Vice City. I like the script style a lot, it lets you know right away who is talking. The way you let different stories and characters come into one story. Just amazing.
The only thing that I don't really like is the name "Speed", since Claude was called "Claude" and not "Claude Speed" in SA. Many characters have the same first name, but that's only a little detail, cuz everything else is just perfect!
Keep it up! icon14.gif


BTW: try to get a job at R*, I want this story in a PS3 game! rahkstar2.gif

PresidentKiller
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#70

Posted 28 December 2005 - 03:45 AM Edited by PresidentKiller, 28 April 2010 - 03:46 AM.

Thanks for the comments Claude VC, I'm glad you're liking this.

About Claude's name, I just liked "Claude Speed" from GTA2 (since the guy in GTA2's intro looks a lot like Claude from GTAIII).

Now, I'd take a job offer from Rockstar anyday... too bad I haven't got any. cryani.gif


Anyway, it's time for Chapter 15. Enjoy!


user posted image
It's a Good Life


Somewhere near Vice City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 6:33 PM


Claude is sitting on a chair alone in what seems to be some sort of interrogation room.

Claude (thinking): “What the hell am I doing here? I should’ve never listened to Ray, that asshole!”

A door opens and the pizza boy, now wearing more formal clothes, appears.

Pizza boy: “Well Claude, I’m glad you’re joining us.”

Claude: “Well, I’m not so glad. Where am I?”

Pizza boy: “Oh, this is just one of many of dad’s properties, we only use it when we don’t fully trust someone.”

Claude: “What? I’m the one that doesn’t trust you, and who’s your father anyway?”

Claude thinks for a second.

Claude: “Wait a minute. I know your little game, you must be son of either Ortega, Hernandez or that maniac Toreno! I should’ve known that!”

The pizza boy laughs.

Pizza boy: “You’re so wrong Claude. I want to help you, not kill you. The people you just named are looking for you, I know that.”

Claude: “Listen boy, this is just too weird for me. Tell me who the hell are you!”

Pizza boy: “Just call me Johnny.”

Claude: “Ok Johnny, can I leave now?”

Johnny: “Just one question, how do you know Ortega, Hernandez and Toreno?”

Claude thinks for a moment...

Claude: “Well, I’m new in town and I needed a job. I met a friend who contacted Ortega, a supposed businessman who needed some dirty work done. The thing is, Ortega is really a drug dealer and betrayed his friend Hernandez, who’s also a drug dealer himself. Toreno is an FBI agent who’s trying to track down Ortega and managed to work for his cousin, Danny, an FBI agent behind Ortega’s deals. That’s all I know.”

Johnny: “Oh, that’s good, so I suppose the cop suit you had earlier had something to do with the little ‘situation’ at the business complex with Hernandez, right?”

Claude: “Yeah, Hernandez caught me trying to steal his merchandise. I needed a disguise so I could infiltrate Hernandez’s warehouse more easily.”

Johnny: “Well, I guess it didn’t work quite well... So tell me Claude, are you a trustworthy guy that just screwed up, or are you just a f*cking little rat?”

Claude: “I’m as trustworthy as I can get, the police ruined my plan, that’s why Hernandez caught me.”

Johnny: “Hmm… well, you do look trustworthy, and desperate. Listen, my dad is a very busy man who rewards people he can trust. I trust in you Claude, but you should demonstrate my dad that you’re really worth his time and effort.”

Claude: “You haven’t told me who your dad is yet...”

Johnny: “I can’t tell you right now. He’ll come here after you do something for him.”

Claude: “I’m the one needing his help, not the other way around, you know?”

Johnny: “And you’re gonna get all the help you need to take out your enemies, I can guarantee you that, but first we need to get to know you better.”

Claude: “And what do you want me to do?”

Johnny: “Hernandez. That asshole is a f*cking backstabber that used to be dad’s partner! I like the fact that you sent him to the hospital after the incident at the complex. We want him out of the way. We need you to make him suffer and then kill him...”

Claude: “What? Kill Hernandez? I’m sure he’ll be heavily guarded by now!”

Johnny: “It’s a strong possibility, but you have to kill him.”

Claude: “I’d rather kill Ortega by myself! I’m glad you’re helping me... assholes!”

Johnny: “Calm down Claude. I thought you knew Ortega better than anyone else!”

Claude: “Hey, I’ve only seen the guy in person once. The other times he just phoned me!”

Johnny: “Well, Ortega is a crazy paranoid man. He doesn’t live in Vice City since he became a drug dealer, he’s afraid of everyone and everything. The last thing he needed was you screwing up his plans to steal Hernandez’s merchandise and now he’s got the power and the money to hunt you down! You’re in big trouble, and as such, it’ll be pretty difficult for you to reach Ortega by yourself.”

Claude: “I wonder, if your dad is so powerful, since that’s the impression you’ve been giving me of him, why in the world does he need me to take Ortega out?”

Johnny stares at Claude for a while...

Claude: “What? Cat got your tongue?”

Johnny walks around the room and stops next to the door.

Johnny: “Listen carefully, my father is a very busy and powerful man. EVERYONE in town fears him... however, whatever happens outside the city limits is just out of his control, that’s why Ortega moved out, so he couldn’t be touched.”

Claude: “Ok, then how come Ortega owns a textile mill in here if his life is constantly in danger?”

Johnny: “That textile mill is just a front. If you ever manage to enter the building, you’ll see it’s completely empty.”

Claude: “Empty?”

Claude thinks for a moment.

Claude: “So that’s why he told me to meet him at that club, now I get it!”

Johnny: “A club?”

Claude: “Yeah, some 80’s place near Washington Beach.”

Johnny: “The Malibu?”

Claude: “Yeah, that one.”

Johnny: “Hmm... that’s so strange... listen, I think I should go to check out something and I’ll meet you later.”

Claude: “What? But Toreno gave me 24 hours to find Ortega, and Ortega is probably looking for me as we speak!!”

Johnny: “Listen, Toreno will be dealt with, don’t worry about him. Now, Ortega won’t be able to get near you at this place.”

Claude: “Well, yeah, this looks like a damned bunker!”

Johnny: “I meant this particular area. After you leave, you should be heading to a safe place where you’ll get some time to think about Hernandez’s murder.”

Claude: “Wait Johnny! A friend of mine is in danger. I should go back to make sure he’s safe.”

Johnny: “Sorry Claude, you can’t go back to the city. We’ll pick up your friend if you wish but he’s staying away from you just so we can check if he’s trustworthy as well.”

Claude: “What?? You mean I’m outside the city?”

Johnny: “Well, in reality you’re out of Vice City, but some morons got the Mayor to declare this area as part of the city. You’re in what people now call North Vice City... I think I liked Sunrise Heights better...”

Claude: “Sunrise Heights?”

Johnny: “Yeah, they just renamed it like 3 years ago...”

Claude: “Damn! Where am I?”

Johnny: “Let’s say you can take a ferry downtown or drive your car north through the new Pelican Bridge and the highway to get here. It’s a nice part previously out of town with stunning views, great shopping malls and very expensive real estate, like Shady Acres, where we are right now...”

Claude: “Well, it certainly doesn’t look that great to me...”

Johnny laughs...

Johnny: “I know, I’ve told dad many times that this 5 million dollar apartment is such a waste!”

Claude: “5 million dollar? Damn!”

Johnny: “Yeah, dad doesn’t care since this place was a gift from a good friend of his. However, I’ve told him that I’m interested in moving here.”

Claude: “You? A 15 year-old on your own? ”

Johnny: “It’s not that hard. I know everything I should know from my dad, and the job at the pizza place it’s good enough for me.”

Claude: “It’s pretty funny, a pizza boy living in a 5 million dollar apartment... he he”

Johnny: “Yeah, but when you have a great life, you should enjoy it! Anyway, it’s getting dark so it would be better if you just give me the details of the people we should protect from Ortega so I can take care of it while you take a good sleep and think about my proposal.”

Claude: “Ok, I’m giving you the details, but where am I gonna sleep tonight if I can’t go back to Vice City?”

Claude grabs a piece of paper and a pencil from a table and writes something.

Johnny: “Oh, there’s a small house near Sunrise Marina that you can use. If you are hungry, you can order anything from Pappa Vercetti’s, it’ll be free of charge if you say you’re a friend of mine.”

Claude: “But I don’t know your full name yet!!”

Johnny: “Just say ‘Little Johnny’ and they should know.”

Claude: “Right, so I guess I should be living now.”

Claude gives the piece of paper to Johnny.

Claude: “The details are in there. I’ll come back tomorrow morning.”

Johnny: “Great, I’ll see you then.”

Claude leaves the room and takes an elevator at the end of the hall.


Lobby, Shady Acres Tower 3 - East Shady Acres, North Vice City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 7:10 PM


Claude arrives to the lobby and notices his surroundings.

Claude: “Damn, this place is so luxurious it’s not even funny.”

The huge lobby is covered with hand-made Persian rugs and curtains, beautiful paintings on the walls, gold chandeliers in the ceiling and marble columns. It’s just too impressive for anybody not accustomed to such delights.

Claude: “This is such a nice place. I should move here some time.”

Claude suddenly notices the men in blue suits guarding the corridors and halls.

Claude: “Well, it seems that ‘Little Johnny’ is pretty safe in here.”

Claude gets out of the building.


Outside Shady Acres Tower 3 - East Shady Acres, North Vice City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 7:13 PM


A man in a blue suit approaches Claude.

Man in blue suit: “Johnny told us to give you this.”

The man in a blue suit gives Claude two sets of keys and a map of North Vice City.

Man in blue suit: “These are your keys and a map. Use the map so you don’t get lost while reaching Sunrise Marina. One set of keys belongs to the house, already marked on the map, while the other set belongs to a brand new black Euros parked at the house’s garage.”

Claude: “Whoa! You’re so generous!”

Man in blue suit: “I’m just following orders. Johnny will call you tomorrow morning, so you better pick up the phone!”

The man in a blue suit leaves.

Claude: “This is so cool... but how in hell am I gonna reach that house in the first place? It’s so far away from here... I think I should take a look at this place’s parking lot first...”


Read Chapter 16

MJdod
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#71

Posted 31 December 2005 - 11:40 AM

the storys great president killer although it can be a bit far-fetched at times. keep up the good work though! and keep the updates rolling in cuz by the time u update your story i forgot what happened in the last chapter! colgate.gif

PresidentKiller
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#72

Posted 01 January 2006 - 08:01 AM

Thanks for the comments. icon14.gif

I'll add a new chapter on Monday night (GMT-6 time), I've been too busy these days.

PresidentKiller
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#73

Posted 03 January 2006 - 12:33 AM Edited by PresidentKiller, 28 April 2010 - 03:50 AM.

This is it, CHAPTER 16!!


user posted image
Ice Cold Killings


Apartment 201, Hepburn Heights Apartments, Bldg. 3 - Hepburn Heights, Liberty City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 7:18 PM


Joey Leone, Toni Cipriani and Misty keep chatting and drinking coffee at the lounge.

Misty: “I guess you really liked the coffee, huh?”

Joey: “As I told you, this coffee is excellent!”

Misty: “Yeah, yeah. It’s Colombian, you know?”

Toni: “Then I guess that’s why Joey likes it so much... he he”

Misty: “Nah, it doesn’t have drugs. The drugs are on someone else as we speak.”

Toni: “And I really hope they’re working, it’s 7:20 and I’ve got stuff to do!”

Misty: “Calm down Toni, I’m sure that bitch is having hallucinations already!”

Joey: “And what do you have to do, Toni?”

Toni gets a bit nervous.

Toni (nervous): “You know… stuff.”

Joey: “What? Does Ma need you to take her to the grocery store again?”

Joey and Misty laugh.

Toni: “Of course not! I just have stuff to do, that’s all. And you better stop with the jokes about Ma or...”

Joey: “... or what Toni? I’m the boss now. As you told Mick earlier, you better remember that!”

Toni: “Whatever.”

Toni gets up.

Misty: “Are you leaving already?”

Toni: “I just need some fresh air.”

Misty: “It’s freezing outside, I guess it’ll start snowing soon...”

Toni: “Well, winter is almost here so I wouldn’t be surprised... I’m going out anyway.”

Joey: “Oh, come on Toni, don’t leave!”

Toni just stares at Joey for a while until he finally leaves the place.

Misty: “I guess I better check on our junkie guest...”

Misty gets up and goes to the other room where Maria is crawling on the floor.

Misty: “Ha! You’re so f*cked up now!”

Maria can’t talk and just barely moves.

Misty: “Excellent, now you’ll be talking, bitch!”

Misty grabs Maria and throws her at the bed.

Misty: “Now, TALK! Where’s that moron?!? And where’s Salvatore’s money?!?”

Maria’s face is a mess. It’s covered with blood and tears, and her make-up is ruined.

Misty: “TALK!!!”

Misty shakes Maria. Maria turns around, spits Misty in her face and laughs.

Misty: “You f*cking bitch!”

Misty slaps Maria until a gunshot is heard at the lounge. Misty gets quiet.

Misty (low): “Holy sh*t! What’s going on?”

Maria keeps laughing.

Misty: “Shut up, bitch!”

Maria laughs harder.

Misty: “f*ck this! I’m leaving!”

Misty walks to the window and tries to open it desperately. A man’s shadow appears at the door. Misty turns around.

Misty (shocked): “What the h...”

A gunshot is heard. Misty’s dead body falls on the floor. Maria keeps laughing and looks at the shadow.

Maria (stoned): “I knew you cared about me...”


Monroe Avenue - Torrington, Liberty City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 7:39 PM


The streets are in complete chaos. Thousands of burning cars are scattered around the place. People are screaming and hiding away from the terrible disaster that the gang war between the Yakuza and the Mafia has become. Few emergency services are available, a couple of ambulances are picking up the wounded while the few remaining police officers are escorting them and defending them against thieves, irate crowds, rioters and gangs.

In the mean time, Shinji Kasen is hiding at an underground parking lot and trying to defend himself. His bodyguards and the rest of his Yakuza partners are nowhere to be found.

Shinji: “Great. Those morons had run away. As soon as this is all over, I’m gonna cut their f*cking heads off with my Katana!”

Shinji keeps looking at his surroundings, hearing the rumble outside.

Shinji: “This is really bad. I should just run away too, there’s nothing left for me. My people had abandoned me and the casino is destroyed.”

The lights are flashing, the rumble outside gets louder and more disturbing. Several gunshots and screams are heard.

Shinji: “I hope the lights stay on. It’s dark outside.”


Entrance, Love Media Building - Torrington, Liberty City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 7:46 PM


Various people from unknown origins are waiting at the Love Media entrance. They’re wearing black suits with yellow stripes and sun-glasses.

Some black Landstalkers with yellow stripes arrive at the avenue in front of the building. Several men spread out around the surroundings carrying heavy weaponry to discourage anybody from getting near the area. Satoshi Honatsu, the old oriental man that was at the AMCO garage in Pike Creek just yesterday, comes out of the building and gets into one of the cars. Most of the men get in the other vehicles as well while others remain on their positions around Love Media.


Outside Hepburn Heights Apartments, Bldg. 3 - Hepburn Heights, Liberty City - Autumn 2001
Sunday – 7:52 PM


A Mafia guard is trying to get a signal from the car’s radio.

Mafia guard: “God damn it! I can’t get a f*cking signal!”

A few seconds later, Mick Hamfists comes running out of the building and approaches the Mafia member.

Mick: “Joey and Misty are dead!”

Mafia guard: “What? That’s impossible, I was here the whole time and I saw nobody get in there!”

Mick: “Wait a minute, where’re Toni and that bitch??”

Mafia guard: “I don’t know, they were in there. I didn’t see anybody come out of the building.”

It starts to snow...

Mick: “What the hell? I hate snow!!”

Mafia guard: “We should go back to the club and tell the others about Joey and Toni.”

Mick: “Can’t you just call them on the phone?”

Mafia guard: “I can’t. I tried calling my girl and the lines are dead. It seems the radio is dead too.”

Mick: “What’s going on??”

Mafia guard: “Let’s just go back to the club, shall we?”

Mick: “Ok.”

Mick gets inside the car. The Mafia member spots somebody around the building’s entrance.

Mafia member: “Oh, there you are... wait a minute, OH sh*t!!!”

Shots are fired at the car from the back, the bullets break the windows and tires. The Mafia member and Mick are dead. Blood starts coming out from the car doors...

Read Chapter 17

Rown
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#74

Posted 03 January 2006 - 02:42 AM

Nicely done, nicely done.
Keep up the good work.

Rown rampage_ani.gif

The-King
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#75

Posted 03 January 2006 - 03:31 AM

I'm guessing "Little Johnny Vercetti" and the guys in the suits with yellow are Zaibatsu.

Great job Chris, this is definitely keeping me in suspense.~TGK

Rown
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#76

Posted 03 January 2006 - 04:45 AM Edited by Rown, 03 January 2006 - 04:48 AM.

Shh.. I want to surprise myself, you should throw in spoilers there GTAK tounge.gif How you been by the way, long time no see.

I'm guessing by that statement that GTAK agrees with me that Donald Love and his "oriental friend" are Zaibatsu. I personally believe Satoshi was sent to kill Love. But that's just me.

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D Jones
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#77

Posted 03 January 2006 - 10:46 AM

I love you PK inlove.gif

PresidentKiller
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#78

Posted 06 January 2006 - 12:34 AM Edited by PresidentKiller, 28 April 2010 - 03:52 AM.

QUOTE (THE-G.T.A.-K.I.N.G. @ Jan 2 2006, 21:31)
I'm guessing "Little Johnny Vercetti" and the guys in the suits with yellow are Zaibatsu

Thanks for ruining it... sneaky2.gif


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An Explosive Situation


1270 Terrace Ave. - Sunrise Marina, North Vice City - Autumn 2001
Monday - 8:05 AM


The bedroom is a simple, yet comfortable, place to relax. The air conditioning is working as the temperature outside is rising quickly.

Claude is watching some T.V. while resting on bed.

Claude: “This bed is perfect! The best sleep I’ve ever had in my life!”

Claude keeps watching T.V. when somebody knocks at the house’s front door.

Claude: “Who can that be?”

Claude gets up from the bed, grabs a gun and goes to the front door.

Claude (loud): “Who is it?”

Ray: “It’s me! Open up!”

Claude opens the door, Ray Machowski is in there wearing a long brown coat and a hat.

Claude: “Ray, what a surprise!”

Ray: “Where have you been, kid? Some moron called ‘Little Johnny’ went to the warehouse. I didn’t open the door so he left a note saying that I was in danger and needed some protection provided by him and his ‘organization’. He also said that you sent him... what’s with that?”

Claude is just standing still, looking at something on the floor.

Ray: “What? Are you paying attention?”

Claude bows down and grabs what seems to be a newspaper.

Ray: “What is that?”

Claude is shocked. Ray takes the newspaper from Claude’s hands and looks at it.

Ray: “sh*t.”

The newspaper is the November 12th issue of the Liberty Tree, talking about Salvatore Leone’s murder on the front page.

Claude: “Ray, we should go to Johnny’s immediately.”

Ray: “But who’s that guy anyway?”

Claude: “There’s no time to talk, we should leave this place NOW!”


Outside Shady Acres Tower 3 - East Shady Acres, North Vice City - Autumn 2001
Monday - 8:19 AM


Claude and Ray are arriving in the Euros at the Shady Acres square at full speed. The men in blue suits go near the vehicle.

Man in blue suit: “What is it? Johnny didn’t say he was expecting you, and who’s that guy, you can’t bring anybody in here!”

Claude: “Just call Johnny, we need to talk!”

Man in blue suit: “Sorry, he’s busy.”

Claude: “Get out of my way!”

Claude pushes the man blocking him the way.

Man in blue suit: “You can’t go in there!”

Claude and Ray run to the lobby and take the elevator to Johnny’s apartment. The men in blue suits are chasing them.


Apartment E12, Shady Acres Tower 3 - East Shady Acres, North Vice City - Autumn 2001
Monday - 8:23 AM


Claude is about to open the door when one man in a blue suit stops him.

Man in blue suit: “You can’t get in there, Claude! Leave immediately!”

Claude: “We need to talk to Johnny!”

Claude knocks the door.

Claude: “Johnny, we need to talk!”

Claude keeps knocking the door. There’s no answer.

Claude: “f*cking damn Johnny, come on!”

Claude gets desperate and finally kicks the door, opening it.

Claude: “Oh my God!”

Paul Ackart is tied on a chair. He seems to be unconscious and his mouth is covered with blood.

Claude: “sh*t, what’s going on in here?”

Johnny comes out from another room. He’s surprised to see Claude.

Johnny: “What are you doing here? It’s too early.”

Claude: “What the f*ck are you doing to him??!!”

Johnny: “Listen Claude, I have my doubts about you. Why are you friends with this piece of sh*t? I should kill you and your friend. And who’s that cocksucker?”

Ray comes into the apartment.

Ray: “Cocksucker? You better watch your mouth boy!”

Johnny: “Nobody tells me what to do, do you understand? NOBODY!!”

Claude: “I thought we were partners Johnny, why are you doing this?”

Johnny: “This moron tried to double-cross my family. He’s nothing but a f*cking treacherous snitch!”

Claude: “Your family? What do you mean?”

Johnny: “A good friend’s been telling us that this asshole was giving information to the CIA about our operations in Vice. My dad wasn’t certain about that info but he didn’t want to risk it so he sent this bastard back to f*cking England. He was told not to come back ever again, yet he was spotted a few days ago around the airport. He deserves death as he’s a threat to our interests!”

Claude: “Wait a minute! Are you Vercetti’s son??”

Ray backs down...

Ray: “Jesus...”

Paul begins to move when suddenly a big rumble is heard outside.

Johnny: “What’s that?”

The elevator doors open, several armed men come running out from it and are heading to Johnny’s apartment.

Claude: “Who are they?”

Johnny: “I have no idea! Get in and close the doors!”

Johnny’s guards get in the apartment and close the door. Shots are being fired from the outside. Everyone inside the apartment tries to hide. Johnny gets back into the other room while Claude and Ray are covering themselves.

Claude: “sh*t, we need to get out of here!”

Ray: “Yeah, and fast!”

Johnny comes out from the other room with a rocket launcher in his hands.

Johnny (loud): “Ok, clear the door!”

The men in blue suits run away from the door. Claude takes Paul’s body away and unties him while Ray hides in the other room. Johnny prepares to shoot at the door.

Johnny (loud): “I’ll see you in hell!”

Johnny fires the rocket launcher. A big explosion takes place at the door and the hallway, killing all but one of the armed men in the outside. The remaining man shoots at Johnny's shoulder. Johnny screams in pain.

Johnny: “Holy sh*t! AHHHH... it hurts!!”

Claude and the men in blue suits shoot at the armed man at the door, killing him. Claude goes back to check on Johnny, who’s bleeding.

Claude: “sh*t, we need to take him to the hospital!”

One of Johnny’s men takes out a cell phone and calls for help.

Claude: “You’ll be all right, Johnny.”

Johnny faints. Ray comes out from the other room while the men in blue suits check the surroundings.

Ray: “This never seems to end, right Claude?”

Claude: “Shut up, Ray! I’m getting tired of the ambushes! Jesus Christ, he’s only a boy!”

Ray takes Johnny’s wallet.

Ray: “He’s Vercetti’s son all right... Giovanni Vercetti, born September 19th, 1986”

Claude: “sh*t... I wonder what would Mr. Vercetti do about this...”

Ray: “I don’t know, but I certainly wouldn’t want to be on the shoes of those responsible.”

Paul recovers consciousness...

Paul: “What the f*ck is going on? Where am I?”

Paul notices Claude and the men in blue suits.

Paul: “You f*cking rat! You brought me to Vercetti, didn’t you?”

Claude: “Easy Paul, there’s no time for talking, Vercetti’s son got shot!”

Paul: “Holy f*ck! We’re f*cking dead! DEAD!!”

Ray: “You’re the only one that’s going to be dead if you don’t shut the hell up!”

Paul: “I’m sorry, but I’m out of here!”

Ray: “Oh no, you’re not!”

Ray jumps on Paul and both start fighting.

Claude: “Would you two quit it already?!”

A helicopter is heard. Claude runs to the window to see it. A big blue “V” appears on its sides.

Claude: “I guess Vercetti’s just arrived...”

Read Chapter 18

humancorpse
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#79

Posted 06 January 2006 - 03:53 PM

This is deffinitly a good read. Good job man!

PresidentKiller
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#80

Posted 11 January 2006 - 07:32 AM

Thanks for the comment.

The new chapter will be posted shortly. I've got a lot of work to do these days.

dr. hobo
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#81

Posted 11 January 2006 - 07:16 PM

cool.

Rown
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#82

Posted 17 January 2006 - 11:05 PM

The only popular post on the whole damned page and PK has forgotten about his loyal audience!

Where's the love... where's the love?

Rown rampage_ani.gif

P.S. I understand you are incredibly busy and hope you did not consider this at all offensive.

PresidentKiller
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#83

Posted 18 January 2006 - 07:58 AM

I'm sorry about that. It's just that these days have been killing me! suicidal.gif

But don't worry, the next chapter will be great. Hold on. wink.gif

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#84

Posted 18 January 2006 - 08:37 AM

Goodo. Looking forward to it PK smile.gif

PresidentKiller
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#85

Posted 28 January 2006 - 06:36 PM Edited by PresidentKiller, 28 April 2010 - 03:53 AM.

Sorry for the (loooooooong) delay. This is the new chapter. Enjoy! wink.gif


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Difficult Choices


President’s office, AMCO Headquarters - Torrington, Liberty City - Autumn 2001
Monday - 8:50 AM


The office is a simple room with modern decoration and furniture. Shinji Kasen, in a very bad shape, is sitting in a chair between two men in back suits with yellow stripes.

The door in the room opens, a man enters the room along with more men in back suits with yellow stripes.

Man: “Mr. Kasen, it is really a pleasure that you’re joining us today.”

Shinji is just staring at the man.

Man: “Come on, cheer up. At least you’re not in that ruckus outside.”

Shinji: “I’d rather be there.”

Man: “An opportunity is being given to you. We know your organization has let you down, and abandoned you when you needed them the most.”

Shinji: “Those issues are not of your concern.”

Man: “Mr. Kasen, please, you’re not in the position to say what’s of our concern and what’s not.”

Shinji: “What do you want anyway? Who are you?”

Man: “I’m James Powell, the president of this company.”

Shinji: “Oh, I’m surprised you didn’t leave the city already. An important businessman like you should join your buddy Donald Love and disappear when a war breaks out.”

James Powell laughs.

Powell: “Oh, you’re so funny Mr. Kasen. The thing is, as you might know, AMCO has been acquired by the Zaibatsu Corporation. We’re having a meeting with the shareholders and I’m required to be there.”

Shinji: “You are having a meeting? Now? The city is being destroyed by the Mafia and you’re thinking about a shareholders meeting?”

Powell: “Of course we’re having a meeting! There couldn’t be a better time!”

Shinji: “You’re insane. I don’t know why I came here in the first place.”

Powell: “Because you didn’t have a choice, that’s why. The Mafia has annihilated the Yakuza...”

Shinji interrupts.

Shinji: “If that’s true, then how come the war outside is still going on?”

Powell: “Because you can take care of business affairs more easily when people aren’t looking.”

Shinji: “What? Are you causing all of this?”

Powell: “Not me, but the gentlemen in the meeting room are. We should go there so I can introduce them to you.”

Shinji: “No way! I’d rather leave the city and let you do whatever the hell you want with it. Liberty City is not good anymore.”

Shinji stands up and attempts to leave when the men at the sides stop him.

Powell: “You can’t leave. You won’t last 5 minutes on your own out there. Besides, this meeting will guarantee you’ll get an important spot in our organization.”

Shinji turns around.

Shinji: “I won’t leave the Yakuza to join another organization! My family has been leading the Yakuza for several generations. I won’t betray my family and my heritage!”

Powell: “Your family? There’re only a few Kasens left in Japan, that’s all what’s left of your all-mighty family. Soon enough the rival families will take over the Yakuza and you’ll get killed... if you didn’t die already in the riots, that is.”

Shinji: “I’d rather die than betray my family!”

Powell: “Do you mean you’d rather fail? Just like your cousins? I know about that little argument you had with one of your men recently, Mr. Kasen. Would you rather fail?”

Shinji just stares at Powell, both of them are looking at each others eyes.

Powell: “Make your choice, Mr. Kasen.”


Helipad, Hyman Condo - Downtown, Vice City - Autumn 2001
Monday – 9:08 AM


Several men wearing blue jackets and gray pants are walking around the place, three of them take Claude, Ray and Paul out of the helicopter that just landed. The rest of the men help a doctor, a nurse and Johnny, who is lying in a stretcher, to get out. Johnny seems to be still unconscious.

Ray: “These are definitely Vercetti’s men, look at the golden ‘V’ in their jackets...”

One of Vercetti’s men looks at Ray.

Man: “Shut up, you’re not allowed to talk!”

Everybody get into the building and head to the penthouse.


Penthouse, Hyman Condo - Downtown, Vice City - Autumn 2001
Monday – 9:12 AM


The place is way bigger than anything Claude has ever seen. There’s luxury all over it. The furniture looks very expensive; there’re several Persian rugs just like at Shady Acres, as well as paintings and sculptures. A marble fountain embellishes the center of the room.

The doctor and the nurse take Johnny to another room where a bigger emergency team is ready to look at him. Claude, Ray and Paul are ordered to sit down at a small lounge where a very good-looking maid is waiting for them.

Maid: “Do you want something to drink?”

Claude (nervous): “Just a glass of water please.”

Ray and Paul shake their heads.

Maid: “All right, I’ll bring your water right away sir.”

The maid leaves the room. One of Vercetti’s men comes into the lounge and sits down with the guys, looking at Claude and Ray.

Man: “Mr. Vercetti will be here shortly. I’m Fred by the way. Let’s just watch some TV in the mean time.”

Fred grabs a remote and turns on the big plasma TV in the room.

Ray: “I’d like to get one of those, but they’re so rare and expensive it’s not even funny.”

TV male voice: “And now on Weasel, ‘Entertainment Today’ with your host, Christy Macintyre!”

Christy: “Hi, good morning! Today on the show we’ll be reviewing this autumn’s hottest movies, but first, we have an exclusive interview with Jamie Titts, the protagonist of the hilarious sex comedy ‘Piece of Cake’, which is out now on VHS and DVD. In this movie, a group of married women make a pact to engage in kinky sex with high-school seniors before hitting menopause. So, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mrs. Titts!”

Jamie Titts: “Hi, I’m so glad to be here!”

Christy: “And we’re so glad that you’re with us today!”

Mrs. Titts: “Yeah, thank you so much.”

Christy: “’Piece of Cake’ is so funny! I never imagined a sex comedy involving mature women could be so hilarious!”

Mrs. Titts: “Well, at first we weren’t really sure about this project, you know, the massive hardcore Internet porn is not helping the movie industry these days...”

Christy: “Yeah, I know. The other day I caught my 3 year-old son Timmy browsing DiaperSluts.com... it was an outrage!”

Mrs. Titts: “Yeah, too bad the Citizens United Negating Technology organization didn’t succeed in banning the Internet...”

Christy: “Tom Jackson is an idiot. I can’t believe that lawyer who looks like a 60-year old tranny couldn’t persuade the Senate into passing the bill... oh well, I guess we better change the subject back to ‘Piece of Cake’, shall we?”

Mrs. Titts: “All right.”

Christy: “So, I’m still somewhat disturbed with that scene in the movie where you use your son’s Mother’s Day present as a dildo, and your husband catches you in the act...”

Mrs. Titts blushes.

Mrs. Titts: “Yeah, I know. A lot of people talk to me about that these days, I hope I don’t have to do anything like that for ‘Piece of Cake 2’.”

The maid gets back to the room bringing a glass of water with her.

Maid: “Your water, sir.”

Claude looks at the maid and takes the glass.

Claude: “Thanks.”

Maid: “You’re welcome sir.”

The maid leaves the room again.

Ray: “Those are just stupid movies that only make horny teenagers want to engage in wild sex with their moms...”

Fred: “That or the ‘Inversion Therapy’... damn, I don’t know why people actually believe in that sh*t.”

Claude: “I don’t know either.”

Another one of Vercetti’s men goes near Fred and whispers something.

Fred: “All right, it seems Mr. Vercetti’s consigliere is here and he wants to take your friend with him.”

Claude: “What? Who?”

Fred points at Paul.

Fred: “Him.”

Paul starts shaking.

Paul (nervous): “No, please! I didn’t do anything, I swear!”

Claude: “Wait, why?”

Fred: “I don’t know, that’s just orders. Now, please, follow Andy over there or we might have to take you by force.”

Paul (nervous): “Please!! Just let me go, I’ll get out of the city immediately and leave you all alone!”

Fred: “All right.”

Fred makes a gesture, several men go to the lounge and take Paul with them. Paul struggles.

Paul (screaming): “Please!! Help me!!”

Claude gets up. Fred gets up as well and blocks him the way.

Fred: “I wouldn’t do that, just stay here and wait ‘till Mr. Vercetti arrives.”

Claude doesn’t know what to do.

Ray: “Just… just sit down, kid.”

Read Chapter 19

Rown
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#86

Posted 29 January 2006 - 12:07 AM

Most excellent as always PK! This storyline continues to up the ante in ways of suspense.

Keep it up.

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PresidentKiller
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#87

Posted 29 January 2006 - 12:12 AM

QUOTE (Rown @ Jan 28 2006, 18:07)
Most excellent as always PK! This storyline continues to up the ante in ways of suspense.

Keep it up.

Rown rampage_ani.gif

Thanks Rown, and thanks for the PM, I "fixed" that. wink.gif

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#88

Posted 29 January 2006 - 07:51 PM Edited by Cubanwhip, 30 January 2006 - 08:42 PM.

Wow, I was looking through some writers posts and I stumbled upon this story. I looked at it and thought, "Woah, this is one long story, I don't think I'll read it." So I read one chapter, and I was hooked, I read it all. It is a great story man. Keep it up. Can't wait 'till chapter 19!

~~~~~'Cubanwhip'~~~~~

PresidentKiller
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#89

Posted 01 February 2006 - 04:57 AM

Thanks for the comments. smile.gif

Now, I'll be away from the forums for a couple of days, so the next chapter will be probably posted on Friday.

Rown
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#90

Posted 06 February 2006 - 12:18 AM

I was wondering why you hadn't posted... I'm hoping it is because you don't want to double post... so Happy Super Bowl, I've inserted a filler post! biggrin.gif

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