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chapman_bobby
  • chapman_bobby

    Snitch

  • Awaiting Authorisation
  • Joined: 22 Oct 2004

#1

Posted 22 September 2005 - 01:12 AM

Apparently hot singles want to meet me. Also, I’ve just won a new Ford Mustang GT, and if I hit the cockroach, I win a lifetime supply of pop ups. I’m so f*cking sick of seeing the internet littered with trash. They’re nothing but virus links, ad ware scams, and bullsh*t propaganda.

What pisses me off is that they’re so damn affective as well. There’s always going to be some dumb son of a bitch who sees these adds and thinks to themselves, “Alright, finally a solution to my inadequacies at saving and actually working for the things I want. I’ll just click on a poorly held together flash ad and get the sh*t for free.”

Here’s a little tip for you, “NOTHING’S THAT f*ckING EASY!” Why the f*ck would any company give you a free car?
I swear it seems like people are getting dumber and dumber. If you believe that, let me give you some important life information that may drastically alter your world. There is no Santa Clause, there is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy. Life is NOT always fair. There is anger and hatred in this world beyond your comprehension. There are people that will rip apart your life and dreams piece by piece just to wave the shreds in your face to their own sick amusement. There are people in this world that hate you and everything you do makes them physically ill and all they can think about every moment of the day and night is how best to disrupt your happiness and cause you pain beyond your wildest dreams. If you try your best and play by all the rules and always act polite and respectful, work hard and pay your dues, you’ll still get f*cked over. The nicer you are the more you will be sh*t on. Only the assholes prosper. Which brings me to my next point:

The worse you treat others, the better your life will become. Here’s a list of the top ten things you can do to increase your wealth, luck, and sexual episode quantity and quality.

10.)Steal: All the most prosperous people in life steal sh*t all the time.
9.) Lie: Lie about everything. Don’t even give people your real name. Make sure nothing you say or write is the truth. This whole article is a lie, even the lies that contradict each other.
8:) Laugh: This may seem like a happy thing, but not when you do it at other’s faults. See a fat girl? Laugh at her. Make sure you point in case she’s not sure she’s the joke.
7.) Rap: All assholes rap. Rap is the most obnoxious foul sound human beings are capable of creating, and everyone knows it. Want to piss people off, start rapping. Cant come up with decent background music? Doesn’t matter, even the pro’s don’t. just come up with 4-6 seconds of any sound and loop it over and over again.
6.) Kick puppies: Nothing fancy. See a dog, kick it in the face.
5.) Hang up pay phones: If you see someone talking on a payphone, hang up on them. That’ll piss off anyone.
4.)Punch people: If you see someone you don’t like, punch them in the face.
3.)magnetize electronics: Hold magnets up to TV screens and monitors to f*ck up the color. Do this in department stores, work, school, hell, even in your own home.
2.)Write a guide: Write a guide about how to be an asshole. Write specifics and include at least 10 points.
1.)Click on pop ups: You son of a bitch.

chapman_bobby
  • chapman_bobby

    Snitch

  • Awaiting Authorisation
  • Joined: 22 Oct 2004

#2

Posted 22 September 2005 - 01:24 AM Edited by chapman_bobby, 22 September 2005 - 01:26 AM.

These forums kick f*cking ass. They auto censor(the next best thing to no censoring). I didn't know that. I was just waiting for an account ban. I'm so happy, I think I'll post another article, if you'd like another one.
-The Asshole

EDIT: I must admit that I actually am starting to come around on some rap. I dont like the pointless yelling profanities, or openly encouraging violence on others, but some rap I'm liking now.

eDad
  • eDad

    We're playing divorced guys.

  • Zaibatsu
  • Joined: 02 Dec 2003
  • None

#3

Posted 22 September 2005 - 11:18 AM

QUOTE (chapman_bobby @ Sep 22 2005, 01:12)
2.)Write a guide: Write a guide about how to be an asshole. Write specifics and include at least 10 points.

Done and done!

Chapter one of the almighty guide to assholes.

The first steps in becoming a complete and unstoppable asshole is ignorance. Use it, abuse it. For example, if somebody attempts to post a serious topic, but even after reading it you're dumbfounded. Just dig into it and elaborate on something you like. Like bunnies.
Did you know that a bunny is the common reference name for a young rabbit. Did you also know that the rabbit's latin name is Oryctolagus cuniculus. I'd like to point out that I don't like you. And perhaps it would be of some knowledge to know that the overall rabbit-population has been dropping since 1994!
See how I snuck that in there, that I don't like you? Because I really don't. Come to think of it, I don't like your family and friends either.
And to top it all off, did you know that if you search for tophat in wikipedia, you will get no information on it. But it will refer you to an interesting article about the mullet. Which features an image of Brad Pitt with a mullet.
Now I will make my 10 points in random order to punctuate the importance of my being.
1-I am awesome.
6-I am awesome.
3-I am awesome.
7-I am awesome.
2-I am awesome.
4-I am awesome.
9-I am awesome.
5-I am awesome.
8-I am awesome.
10-I don't like you.

So, in conclusion of this, I must say, very useful guide, I think it is safe to say that I do not like you. And I hope you cease and desist all current activity in the breathing department.



And for the record, I did get my car for free, so HAH!

chapman_bobby
  • chapman_bobby

    Snitch

  • Awaiting Authorisation
  • Joined: 22 Oct 2004

#4

Posted 22 September 2005 - 01:51 PM

I am absolutely amazed. I am completely stumped. I have no idea how to respond to that level of stupidity. I particularly like this line.
QUOTE
For example, if somebody attempts to post a serious topic, but even after reading it you're dumbfounded.

The article is not hard to understand. If you are dumbfounded, a state I'm sure you know well, then why not elaborate on what stumped you instead of writing a moronic off topic response about your bizarre attraction to bunnies and Brad Pitt with a mullet.
I also find it interesting how you feel you can gather the full gist of my humanity and the essence of who I am from an article I wrote, and come to the indisputable conclusion that you don't like me.
I am all for constructive criticism, but your response lacked not only criticism of the work before you, but generally worked for constructing the point that your a f*cking moron who is incapable of writing a halfway decent response. At least your spelling is halfway decent.

The-Asshole

eDad
  • eDad

    We're playing divorced guys.

  • Zaibatsu
  • Joined: 02 Dec 2003
  • None

#5

Posted 22 September 2005 - 03:21 PM

sarcasm.

chapman_bobby
  • chapman_bobby

    Snitch

  • Awaiting Authorisation
  • Joined: 22 Oct 2004

#6

Posted 23 September 2005 - 04:21 AM

QUOTE (Guybrush_Threepwood @ Sep 22 2005, 15:21)
sarcasm.

Sorry I was irritable this morning. I was a little hung over. I just turned 21 and went out with some friends doing the traditional 21 shot thing last night. Sarcasm's not an easy thing to convey in writing. I still dont know exactly which part you meant was sarcasm, but sorry I was so hostile in response earlier. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. If you dont like my writing, your welcome to that opinion, even if it's terribly flawed.
the-Asshole

Octember
  • Octember

    propaganda inc

  • BUSTED!
  • Joined: 29 Oct 2004

#7

Posted 23 September 2005 - 04:34 AM

where's the virus?!

BCspeed34
  • BCspeed34

    CEO

  • $outh $ide Hoodz
  • Joined: 24 Jun 2004

#8

Posted 23 September 2005 - 04:37 AM

I know, thats what I thought.

I wanted to be able to stay home sick from school tommorow sad.gif

Iminicus
  • Iminicus

    Cyclop have 9 years

  • $outh $ide Hoodz
  • Joined: 18 Apr 2004

#9

Posted 23 September 2005 - 01:46 PM

Wish I had seen this yesterday morning. Though free breakfast was good. Umm such a dilemma. Anyway, I agree with your rant and the Pirate makes a awesome point, once again.




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