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libetry city mafia

10 replies to this topic
mattyp
  • mattyp

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#1

Posted 26 August 2005 - 10:58 PM Edited by mattyp, 27 August 2005 - 05:57 PM.

Chapter1 arrival

In liberty city in the 1900s a large amount of Italian immigrants arrived in the USA... some were petty thugs others were law abiding citizens but all we familiar with the term la Costa nostra. The official meaning is the Coast ours. However the la Costa nostra was a century old organised crime syndicate that run through Scilly .the immigrants used to pay protection money to it.

This was made up of many different family’s that all became powerful land helped each other out. Eventually a leader emerged and he was known as luigi monpezia but most people called him scarface.

Chapter 2 scarface

For twenty years the now named mafia ruled over liberty like a black hand. That was why a mafia hit squad was named that, the Black Hand. There got money an enforced fear onto the streets. There leader known as scarface didn’t ask for respect he demanded it. However after the war a flu epidemic swept liberty and killed hundreds including scarface.

Straight after his death his only son Mario monpezia took over he was known as the gentle don as he was forgiving a kind complete opposite to his dad .soon
Probation began an the mafia begin to slip out of control

Chapter 3 murder Inc.

For five years Mario monpezia trained his sister’s son Antonio verctii sr as his heir. all the while many mafia follows were killed and put into jail.. The police were finally beating the mob.

3 men named Al Leone, Carlo Sindicco and Santo Forrily decided to make a stand an formed a organisation called murder inc they gained more an more members until about 60% of the mafia had joined .they believed in only 1 thing Mario must die.

In December 1929 as Mario was leaving a restaurant a cab pulled up an shot 6 times he died instantly.

Chapter 4 the civil war

The 1930s was terrible in liberty as the new an rightful don Antonio vercttis follows battled the murder Inc many died but eventually murder inc prevailed. The 3 leaders of murder Inc however we pretending align with Antonio and looked after his son. Antonio sr.

In 19 38 Antonio’s mansion was under siege as murder inc fought the guards in a cellar stood 3men .there was a shot and a man fell to the floor that man was Antonio sr he looked up at the 3man who killed him an said. “if not my son then my grandson or his son they will acclaim the rightful heir of the mafia and kill any1 who opposed them”
He then died

anuj
  • anuj

    iconic

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#2

Posted 26 August 2005 - 11:39 PM

Was this supposed to be a joke?

colour_my_world
  • colour_my_world

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#3

Posted 26 August 2005 - 11:55 PM

QUOTE (anuj @ Aug 26 2005, 23:39)
Was this supposed to be a joke?

Yes...

Colotomy Headwind
  • Colotomy Headwind

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#4

Posted 26 August 2005 - 11:55 PM

QUOTE (mattyp @ Aug 26 2005, 22:58)
He then died

Thankfully, so did the story.

TEoS
  • TEoS

    High Priest of the Vootard Cult

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#5

Posted 27 August 2005 - 12:06 AM

QUOTE (mattyp @ Aug 26 2005, 17:58)

Probation began an the mafia begin to slip out of control


That's golden.

Pierce Brosnan
  • Pierce Brosnan

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#6

Posted 27 August 2005 - 05:23 PM

QUOTE (Colotomy Headwind @ Aug 27 2005, 09:55)
QUOTE (mattyp @ Aug 26 2005, 22:58)
He then died

Thankfully, so did the story.

Indeed.

Sorry, but the story was not that good.

SilentM
  • SilentM

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#7

Posted 27 August 2005 - 05:37 PM

Wow, there's just about every error you could grammatically make in that story. Learn when to capitalize, learn your past present and future tenses. All in all, though, the story wasn't that bad. You just need to include more detail. At the moment it all just runs into eachother. Maybe have someone proofread it next time, or use MSWord to sort it out. smile.gif

mattyp
  • mattyp

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#8

Posted 27 August 2005 - 05:59 PM Edited by mattyp, 27 August 2005 - 06:03 PM.

[QUOTE] gr8 story m8

Your just jealous of my fantastic work i am da best! its as simple as that i is the best !! rah.gif

mattyp
  • mattyp

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#9

Posted 27 August 2005 - 06:00 PM

More of my great work

D Jones
  • D Jones

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#10

Posted 28 August 2005 - 08:27 AM

Have you considered to going to school? Or at least start?

To be honest, no one is jealous of your "awesome" work. Seriously, I can make a better story, than this in 30 minutes if I truely wanted to.

QUOTE
For five years Mario monpezia trained his sister’s son Antonio verctii sr as his heir


Wtf?

Kayuni
  • Kayuni

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#11

Posted 29 August 2005 - 09:55 AM

QUOTE (D Jones @ Aug 28 2005, 04:27)
Have you considered to going to school? Or at least start?

To be honest, no one is jealous of your "awesome" work. Seriously, I can make a better story, than this in 30 minutes if I truely wanted to.

QUOTE
For five years Mario monpezia trained his sister�s son Antonio verctii sr as his heir


Wtf?

To be blunt;

Nobody is jealous of this. As said previously, you've made just about every grammar mistake possible, and your awesome work is just a larger collection of your errors, with some WAV files from the late 1990's tacked onto the already poor Freewebs pages.

The double-post really doesn't help your cause, either, especially as it was one minute after your first post.

I find myself saying to a few friends how I'd like the writing forum to be more active.

Mayhaps I should correct that to good work.

The next time you want to write something, spell it correctly the first time, or run it through a grammar & spelling checker, for the love of us all.




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