Quantcast

Jump to content

» «
Photo

Dear Battelfield 2 n00bs.

33 replies to this topic
reticulatingsplines
  • reticulatingsplines

    Hot Sex Madrigal in the Middle of my Tights

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 09 Mar 2004

#1

Posted 25 July 2005 - 06:09 AM

Dear you,

You don't know who you are yet, but by the time I'm finished, you're probably going to feel a little embarrassed.

You're the Battlefield 2 n00b everyone hates.

Remember that time on a server when you drove off in a buggy/humvee/apc/tank at the start of a round? Remember all the abuse you copped? It was because you left half your team stranded at some distant spawn point, you f*cktard. If you choose a drive a vehicle, fine. At least f*cking wait until you get something resembling a full crew compliment before you drive into the sunset.

The best bit was when you got your ass owned by the first tank you came up against. That really cracked me up while I made the long, difficult trek towards a capture point on foot.

Remember how we were at the airstrip/aircraft carrier and you took off in a jet, only to crash seconds later? Here's a tip: practice flying in single player, you waste of oxygen, and if you still can't fly, don't get in the f*cking plane.

Even better when we're stuck with only a carrier as a spawn, and you all stand around on the deck waiting for another plane to plow into convienient landmasses. There are boats, you idiot. They are not difficult to find.

There may have also been that time when you camped a totally secure spawn as a sniper for an entire round and made exactly no contribution. Snipers are a great class, but they don't do sh*t if they don't have someone to shoot - it's kinda why they exist.

I remember the time I got shot, called for a medic, and you were practically right on top of me, but refused to get out the defribulators. It's your job, n00b. Because you don't spend as much time shooting people, you get points for healing people. Of course, you quit the medic role after a few rounds because you can't get kills - well no sh*t.

Same goes for engineers who'd rather try and take out ranged troops with a freakin shotgun rather than fix my tank. They're called support classes for a reason. That being they in some way fill the definition of 'supporting' other classes.

But my all time favourite is the n00b commander. Oh yes. He won't resign in the face of popular contempt, oh no. And on 64 player maps he's pretty much guaranteed to survive a mutiny, because some of us are busy getting shot at to be able to vote. And don't you just love that little star above your head, oh my yes. Shame you don't even f*cking know where the commander console is. Sure, we can all be in squads so you can order us around, but you still don't know sh*t about how the map is meant to be played to our advantage, and you still call in goddamned artillery strikes while we're actually in an enemy capture point. And you never drop supplies.

You sir, are an unredeemable n00b. Practice stuff in single player before you grace us with your presence. If you want to run and gun, just play as a soldier and let others do the supporting/driving/flying/commanding.

Die, thanks.

P.S. Great game though.

anuj
  • anuj

    iconic

  • Inactive Staff
  • Joined: 17 Jan 2002
  • None

#2

Posted 25 July 2005 - 06:39 AM

:applauds:

I must get this game soon. It's amazing how the support concerns mirror America's Army in so many ways. Them kiddies should go back to knifing each other in CS.

Mafia Righthand_Man
  • Mafia Righthand_Man

    Shuffle off.

  • Members
  • Joined: 22 Feb 2002

#3

Posted 25 July 2005 - 06:41 AM

Very well put. *claps*

imheretostay
  • imheretostay

    non-existant

  • Members
  • Joined: 04 Oct 2004

#4

Posted 25 July 2005 - 07:19 AM

Now, for some strange reason, i want the game even more.

Dublo 7
  • Dublo 7

    Trying Your Luck

  • Members
  • Joined: 15 Jun 2002

#5

Posted 25 July 2005 - 10:10 AM

Thats all well n good, but shouldn't this be in the BF2 topic?

Cran.
  • Cran.

    910 reprisent

  • Members
  • Joined: 20 Apr 2004

#6

Posted 25 July 2005 - 12:36 PM

Thank you. Now make one to any form of n00b, and we'll be all done. Yes BF2= Great game. It's fun to LAN with your friends on your network like me, too.

gta_king
  • gta_king

    JCM

  • Members
  • Joined: 01 Jun 2002

#7

Posted 25 July 2005 - 01:13 PM

*Applauds RS*

I hate those c*nts that get in a vehicle and drive off right in front of you no matter how many times you say on the chat commands "I NEED A RIDE"

Mafia Righthand_Man
  • Mafia Righthand_Man

    Shuffle off.

  • Members
  • Joined: 22 Feb 2002

#8

Posted 25 July 2005 - 04:03 PM

Hehe. tounge.gif

RMT
  • RMT

    Grr

  • Feroci
  • Joined: 19 Sep 2003
  • None

#9

Posted 25 July 2005 - 04:48 PM

Every time I see this sort of post, every time I nod my head more.

It's especially annoying when n00bs ask "can i drive da heli pls pls cos im bettr" and then proceed to take off, back flip, loose control and either end up making a crater in a mountain or a tidal wave in the sea.

Oh and while on the subject of heli pilots. I find the ones that land, get out, then f*ck off leaving you stranded in the middle of f*cking enemy territory only to meet your maker with an RPG or heavy fire seriously annoying.

Konoko45
  • Konoko45

    I hate you all, just FYI.

  • Members
  • Joined: 12 Nov 2001

#10

Posted 25 July 2005 - 05:30 PM

QUOTE (RMT @ Jul 25 2005, 10:48)
Oh and while on the subject of heli pilots. I find the ones that land, get out, then f*ck off leaving you stranded in the middle of f*cking enemy territory only to meet your maker with an RPG or heavy fire seriously annoying.

Oh, and it's even better when the pilot decides to para drop with other people still in the vehicle with them..

Yeah, one time, was in a full up black hawk, full health, no immediate threats, f*cking pilot bails to do a para drop without warning, leaving the 5 other people in the thing to crash and burn. At least the bastard got clipped by the back fins, rendering his jump pointless.

Now, I understand that someone could have just as easily switched over to the pilot seat, but the pilot is the least likely person to jump out of the damn thing when the thing is far from being blown up.

Sir Million Knives
  • Sir Million Knives

  • Members
  • Joined: 10 Apr 2005

#11

Posted 25 July 2005 - 05:51 PM

Great speech.

I also hate heli pilots that wont land _with a f*cking full squad aboard_ to cap an EMPTY enemy point.

Bernard Jazz
  • Bernard Jazz

    Dud dats not gas, dats a chikn.

  • Members
  • Joined: 14 Apr 2004

#12

Posted 25 July 2005 - 05:58 PM

i don't have the game but it's god damn common sense these people seem to be lacking.

Hunter¥
  • Hunter¥

  • Members
  • Joined: 09 Aug 2004

#13

Posted 25 July 2005 - 07:08 PM Edited by Hunter¥, 25 July 2005 - 07:15 PM.

I like the part where the n00b on my team calls an air strike on everybody..

on our team.

Edit: @poster below me, Shut the hell up. smile.gif

MissileDefender
  • MissileDefender

    Soldier

  • Members
  • Joined: 23 Jan 2005

#14

Posted 25 July 2005 - 07:11 PM

Erm...

QUOTE
Dear BattelField 2 n00bs


"Dear Battlefield 2 n00bs"

Smashdamit
  • Smashdamit

    Village Elder

  • Members
  • Joined: 17 Nov 2002

#15

Posted 25 July 2005 - 09:14 PM

Great posts folks.

I am laughing so hard my side hurts

lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif

RMT
  • RMT

    Grr

  • Feroci
  • Joined: 19 Sep 2003
  • None

#16

Posted 25 July 2005 - 10:08 PM

QUOTE (Konoko45 @ Jul 25 2005, 18:30)
QUOTE (RMT @ Jul 25 2005, 10:48)
Oh and while on the subject of heli pilots. I find the ones that land, get out, then f*ck off leaving you stranded in the middle of f*cking enemy territory only to meet your maker with an RPG or heavy fire seriously annoying.

Now, I understand that someone could have just as easily switched over to the pilot seat, but the pilot is the least likely person to jump out of the damn thing when the thing is far from being blown up.

And sometimes there isn't someone on-board who can pilot confused.gif

Dr.pay'n spray
  • Dr.pay'n spray

    Aw yeah.

  • Members
  • Joined: 19 Jan 2002

#17

Posted 26 July 2005 - 01:34 AM

QUOTE (RMT @ Jul 25 2005, 16:48)


It's especially annoying when n00bs ask "can i drive da heli pls pls cos im bettr" and then proceed to take off, back flip, loose control and either end up making a crater in a mountain or a tidal wave in the sea.


Don't forget about the f*cktards with the barrets that will teamkill you, just for the heli.

Agent Ozzy
  • Agent Ozzy

    Still kickin' around

  • Members
  • Joined: 03 Aug 2004

#18

Posted 26 July 2005 - 05:37 AM

simular things happen in ET

damm medics sad.gif angry.gif cryani.gif breadfish_by_Moto.gif

Gela
  • Gela

    Avatar made by ME using pivot stick animator

  • Members
  • Joined: 12 Dec 2004

#19

Posted 26 July 2005 - 06:46 AM

what about ones that

"IMa stnD on top of dis jet so i cna fli wit you thru th3 skieh"

gela[teamkill]n00b

sate
  • sate

    -SmK-

  • Members
  • Joined: 03 Jul 2003

#20

Posted 26 July 2005 - 06:55 AM Edited by sate, 26 July 2005 - 10:30 AM.

QUOTE (Gela @ Jul 26 2005, 06:46)
what about ones that

"IMa stnD on top of dis jet so i cna fli wit you thru th3 skieh"

gela[teamkill]n00b

And then they punish you for it.

I hate it so much.

But I have to say, I'm kinda guilty in the take a vehicle and run off blush.gif But now I'll be a better BF 2 Team mate just for you.

JayC
  • JayC

    WWJCD

  • Feroci
  • Joined: 30 Jul 2002

#21

Posted 26 July 2005 - 01:07 PM

Very annoying these people are.

To be a n00b myself (and this is why I am never commander or squad leader) how do I access the command console?

gta_king
  • gta_king

    JCM

  • Members
  • Joined: 01 Jun 2002

#22

Posted 26 July 2005 - 01:32 PM

QUOTE (JayC @ Jul 26 2005, 14:07)
Very annoying these people are.

To be a n00b myself (and this is why I am never commander or squad leader) how do I access the command console?

Capslock I think.

Sir Million Knives
  • Sir Million Knives

  • Members
  • Joined: 10 Apr 2005

#23

Posted 26 July 2005 - 01:41 PM

QUOTE (gta_king @ Jul 26 2005, 13:32)
QUOTE (JayC @ Jul 26 2005, 14:07)
Very annoying these people are.

To be a n00b myself (and this is why I am never commander or squad leader) how do I access the command console?

Capslock I think.

The button left of number "1", above TAB.

JayC
  • JayC

    WWJCD

  • Feroci
  • Joined: 30 Jul 2002

#24

Posted 26 July 2005 - 01:46 PM

` is the console, not the command console.

I'll try CAPSLOCK, thanks.

Sir Million Knives
  • Sir Million Knives

  • Members
  • Joined: 10 Apr 2005

#25

Posted 26 July 2005 - 01:55 PM

Wtf is command console?

Rob starts feeling noobish cryani.gif

Knightmare
  • Knightmare

    man tongues

  • $outh $ide Hoodz
  • Joined: 18 Nov 2001

#26

Posted 26 July 2005 - 02:11 PM

QUOTE (Sir Million Knives @ Jul 26 2005, 07:55)
Wtf is command console?

Rob starts feeling noobish cryani.gif

The Commander console, for ordering squads around, placing artillery strikes, sending supplies. It's a big map with all your squads on the side, you can Scan and see every enemy in game, and you can set up UAV's for squads to see enemy movement.

Try it in singleplayer before touching it in multiplayer, please.

sate
  • sate

    -SmK-

  • Members
  • Joined: 03 Jul 2003

#27

Posted 26 July 2005 - 02:22 PM

QUOTE (Knightmare @ Jul 26 2005, 14:11)
QUOTE (Sir Million Knives @ Jul 26 2005, 07:55)
Wtf is command console?

Rob starts feeling noobish  cryani.gif

The Commander console, for ordering squads around, placing artillery strikes, sending supplies. It's a big map with all your squads on the side, you can Scan and see every enemy in game, and you can set up UAV's for squads to see enemy movement.

Try it in singleplayer before touching it in multiplayer, please.

And if you are not the Commander. It's for you to join the different teams in the game or create your own. And to apply for Commander BTW, but I think you can only do that in the beginning of the game.

tehhunter
  • tehhunter

    ShaqFu2u

  • BUSTED!
  • Joined: 06 Nov 2002

#28

Posted 26 July 2005 - 03:05 PM

QUOTE (anuj @ Jul 25 2005, 01:39)
:applauds:

I must get this game soon. It's amazing how the support concerns mirror America's Army in so many ways. Them kiddies should go back to knifing each other in CS.

When does it come out for PS2/Is the network adapter worth it?

Sir Million Knives
  • Sir Million Knives

  • Members
  • Joined: 10 Apr 2005

#29

Posted 26 July 2005 - 03:05 PM

QUOTE (sate @ Jul 26 2005, 14:22)
QUOTE (Knightmare @ Jul 26 2005, 14:11)
QUOTE (Sir Million Knives @ Jul 26 2005, 07:55)
Wtf is command console?

Rob starts feeling noobish  cryani.gif

The Commander console, for ordering squads around, placing artillery strikes, sending supplies. It's a big map with all your squads on the side, you can Scan and see every enemy in game, and you can set up UAV's for squads to see enemy movement.

Try it in singleplayer before touching it in multiplayer, please.

And if you are not the Commander. It's for you to join the different teams in the game or create your own. And to apply for Commander BTW, but I think you can only do that in the beginning of the game.

Aha, I knew what that is, just didnt connect the dots. To me, It's commander console.

And I'm a good commander, btw. I don't send my troops to certain death, I drop suplies, give good orders, call artillery prior to assaults etc.

Mafia Righthand_Man
  • Mafia Righthand_Man

    Shuffle off.

  • Members
  • Joined: 22 Feb 2002

#30

Posted 26 July 2005 - 04:41 PM

I saw some exploiters from the BBK clan today. Bunch of f*cktards shooting all their ammo and giving each other ammo for the points. They sat in one base in Dragon Valley the whole time and did nothing but that. They did absolutely jack sh*t for the team. I probably would have done an arty strike and killed all of them if I was commander.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users