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Paranoia

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Blitz'd Skitz
  • Blitz'd Skitz

    "Assassin"? Is that some kind of porn film?

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  • Joined: 01 Jun 2005

#1

Posted 03 June 2005 - 11:22 PM Edited by Blitz'd Skitz, 03 June 2005 - 11:28 PM.

Paranoia

Blandness soaks this darkest field,
ahead of time, my pain is sealed.
My breath is cold and faces me,
as pale as snow, wild and free.
I spin with speed, expecting ‘it’,
but nothing’s there… that’s worse than ‘it’.
More waiting comes, and torture too,
cue the immense mental skew.
Through every neuron, and synaptic cleft,
the impulse shoots, the mighty theft.
Unfairness runs true, my mind is stolen...
My utility, broken… My confidence… Fallen.
When will it come, all spiteful and cruel?
I’m sick of being the ultimate fool.
Kill me now; I hate your soul,
You murdered my rise, and caused my fall…

Canofceleri
  • Canofceleri

    OG

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 17 Nov 2001

#2

Posted 04 June 2005 - 02:18 AM

That's actually pretty good. A lot better than most the sh*t right here. It's obvious from reading that that you have somewhat of a good vocabulary. My advice: make it work for you better and choose your words more selectively. Also, if it's a poem, it's a bit to sing songy. I hate sing songy poetry. That's why I hate rhyming. Anyway, good stuff, keep it up.

Jamie O'Dea
  • Jamie O'Dea

    Crackhead

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  • Joined: 01 Feb 2005

#3

Posted 04 June 2005 - 06:09 PM

Now that is talented! Very good, it's a way to express your anger. Cool. monocle.gif

Luke2004
  • Luke2004

    You wanna leave? k. gtfo.

  • BUSTED!
  • Joined: 10 Nov 2004

#4

Posted 04 June 2005 - 06:59 PM

Very nice work there. It's really good. - Luke.




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