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The Imposter with the Bad Voice Acting

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Svip
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#1

Posted 29 April 2005 - 10:44 AM Edited by Svip, 04 May 2005 - 07:52 PM.

The Imposter with the Bad Voice Acting

Remember that this is a comedy, and not meant to be serious at all.

Prologue
Through out history and time, nations, countries, parts of land, cults, religions and dishwashers have had rules, rules to be follow by the citizens of the subject, because otherwise it wouldn't function the way it was meant to, or maybe it would, because if they made it without rules, then maybe that was the way to do it. Or maybe not.

Most nations and countries has had some sort of military foundation, so they could protect themselves against other nations, people, militarises and general threats from annoying people who think they are just a bit too cool, and in most cases have overrated themselves. But a military is not a foundation that should be home and do absolutely nothing, instead they should get out and act on a global scale. Otherwise other nations would think that (a) “The nation might not have military at all, and then if possible they could attack them and destroy them and all that, or maybe they do have military and then we will be crushed, and then all will be over, and we'll die and such and our people will cry!” or (b) “they don't know how to act on a global scale.”

And that was exactly what the Americans thought; “we need to act on a global scale”, an adviser said to the president. And the president congratulated the adviser and agreed that they should act on a global scale, so it was told to the people that they were going to act on a global scale, and the journalists wrote down that the American government and military were going to act on a global scale, so that the next day the newspaper around the globe could report that the US was going to act on a more global scale. So people could discuss based on the report, which was based on the journalists writing, which was based on the White House announcement, which was based on the president's agreement on the advisers idea, which was based on that fact what other nations would think, how the US was going to act on global scale.

Now, the question remains, what does 'global scale' includes? Nobody knew, so nothing was done, until one found out that it might meant that they should attack other nations to act on a global scale, or at least have military activity in other nations on a global scale.

So they told their military and agents that now we should work on a more global scale, and the soldiers and agents said told that they already knew, they have read the reports that they were about to work on a more global scale. And so they were put on missions which was on a global scale. Agents and soldiers was globally place around the globe. However, one of the military facilities was placed beyond the capital of the Netherlands, Amsterdam, the military facility had nothing to do with military operations, so it might hand out the question why military was included in it's name, but mainly because 'facility' alone doesn't sound that scary to other nations. And perhaps the second question or the first, but second because already one was asked, but the first question to the second statement, or maybe just the first question to the second statement, would be why should they scare others?

Maybe this was what the global scale thing included. But within this military facility which was named that because of the global scale, they were working on a classified and secret operation, in other words, everybody knew it. Or at least they thought they did, cause they weren't working on anything. They were only there to keep something going down in underground Amsterdam, which the Dutch couldn't do themselves.

As in any military facility there is always a facility general, and the general of this facility was no different, he was cruel and mean. But just as everything seem to go in the right direction, which isn't really the right direction, cause they weren't going anywhere, they were just sitting drinking coffee and playing poker, a Dutch activist wanted to infiltrate the facility and shut it down, not like a computer, but like destroying the whole thing and a lot of explosions, mostly because it looks cool.

In order to infiltrate the facility, the activist knew he needed to come up with a disguise. He decided to disguise himself as the general. This idea was good, because he looked quite like him. However his voice acting was terrible.

More chapters to come soon.

Svip
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#2

Posted 02 May 2005 - 05:28 PM

For crying out loud! Why wont any comment on my stories?!

It's not like I write them not to get feedback.

dr zoidberg
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#3

Posted 03 May 2005 - 10:48 AM

It's good, yes it made me chuckle (probably because a lot of it is very true about the American government!).

But there were a few problems with it. Your general style of writing is good but it's also quite obvious that you don't speak English as a first language. Some of the sentence structures show this. I find this happens me quite a lot which is strange seeing how I was brought up with english. I think this is OK, but it's not exactly perfect english at the same time. Here's an example:
QUOTE (Svip @ 29 Apr 2005, 11:44)
Now, the question remains, what does 'global scale' includes? Nobody knew, so nothing was done, until one found out that it might meant that they should attack other nations to act on a global scale, or at least have military activity in other nations on a global scale.

Just one little grammar point (yes, I am a grammar nazi)
QUOTE (Svip @ 29 Apr 2005, 11:44)
Otherwise other nations would think that (a) “the nation might not have military at all...".

...this should be:
Otherwise other nations would think that (a) "The nation might not have military at all...".

And finally:
QUOTE (Svip @ 29 Apr 2005, 11:44)
In order to infiltrate the facility the activist thought he had to make up a disguise, and the disguise would be the general himself, so he could be an imposter, and therefore the fake general, and perhaps it wasn't that a bad idea, cause he did look him, but his voice acting was really bad.

This is a very long sentence. Perhaps it would be better if you broke it down into a few smaller sentences to make it easier to read. Something like:
In order to infiltrate the facility, the activist knew he needed to come up with a disguise. He decided to disguise himself as the general. This idea was good, because he looked quite like him. However he was not good at impersonating voices.

These are just general grammar and presentation points, the story itself is good. And it has a lot of potential as a comedy.

Svip
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#4

Posted 03 May 2005 - 09:36 PM

Thanks for the comment, I was hoping for more comments.

Cause I would like to get the next chapter done soon, and I hate writting without opinions.

If I were writting a book I would show it to my friends through out the writting.

Iminicus
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#5

Posted 03 May 2005 - 10:40 PM

I would have to disagree with your comments on his writing style and also the grammatical changes. Part of what makes it funny is the fact that you have run on sentences and sentence misplacing. Go and read a script for Monty Python or some other comical genuis(es) and you will notice that the comical foundation is nestled in how they write. They do not write to essay levels or any practical English level. They write in a humoruos and sometimes blatanly disregrad all the rules way.

Keep it up Svip.

Svip
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#6

Posted 04 May 2005 - 08:18 PM

The Imposter with the Bad Voice Acting

Chapter 1
The activist as we now follow, because it seems common that you follow the main character of story, mostly because the actor, which is currently me, feels like writing about this person. And also because mostly nothing else is rather interesting to follow, who cares what's going down elsewhere?

Our main character, the activist, has been begun his plan, his plan to take over and shut down the military facility. His extremely evil plan, which had a little good within it, it was also written in Dutch, so you have no idea what it says only less you speak Dutch, but chances are you do. Maybe you are so fascinated about the idea that you are begging to see the plan. But he wouldn't show it to anyone, it was secret, it was classified. He did show it to his mother, because he was unsure on how to spell 'moustache'. But he did manage in the end to keep it completely secret.

The next day he advanced to Amsterdam, as he normally lived in Rotterdam, which is also a city in Holland, not only the Netherlands, but the difference between Amsterdam and Rotterdam are both names and placement. And some Dutch would say they other sucks, but that's how it is in every county, they always need someone to hate. I feel sorry for people in Luxembourg, who are they to hate?

Enough. Our main character, person, human, piece of bones and flesh was about to do what most people haven't done; enter Amsterdam without wearing pants. A feat that will go down in history, mainly because it has been written down, which is quite weird, cause how should anyone know? It's not like they have some guards guarding Amsterdam, or do they?

He found a hotel, stayed there the night while he was planing on his evil and despread plan, evil because it was secret, and anything secret is evil. That's why we shouldn't trust national security, not because of the secret, but because they are plain evil. He worked until 2:32 AM the next day when he fell asleep because his body was demanding energy, even though his brain was shouting “no sleep now,” his body was shouting; “cut the crap and give me energy, I am stronger than you,” and so it was written.

But it was a failure to fall asleep at this point, falling asleep at 2:32 AM in Amsterdam while planing on taking over an American military facility in underground Amsterdam, which was placed there because of the feel for a more act on a global scale, was a disaster. One minute more or less would have been appropriate. But not at 2:32 AM, it was every activist's worst fear. It could mean that the entire plan would crash.

Now your eyebrows might be risen, they might not because (a) you don't have any or (b) you are not confused, but with either your eyebrows are risen or not, doesn't matter. The reason for the fear of 2:32 AM was because most activist has failed when one of the main characters in the act had fell asleep at that point. Now this might seem very unlikely, and so it was, cause nobody had ever felled asleep at 2:32 AM when having to act the next day, so in fact it could seem rather useless to fear 2:32 AM, but just like the numbers 13, 64 and Microsoft, we are taught from the beginning to fear them as much as possible, run away from them, scare people we run by because it just seem interesting how they would act to be scared by a scared person.

Or maybe it wouldn't, maybe it would just make them wonder why it should be feared at all, maybe there are no complete reasons and explanations for it, or maybe there is, and nobody has ever been able to get their hands on it, or maybe they have, nobody just told them. Or maybe everything just written is completely wrong and should be thrown out the window, cause it seem to be as useless as knowing how people got up in the morning 2032 years ago when clocks wasn't invented, at least those that can make the most annoying sound possible to wake you up.

Our activist was in his worst danger ever, not knowing it while sleeping he slept his day away, woke up at 4:15 PM the same day. He realized that he slept for 14 hours, which was a bit over the edge, but that dream sure was nice.

He went on writing on his plan and got ideas from himself and other people to get in. Got his plans over the military facility, asked himself why he was doing it, when he got no reply he ignored it and continued.

Svip
  • Svip

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#7

Posted 06 May 2005 - 12:19 PM Edited by Svip, 06 May 2005 - 12:24 PM.

The Imposter with the Bad Voice Acting

Chapter 2
While our activist was writing on his master plan, to shut down the American military facility, James Estron was checking in on Hotel Bombay in New Delhi, a lower class hotel, as most cheap hotels in India, but Estron wasn't nervous, cause he had been in India many times before, Estron had wrote essays and books about the British colony, India. He was very famous for his works, at least by the people who knew him.

Mr. Estron had returned to India to meet an old friend, who, as he was told, was dying. And Estron had a soft point when it come to old friends, they had to be visited. So he had gone all the trip to India from Quebec, Canada, where he had been studying on the University of Quebec. Estron's friend, Jadni Dabuk, lived just outside of New Delhi, and it was there Estron was going to meet Dabuk.

The next day, when he woke up, Estron went out to travel to his friend, whom lived outside of New Delhi, which meant Estron had to travel because of the fact that if you are not in the place right now, you have to move yourself, or get something to move your, or both. Estron chose to be moved by a cap, which was not fairly paid, not that Estron cheated, but that taxi prices in India are normally higher than they should be. Which might could lead to the fact why so few people travelled to India, or maybe just because travelling to India was so far away, or maybe because India was such a low level country, or maybe most people were too bored to leave their sofas.

But Estron was of course not too bored, he was always in the mood for visiting dying friends, not that he liked it, but he wasn't like; “Damn, I don't want to visit another,” instead he went right away.

While moving across the planet's surface in a taxi, which was moving because of the Earth's rotation, which was moving because the Earth was travelling around it's respective star, which was also moving around the centre of the Milkyway, which was lastly also moving away from the centre of the Universe. Which therefore meant that he was not travelling very slowly, in fact in amazing speeds, however, it could be that he was travelling slower than people standing still, since the fact that he might had been travelling towards the direction all the objects around him was moving him from, which would mean that relative to the centre of the Universe he was travelling slower than people standing still on Earth, which was not really standing still as they were moving at higher speeds than they self could possible imagine.

But that would not let Estron down, he was still moving over the surface of the planet Earth, which means that he was travelling 70km/h relative to the Earth, and not the centre of the Universe. As the taxi arrived at destination without conflicts that would make the travel impossible such as the destruction of Earth, holes in the road, suicide bombers, relative large trees falling on the taxi or road, long pipes or just an insane taxi driver who drove his cap into the woods and went insane and bit Estron to death, Estron got out. He looked at the building, which was not really a building, but it was build, but it was rather a house than a building, cause when you think of a building you think of large huge constructions, and this 'building' was certainly not that.

Estron knew that his friend Dabuk was living in here, though he was a bit unsure since every house around here looked alike, so it could be difficult driving around here finding the correct house. But Estron took his chance and knocked on the door. The correct person opened the door, not that it was one answer, as he was not guessing Dabuk would open the door, but the correct person would be one he knew, and therefore could relate to the fact that he must have gone correct, unless the one he knew lived around here or was on visit in on of the other houses, but then he could had asked himself the relations between them and Dabuk.

Dabuk was very ill, he had been lying in his bed for weeks, Estron slowly moved towards him, he sat on the side of the bed, since Dabuk was in the bed, so Estron could not sit there. Estron asked Dabuk how he was feeling, Dabuk wasn't much of a speaker, but today a lot of sentences came out of Dabuk.

“I... feel... very sick... I... I... can't touch myself. I ain't strong enough. Will you touch me for me?” said Dabuk slowly.

Estron looked at his friend with lifted eyebrows.

“What?” asked Estron confused.
“No, no, don't get it wrong... I just haven't been able to do the..,” Dabuk followed his sentence by some squeaky noises and moved his right hand slowly up and down while making a round hole within his fingers, “... for a long time, I would be very... pleased if you would help me.”

Estron was now really confused, and he was lost for words, what do you do when your dying friend ask you to masturbate him? Estron puzzled with it, until he replied.

“I don't think, that that is what you need. You better just stay in bed.” said Estron a bit more relaxed.
“No!” demanded Dabuk, “You must! How would you feel if you haven't been able to do it for weeks?! I feel...” Dabuk stopped and coughed for some time, then he continued, “... I feel worse than you can possible imagine.”

Estron didn't knew what to say, nor what to think, he wanted to stay with his friend, but he didn't knew if this was the time. He asked Dabuk friendly if it wouldn't be better if he returned later. Dabuk wasn't much for it, since Estron hadn't done his job done yet.

Estron left the house, and told one of the others that they might should give him a blow job. He went out, caught a taxi, and went back to the hotel.

Kotsudaira
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#8

Posted 01 June 2005 - 09:43 AM

Svip, I r like this story, so I r bump it. Unless you haven't written anymore, but whatever, it's bumped anyway. Write more.


-Kotsudaira

Luke2004
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#9

Posted 01 June 2005 - 09:16 PM

Svip this section isn't very active, if you don't get feedback just wait a few more days, someone will comment without you having to double post to bump your topic. - Luke.




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