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The "Hilarious Quotes" Thread

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MrMateczko
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#1591

Posted 02 March 2013 - 11:05 AM

"Did someone just said milkshake?"

Chips237
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#1592

Posted 31 March 2013 - 01:31 PM Edited by Chips237, 31 March 2013 - 01:33 PM.

[Newly started game, was about to visit Ryder when i encountered some homies]
Fat Homie: The Johnson Boy who snuck out to Liberty..
CJ: Shut your f*cking mouth.
[When CJ was driving Jethro and The Truth to a hospital]
The Truth: Carl here is opening a garage in Doherty. You could finally get out of that mechanic job, man!
Jethro: Do polar bears sh*t in the woods?
The Truth: No, but they've been known to sh*t in the liquor tent.
[Catalina and CJ are robbing the Montgomery Betting Shop]
Catalina: Open the backroom door, or i blow your f*cking face off!
Catalina: Leave the panic button alone, or i kill your children too!
(alarm going off)
Catalina: I warned you, you stupid bitch.
Catalina: (tries to shoot the cashier but she is protected by bullet-proof glass) Stupid, f*cking bitch!
Catalina: (shoots random people inside the betting shop) Now i kill you! EAT MY sh*t!
Catalina: Go! Get in there and open the safe! Carl, stop playing with your balls and hurry up.

Zizo.
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#1593

Posted 31 March 2013 - 02:25 PM

sh*t. Lost my waffle money... -Fat CJ-

WorldofCog
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#1594

Posted 31 March 2013 - 02:52 PM

"Stop! We can hold hands and talk about it!"
"We should sit down and share our concerns!"
"Let's open a constructive dialogue!"
"The police are your friends!"
"I'm actually a social worker in this uniform!"
"My MSW has trained me to help you!"
"I can tell you're crying out for my help!"
"Fighting is never the answer!"
"Didn't your mommy love you?"

All of these coming from the gay cop in San Fierro.

Zizo.
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#1595

Posted 31 March 2013 - 03:25 PM

QUOTE (WorldofCog @ Sunday, Mar 31 2013, 15:52)
"Stop! We can hold hands and talk about it!"
"We should sit down and share our concerns!"
"Let's open a constructive dialogue!"
"The police are your friends!"
"I'm actually a social worker in this uniform!"
"My MSW has trained me to help you!"
"I can tell you're crying out for my help!"
"Fighting is never the answer!"
"Didn't your mommy love you?"

All of these coming from the gay cop in San Fierro.

You mean the generic SF cop? Never heard him say that. Please tell me there's actualy another cop ped. smile.gif

WorldofCog
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#1596

Posted 31 March 2013 - 03:44 PM Edited by WorldofCog, 31 March 2013 - 03:46 PM.

QUOTE (Zizo008 @ Sunday, Mar 31 2013, 11:25)
QUOTE (WorldofCog @ Sunday, Mar 31 2013, 15:52)
"Stop! We can hold hands and talk about it!"
"We should sit down and share our concerns!"
"Let's open a constructive dialogue!"
"The police are your friends!"
"I'm actually a social worker in this uniform!"
"My MSW has trained me to help you!"
"I can tell you're crying out for my help!"
"Fighting is never the answer!"
"Didn't your mommy love you?"

All of these coming from the gay cop in San Fierro.

You mean the generic SF cop? Never heard him say that. Please tell me there's actualy another cop ped. smile.gif

There's a few. There's that one, and there's two with different voices and quotes (One I think says, "I'm gonna beat your ass, then f*ck it!" or something like that), although they use the same pedestrian model.

GTASAddict
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#1597

Posted 04 April 2013 - 10:59 PM Edited by GTASAddict, 04 April 2013 - 11:19 PM.



0:42-0:47 Epic blunder

"Claude has such girth; she is amazing!"

WildBrick142
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#1598

Posted 04 April 2013 - 11:47 PM

"I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda." - Big Smoke

That never gets old.

Chips237
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#1599

Posted 05 April 2013 - 07:04 AM

SWAT #1: SHOOT THAT ASSHOLE!
SWAT #2: I'M TRYING! I'M TRYING!
I lol'd so hard when i heard it the first time.

"Those maricon bastards have our money!"
"THAT'S MY MONEY!"
"Bleed, stupid motherf*cker!"
- Catalina

kuruma99
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#1600

Posted 28 April 2013 - 11:58 AM

WCTR has the best quotes IMO.
Announcer guy: "the news, and the things that matter to you... Like sensationalist bullsh*t!"
Announcer lady: "wanna be too scared to go outside? The news is next."
Announcer lady: "The most boring show, with a brand new host! It's entertaining America, with lazlow!"

Guy on I say/You say: "Pornography is the exploitation of women."
Woman: "some people wanna be exploited! Like a liberal, having his way with me! God, it makes me feel so DIRTY!!"
LOLOLOLOLOL

Alex_Parker
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#1601

Posted 01 May 2013 - 10:39 AM Edited by Alex_Parker, 01 May 2013 - 10:48 AM.


Catalina to CJ: "If you can't stand the heat, go put your tiny balls in the freezer!"

shifty66
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#1602

Posted 02 May 2013 - 01:03 AM

CJ: "They my duckets now!"

FlyeThemoon
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#1603

Posted 03 May 2013 - 04:48 PM

Hope ya choke-a-doodle doo! biggrin.gif

WorldofCog
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#1604

Posted 04 May 2013 - 01:18 AM

LS cop while chasing me: "I'll take care of this, take care of my fish!"
"I need a donut before we start this!"
"You never smelled my underarms!"
"Trust me, I don't wanna live!"

Cowgirl ped in Red County fighting me: "THAT GUY IS TRYING TO TOUCH ME!" (how she says it)

Guy in turquoise shirt outside of Vank Hoff having a conversation with another ped: "Have you ever f*cked a cat up the ass?"

An SF cop chasing me: "Let's wrestle to submission!"
"Wrestle me, honey!"
"Drop the soap, honey!"


DownDuckling
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#1605

Posted 11 May 2013 - 07:11 AM

"Weed, money? Same difference!" XD

typicalgamer
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#1606

Posted 11 May 2013 - 06:51 PM Edited by typicalgamer, 11 May 2013 - 07:06 PM.

"Sh!t, I just bought another donut! Don't criminals have any consideration?"
-unnamed cop in "Small Town Bank"

"Right...ninja style...COME OUT YOU OLD BASTARD!!!"
"I ain't giving up the water, till you give up being a busta!"
-Ryder in "Home Invasion"

"Unlike you, I've never eaten from a trash can!"
-Big Smoke to Ryder in "Drive Thru"

"You dropped the soap sugar! I don't know nothing about any rhymes!"
"Jeffrey, you got the wrong idea man, that was just a prison thing! I've got plenty of muchachos outside, I don't need your scrawny a$$!"
-Freddy in "OG Loc"

"I admire you Carl, you're a leader, a visionary! Remember me when you get to the top!"
"People have to open their minds and their hearts CJ!"
-Big Smoke in "Nines and AK's"


Stratocastor15
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#1607

Posted 29 May 2013 - 02:49 AM

"Cluckety Fu*k, please place an order." Classic line.

"I'll have a number 9, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.: Big Smoke in Drive-Thru

Stratocastor15
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#1608

Posted 29 May 2013 - 02:53 AM

QUOTE (H.I.M. @ Thursday, Dec 20 2012, 11:45)
Kent Paul: You shouldn't be choking the gecko in the first place! Remember what happened at that gig in Hamburg?
Maccer: That groupie loved it!
Kent Paul: That wasn't a groupie, that was a roadie!
Maccer: But she had great tits!
Kent Paul: Man-tits! They were MAN-TITS!

Maccer was one of the funniest guys ever... lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif

Maccer was one of the funniest!

Bull12345Bull
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#1609

Posted 29 May 2013 - 12:44 PM

"Would you like fries with that?"

Stratocastor15
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#1610

Posted 03 June 2013 - 02:03 AM

Here's a couple more:

I'd f**k an elephant before I'd f**k your mother." Salvatore Leone

"...if you give me control of the books..

- Well you see, we can't do that Mr. Leone.

- Then I mean't it, your mother's a f**king transvestite." Salvatore Leone & Johnny Sindacco

"My mother's my sister." GTA III Ped

"There's a place you can go." GTA III Ped

Rockstar's sense of humor <3

WorldofCog
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#1611

Posted 05 June 2013 - 02:31 AM

Some peds say funny stuff when you're fat.

Orange 12 ped: "Back o' yo' neck look like a pair of hot dogs!"
"You so fat, you jumped in the air and got stuck!"

DJ with red hat: "When you back up, do people say, "BEEP!""
"An eclipse!?" (the way he says it)

Hispanic hooker: "We should go out eating sometime."

Tourist with brown shirt: "Your tits are enormous!"
"Are you wearin' a diaper?"

Mexican with blue striped shirt: "You should start a fat boy gang!"

Old lady: "Ooh, honey, you stink!"

King Andreas
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#1612

Posted 14 June 2013 - 08:38 PM

This one (during "Small Town Bank" mission) brings me forth giggles every time:

Police scanner: "Attention all units! Some psychos are robbing the bank at Palomino creek."

Officer: "sh*t, I just bought answer doughnut. Don't criminals have any consideration?"

FearTheLiving
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#1613

Posted 15 June 2013 - 01:37 AM

Pretty much the whole ending cutscene with Maccer and Ken.

Maccer: I'm thinking of getting implants!
*Maccer proceeds to walk into the kitchen*
Ken: My nose is bleeding real bad anyone have a tissue? Anyone?
*From the kitchen*
Maccer: I do!
Ken: Uh.. no thanks I'm okay.

Maccer you funny little bastard you.

King Andreas
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#1614

Posted 15 June 2013 - 10:14 PM

Upon stepping into the red marker at Pizza Stack, the shopkeeper occasionally says: "Choose a blend of cheese and fat, sir!"
Upon overeating and thus vomiting (at Pizza Stack), the shopkeeper occasionally says: "Go vomit at Burger Shot or something!"

Upon making a purchase at Cluckin' Bell, the shopkeeper occasionally says: "You might be lucky enough to find a feather!"

Chips237
  • Chips237

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#1615

Posted 15 June 2013 - 11:20 PM

QUOTE (King Andreas @ Saturday, Jun 15 2013, 22:14)
Upon stepping into the red marker at Pizza Stack, the shopkeeper occasionally says: "Choose a blend of cheese and fat, sir!"
Upon overeating and thus vomiting (at Pizza Stack), the shopkeeper occasionally says: "Go vomit at Burger Shot or something!"

Upon making a purchase at Cluckin' Bell, the shopkeeper occasionally says: "You might be lucky enough to find a feather!"

Not to mention what he says after purchasing a meal:
"Hope you choke-a-diddle-doo!"
"If you come back, you're a moron."

King Andreas
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#1616

Posted 16 June 2013 - 02:19 AM

I initiated the "jealous" girlfriend scene and this dialogue ensued:

Millie: "You never introduced me to your mother."

Helena: "The trans speaks English."

My laugh reflexes received a workout.

OHDUDE
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#1617

Posted 16 June 2013 - 03:28 AM

QUOTE (King Andreas @ Sunday, Jun 16 2013, 07:49)
I initiated the "jealous" girlfriend scene and this dialogue ensued:

Millie: "You never introduced me to your mother."

Helena: "The trans speaks English."

My laugh reflexes received a workout.

LOL happened with me too.

Another one I liked - "What kinda license you got, fishing license?"

King Andreas
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#1618

Posted 16 June 2013 - 11:20 PM

"Hey Carl, it's Helena."
"I once shot a boyfriend by mistake."
"Is there where you take a nice girl?"

Classic!

Jioyt
  • Jioyt

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#1619

Posted 19 June 2013 - 04:41 PM

My favourite is the Hobo in grove street "I can`t` even masturbate anymore!" My other favourite quotes are Ryder and the pizza parlour owner in the mission Ryder.

Darth_Starkiller
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#1620

Posted 20 June 2013 - 12:41 AM

"BLEEEEEEEEEEED STUPID MOTHERf*ckEEEER!"
The way she says it, just...




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